Okay, so I finally finished reading "The Rules" by Ellen Fein. For those of you that don't know, it's like "The Game", but for women.
Knowing your PU techniques has helped me, personally, and so as I was reading, I took notes and made a summery of these rules for you guys, so that if you ever run into a girl that seems to abide by them, you'll know what you're in for
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Quote:
- Let him open the door.
- Be feminine.
- Don't tell sarcastic Jokes.
- Don't be a loud, knee- slapping, hysterically funny girl.
- Be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile.
- Don't talk so much.
- Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex.
- Don't sound cynical or depressed and tell long-winded stories of all the people who have hurt you or let you down.
- Don't make your prospective husband a savior or therapist. On the contrary, act as if you were born happy.
- Don't tell everything about yourself.
- Say thank you and please.
Rule #1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”.
- Smile (you light up a room)
- Pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on and on out of nervousness)
- Listen (attentively)
- Look (demurely, never stare)
- Breath (slowly)
- Stand (straight)
- Walk (briskly, with your shoulders back)
- Keep moving (don’t stand in a corner waiting for anyone)
If a man approaches you: smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much. You’re demure, a bit mysterious. After a few minutes you say, “I think I’ll walk around now”.
Rule #2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
- Never show you’re not having a good time.
- Men aren’t interested in women who are witty in a negative way.
- If someone asks if you’re having a good time, simply say yes and smile.
Rule #3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
- Don’t make eye contact; simply smile, look relaxed and approachable.
- On the first date: Look down at the table, your food, the crowd. Seem generally interested in life, others, your surroundings, the paintings on the wall, as oppose to the live prey. Let him spend the evening trying to get your attention.
- Stay cool and listen to what he says.
- Don’t feel the need to fill awkward silences.
- Be quiet and reserved.
Rule #4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
- Don’t make it easy for him- always make the meeting place convenient for you.
- Don’t pay for anything on the first three dates.
- Repay him by being appreciative. Say thank you and please. Don’t criticize the place or the food or the service. Be positive. Look for the good in everything.
Rule #5: Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
- When you call only once in a while, it becomes special.
- Don’t call him right back; when you do, keep the conversation short and sweet.
- If he asks you out last minute, don’t reprimand him for not calling sooner by saying “If you had called earlier…” Just say, “Really, I’d love to, but I can’t.”
- Don’t demand to know why he didn’t call sooner.
Rule #6: Always End Phone Calls First
- Don’t stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes.
- Good conversation enders: “I have a million things to do,” “Well, it’s been really nice talking to you,” “Actually, I’m kind of busy right now,” “I really have to go now”, and “My beepers beeping, gotta run!” Said always in a very nice way.
- Turn off your answering machine on Sunday afternoon.
- Don’t feel you have to tell him exactly what you are doing. After a few minutes just say you’re busy (nicely) and can’t talk anymore.
Rule #7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
- Practice the following answer in the nicest voice possible: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I’ve already made plans,” or “No, wow, I wish I wasn’t busy!”
- Don’t counteroffer by saying “But I’m free Monday.”
- Be very nice, but very firm when you say no.
- Don’t say what your plans are because it doesn’t matter.
Rule #8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
- If you’re busy all day, you won’t be so needy and empty when he picks you up.
What to do before the date:
1. To relieve anxiety, go to the gym, get a manicure, or take a long hot bubble bath.
2. Buy a new shirt or bottle of perfume. Get a makeover. Treat yourself.
3. Take a nap. A good nap will keep you going.
4. See a movie (comedy, not a romance so love isn’t too much on your mind), read the newspaper or a book.
What not to do before the date:
1. Don’t talk to your girlfriends about the date all day. You really shouldn’t be thinking about the date at all.
Rule #9: How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
- Don’t tell him about your day as if you’ve known him for years
- Don’t be too serious, controlling, or wifey
- Don’t mention marriage (even to say that a friend recently got married)
- Be sweet and light
- Laugh at his jokes, but not too hard
- Smile a lot
- Don’t feel obligated to fill up the lulls in the conversation
- Let him do all the work- pick you up, pick the restaurant, open the door etc.
- End the date first; say “Gee, this was really great, but I’ve got a really big day tomorrow.” Don’t say what it is you’re doing.
- At the end of the first date, you can accept a light peck on the cheek or lips. Don’t invite him up to your apartment. He should only see the lobby.
Rule #10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
- You can start to show more of yourself; talk about your feelings as long as you don’t get too heavy.
- Exhibit warmth, charm and heart. Express sympathy.
- Look into his eyes, be attentive and a good listener
- Don’t mention the future. Talk about something outside your relationship, like sports, TV shows, movies, novels.
- Don’t tell him he’s the first man to treat you with respect.
- Don’t give him the third degree about his past relationships. It’s none of your business.
- Don’t overwhelm him with your career triumphs; try to let him shine.
- When asked a question that is too personal, say “Oh, I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
- Act independent
Rule #11: Always End the Date First
- The first date or two should not last more than 5 hours.
- Glance at your watch and say something like, “Gosh, I really must be going now. I have such a busy day tomorrow.”
- Don’t try to prolong the date by suggest you do something else, or invite him up to your apartment.
Rule #12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
- When men are in love, the give love objects even when they are on a tight budget (flowers, chocolate, jewelry, poetry, weekend trips to the country)
- When you do receive gifts, don’t overreact.
Rule #13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
- For the first month or two
- Twice or three times a week during the second month
- Three to four times a week in the third month
- Never more than four to five times a week unless you’re engaged.
Rule #14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
- Don’t invite him up to your apartment
- Don’t let his hands go everywhere
- If he makes you feel you’re being prudish or old fashioned, let him know as nicely as you can that if he doesn’t like it, he can get lost.
Rule #15: Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
- Don’t worry if he gets angry. Anger indicated interest.
- If you’re dating a man for a month or two and don’t plan to sleep with him for a while, let him know.
When you do finally have sex:
- Stay emotionally cool. Most women turn men off when they talk too much about it in bed. Wait a good amount of time before you begin holding lengthy seminars about your needs during sex or after sex.
- Don’t make sex difficult or demanding.
- Don’t cling to him if he has to leave that night or the next morning. Be casual and unmoved. Don’t try to keep him there longer by suggesting brunch or coffee.
- Go quietly about your business- brush your hair, teeth, do sit-ups, brew coffee.
Rule #16: Don’t Tell Him What to Do
- Don’t show that you’re jealous or insecure
- Don’t be pushy and suggest meeting his parents or friends if he doesn’t bring it up
- Until he asks for your help, just be there.
Rule #17: Let Him Take the Lead
- He should be the first to say “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I’ve told my parents so much about you”.
- Don’t tell him he’s the first person you’ve felt this way about in a long time
- He should introduce you to his parents or friends before you introduce him to yours.
Rule #18: Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
Rule #19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
- The first date should be short so you don’t say too much.
- The person who talks the most has the most to lose.
- By the first date he should only know a few facts: your name, profession, how many siblings you have, where you grew up, where you went to college, and favorite restaurants. He should not know about your dating history.
- Don’t reprimand him for picking you up thirty minutes late
- Don’t be dramatic about your past.
- Don’t go into long details.
- It’s when and how (always in a calm, nondramatic manner) you tell your darkest secrets, not the secrets themselves that matter.
Rule #20: Be Honest but Mysterious
- If he is over and your friends call, simply say “I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later”. Don’t tell him who called or why.
- In general, don’t give away information that is not absolutely necessary.
- Never tell him what you’re doing, or why you can’t go out.
Rule #21: Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads
1. How to Write a Personal Ad
- Make yours no more than four to five lines. Don’t fill it with too much information that no one cares about, and too much lovey-dovey stuff.
- It should contain facts only about height, hair color, religion, sex, and profession.
- Don’t refer to your past (divorced, newly available)
- Men like to be challenged in an ad and like impressing women (“Only men with porches need reply”, etc)
2. How to Answer an Ad
- Keep it light. End the note with something like “Well, I’m off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear from you soon.”
Rule #22: Don’t Live with a Man
- Move in only if you’ve set a wedding date
- Men propose when they’re afraid of losing you
Rule #23: Don’t Date a Married (or Unavailable) Man
Rule #24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family
Rule #25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
- Practice responding to people rather than starting any conversation.
Rule #26: Even if You’re Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
- Don’t call him at work so often. When you do, keep it brief and practical.
- Don’t call saying, “I miss you”. He should be calling you to express those sentiments.
- Don’t initiate sex, even if you want it badly. Let him be the man, the aggressor in the bedroom. If you bring up sex all the time, you will emasculate him. Be coy.
- Dress better, a little sexier.
- Act Independent. Don’t sit on the couch waiting for him to come home. Don’t bore him with details about your day or your aches and pains. Men love independent women because they leave them alone. They love chasing women who are busy.
- Take up a hobby. You’ll get more attention from him if you’re even busier than he is.
Rule #27: Do The Rules Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It’s Nuts
Rule #28: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
1. Don’t look up his schedule and follow him around campus.
2. Don’t hang around his favorite places hoping to spot him.
3. Don’t have your girlfriends talk to his best friend and find out how he feels about you, or become best friends with his fraternity or do favors for anyone he knows.
4. Don’t wear men's clothing.
5. Don’t become a sports fanatic simply because he is.
6. When it comes to habits, be yourself (don't drink just because he does, etc)
Rule #29: Next! And Other Rules for Dealing With Rejection
- Don’t get hung up on men who reject you.
- Don’t call him or send messages.
- Accept it’s over and get on with it- don’t waste time.
- Don’t try to revive a love gone sour.
- Don’t try to find out why he doesn’t love you, or what you could have done better.
- Don’t call him, talk to his friends about it, or try to be buddies.
When things start slowing down:
- Re-read how to behave on the first few dates (#9 and #10)
- Just hang out
- Be patient
- Don’t nag him
- Don’t make anything happen
Rule #30: Be Easy to Live With
- Be kind, considerate and patient.
- Try to overlook his faults
- Don’t open his mail unless it is specifically addressed to both of you. If he doesn’t specifically show you something, or include you in certain things, it’s none of your business.
- Try not to raise your voice or scream too much.
- He should always feel free.
- Always try to show utter contentment with him, yourself, and the world. Be carefree.
- Make time for a healthy love/sex life and spend quality time together.
Extra Rules
1. When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that’s good.
2. Don’t call him even when you feel mean about not calling him. If he loves you, he’ll call anyway. When he asks you to call him, call him once. Do the absolute minimum.
3. Be happy to go with him anywhere he likes, even if it’s not your ideal date. Remember, you’re hard to get but easy to be with.
4. When walking down the street, drop his hand first, ever so slightly.
5. Be extra sweet when you do The Rules. Call him once for every five times he calls you. Be affectionate. As long as you’re not asking him out or moving in or bringing up marriage, you can show him you like him a little more on each date.
6. Stay calm when he teases you.
7. Don’t let him know you’re afraid to be alone, or without a man. Women who let men know how much they need to be with someone invite bad behavior.
8. Don’t get angry if he’s taking longer than you’d like to propose. Don’t blow up at him and press the issue.
9. Read the newspaper and books so you can talk about things other than your work issues etc.
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- Be feminine.
- Don't tell sarcastic Jokes.
- Don't be a loud, knee- slapping, hysterically funny girl.
- Be quiet and mysterious, act ladylike, cross your legs and smile.
- Don't talk so much.
- Wear black sheer pantyhose and hike up your skirt to entice the opposite sex.
- Don't sound cynical or depressed and tell long-winded stories of all the people who have hurt you or let you down.
- Don't make your prospective husband a savior or therapist. On the contrary, act as if you were born happy.
- Don't tell everything about yourself.
- Say thank you and please.
Rule #1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”.
- Smile (you light up a room)
- Pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on and on out of nervousness)
- Listen (attentively)
- Look (demurely, never stare)
- Breath (slowly)
- Stand (straight)
- Walk (briskly, with your shoulders back)
- Keep moving (don’t stand in a corner waiting for anyone)
If a man approaches you: smile and answer his questions very nicely without saying too much. You’re demure, a bit mysterious. After a few minutes you say, “I think I’ll walk around now”.
Rule #2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
- Never show you’re not having a good time.
- Men aren’t interested in women who are witty in a negative way.
- If someone asks if you’re having a good time, simply say yes and smile.
Rule #3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
- Don’t make eye contact; simply smile, look relaxed and approachable.
- On the first date: Look down at the table, your food, the crowd. Seem generally interested in life, others, your surroundings, the paintings on the wall, as oppose to the live prey. Let him spend the evening trying to get your attention.
- Stay cool and listen to what he says.
- Don’t feel the need to fill awkward silences.
- Be quiet and reserved.
Rule #4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
- Don’t make it easy for him- always make the meeting place convenient for you.
- Don’t pay for anything on the first three dates.
- Repay him by being appreciative. Say thank you and please. Don’t criticize the place or the food or the service. Be positive. Look for the good in everything.
Rule #5: Don’t Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
- When you call only once in a while, it becomes special.
- Don’t call him right back; when you do, keep the conversation short and sweet.
- If he asks you out last minute, don’t reprimand him for not calling sooner by saying “If you had called earlier…” Just say, “Really, I’d love to, but I can’t.”
- Don’t demand to know why he didn’t call sooner.
Rule #6: Always End Phone Calls First
- Don’t stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes.
- Good conversation enders: “I have a million things to do,” “Well, it’s been really nice talking to you,” “Actually, I’m kind of busy right now,” “I really have to go now”, and “My beepers beeping, gotta run!” Said always in a very nice way.
- Turn off your answering machine on Sunday afternoon.
- Don’t feel you have to tell him exactly what you are doing. After a few minutes just say you’re busy (nicely) and can’t talk anymore.
Rule #7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
- Practice the following answer in the nicest voice possible: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I’ve already made plans,” or “No, wow, I wish I wasn’t busy!”
- Don’t counteroffer by saying “But I’m free Monday.”
- Be very nice, but very firm when you say no.
- Don’t say what your plans are because it doesn’t matter.
Rule #8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
- If you’re busy all day, you won’t be so needy and empty when he picks you up.
What to do before the date:
1. To relieve anxiety, go to the gym, get a manicure, or take a long hot bubble bath.
2. Buy a new shirt or bottle of perfume. Get a makeover. Treat yourself.
3. Take a nap. A good nap will keep you going.
4. See a movie (comedy, not a romance so love isn’t too much on your mind), read the newspaper or a book.
What not to do before the date:
1. Don’t talk to your girlfriends about the date all day. You really shouldn’t be thinking about the date at all.
Rule #9: How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3
- Don’t tell him about your day as if you’ve known him for years
- Don’t be too serious, controlling, or wifey
- Don’t mention marriage (even to say that a friend recently got married)
- Be sweet and light
- Laugh at his jokes, but not too hard
- Smile a lot
- Don’t feel obligated to fill up the lulls in the conversation
- Let him do all the work- pick you up, pick the restaurant, open the door etc.
- End the date first; say “Gee, this was really great, but I’ve got a really big day tomorrow.” Don’t say what it is you’re doing.
- At the end of the first date, you can accept a light peck on the cheek or lips. Don’t invite him up to your apartment. He should only see the lobby.
Rule #10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
- You can start to show more of yourself; talk about your feelings as long as you don’t get too heavy.
- Exhibit warmth, charm and heart. Express sympathy.
- Look into his eyes, be attentive and a good listener
- Don’t mention the future. Talk about something outside your relationship, like sports, TV shows, movies, novels.
- Don’t tell him he’s the first man to treat you with respect.
- Don’t give him the third degree about his past relationships. It’s none of your business.
- Don’t overwhelm him with your career triumphs; try to let him shine.
- When asked a question that is too personal, say “Oh, I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
- Act independent
Rule #11: Always End the Date First
- The first date or two should not last more than 5 hours.
- Glance at your watch and say something like, “Gosh, I really must be going now. I have such a busy day tomorrow.”
- Don’t try to prolong the date by suggest you do something else, or invite him up to your apartment.
Rule #12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
- When men are in love, the give love objects even when they are on a tight budget (flowers, chocolate, jewelry, poetry, weekend trips to the country)
- When you do receive gifts, don’t overreact.
Rule #13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
- For the first month or two
- Twice or three times a week during the second month
- Three to four times a week in the third month
- Never more than four to five times a week unless you’re engaged.
Rule #14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
- Don’t invite him up to your apartment
- Don’t let his hands go everywhere
- If he makes you feel you’re being prudish or old fashioned, let him know as nicely as you can that if he doesn’t like it, he can get lost.
Rule #15: Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy
- Don’t worry if he gets angry. Anger indicated interest.
- If you’re dating a man for a month or two and don’t plan to sleep with him for a while, let him know.
When you do finally have sex:
- Stay emotionally cool. Most women turn men off when they talk too much about it in bed. Wait a good amount of time before you begin holding lengthy seminars about your needs during sex or after sex.
- Don’t make sex difficult or demanding.
- Don’t cling to him if he has to leave that night or the next morning. Be casual and unmoved. Don’t try to keep him there longer by suggesting brunch or coffee.
- Go quietly about your business- brush your hair, teeth, do sit-ups, brew coffee.
Rule #16: Don’t Tell Him What to Do
- Don’t show that you’re jealous or insecure
- Don’t be pushy and suggest meeting his parents or friends if he doesn’t bring it up
- Until he asks for your help, just be there.
Rule #17: Let Him Take the Lead
- He should be the first to say “I love you”, “I miss you”, “I’ve told my parents so much about you”.
- Don’t tell him he’s the first person you’ve felt this way about in a long time
- He should introduce you to his parents or friends before you introduce him to yours.
Rule #18: Don’t Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
Rule #19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
- The first date should be short so you don’t say too much.
- The person who talks the most has the most to lose.
- By the first date he should only know a few facts: your name, profession, how many siblings you have, where you grew up, where you went to college, and favorite restaurants. He should not know about your dating history.
- Don’t reprimand him for picking you up thirty minutes late
- Don’t be dramatic about your past.
- Don’t go into long details.
- It’s when and how (always in a calm, nondramatic manner) you tell your darkest secrets, not the secrets themselves that matter.
Rule #20: Be Honest but Mysterious
- If he is over and your friends call, simply say “I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later”. Don’t tell him who called or why.
- In general, don’t give away information that is not absolutely necessary.
- Never tell him what you’re doing, or why you can’t go out.
Rule #21: Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads
1. How to Write a Personal Ad
- Make yours no more than four to five lines. Don’t fill it with too much information that no one cares about, and too much lovey-dovey stuff.
- It should contain facts only about height, hair color, religion, sex, and profession.
- Don’t refer to your past (divorced, newly available)
- Men like to be challenged in an ad and like impressing women (“Only men with porches need reply”, etc)
2. How to Answer an Ad
- Keep it light. End the note with something like “Well, I’m off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear from you soon.”
Rule #22: Don’t Live with a Man
- Move in only if you’ve set a wedding date
- Men propose when they’re afraid of losing you
Rule #23: Don’t Date a Married (or Unavailable) Man
Rule #24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family
Rule #25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
- Practice responding to people rather than starting any conversation.
Rule #26: Even if You’re Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
- Don’t call him at work so often. When you do, keep it brief and practical.
- Don’t call saying, “I miss you”. He should be calling you to express those sentiments.
- Don’t initiate sex, even if you want it badly. Let him be the man, the aggressor in the bedroom. If you bring up sex all the time, you will emasculate him. Be coy.
- Dress better, a little sexier.
- Act Independent. Don’t sit on the couch waiting for him to come home. Don’t bore him with details about your day or your aches and pains. Men love independent women because they leave them alone. They love chasing women who are busy.
- Take up a hobby. You’ll get more attention from him if you’re even busier than he is.
Rule #27: Do The Rules Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It’s Nuts
Rule #28: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
1. Don’t look up his schedule and follow him around campus.
2. Don’t hang around his favorite places hoping to spot him.
3. Don’t have your girlfriends talk to his best friend and find out how he feels about you, or become best friends with his fraternity or do favors for anyone he knows.
4. Don’t wear men's clothing.
5. Don’t become a sports fanatic simply because he is.
6. When it comes to habits, be yourself (don't drink just because he does, etc)
Rule #29: Next! And Other Rules for Dealing With Rejection
- Don’t get hung up on men who reject you.
- Don’t call him or send messages.
- Accept it’s over and get on with it- don’t waste time.
- Don’t try to revive a love gone sour.
- Don’t try to find out why he doesn’t love you, or what you could have done better.
- Don’t call him, talk to his friends about it, or try to be buddies.
When things start slowing down:
- Re-read how to behave on the first few dates (#9 and #10)
- Just hang out
- Be patient
- Don’t nag him
- Don’t make anything happen
Rule #30: Be Easy to Live With
- Be kind, considerate and patient.
- Try to overlook his faults
- Don’t open his mail unless it is specifically addressed to both of you. If he doesn’t specifically show you something, or include you in certain things, it’s none of your business.
- Try not to raise your voice or scream too much.
- He should always feel free.
- Always try to show utter contentment with him, yourself, and the world. Be carefree.
- Make time for a healthy love/sex life and spend quality time together.
Extra Rules
1. When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that’s good.
2. Don’t call him even when you feel mean about not calling him. If he loves you, he’ll call anyway. When he asks you to call him, call him once. Do the absolute minimum.
3. Be happy to go with him anywhere he likes, even if it’s not your ideal date. Remember, you’re hard to get but easy to be with.
4. When walking down the street, drop his hand first, ever so slightly.
5. Be extra sweet when you do The Rules. Call him once for every five times he calls you. Be affectionate. As long as you’re not asking him out or moving in or bringing up marriage, you can show him you like him a little more on each date.
6. Stay calm when he teases you.
7. Don’t let him know you’re afraid to be alone, or without a man. Women who let men know how much they need to be with someone invite bad behavior.
8. Don’t get angry if he’s taking longer than you’d like to propose. Don’t blow up at him and press the issue.
9. Read the newspaper and books so you can talk about things other than your work issues etc.