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Small gestures and not expecting an outcome
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Author:  madals [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Small gestures and not expecting an outcome
I was out in town with my cousin when we met up with one of her work friends. I had never met the girl before but the 10 min conversation we had while my cousin was getting her something was fun - normal flirty conversation. She was clever, gorgeous and fun.

Anyway, we get on to the topic of valentines day and I asked if she had got anything, she responded strangely that she didn't want anything. I teased her that every girl wants a rose or something on valentines day and we changed topic - shortly after we go our separate ways.

About 2 hours later my cousin and I walk past a man selling wooden roses for 20p each, I buy one and my cousin texts the girl I just met where she was. On our way back, we drive past her and I gave her the rose - never have a seen a girl look so happy, giggle and blush as much in my life. I made no attempt to close as I was just doing it to be nice.
Anyway, she text my cousin to say thanks and how nice I was - my cousin asked if she could give me her number; surprisingly she said no. She had a boyfriend and it would "make things complicated if I had her number" (we can all read into that).
I am not bothered though, she added me on facebook and my cousin works with her - I can stay in contact when the time is right.

So, why am I telling you this story - because of the lessons to be learnt from it.

1) Context is everything - It's valentines day, giving her a rose on any other day would be weird. Hell, if we hadn't spoken about how she didn't want anything etc it would have been weird. This is where context comes in to play - you need to learn when and where certain things are appropriate (for example why in a club you can physically escalate much faster than in a coffee shop)

2) Size doesn't matter, its why you do it - The obviously fake rose was obviously cheap, 20 pence. It had a better effect than a diamond ring though. Always have a reason to do something, it shows you have aims and you are focused. If I had bought her a dozen real roses, I would almost bet the effect wouldn't have been as good because it would have been try hard. This is exact proof that the little things are what matter.

3) Don't expect anything, enjoy it - I didn't get her number, a kiss or anything. Why? Because there was no need to. What I did was totally just for fun, just to bring a smile to her face and for one moment to sweep her off her feet. I assessed the logistics of the situation and the long term game - if I had pushed for something more, it would have ruined the spontaneous moment. I knew my cousin worked with her and had her number, getting in contact with her was easy.
Even now I don't expect anything to happen and it doesn't matter if it doesn't. Right now, she has a boyfriend but I guarantee that if they break up, she will remember me and remember today. She will remember I did it just for fun and that I wasn't needy or clingy - something may happen in the future or it might not, the point is I had a fun experience and have a decent story to tell - it is win win.

When your out next remember, the key to everything is doing the right thing at the right time :wink:

Madals
Author:  Jav [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeaaaah,

I thought of it like this:
It's the same like buying a drink for a girl, don't just buy her, buy for the entire set.
You don't want to come across as 'buying off' any particular favour. You're being generous and give for the sake of giving. Because? you enjoy giving.

The same 3 rules apply aswell:

1.)context: you like her, you hit it off well with her and her friends.
2.)why: 'you guys are cool, let me get this one'
3.)don't expect anything: Say cheers and get crazy. Never go "you owe me" on a girl.



p.s.

I love you
Author:  tweeby [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Nice prose man. Madals you tell is straight from the heart. I admire your struggle because of your background as well.
Author:  jurupa [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:29 am ]
Post subject: 
Having expectations can certainly lead you to failure.
Author:  madals [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
So, lets get this a little more involved - just sitting and reading and taking notes WONT improve your game. Therefore, I am going to pose you all some questions - give me YOUR opinions and try not to look at what I did:
1) How would you suggest I take things forward from here (remember she added me on facebook and my cousin works with her)?
2) Would you have done anything different during the interaction?
3) What mistakes do you feel I made?

Madals
Author:  Jav [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
So, lets get this a little more involved - just sitting and reading and taking notes WONT improve your game. Therefore, I am going to pose you all some questions - give me YOUR opinions and try not to look at what I did:
1) How would you suggest I take things forward from here (remember she added me on facebook and my cousin works with her)?
2) Would you have done anything different during the interaction?
3) What mistakes do you feel I made?

Madals

Don't get your hopes up. For all you know it was just one moment of sweetness, also I don't know how her current relationship is going. Let your cousin work this one and test the water for you. They'll chat, cousin will ask her to tag along. Or you can set something up with your cousin and tell her to bring her around too.


I'm pretty sure I'd have done different things, but then again I am not you and you're not me. I love turning napkins into roses. (neat trick)


Do you feel like you've made any mistakes?
Author:  zebraG [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I love turning napkins into roses. (neat trick)
I was going to give this exact same advice. Best thing I ever learnt! As a question for you though Vaj, when do you give them? I've been giving some recently and they've just been discarded by the girl. Do you make the girl earn it?

Sorry to go OT.
Author:  madals [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
So, lets get this a little more involved - just sitting and reading and taking notes WONT improve your game. Therefore, I am going to pose you all some questions - give me YOUR opinions and try not to look at what I did:
1) How would you suggest I take things forward from here (remember she added me on facebook and my cousin works with her)?
2) Would you have done anything different during the interaction?
3) What mistakes do you feel I made?

Madals
Told you that you had expectations :)
Actually it was a suggestion from Chief that my threads are too closed and don't encourage people to discuss/question :P
Oh and fyi, while the girl hasn't said anything to me - she has asked a lot about me to my cousin lol
Author:  Jav [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 1:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
I love turning napkins into roses. (neat trick)
I was going to give this exact same advice. Best thing I ever learnt! As a question for you though Vaj, when do you give them? I've been giving some recently and they've just been discarded by the girl. Do you make the girl earn it?

Sorry to go OT.
Haven't used it as an opener, it's just that I go to a bar sometimes with a girl for drinks, they tend to have napkins.

anyways, some girls think it's silly, some girls think it's really cute.
Whatever, it's a gimmick. I never tell them I'm going to make them something though, I just start fondling around with the napkin and before they know it... ROSE!!!! OMFG SO CUTEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Author:  Toffeeboy [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 9:41 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm new to the community but here's my tuppence worth :)

If you thought the girl was 'clever, gorgeous and fun' there will always be expectations.

I say this because I was in this EXACT situation on Valentines Day. A girl I met has been in a relationship for 4 years and she received NOTHING from her bf. The girl was clearly upset and I took the opportunity to buy her a teddy bear off the street (there was a charity worker selling them outside the cafe). Now I also thought that this girl was 'clever, gorgeous and fun' but did I buy her that teddy for the sake of putting a smile on her face? Like heck did I! I was attracted to her and obviously my intentions were something else haha! ;)

She was naturally drawn to me because of this which is why I didn't bother # closing her. She found me on facebook and started a conversation and things have gone well since then. I won't give the details just yet but let's just say that her bf wasn't exactly best pleased. Just by comforting her and showing that I had no intentions (in reality I did) I managed to pull it off.
Author:  Tasty [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
great post madals.

I did the exact same thing on valentines day. I had known the girl for awhile, always had a serious boyfriend. We used to mess around a little.

But anyway I bought her a $2 rose at wal mart. She is single now. She LOVED it, was ecsatic when I gave it to her. She then texted me that I made her day better.

It's funny that some in the chat told me that the gesture was AFC. She's coming over tonight after she tells me she wants to see me
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