There is something I wish a lot of women (well a lot of men too for that matter) would realize about love:
It doesn't happen like it does in Hollywood!
Many of us getting into the Game, or even having been in the Game for a while will already be able to back this claim up. The term 'social conditioning' is very well known amongst the members of the Seduction Community. But I wonder if its members realize just how deep and intrinsic this conditioning really is?
I wonder if the guys in this community, who relapse and end up with oneitis all over again despite the great strides they've made to rid their lives of it, realize what oneitis is?
It's a fantasy.
It's an ideal.
It's a myth. Conjured up by your parents. By your churches/other religious institutions. By your teachers and your elders. By your TV and movies and most of the music industry. And yes. Even by your closest friends - especially the girls in your lives, who themselves don't know wtf is going on with their emotions.
But here's the kicker - and this is really important: Stop and ask yourself. If you are a guy who (believed) he got this all handled, and you fell for some new girl and ended up with ridiculous oneitis... How much of it was actually falling in love with the girl, and how much of it was just falling in love with the idea of love?
Take a minute with that...
If those of you reading this suddenly had a little light-bulb turn on in your head, then I'm reaching the right people, and you definitely need to keep reading. Think about the social pressures and what you see on the surface around you. High-school sweethearts getting together. Going off to college and meeting someone. Falling in love. If you see that, have felt that, and most importantly if you lack that now, you are very susceptible to the disease that is oneitis. Because what you see around you, the fantasy on the surface, is so alluring. So tempting. So intoxicating that when you meet that new girl, and she is amazing, suddenly you throw all that you have learned from this community out the window. Why? Because at your core, at your very deep core, you are still a good person who just wants to be loved.
And Hollywood got to you before reality did.
Because at our cores we still want what we see on TV. Dreams disguised in clever marketing. The ideas our parents put in our heads, especially if your parents are from very traditional backgrounds such as those in Asia. You know how my parents fell in love? Letters. They were pen pals. And they have suitcases filled to the brim with letters. Try being satisfied with your own romance after hearing a story like that.
And this is how we believe it is supposed to be. We hear something our elders or our communities tell us, and it is enforced that much more upon our impressionable young minds by TV. And all we see is what's on the surface.
What if we delve a little further? What is "falling in love"? And I mean falling in love with someone, not an idea of someone?
It's not like what you'd expect. It's not an instantaneous spark. It's not some romantic, serendipitous meeting of souls. It is not always mutual at the beginning. And it is not as easy as you would think.
On some level: yes, it should be easy. On some level, yes it is serendipitous. And on some level, yes there is a (mutual) spark. But if you look at the odds, very rarely does that spark just appear between two strangers walking in a park because their dogs happened to lead them to each other and they figured it was love at first sight (or some other hollywood crap). Most of the time it's two people meeting through a group of friends. One of them likes the other (probably because the guy thought the girl was cute or the girl thought the guy was funny). And he or she pursues the other until finally they're together.
And that's all it is.
Persistence.
Really?
Think about it. Think about all the couples you know. I mean really think about it. How often is it just one person asking the other, and the other figuring "Let's try and see what happens"? And if you look at that couple after a few months to a year, how much do they love each other? The answers are: very often, and very much.
It's because in life things don't just "work out with time". It takes work. And it takes persistence. Now I'm not telling those guys out there who have retarded oneitis for their best friends to keep trying. If you are one of those guys and are using this article to reinforce your belief that you can win the girl over - slap yourself because you're being a moron. I'm not saying you can't eventually win her over. I'm saying you are trying for the wrong reasons. Don't use love as an excuse for pride.
But for the rest of you who understand what it means to get the girl - ie. to get "the one" you must learn to "get them all" - and you have found the one you want: work at it. Pursue it. Try your best. Know what love means to you - to me it is the feeling of coming home. Falling in love is building a home. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes sweat and tears. But home is where the heart is. For others it may be something else entirely. Avoid the friend zone at all costs. If she tries to put you there, set her straight. Do not take her or anyone else's shit. Because you are not just "some guy" who will bend over backwards for her. You are not just some guy she can use. You are not just some guy that is small competition for other dudes.
And you are second to no one.
The key to Success is Consistency.
The key to Consistency is Persistence.
The key to Persistence is Strength.
And the key to Strength is, as we know, Confidence.
If you can see love for what it is, and still believe in it, then there is hope for you yet. Despite the damage Hollywood may have caused.
Happy Valentines,
Q.
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