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I DO care. No more I dont give a f**k!
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Author:  Ezo [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:29 pm ]
Post subject:  I DO care. No more I dont give a f**k!
I do care

I am sick and tired of all the inner game wannabes who have taken as their mantra to not care.
We frequently see comments like: Im the man. Nobody pushes me around. I don’t care what people think. I don’t give a fuck. I feel superior to everyone. I AMOG every single guy in the club.

You know what this shows? Weak inner game. You feel that you have to protect your superiority because it is not beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are alpha. You aren’t strong enough to acknowledge another alpha male as an equal or even superior. I love meeting strong guys in a club. They are the ones who can help me improve my own game.

So. I offer my view on the attitude we should have.
Change “I don’t care what others think” to “of course I care about what others think”.

My point being?
This is straight from my pillars of confidence theory. Our confidence rests on different inner pillars. We base our confidence on specific skills of personality traits and most likely something that we are particularly good at. We train the thing we are already good at. So if that pillar crumbles our confidence falls down to the second highest pillar. If you are a famous chef your confidence will be great among other chefs but you will feel awkward in a group of astrophysicists. Why? Because they value something else than cooking skills. You pillar is not something you can use for confidence. You may think, ok, this group value stuff like intelligence and education, I don’t have that so Im out. So the theory is that you need to build up, not the pillar you are already high in but the ones that you are low in. That way, you won’t fall so far when your highest pillar crumbles.

Come to think about it, maybe the best way to build comfort is to show that you value something that the other person builds their confidence on. Show that you appreciate their pillars.
Remind me to write a post on this… ;)

So, knowing that… You should care about what other people think, but in proportion to how important it is. So this guys opinion may damage or even crumble one of my highest pillars… Is that gonna change my status? My confidence? No, because I have other pillars to fall back on. So it isn’t important. What is important is that the guy may be right. He may comment on a mistake you made. Normally if your confidence rests on only one pillar you go into denial. He is stupid and you ignore or even fight with him, resulting in that you won’t ever improve. If your confidence rests on more pillars, you are safe and you will be strong enough to evaluate what he just said. You may learn from him. Never ever “don’t give a fuck” what people tell you even if (especially if) they may be correct. This is how you grow. It is valuable information.
If a guy punches you in the face, it threatens your health and it is something you should care about. If he slaps you on the shoulder it may be an attack or he may just be friendly. In any case, it is not a threat, you can afford to pay attention. The point of this entire thread is, yeah, people will launch intentional or unintentional attacks on your confidence. And how you respond should be in proportion to how much it can damage your confidence. If it isn’t gonna hurt you too much, learn from it. If it can hurt you take evasive action or engage in mental combat. In any case, never ever have the attitude that “I don’t give a fuck”.

Ezo
Author:  KristallNachte [ Tue Jul 13, 2010 11:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
what if i really just don't give a fuck?

then, again, I get that mentality more from being a marine than being a pua
Author:  Energy_ [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:05 am ]
Post subject: 
I can talk myself into not giving a fuck when things get fucked.
But usually I think about it afterwards if it was something that really made me feel bad.

But... I thought wanting to fuck meant you give a fuck?
Author:  Ezo [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 12:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
what if i really just don't give a fuck?
I dont believe that.

I dont think that you dont give a fuck. You do. When it is about things that are important to you. You are just used to estimate the threatlevel before you react thats all there is to it. But everyone is mortal and everyone has a limit, you just have a higher limit.
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 6:50 am ]
Post subject: 
This girl I met last week is running lukewarm and cold on me (she's scared). I spiked the ball in her court and I officially do not give a fuck if I never hear from her again. I don't have time for cowards. There's plenty of good situations to not give a fuck.
Author:  Dmader [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 4:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
what if i really just don't give a fuck?

then, again, I get that mentality more from being a marine than being a pua

I think you do give a fuck, They just program you in training to not listen to those emotional responses sent from the amygdala. I know several people in the services and they all front "I'm a bad ass" some even do slip away into this cold rhelm of no emotional feeling. But most of them still feel and have those thoughts there just pushed into the background over basic function, Fight, survive...


Quote:

This girl I met last week is running lukewarm and cold on me (she's scared). I spiked the ball in her court and I officially do not give a fuck if I never hear from her again. I don't have time for cowards. There's plenty of good situations to not give a fuck


In just your response it shows you care and do give a fuck.

This is how I break down and read you statement.

"This girl I met last week" - You came across a female you find yourself attracted to maybe its just physical could have some level of emotion, non the less attraction of her is present.

"is running lukewarm and cold on me" She shows interest and then maybe withdrawls a little, possible shes planning the social crammed game of I want him to chase me. Its possible your right in saying she scared cuz maybe she can read you well enough to know there might be no emotion or genuineness behind you and its makes her leary.

"I spiked the ball in her court" This is the money maker, You are pissed she doesnt like you or want you, Because she doesnt show instant I want you and rip her clothes off letting you fuck her (which is what I presume you want or idealize) Since she didn't do such you feel a kick in the ego, start to question why doesnt she like me, whats wrong with me, etc.. This is probably subconcious on some level and some I'm sure is very "right there" non the less all this leads to your ego going in to protect mode from fear of hurt. You became vulnerable because you like her but she might not like you.

Ego responds by projecting "I don't give a fuck" when you really mean to say This sucks why doesn't she like me, what is wrong with me etc...



I suggest you read the book The Complete Guide to Living With Men by: E James Wilder Spent particular attention to the talks of the six emotions and how a Infant man reacts to specifics...







I on the other hand do give a fuck about everything someone says and thinks of me, how they preseve me, how they view me; so fourth and beyond.

Ezo's pilars desription is honestly awesome in my mind. Its one that I'm going to pass it along to my Girl as it will be benifical to make her understand somethings I've been at a loss to convey properly.
Author:  jurupa [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think Aaron4Prez said it best. As there are things you should give a fuck about and things you shouldn't give a fuck about.
Author:  R.G. [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: I DO care. No more I dont give a f**k!
Excuse my tangent:
Quote:
I do care

Come to think about it, maybe the best way to build comfort is to show that you value something that the other person builds their confidence on. Show that you appreciate their pillars.
Remind me to write a post on this…

Ezo
This is sounding awesome. I want to hear more on this at some point. Reminds me of social identity theory in traditional psychology...in that case, pillars would be the things one associates their identity with, such as their friends and their social groups (e.g. sports teams, or even what music they like).
Author:  minsok [ Wed Jul 14, 2010 6:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh, I was totally into it. But the cost in effort was too high for the meager pay off. I have totally detached. Why do I want to read this book? I get the gist of what you're saying Dmader, and I realize I haven't been acting exactly right with this girl. I'll followup on the thread I made.
Author:  ~Finesse [ Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:48 am ]
Post subject: 
What Ezo explains is people pretending 'not to give a fuck'. All this is, is actually 'caring what people think'.

So in that sense, he's almost advocating what he was disapproving.




If you care about what other people think of you, you will always be under their control.


~Finesse
Author:  johnchangmai [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 6:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes.

About time one of the moderators posted this.

There should be more threads like this posted.
I have always failed to see the point in pretending to be (something,anything that you are not).

I have spent 15 years learning to be a the man i belive i was born to be.
I did not want to buy an image or pretend to be some great guru because i has great success when i was younger with the ladies.

I don't remember being some I DON'T CARE ARSEHOLE.
I remember caring and learing from my mistakes which i still make today now and again.

At the same time i have always cared for the welfare of my fellow man.
By teaching people to be some hard arsed NEVER say SORRY im the MAN your nothing I DON'T CARE is only going to end in dissapointment and bitterness.

This is all based on the teachings of people THAT think that by PANDERING to young week minded fools, who NOW BELIEVE by acting in a BAD BOY way they will get the ladies INSTEAD of listening to their inner gut feeling instead.

Finally

You should care about your family and the envionment.
Also you should know when to NOT CARE and thats when its BEING REACTIVE to the so called AMOG or ANGRY MOTORIST cutting you up.

the end.
Author:  Tasty [ Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree Ezo, but there are different types of "I dont give a fuck" attitude.

There is one, where you dont care if people think you look like a complete idiot. Making a total fool out of yourself, being socially uncalibrated.

Then theres what i've been experienced in the past year or so, developing my inner game. I used to be incredibly self conscious throughout my life. Always cared entirely too much of what people though about me. Self conscious. I've had my hair long (3-6 inches) for the past 8 years or so, because i was self conscious about the shape of my head. I go to get a haircut, and the lady started cutting ALL of it off! Its now about an inch long, and at the barber shop, I was thinking "Oh, fuck, my head looks funny, people will see it" then I thought "you know, I really dont care, in fact, I kind of want to shave it ALL off!"

I've become desensitized to what people think of me. I am not nearly as self conscious as I used to be. I remember I would have a pimple on my face, and anytime I talked to anyone i'd be worrying about it the entire time. And often times, they'd look right at it, and i'd start to panic inside. Now I dont give a fuck. I have one right now and I WANT them to look at it. Look at me for me, this is as good as it gets. "I dont give a fuck, but in a good way"

Another quick example...Pick up. Up until recently I only let one of my friends know about it, i was trying to introduct it to him. I was so self conscious about people knowing I had some problem with females. Now, I DONT CARE. A couple weekends ago, me and 4 or 5 buddies were sitting around, and I told them about what I do. They didnt give a shit. I now have this (and other sites) bookmarked on my toolbar. If someone gets on my computer and sees it, I dont care.
Author:  Starfox [ Sat Jul 17, 2010 2:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Accepting feedback =/= caring about others opinions. There are times when we all get out of line, and sometimes people react negatively toward that. I still don't care what they think of me, because that is irrelevant and has no bearing on who I am as a person. I dictate and define that, and yes don't give a fuck what others think. That doesn't mean I can't view myself objectively and realize my mistakes.
Author:  extricate [ Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
solid post.
Author:  Ezo [ Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
What Ezo explains is people pretending 'not to give a fuck'. All this is, is actually 'caring what people think'.

So in that sense, he's almost advocating what he was disapproving.




If you care about what other people think of you, you will always be under their control.
Liquid... That is not what I am talking about. I see by your post that you fear being under other peoples control. I am taking this a bit further. I say that you should not care about that. Accepting other peoples opinions and caring about what they think does not bring you under their control unless you let them. The attitude you describe is more like some kinda rebellious, I am the king of myself, nobody fucks with me attitude. And yes, thats what you get when you have gone beyone the not caring wannabe and are stuck as a dont care addict. Take the next step man. Break free of the fear! Listening to others isnt a bad thing, it is good. If you are strong enough.
Quote:
I've become desensitized to what people think of me. I am not nearly as self conscious as I used to be. I remember I would have a pimple on my face, and anytime I talked to anyone i'd be worrying about it the entire time. And often times, they'd look right at it, and i'd start to panic inside. Now I dont give a fuck. I have one right now and I WANT them to look at it. Look at me for me, this is as good as it gets. "I dont give a fuck, but in a good way"
Well, this is half of it. I mean you dont give a fuck about the pimple, and you shouldnt. But if someone tells you that you are an insensitive asshole for breaking their little brothers arm, then yes you should care. It is about judging when your surroundings offer valid points and when they are just being stupid. Basically, is it worth it or not? I always listen to what people say and then make up my mind if I should care or not.
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