| PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/ |
|
| The burden of being a leader https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=74287 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | R.G. [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | The burden of being a leader |
This thought has been lingering in my head for many years now, like a rock at the pit of my stomach. It's about how to cope with being a leader. This is a complete rant. I have no idea where I'm going with this and no idea what to expect (if anything) in terms of responses. I have always been a leader. Whether this is for sports teams, social/peer groups, political or work-related councils...where possible, I lead. And pickup is much the same, except more ruthless; oftentimes you have NO CHOICE but to lead. And to be a leader might be easy enough for a short while. But to be a leader day in day out, 24/7...now that is difficult, unless you naturally possess all aspects of such a personality - which I don't - I am missing the ruthless, almost arrogant aspect that all leaders need to separate them from their subordinates. This is because I tend not to care what others think of me. But I've developed this over this year, since you need to stamp your authority down to maintain a strong leadership. In peer groups, although people may have a certain respect/reverence/fear of you to begin with, they will slowly test your boundaries and if you don't punish them when they go too far, you immediately compromise leadership status. Sometimes it can be lonely to be leading all the time. You cannot show your fears and concerns. You cannot show your weaknesses, you have to lead from the front and help others without concern for yourself. Even if you are worse off than those you lead. A good leader is always chosen by the people, and is in a natural position to lead before he is proclaimed the leader. For example, a pickup guru would be exalted as a leader if he's just another likeable guy in the group, but who has the best ability to pickup girls. Then he will be respected as a leader. You can never completely be your core self if you are a good leader all the time. Because that core self includes quirks and weaknesses, passions or desires that are not conductive to leading. But this does not mean you are someone else. You just show only certain aspects of your personality, which are conductive to leading. When you can imbue this leadership persona with your own personality, then you can begin to enjoy leading. But for most people, it won't fit well with their personality, and this will cause much tire and lethargy in the long run, until such people will just accept being a follower. What I'm trying to say, really, is that to lead, you have to be ON IT 24/7. For example if you are on a date with two girls for the first time, you have to lead those two. You may do amazing and hold the frame for half an hour, but if you then run out of energy or impetus...you quickly lose your power and another guy could steal the set. Likewise if your authority is ever challenged, it's useful to laugh and not care. But you have to care a little (which is tough for me). It's fascinating when people challenge my authority in a group, everyone will actually stare at me to see my reaction. They notice my authority being challenged, and they wonder how I will react. Will I laugh it off, thus losing my power to the challenger? I use to, because I didn't care. But now, if it gets this far, I will return the banter suitably painfully just to stamp down my authority. You have to if you expect to continue to command the respect of your peers. People will look to you for group decisions. You are the unofficial judge and jury. They will adopt your judgements. If the group isn't sure where to go for a night out for instance, they will wait for your decision. You have to decide. Being indecisive = SPAM your power, and once again, your peers will lose respect for your command. This need to be decisive, and make the right decision - all the time - is difficult and can be a great burden depending on your personality. It's a slog, and I don't know if it's worth it in the long run. But it's certainly an ability worth developing. |
|
| Author: | Fragnance [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
you know i haven't read the whole text you've written but from the first line i can recall two things.. now i dont actually remember where i read it, but this is what that text said - never do yourself what others can do can do for you.. if you are having trouble coping with the level of work a leader has to do, then distribute the work.. second is from 7 habits of highly effective people and it draws a line between leading and managing.. it says managing means, are we cutting the jungle correctly? and leading means, it is the correct jungle? dunno if this matches what you are looking for but imma read your whole text now |
|
| Author: | Chief [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 12:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
LOL This title is very familiar... the-burden-of-leadership-vt25763.html haha |
|
| Author: | AFC Royal [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for your post... I think this will help a lot of newbies avoid a great deal of unpleasantness. That's how I fucked up my first relationship: I always thought I was being polite, asking her what she wanted to do, etc. and didn't take control. We all know how that kind of stuff ends... |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|