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Becoming Genuinely Interested in People
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Author:  SSN [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Becoming Genuinely Interested in People
I think I've figured out why my conversational skills are so average.

I don't find people interesting enough. I tend to zone out and hear what people say, but I don't actively listen and take a keen interest in them.

For example: A friend of mine sometimes tells stories that I find boring. I don't wanna offend him, so I listen to him and make it seem as if I'm interested. I will smile, nod, laugh and keep eye contact throughout, but I'm never genuinely interested in what he's saying.

Naturally, if I'm not interested in what he's saying, I won't ask questions about the event and he'll most likely pick up on my disinterest.

I feel like this is becoming a habit, and I'm carrying it over into conversations with girls.

It's hard to explain in detail, so I'll try to put it like this. If you had to give me a test on what the girl was talking about, I'd be able to answer every question. While they are talking, I will listen intently to what they're saying, but I won't be interested.

I think this comes across and they pick up on the fact that I don't share their enthusiasm. The problem is compounded even further because I also don't pick up on things she mentions that she's passionate about.

My question is seemingly simple. How do I become genuinely interested in people?
Author:  RSDSkittles [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Becoming Genuinely Interested in People
Quote:
How do I become genuinely interested in people?
Seems like quite a paradox to me. Furthermore you are posting this question on a pua forum which places a big questionmark behind the word genuinely for me.

But ontopic. There are three possible explanations for your disinterest.

1) They ARE boring.
But most of the people aren't if you look at them the right way, so this won't be the sole reason for your problem, but yes there are boring people on this planet.

2) You don't ask the right questions/lead the conversation. For example I love mathematics, but for most people that is like the most boring subject in the history of mankind, so I won't talk about it, or only tell the exciting parts (nerd mode :P ). I even scored chicks with talking about game theory.

I mean if a girl tells about her dog -I absolutely don't care a bit about dogs- I switch the subject to her, I tease her. Or just be honest and say I don't like dogs or whatever. If someone tells boring tales, why the heck should you be silent and listen to that. Just lead the conversation.

3) There is something wrong with you. You are depressed, autististic, or whatever. Seek a psych.
Author:  Ciornia [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
I give you a lot of credit, Teddy-G, for recognizing that this is an issue you have. And Math raises some very good points that just about everybody has interesting things to say if you know how to lead them toward unearthing the good stuff. I would add that if you're finding many more people uninteresting than interesting, a large part of the obstacle is likely that you're focusing on the conversational topics themselves. Sure, some subjects are interesting to each of us by their very nature. But there are many things we can find interesting because, even though the underlying topics aren't particularly near and dear to us, the other person gets really amped up by them or describes them in a super-intriguing way. Here's a diagram to illustrate the point :)
Image
I had a college professor who could talk about a huge range of topics in an incredibly fascinating way. I mean, he would go off on something like geology -- a subject I couldn't give two shits about -- and have me and everyone else on the edge of our seats. Granted, he was a great speaker. But the point is that it wasn't the topics themselves that were interesting. It was the way he discussed them. And almost everyone has the ability to tap into that flow of passionate talk about certain things. The key is -- as you yourself have pointed out -- to pay attention to identifying those areas of interest. Think of conversation as an exercise in getting to understand another person better. Discovering the meta-issues -- WHY someone is passionate about a certain subject -- is pretty exciting, not to mention a great skill in maneuvering a woman toward your bed :D
Author:  ~Finesse [ Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
I swear I made a post about this?!?!?!!?



^^^ If someone can find it, please link it. Else I'll have to creat a whole new response.

Or look search for my advice on conversations, it's laying about somewhere.
Author:  SSN [ Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Math and Ciornia, you both raised some very good points. I'll definitely think about what you've said.

~Finesse, I believe you're referring to this post:

small-thing-that-can-make-a-big-differe ... highlight=

It deals with the aspect somewhat, but it doesn't really answer my question.
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