PUA Forum :: Leading a conversation

If she brings up a topic associated with the stormy seas and rocky coasts of negative emotions -- an ex-boyfriend, problems at work, her painful hemorrhoids -- you gently steer the discussion toward the calmer waters of something more positive.

To lead a conversation,you will need to practive your social skills

Mehow gives some good strategy for this. I've seen his in field videos and he seems to be able to never run out of things to say, always following the direction he wants.

no good sitting here on your computer go out and be a people person!

I used to work in customer service and knew I had a decent amount of social skills, but then when I started to see things as a routine talking to customers about the same thing day in day out I started changing my own beliefs as having a dull conversation. Now I understand the point of these conversations like Ciornia put it

Putting it in this frame of mind helps a alot!! now I understand that those boring conversations Ive been having (so I thought) is actually a good way of steering the boat into calmer waters.

Author:	Algorythm [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:36 am ]
Post subject:	Leading a conversation
Ive been told if you havnt got anything better to say then dont speak, how do I go from that into somebody who can lead a conversation?

Author:	ShadowSketched [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:06 am ]
Post subject:
Leading a conversation doesn't mean talking more. It's like drawing the dots so that the other person can connect them. One technique to use would be to ask an open-ended question that can't be answered in yes or no. If you can involve emotion, even better. For example: "How did you feel going up that roller coaster?" other person talks. You can either talk about a similar experience here, or you can take something important said by the other person and comment on that.

Author:	Adanos [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:41 pm ]
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To lead a conversation,you will need to practive your social skills.Leading a conversation is actualy pointing the subject of the interaction.You can start from a daily event(Today the weather was rainy-and explain why youdislike or like rainy weather),then transition the event to a different conversation (In england,there is almost always rainy weather!have you ever been there?) This is realy easy when the person you are talking to is someone new,who you dont know...he is something like a riddle.You dont want to interogate him though,prefere to SHARE expiriences and feelings

Author:	Mind Hacker [ Tue Dec 14, 2010 7:19 pm ]
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Mehow gives some good strategy for this. I've seen his in field videos and he seems to be able to never run out of things to say, always following the direction he wants. He does this by free associating the topics. So, you always have to say something with more emotional value related to what she just said. She'll either try to out-value you or accept your direction. Do this until you're leading. Use lots of reframing to change the meaning in your favor. Steal her frame. Be self amusing.

Author:	Ciornia [ Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:35 am ]
Post subject:
I think you have things backward if you're trying to "lead" the conversation. You don't want to be the driving force in the conversation; you want her to be. Think of the dialogue as a sailboat. She is the wind in the sails, and you are simply manning the rudder. If she brings up a topic associated with the stormy seas and rocky coasts of negative emotions -- an ex-boyfriend, problems at work, her painful hemorrhoids -- you gently steer the discussion toward the calmer waters of something more positive.

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Author:	Adanos [ Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:32 pm ]
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Quote: If she brings up a topic associated with the stormy seas and rocky coasts of negative emotions -- an ex-boyfriend, problems at work, her painful hemorrhoids -- you gently steer the discussion toward the calmer waters of something more positive. Thumbs up for this one.You want her to adjust you with positive feelings.You can achieve that with teasing and other stuff too> And leading doesnt mean brute force ofc... Leading has more to do with you qualifing yourself;Being able to have a conversation and you are not boring.Many times,when i run out of things to say,i use another opening!For example, i open her with "How much time till we get to the next city(When on bus),then transition to how trains are better,and how you feel about it.She will open herself and have a conversation on it.when we stop, i open again with "I want your opinion on bla bla"

Author:	Algorythm [ Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:52 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: To lead a conversation,you will need to practive your social skills I used to work in customer service and knew I had a decent amount of social skills, but then when I started to see things as a routine talking to customers about the same thing day in day out I started changing my own beliefs as having a dull conversation. Now I understand the point of these conversations like Ciornia put it Quote: If she brings up a topic associated with the stormy seas and rocky coasts of negative emotions -- an ex-boyfriend, problems at work, her painful hemorrhoids -- you gently steer the discussion toward the calmer waters of something more positive. Putting it in this frame of mind helps a alot!! now I understand that those boring conversations Ive been having (so I thought) is actually a good way of steering the boat into calmer waters. Quote: Mehow gives some good strategy for this. I've seen his in field videos and he seems to be able to never run out of things to say, always following the direction he wants. Ive seen some of Meehows videos and I like the club game videos, will have to watch some on conversation skill though Thanks guys

Author:	Pierce 007 [ Fri Dec 17, 2010 2:01 pm ]
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Just practice talking to people to start with! Im very negative when I first go out and after every ignore/ blank look but I persivere and keep trying and before I know it the bad feelings subside and I have a good time with the people who do talk and then I try steering the convo by mentioning certain things - no good sitting here on your computer go out and be a people person!

Author:	Algorythm [ Fri Dec 17, 2010 2:59 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: no good sitting here on your computer go out and be a people person! Yes your right, but I do need more tips other then go out and be a people person. Quote: I used to work in customer service and knew I had a decent amount of social skills, but then when I started to see things as a routine talking to customers about the same thing day in day out I started changing my own beliefs as having a dull conversation. Now I understand the point of these conversations like Ciornia put it Quote: Putting it in this frame of mind helps a alot!! now I understand that those boring conversations Ive been having (so I thought) is actually a good way of steering the boat into calmer waters.

Author:	Pierce 007 [ Fri Dec 17, 2010 4:06 pm ]
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Yeah sorry Ive had alot of help from black phantom with inner game eg purpose, qualifying her, newbie hi mission for 6 weeks , positive thinking, my mother on talking to strangers, blah blah, ive done alot of rese3arch, writing shit down , checking chiefs complete outer game, getting stick for or my sticking points, etc etc- you gotta do your homework and ask for specifics and blow all those fears away and start with a feeling that although its difficult you know that if you stick at it and with help and advice you will get there! you gotta trust the advice from the good guys on here and armed with all that get out there and things will click the way you want them too.

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