I don't frequent these boards very much at all. When I do I try to leave some solid advice.
Learn from my mistakes gentlemen, pray it doesn't happen to you.
First off, I have learned well from the PUA community (I understand the irony is saying this considering the story to follow) and took what I needed to be successful with women. I can say that, for the most part, the things I have learned with you all have help me remember who I am and the confidence I once held. With that I have experienced a very good dating life. But all things slip up once in awhile...here is my story.
I read a lot of David D. and through some soul searching and inner discussion I decided to take some time away from dating to work on myself, the inner game, if you will. I have been working out, eating right, focusing on my career as a photographer and music video director. It's been nice I've enjoyed the solitude. I still go out and hang with friends and flirt every once in awhile but my intention at this point in my life is not to do any kind of dating.
My friend S recently wanted to introduce me to one of her girlfriends. Thinking nothing of it, I said sure, bring her over to my house for the next get together I have and she did.
Well, like a bad ass, she brought this girl over to talk to me. She was absolutely gorgeous. I didn't do much talking with the girl cause I was hosting, so I was doing my own thing, had a couple conversations with her, thought nothing of it. This probably worked in my favor for attraction at first, i was the center of attention, I had a lot of friends around, and I am the alpha of our group. Plus i'm fucking hilarious, lol.
The night went well, everyone left and I went on about my business.
A couple days later I get a text from the girl (my friend S gave her my number), And she said she wanted to hang out. Still assuming she wasn't really someone I wanted to spend my time with I reluctantly obliged and told her to meet me for some drinks and pool.
We met and had a really great date, the attraction was there, the personality was there, it clicked. I was really digging this girl. We had both mentioned that we didn't want anything serious. We went on a couple more dates and finally slept together.
This is where I began to make every mistake in the book. Let's start rolling downhill shall we?
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First, Sex wasn't great because I came too fast.
Now this is a problem, but it's not the end of the world and can be fixed. Apparently jerking off without lube can severely effect the sensitivity levels of Mr. Peter. This is fixable.
The proper response should have been, casual and nonchalant and fully confident, despite the mishap. Never let your confidence in yourself sway, even under extreme duress. Something I am apparently still struggling with.
Instead I became flustered and started dwelling on it, while she was laying right next to me. Not attractive gentlemen. Not attractive at all.
Luckily for me there was really good attraction so our tryst didn't end here. But more than likely this is where attraction began to decline.
We hung out more, got more acquainted with each other things started getting cozy. We started holding hands, talked about making plans for the future. going on trips. It was turning into something a little more than casual. And I liked it.
We had more sex and still more sexual problems. it wasn't constant, we had times where the sex was great, but when it was bad, it was terribly bad. Why you ask? Well, You see I have been spending this whole time constantly dwelling and obsessing over my problems that it caused more problems for me, so the next time we had sex, not only was not able to last, now I couldn't get it up (pro tip- sex problems are almost always in your head).
What did I do? No, of course I didn't do what I learned and what was the correct response, I fucking flipped out again. lol.
This is an obvious way to kill any attraction. But I don't think i need to tell you guys.
Even still, she was willing to keep it going and to work on it. She said she liked me a lot and I was the best guy she ever dated and she wanted it to work, so we tried.
This is where things went dreadfully downhill. Observe the snowball.
So you know when I said I was obsessing and dwelling. Well when the mind goes, it goes, and I am sure you have heard the old saying "think long, think wrong"
Well I thought I owed something to her because I couldn't sexually satisfy her needs. I became dreadfully AFC, started telling her I liked her, took out to more places, paid for more things, became overly attentive and submissive, and became too available to her. As a result she proceeded to railroad me.
Of course I didn't see any of it at the time. i was probably blinded by the fact that I had a girl for the first time in months and I was excited.
The days went on, the dates occurred, and the sex still failed. I still supplicated. and she still railroaded.
She said she still liked me. I inundated her with expressions of like and desire.
She still continued to call me to hang out. We stopped talking so much when we hung out, we stopped having sex as much. She would tell me that she wanted to do all these nasty things, but when we got back to her place she would just turn on a movie and pass out... Red Flag anyone.
It's at this point that any PUA or self help dating guru would say, cut your losses, disconnect, regroup and try again... But nope, not me, I pressed on convinced that we could make something work.
Throughout this process I had started growing feelings for her and decided, against by better judgment to share this with her.. many many more times.
Eventually, on our last date, things were pretty terrible, she complained about everything, we went to dinner and she complained about that, then on the way back to her house her passed out in the back seat of my car. i was pretty distraught. Why does this girl that I like so much keep pulling away from me like this?!
When we got there, guess what happened? She turned on a movie and passed out.
I was frustrated. I didn't understand what was going on ( of course I did, but our minds like to tell us lies when we're in the heat of the moment).
the very next I contacted her and told her that we should call it off. I didn't want to call it off but it was the only thing I could think of at this point. This would have been an awesome move except for a couple things:
1. I asked her why things were so weird between us (giving her the opportunity to reject me)
2. I told her I still liked her very much and I wished we could be more than just casual lovers. I wanted her as my girlfriend and I expressed this to her (do I have to spell this one out?)
3. After she told me what was wrong I proceed to act like a hurt animal and get all emotional and I started to say 39039038 different things none of which were very confident or inspiring.
After the discussion of breaking it off was done she said she just wanted to be friends and move on with this (allowed her to turn it around and reject me).
Days later I find out she's been fucking someone else. (another one of S's friends). I grew livid. I flipped out on her. I said it was my fault and if I was just on my game this wouldn't have happened. I said it was the sex and I proceed to tell her how much I liked her and how much it hurt to find out she was fucking someone else.
She obliged the conversation, said she still had feelings for me too, but that she wanted to play the field and sleep with other people and she wasn't ready for something serious.
She said she wanted to stay friends and see if anything happens in the future.
Last night I saw them at a deftones concert, but she was with the new guy.
She texted me this morning and said she saw me and she was looking for me at the show and she wanted things to be ok between us. Don't read into this too much, she is the type of person who wants everyone to be ok with her.
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Nail in the Coffin.
When a girl ever says to you "let's be friends and see where it goes," this is just a nice way to say, that you no longer attract me but I will still continue taking your attention if you give it to me. Don't ever let yourself be deceived, It is very rare for someone who acted as I did to come back from something like this.
When I girl says she wants to play the field and she's not ready for a serious relationship, that is a nice way of saying, "I am open to a relationship, just not with you"
Had I done a number of things differently, which I have outlined above, this wouldn't have happened.
I spent a great deal of time dissecting this, because, well frankly I haven't acted this way in a very long time, and sometimes emotions get the best of you. And I am a bit disappointed in the way I acted.
Now it could just be that she indeed does want to play the field and she does want to date a lot of guys and she isn't there at this point, but it has been my experience that generally when this happens you're just not that person for her, the attraction is not at the appropriate level. In other words, at some point along the way you fucked up.
There is a moral to tell here, but for the life of me I am too exhausted to think of what it is.
I hope this has been informative, if not entertaining for you all. I really hope that someone reads this and learns from my mistakes.
Remember guys, You are you're #1 and there is nothing in this world that should change that.
Time for me to get back to bettering myself. Hopefully the next time this happens I will be better prepared to deal with it as a confident self sufficient attractive man and not a chump. My dick should work again soon too... lol
Any opinions of counter analysis is always appreciated.
The Chef.
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