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The Art of (not)Approaching...
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Author:  ~Finesse [ Wed Jul 07, 2010 10:51 pm ]
Post subject:  The Art of (not)Approaching...

I'm sure I have already written a post about this, yet, I can't seem to find it, so this could be funny.

I wanna keep this as short as I can, so... here goes.



The community teaches that you can either go 'direct', or, 'indirect'.

We all know the disadvantages and advantages of each. So I wont get into that.



But let's say, someone doesn't like going in under false pretenses(indirect), yet also doesn't like going in and pretty much saying 'hey I like you, now you must decide if you like me'. What do they do now? The community says you can either do one, or the other. And to be honest, if you're cold 'approaching', this is likely going to be the only options you have.


But for those who have a love for things being 'natural' and very smooth in life, there is a much better way of doing things, which you'll likely find 'suits' you better. (It would also be beneficial to those of you who have severe 'approach anxiety')


I personally, when I got involved with this whole shit, I found indirect to be a little more natural feeling, but it seemed not quite right. Personally, direct felt even more scripted and false for me, as it is too forced, and doesn't leave the air of ambiguity that I personally find fun, and have found a lot of girls love best.

Another problem with direct game(although I don't want to get into this debate too much), is that regardless of what you think, the power is all hers, you've made it clear you like her, now she has to decided if she likes you or not. It's not a great place to be in.

So what do I do? How are you going to meet girls if you're not approaching? ...easy! Talk to people in your proximity.

If someone is occupying a space near to you, it is very natural to exchange even subtle communication, a simple catch of eye contact can lead to a smile, a nod, some kind of acknowledgement, or a conversation. (And sometimes a subtle, non-verbal, sexual flirting).

If you get used to just talking to people, everyone, anyone, it's not hard, just exchange normal greetings or whatever, your 'approach' as it were is less likely to be 'rejected', as all you're doing is something small, you're not asking nothing big of them, they will usually(more often than not), return communication. Then you may game as you please from there. You will also have a warmer reception into groups, as you've been invited in, as opposed to forcing your way in. It is then easy to become the centre of attention, or most loved, in a very welcomed way.

All you have to do, is be in situations where there will be people... public transport, cafes, bars, shops, wherever there are people, this works, without having to run around using these pre-thought out methods.

I find the best way to go about things, after the stage of 'opening' if you like, I have already outlined in things here...

Waiting for oppurtunities(they're everywhere) ☯ the-waiting-game-vt68108.html

Rapid Rapport ☯ rapid-rapport-vt67230.html

Sexual eye contact ☯ eye-contact-game-vt67468.html

It's all about sex ☯ it-all-comes-down-to-vt70702.html






p.s. I nowhere near said everything I wanted with this post, so please ask questions on anything you're unclear about.



Love

~Finesse

Author:  AFC Royal [ Thu Jul 08, 2010 1:41 am ]
Post subject: 

Thanks for this post, it clarified a lot for me.

My next question, is this: since you don't "approach", per se, then how do you find it best to get specific chicks?

You talk about waiting for opportunities, which I like, but opportunities don't always arise. Sure, if you're really good then you subconsciously create those opportunities, but most of us aren't that good yet.

So basically, how can you "create opportunities" while keeping in your extremely natural style, if you aren't good enough to do it subconsciously?

Author:  Don Juan 89 [ Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:03 am ]
Post subject: 

Ahh now I get it. This is actually a later stage in game for most guys. If girls aren't turning you down when you do this, it means you have some good game and you come off as confident in conversation. Probably not a style if you are still going through trial and error with game.

If you think about it, to do this you will need to totally trust in your conversation skills. If you just start talking to someone with this natural feel, you automatically show confidence.

I feel this way too. I make sure any girl that I am interested in is not too far away so I don't have to do anything really unnatural.

When you do this, you are really in control. You automatically know everything about what you are going to say. On the other hand, direct openers are high risk, high reward while the indirect give you a bit of explaining to do. If you are not too in control or know everything about a direct or indirect opener, you will seem nervous. This will probably make you fall flat on your face.

Very true post. I didn't even realize that I do this myself until I read what you were talking about! haha

Author:  ~Finesse [ Thu Jul 08, 2010 12:53 pm ]
Post subject: 

Quote:
Thanks for this post, it clarified a lot for me.

My next question, is this: since you don't "approach", per se, then how do you find it best to get specific chicks?

You talk about waiting for opportunities, which I like, but opportunities don't always arise. Sure, if you're really good then you subconsciously create those opportunities, but most of us aren't that good yet.

So basically, how can you "create opportunities" while keeping in your extremely natural style, if you aren't good enough to do it subconsciously?

In regards to specific chicks -

I'm short sighted, so naturally I'll only notice the girls who are in my immediate proximity anyway :D ... Seriously though, I'll try and give some situational examples.

In a bar... If I notice a girl I like, and she is in a group, I will position myself (usually with a friend/s) near the group, and as I'm talking to my friends and enjoying their company I will naturally be a bit 'animated' so that 1) It naturally stands out a little and more likely to catch her attention(there are other things it does too) 2) When I turn around slightly and catch eye contact, it will look very undeliberate and therefore harmless, it is at that point, while still talking to my friends, I will give her a look or smile, which is usually responded to well. It then makes "approaching" warm, and just like you're going over to say hi with familiarity already intact, best to do it after you've finished talking and if she isn't deep in a conversation.

If you don't have any friends at hand, you could always walk past (if you're going to the bar or toilet) and as you're walking past catch eye contact and either be sexual with it, or a friendly smile. Try not to make it obvious that you have chosen to walk past her to get her attention, it has to seem just by chance.

The other way, is, if positioned near her group, and they are talking, with a smile on your face (yet not facing them so directly), try randomly catching eye contact with the people who are talking, I've found sometimes this makes you part of that persons 'audience' and a correctly timed smile/laugh can cause them to bring you into the group. Or something about their body language opens itself up for you to comment on what they said. Even if in either of these situations it isn't your 'specific' girl that gets you into the group, it doesn't matter, as long as you're in the group, you're now in position to talk to her.

As for the whole 'street approach', I don't really like the whole running after a girl thing, I've done it, and it's worked but it really does take a lot of effort, and it sometimes takes me very cocky and cheeky statements to keep girls there. (I actually like that part, but I dont like making the effort to keep them there.)
So for street stuff, I will usually more often than not, use a strong eye contact, often sexual. I've actually been VERY surprised at the quality of females responding to this. To open them from there is easier, with the same confidence in the eye contact, you must stop dead in your tracks, they will usually stop too, then you just start talking, don't worry about that pick up shit, just start talking, be guiiding the convo straight to the point though (though I dont necessarily mean 'go direct').


Ahhh, yes, I often forget I am probably more 'advanced' in certain areas than I imagine.

My point with oppurtunites creating themself, is that if you have a conversation, even if it's fluff talk, there will likely be a point where a person says something that you like or approve of, when they do, you should feel confident to tell them so. But you must tell them in a matter of fact way, or passionately, don't do it in a "rapport-seeking" way, although, one of the thigns this can achieve, is a stronger rapport, you don't want it to look like that's your purpose for it. Otherwise you seem a suck up.

Oppurtunities to escalate will present themself, oppurtunities to tease will present themself. It's not always about 'creating' them, it's more often about noticing them arise. For example, a chick starts dancing to a song... "Ah, come on, you can't tell me you like this song, I thought you had taste!" I did nothing to create the oppurtunity, it arose on its own. It all comes down to feeling free to express your thoughts. Be confident to express yourself freely with an uninhibited boldness, after all, theres nothing wrong with saying you like/dislike something, be confident and unashamed of your opinions.

If you were talking about oppurtunities in terms of meeting chicks, I think I answered that slightly in my response to your first question.

I hope that answered your questions. If not, don't be shy to ask for further explanation, hopefully I'll be able to explain :P


OH, and as an afterthought, just because of the comments about needing to be at a certain 'level' in your game to do this... I think I said it best, when I said "get used to just talking to people, everyone, anyone, it's not hard, just exchange normal greetings or whatever". Seriously, just start exchanging ANY dialogue with anyone you have the oppurtunity to, be it a simple 'hey' ... or a more advanced 'hey, how are you'. Once you're comfortable with that, try getting comfortable being playful in situations... for example... an old woman accidentally bumps you with her shopping cart and apologises... "Oh dear god, she's trying to break my ankles!" Then pretend to call for security. It will get you used to be playful, funny, cheeky, and will build your confidence to do so SO much, becuase you do it always. Therefore you wont be specifically doing it to try and 'game' a chick.

^^^That is probably the biggest peive of advice I could give.

Quote:
Very true post. I didn't even realize that I do this myself until I read what you were talking about! haha
Haha, I hope it helped in some way, man. Even if it just gives you a clearer understanding of what you do. (I find this helps tremendously to refine what you do, or at least to know HOW you do it).




Love

~Finesse

Author:  LeoNYC14 [ Sun Jul 11, 2010 2:41 am ]
Post subject: 

Great post... I'm a big fan of natural game.

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