PUA Forum :: Oneitis vs Liking/Loving Someone

@Silent Killer

From what I can tell, obsession messes you up, as long as you "do PU" instead of PU being part of you.

If being obsessed with a girl means changing your behavior-then yes, that will mess you up. But if girl is obsessed with YOU and not the PU personality you created, then what's bad about being obsessed with a girl?

I'm still in process of identifying the attractive qualities and making them part of who I am, so that I can be the same during approach and in a relationship.

Here's how I see it:

Love is about giving.
Oneitis is about taking.

Love is about the other person.
Oneitis is about yourself.

Love is about love.
Oneitis is about the ego.

As for the advantages/disadvantages... That should be obvious.

I'll just stick with

one-itis=>one sided obsession
love=>mutual obsession...a beautiful thing btw...

Me and my friend were having a debate. He said it was like loving someone... I was like da fuck?! I think Oneitis is when you can't get a girl out of your head, and she totally has a hold on your life. I think love/liking someone is you doing your own thing, but in the back of your head, you think about this girl cuz you love/like girl. But she doesn't stop you from doing the things you would do in your everyday normal life...

Discuss...

Love, on the other hand, is something that can withstand the test of abundance, and the test of abundance is really the only way you can definitively differentiate oneitis and love, IMO.

You've got abundance...you've been with your girl for a while, and then she doesn't like you anymore. You break-up. You hook up with few other girls, but you still feel like shit. You want her, but she doesn't want you.-happens quite often btw.

Would you classify that as love?

One-sided love isn't love IMO.

Author:	SilentKiller [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Oneitis vs Liking/Loving Someone
Me and my friend were having a debate. He said it was like loving someone... I was like da fuck?! I think Oneitis is when you can't get a girl out of your head, and she totally has a hold on your life. I think love/liking someone is you doing your own thing, but in the back of your head, you think about this girl cuz you love/like girl. But she doesn't stop you from doing the things you would do in your everyday normal life... Discuss...

Author:	BrianFL2 [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 1:31 am ]
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I'll bite. Oneitis is being hypnotized into a girl so that you see a perfect image of her, and become highly attached to that false image. It is like a crush. When adults do it , they don't call it a crush since they aren't kids, but they are doing the same thing. Most people just get over it but sometimes it becomes extreme. In extreme cases, the person with oneitis can become delusional and think that a love relationship exists and cannot accept not having that other person. That is when it is sick. The artist Van Gogh cut off his own ear because of it.

Author:	jurupa [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 7:12 am ]
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Oneitis = crush = infatuation. Its really all the same thing, just for marketing reasons its call oneitis.

Author:	Fender43 [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:41 pm ]
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I think love is anpotentially different situation then oneitis, oneitis is when a women has a firm grip on your reality, different then love she can change the way you think about YOURSELF, that YOU aren't meant for other women and can only clasp one, and you evolve this idea, regardless of if she's willingly attracted or not, You kiss her ass and think about nothing else but pleasing her. This is oneitis. As for love. Love is a stable method of attraction to someone, in a Pua case, Love is indifferent, changes nothing for you and you aren't he'll bent crazy on her, both sides of attraction are equal but off the charts, she prevents you from nothing besides fucking other women, Both of you change the way you think about EACHOTHER and it's all about keeping your reality in line, and still doing what you want. As long as you can keep your reality in check, your in love.

Author:	Fighter-for real [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 3:20 am ]
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I'll just stick with one-itis=>one sided obsession love=>mutual obsession...a beautiful thing btw...

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Author:	SilentKiller [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:39 pm ]
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I dunno... obsession? Is that good? Being obsessed with someone... I dunno man. In my cases, when I'm obsessed with someone, it messes with me. Is love really being obsessed with someone? And they are obsessed with you back? Or is it when you really enjoy being with someone, and when you're not with them, she's not constantly on your mind. (Obsession)

Author:	$uave [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:22 am ]
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@Silent Killer From what I can tell, obsession messes you up, as long as you "do PU" instead of PU being part of you. If being obsessed with a girl means changing your behavior-then yes, that will mess you up. But if girl is obsessed with YOU and not the PU personality you created, then what's bad about being obsessed with a girl? I'm still in process of identifying the attractive qualities and making them part of who I am, so that I can be the same during approach and in a relationship.

Author:	SilentKiller [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:11 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: @Silent Killer From what I can tell, obsession messes you up, as long as you "do PU" instead of PU being part of you. If being obsessed with a girl means changing your behavior-then yes, that will mess you up. But if girl is obsessed with YOU and not the PU personality you created, then what's bad about being obsessed with a girl? I'm still in process of identifying the attractive qualities and making them part of who I am, so that I can be the same during approach and in a relationship. Because obsession can lead you away from your goals in life. For example... let's say I have oneitis, and have an exam tomorrow... You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm going to be distracted lol

Author:	AFC Royal [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 3:11 pm ]
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Here's how I see it: Love is about giving. Oneitis is about taking. Love is about the other person. Oneitis is about yourself. Love is about love. Oneitis is about the ego. As for the advantages/disadvantages... That should be obvious.

Author:	SilentKiller [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:44 pm ]
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Quote: Here's how I see it: Love is about giving. Oneitis is about taking. Love is about the other person. Oneitis is about yourself. Love is about love. Oneitis is about the ego. As for the advantages/disadvantages... That should be obvious. You nailed it bro!

Author:	chickentika [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:10 pm ]
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Quote: I'll just stick with one-itis=>one sided obsession love=>mutual obsession...a beautiful thing btw... this is it...it doesn't have to be complicated one-itis, is an unhealthy one sided unjustified infatuation you could probably think of a better word than obsession to define love, as 'obsession' dosen't usually have a positive connotation, however...love is where the feelings are mutual, healthy and justified.

Author:	robizeratul [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:09 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Oneitis vs Liking/Loving Someone
Quote: Me and my friend were having a debate. He said it was like loving someone... I was like da fuck?! I think Oneitis is when you can't get a girl out of your head, and she totally has a hold on your life. I think love/liking someone is you doing your own thing, but in the back of your head, you think about this girl cuz you love/like girl. But she doesn't stop you from doing the things you would do in your everyday normal life... Discuss... love-vs-oneitis-vt75294.html same shit

Author:	Chief [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 5:21 pm ]
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The difference between oneitis and love is much like the difference between scarcity and abundance. Oneitis is based on desperation that you feel from perceived scarcity. You can't let her go because she's perfect for you and there's no one else who can fulfill your needs, no one else who shows any signs of interest, you think that your chances of getting with any girl will decrease if you focus on more than one girl at a time, you don't have any other women in your life because she's your only reasonably attractive female friend, you feel like you need the approval of her liking you back just to feel better about yourself because you have a poor self-image, etc. There can be many reasons, but these reasons are all essentially based in scarcity. Love, on the other hand, is something that can withstand the test of abundance, and the test of abundance is really the only way you can definitively differentiate oneitis and love, IMO. Love is an attachment in spite of abundance. I have loads of women in my life, many of whom I can easily seduce and share very special connections with, but I still love my girlfriend and I would rather be with her than a girl who may even be hotter or more exciting to be around... and I know this because I'm around hot and exciting girls that I know I can get with if I wanted to. And, I've also been with enough women to really know my own feelings toward her in regards to my feelings toward lovers. AFCs don't know what love actually is because they don't have abundance.

Author:	$uave [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:35 pm ]
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Quote: Love, on the other hand, is something that can withstand the test of abundance, and the test of abundance is really the only way you can definitively differentiate oneitis and love, IMO. agreed, but let's see this scenario: You've got abundance...you've been with your girl for a while, and then she doesn't like you anymore. You break-up. You hook up with few other girls, but you still feel like shit. You want her, but she doesn't want you.-happens quite often btw. Would you classify that as love? One-sided love isn't love IMO.

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Author:	Chief [ Mon Apr 11, 2011 2:18 am ]
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Quote: You've got abundance...you've been with your girl for a while, and then she doesn't like you anymore. You break-up. You hook up with few other girls, but you still feel like shit. You want her, but she doesn't want you.-happens quite often btw. Would you classify that as love? One-sided love isn't love IMO. The "real" love I'm talking about also has to do with being able to let go, like that classic metaphor of having a butterfly in your hand: if you hold it tightly you will crush it, but if your palm is open you really won't mind if it flies away and you can enjoy having the butterfly more because then you can actually see the damn thing. In David Deangelo's On Being A Man program, he mentioned that manhood might involve knowing that if you are about to die this very moment, you would be content with a thought like "I have lived a full life" or something along those lines. I think remaining attached to something inherently transient to the point of panic and depression when you lose it is immature while love is an inherently mature thing. I don't think that I'm any sort of authority on the matter of "true love" but I do know for certain that it's very different from scarcity-based oneitis.