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How do you 'practice' pick-up?
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Author:  Sharplin [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 3:32 am ]
Post subject:  How do you 'practice' pick-up?
I've been in this thing for over a year now, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I haven't become much better with women, if at all. I've gone through phases with this journey, every once in a while after a bad night I become overemotional (some of those nights I post here to vent frustration) and decide that's enough, I have to change something.

But it never ends up happening, and I think it's because I don't know how to actually practice it.

If you want to get good at soccer, you go outside and you kick a ball around. There is some technique to kicking a ball, but there isn't much debate. You swing your foot at the ball. Practice this over and over again, and eventually you will get better at it. It's really that simple.

The same goes for pretty much any sport. But for pick up, it doesn't seem that simple. Getting better at gaming isn't the same as getting better at kicking a ball. Going into a bunch of sets and sucking doesn't actually teach me anything. It just means I suck.

Then going into another set and being suddenly good just seems like an anomaly - I don't know why I was good that one time. I can't see why, so I can't repeat it.

It's hard to put into words, but I think you get what I mean. It seems like I just can't get better socially.
Author:  Noah E [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 3:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you 'practice' pick-up?
Quote:
I've been in this thing for over a year now, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I haven't become much better with women, if at all. I've gone through phases with this journey, every once in a while after a bad night I become overemotional (some of those nights I post here to vent frustration) and decide that's enough, I have to change something.

But it never ends up happening, and I think it's because I don't know how to actually practice it.

If you want to get good at soccer, you go outside and you kick a ball around. There is some technique to kicking a ball, but there isn't much debate. You swing your foot at the ball. Practice this over and over again, and eventually you will get better at it. It's really that simple.

The same goes for pretty much any sport. But for pick up, it doesn't seem that simple. Getting better at gaming isn't the same as getting better at kicking a ball. Going into a bunch of sets and sucking doesn't actually teach me anything. It just means I suck.

Then going into another set and being suddenly good just seems like an anomaly - I don't know why I was good that one time. I can't see why, so I can't repeat it.

It's hard to put into words, but I think you get what I mean. It seems like I just can't get better socially.
The only way to practice this stuff is to go out. My advice to you is just to take baby steps. Work on one thing at a time, it's been working for me. First I did the newbie challenge, then I worked on holding a conversation without being boring (I was already good at that so cold opening was my biggest weakness) and so on.
Author:  Girlock [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Go to a bootcamp. Sounds like your hitting one brick wall after another. Get an expert to help you and I'm sure you'll go a long way.
Author:  PlayHer Man [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:19 am ]
Post subject: 
To be honest... I think learning Pick-up is similar to learning how to drive a stick shift car. I only say this because I had a similar learning curve to the one you described. Sometimes the car jerks and cuts off.. other times it doesn't. So when you succeed you have no clue WHY and you can't repeat it.

The answer in both cases is to learn more about the enemy. In the case with driving.. I went online and learned about how a manual transmission actually works. Once I had a good idea it was easier and faster to learn how to drive it.

It was the same with women. Read up on female psychology.. learn everything you can about human psychology in general. Go to a book store and read some psychology and sociology books. This was a BIG help to me. After that.. I read all the PUA stuff and watched other men in action. Then everything came together and I "got it".

Once you understand women and how they think.. Pick-up is a walk in the park! Its rare that a womans behavior can frustrate me. I know what I'm dealing with. I'm unflappable. This gives me confidence.

So try that. It worked for me!
Author:  Legit_ [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 7:22 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm guessing either you aren't very good at objective self-reflection and you actually have improved, your inner game needs some serious work, or you really aren't applying your knowledge.

Just having solid inner game can net you chicks. If you do indirect or direct game you could also try switching over for a while.

By now you should have all of the theoretical pick up knowledge you need. After each interaction use your knowledge to analyze what you did well and what you could have done better.
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
There are two different sides to this, which aren't necessarily contradictory, but maybe more like complimentary to each other.

The first is that you need to have an attitude that is completely non-outcome dependent. Your goal going out, whether it's to a club with your friends or shopping by yourself during the day, is to have fun, be social, and if something positive comes out of that, then great. If not, no big deal. If you're in a set for 5-10 minutes and they're just not feeling you, just eject. There are a million reasons why they may not have liked you that are totally out of your control. Maybe you remind her of an ex bf she hates, or you're just not her type, or she's not really looking for anybody right now because her personal life is fucked up. You can't possible micro-calibrate everything and get her to like you. In fact, just wondering "what techniques do I have to use to get her to like me" is already the wrong approach. If you're having fun, giving value, and you're comfortable with who you are, then any woman who doesn't want to be around you is the weirdo, not you.

The second side is to think critically about your interactions after the fact and see if there are any patterns that do keep happening that cause you to lose the set. Not in a "OMG IF ONLY I'D DONE THIS SHE WOULD LOOOVE ME NOOOO!" kind of way, just in a "ok so in the last 3 sets I asked a really deep qualification question too early on, and dropped the energy level down from playful and fun to really serious, and she was kind of confused and didn't really want to answer it. Next time, I'll start with smaller, simpler questions first and then when we've properly isolated sitting down and the energy level has dropped naturally, then I'll ask her a deeper serious question."

The basic strategy is to see this as a GAME. Remember, it's FUN. Go out and experiment with stuff. Do something so ridiculous you just KNOW you're gonna be blown out. Then realise how absurd it is to be scared about being blown in the first place. Then hit those sticking points, come back, read some material, and go out again and work on those areas and try some techniques out, ad infinitum.
Author:  Lorenzo321 [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 6:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
It is true what the people here are saying.
You may need professional help, or a certain way of thinking so that you can make adjustments.
The best advice I can tell you is that you need to make sure that you are comfortable, relaxed and confident. You must also have good energy so that the female sees that you are a happy and fun person.
Something that I am working on so much, and it is working wonders for me, is my inner game and making it congruent with my way of being and my goals. I do not deceive females. I make my intentions clear with my behaivor and speech. Consider doing this. Do not fake stuff because a female can read right through that. Just be yourself and make sure that you are not a push-over.
Good luck!!!
Author:  Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I do not deceive females.

I make my intentions clear with my behaivor and speech.

Do not fake stuff because a female can read right through that.

make sure that you are not a push-over.
+1

Excellent advice.
Author:  Diego1234567 [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
People might be able to give you advice tailored to fit you if you said;

how many you sets you open when you go out
night/day/both?
how many times a week do you game
what method you use/study
how 'well' you apply it, as in do you genuinely attempt to use it.

Blondguy and everyone else can then be more specific :D

someone (cant remember who) said to practice one thing at a time until you got the hang of it and thats good. Right now im focusing on opening more sets and whilst im in set its to qualify more. takes a lot of stress off me.
Author:  SCB [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 9:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just go out and practice it. Anywhere.

When I started I did daygame using canned opener I created, used them on random girls when I was walking through work(I was working as a Mall Security Guard)
, beat down approach anxiety well. Then I practised it on Friday nights when I went out with friends, I had fun with it and found that girls most of the time don't shoot you down unless you're a complete dick, so another plus, then I got into more natural conversation and number exchanges with the sets I opened well, eventually I got into Number-Closes and Kiss-Closes, using Mystery's Kiss Gambit (Still love using that now, even though I'm more natural game, still works :))


It all depends on how much effort you put in, more you try, the more you get.

If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got.
Author:  Sharplin [ Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
I can always rely on you guys for good advice. I appreciate that.

I guess the main problem is that I don't really apply the knowledge I have into my game. I read about it, then forget about it, essentially.

I think I'll try to work on one thing at a time. There is so much to work on and so many aspects of game that going into a set and remembering everything is very overwhelming. I want to get to the point of flow, where it is all second nature and I don't have to think about it. Obviously that won't happen in one set, and I have to break it down and get to that level one aspect at a time.

The stick-shift car analogy is helpful. Shows that it's important to understand how women work to really get to game them.

Blondguy, you have excellent advice. I think I'll try being more in the moment and non-outcome-dependent. And I'm going to try to rationally reflect on my interactions after the fact.

As for the stats that shahanshah asked for:

how many sets do you open when you go out night/day/both?
Hardly any total strangers, I talk to all the people I know as I am on a university campus. I meet people mostly through mutual friends.

how many times a week do you game?
I do day game every day, and night game every Friday and Saturday.

what method do you use or study?
I am not attached to any particular method. I don't really use scripts or direct game so much as indirect and inner game.

how 'well' do you apply it? do you genuinely attempt to use it?
This is my major sticking point; no. I don't apply it nearly as much as I should, mainly because I don't know how to apply so much information to a real life set. I don't know where to start, really. Some small aspects I have adapted, such as body language, voice tone (and speaking clarity), talking about them, eye contact, etc. But not so much game stuff.
Author:  Venn [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 12:52 am ]
Post subject: 
And as an addition, I believe, a lot of the game comes from the confidence factor. You may know every single bit of knowledge to achieve the ultimate goal. If you can't talk, walk, and look confident then all of that knowledge is worthless. Focus on your confidence and a lack of caring how she perceives you.
Author:  Mind Hacker [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:31 am ]
Post subject: 
How to practice pick-up?

OK. Here it is a crash course on PU:

STEP 1: Look good.
Yes, I know gurus will tell you looks don't matter. But they do.
But you don't really need to be good looking as the media says, you just have to be the best you can look.
Get in shape by going to the gym and eating well. Just get lean and muscled, that's the most healthy body type and girls digg it. You don't have to go for the bodybuilder type, too much effort and girls don't even like it.
Get nicer clothes that fit your body, get a tan, etc. Do whatever it takes.
Look in the mirror, enjoy your new look, feel good about yourself.

STEP 2: Stop the mental masturbation.
Yes, stop reading so much PU material. You won't be a PUA only by reading. Learn the basics like what an opener is, how to tease, how to touch (kino), etc. And GO OUT!
Also choose just one method at a time. Don't go mixing methods without trying any of them. Choose one and try until you get results. Better yet: get the concepts and fuck the method! Just have the concepts in your head and try them.

STEP 3: Be social.
It doesn't help anything if you know all these PU techniques but stay at home playing World of Warcraft.
Participate in new activities, go to the mall, concerts, make new friends, etc.

STEP 4: Make a fuckin' commitment.
Make goals of what you want to achieve with this. Don't just go doing it randomly.
If you want a girlfriend, go out until you get one.
If you want abundance of woman, go out until it's your reality.
Make a commitment to yourself to keep trying until you get what you want.
Author:  Mr Enygma [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:53 am ]
Post subject: 
Whenever you go out, always talk to at least one new person. Try to close them somehow if you can. If you do this you'll feel like you've accomplished something (even if it is a modest thing). That's not to say go out with this solely in mind, but if the night isn't going particularly well or things aren't looking too optimistic, all it takes is one successful set to change your entire night around!
Author:  new2game [ Fri Dec 03, 2010 2:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Whenever you go out, always talk to at least one new person. Try to close them somehow if you can. If you do this you'll feel like you've accomplished something (even if it is a modest thing). That's not to say go out with this solely in mind, but if the night isn't going particularly well or things aren't looking too optimistic, all it takes is one successful set to change your entire night around!
I agree with that, but would take it even further, saying talk to atleast 10 new people that night (depending on time constraints).

If your in the line to a club, open people around you. Your at the bar, open people around you etc etc. It doesn't matter if it is men or women, attention will soon be on you as that "cool guy". This is the beginning of a good night ;)
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