PUA Forum :: Recommended reading

Here's the thing about a lot of this self-help stuff.

I was listening to the NLP audiobook, and I had to stop it when it asked me to think about what it is I really love doing. The kind of thing I'd pay to do I enjoy it so much. The point of the exercise is to find those things you really love and get you to go out and make that your goal and career.

The problem is, most of us (at least myself) are (1) already in a career they've spent at least a few years working their way up in and (2) have hobbies we like doing, and probably pay to do, on weekends for example. So, this exercise is asking me what I love doing, well, let's say I love playing golf. I'm crazy about it, I get on the course as often as I can after work, on weekends, read the magazines, take lessons. I pay a lot of money to do it. Does this mean I should quit my job at the law firm, after I've spent thousands of dollars in law school, two years struggling as a junior partner, and a few more years building up a client base and paying off my student loans, to become a professional golfer? That would be fucking retarded.

We all love doing fun exciting things like play sports, paint, go cycling, hike, camp, go fishing, and all the other hobbies we do. But that doesn't mean they should necessarily be our GOALS in life. Most people don't really love a lot about their job. They have to work long hours, fill out boring paperwork, answer to grumpy bosses, chat with annoying co-workers. But they get through those things because they get paid, and because there's the future of rising to the top of their profession and achieving greater success. These things are not exciting in their very nature. Living in "the moment" of filling out a form is not fun or exciting. But it is a means to an end. We have higher level goals like success in general, which can be fulfilled by all the smaller sub goals of applying for the mortgage paperwork, filling out the tax return, getting to the meeting on time, etc. that are all boring in and of themselves, but all contribute to increase the likelihood of achieving financial stability and ultimately success and happiness.

Talking about making our goals those things that make us happy when we're doing them, and living in the moment, are just half-assed platitudes that basically serve to encourage us to go out and eat to excess, drink our wine, be merry, pursue our basest and animal desires and pleasures, and forget about the consequences or the future. This might be fun, and it certainly will make you happy in that moment, but you're gonna wake up after a few months of thinking about just giving yourself pleasure all the time, and you'll be living in a cardboard box on the street, your life savings spent, your clothes tattered and worn, with your friends and family having long deserted you.

Its funny, the best books for Pick up arn't actually books about Pick up.

Congrats, you have missed the complete point of these books.

Quote:

Congrats, you have missed the complete point of these books.

Would you care to actually offer an explanation as to why telling you do what you feel makes you happy would not be a slippery slope towards self indulgent hedonism?

Sharplin, Blondguy. You refer to success, but I think you are sticking with the definition of success that was fed down your throat by society. Not the success that rings true to you. Success doesn't mean being a partner in a major lawfirm. The definition will be different from one individual to the other.

Your exemple of jumping off the ladder once you are already engaged in it being a bad move is just silly. If you figure out you've been going up the wrong ladder, which is more silly? Jumping down or keep on climbing? Maybe you are climbing the right ladder, but regardless it is worth while to stop and take the time to question your self.

I'll once again refer back to one of my favorite japaneese sayings:
If you enjoy what you are doing, you won't work a day iin your life.

And yes, it is entirely possible to fully enjoy and be passionate about your 'work'. Everybody knows someone like that. So why not you? What's holding you back? The 4 years that you have already invested in the career will prevent you from fully enjoying your next 40? If that makes sense to you, then please cary on. If you don't mind your work and take your pleasure elsewhere in your life, that's fine too. Your work doesn't have to define you either.

Your exemple of jumping off the ladder once you are already engaged in it being a bad move is just silly. If you figure out you've been going up the wrong ladder, which is more silly? Jumping down or keep on climbing? Maybe you are climbing the right ladder, but regardless it is worth while to stop and take the time to question your self.

Success doesn't mean being a partner in a major lawfirm. The definition will be different from one individual to the other.

Author:	Warped Mindless [ Wed Dec 09, 2009 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Recommended reading
Its funny, the best books for Pick up arn't actually books about Pick up. The following books, once read, will help your game a shit ton. 1) Hale Dwoskin - "The Sedona Method" http://www.amazon.com/Sedona-Method-Hap ... 007&sr=8-1 "The Sedona Method is a vastly accelerated way of letting go of feelings like anger, frustration, jealousy, anxiety, stress and fear as well as many other problems—even physical pain—with which almost everybody struggles at one time or another." If you cant see the value in that helping your game, your doing something wrong. 2) Eckhart Tolle - "The Power of Now" http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-S ... 266&sr=1-1 "Ekhart Tolle's message is simple: living in the now is the truest path to happiness and enlightenment." Being in the "now" is being fully present in the moment. Its not being stuck inside your head and wondering "what do I do next" or "was that the right thing to do?" Being in the now is one thing all great PUAs have in common. 3) David Deida - "The Way of the Superior Man" http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man- ... 521&sr=1-1 An astonishingly practical guidebook to living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. -- The Midwest Book Review - Reviewer's Choice In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives-from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality-to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge-and reward-for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment. Every aspiring PUA should read those three books, no question about it. Other books that you will learn from includes: 4) Nancy Friday - My Secret Garden 5) Tony Robbins - Awaken the Giant Within 6) Napoleon Hill - Think and Grow Rich 7) Robin Baker - Sperm Wars Maxwell Maltz - Psycho-Cybernetics

Author:	Sharplin [ Wed Dec 09, 2009 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:
Yeah I can see self-help books helping a lot with this kinda thing. I'll pick one of these up next time I'm at Chapters and see what it's like.

Author:	Ryan Black SashaPUA [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:23 am ]
Post subject:
Here's the thing about a lot of this self-help stuff. I was listening to the NLP audiobook, and I had to stop it when it asked me to think about what it is I really love doing. The kind of thing I'd pay to do I enjoy it so much. The point of the exercise is to find those things you really love and get you to go out and make that your goal and career. The problem is, most of us (at least myself) are (1) already in a career they've spent at least a few years working their way up in and (2) have hobbies we like doing, and probably pay to do, on weekends for example. So, this exercise is asking me what I love doing, well, let's say I love playing golf. I'm crazy about it, I get on the course as often as I can after work, on weekends, read the magazines, take lessons. I pay a lot of money to do it. Does this mean I should quit my job at the law firm, after I've spent thousands of dollars in law school, two years struggling as a junior partner, and a few more years building up a client base and paying off my student loans, to become a professional golfer? That would be fucking retarded. We all love doing fun exciting things like play sports, paint, go cycling, hike, camp, go fishing, and all the other hobbies we do. But that doesn't mean they should necessarily be our GOALS in life. Most people don't really love a lot about their job. They have to work long hours, fill out boring paperwork, answer to grumpy bosses, chat with annoying co-workers. But they get through those things because they get paid, and because there's the future of rising to the top of their profession and achieving greater success. These things are not exciting in their very nature. Living in "the moment" of filling out a form is not fun or exciting. But it is a means to an end. We have higher level goals like success in general, which can be fulfilled by all the smaller sub goals of applying for the mortgage paperwork, filling out the tax return, getting to the meeting on time, etc. that are all boring in and of themselves, but all contribute to increase the likelihood of achieving financial stability and ultimately success and happiness. Talking about making our goals those things that make us happy when we're doing them, and living in the moment, are just half-assed platitudes that basically serve to encourage us to go out and eat to excess, drink our wine, be merry, pursue our basest and animal desires and pleasures, and forget about the consequences or the future. This might be fun, and it certainly will make you happy in that moment, but you're gonna wake up after a few months of thinking about just giving yourself pleasure all the time, and you'll be living in a cardboard box on the street, your life savings spent, your clothes tattered and worn, with your friends and family having long deserted you.

Author:	Warped Mindless [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:35 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Here's the thing about a lot of this self-help stuff. I was listening to the NLP audiobook, and I had to stop it when it asked me to think about what it is I really love doing. The kind of thing I'd pay to do I enjoy it so much. The point of the exercise is to find those things you really love and get you to go out and make that your goal and career. The problem is, most of us (at least myself) are (1) already in a career they've spent at least a few years working their way up in and (2) have hobbies we like doing, and probably pay to do, on weekends for example. So, this exercise is asking me what I love doing, well, let's say I love playing golf. I'm crazy about it, I get on the course as often as I can after work, on weekends, read the magazines, take lessons. I pay a lot of money to do it. Does this mean I should quit my job at the law firm, after I've spent thousands of dollars in law school, two years struggling as a junior partner, and a few more years building up a client base and paying off my student loans, to become a professional golfer? That would be fucking retarded. We all love doing fun exciting things like play sports, paint, go cycling, hike, camp, go fishing, and all the other hobbies we do. But that doesn't mean they should necessarily be our GOALS in life. Most people don't really love a lot about their job. They have to work long hours, fill out boring paperwork, answer to grumpy bosses, chat with annoying co-workers. But they get through those things because they get paid, and because there's the future of rising to the top of their profession and achieving greater success. These things are not exciting in their very nature. Living in "the moment" of filling out a form is not fun or exciting. But it is a means to an end. We have higher level goals like success in general, which can be fulfilled by all the smaller sub goals of applying for the mortgage paperwork, filling out the tax return, getting to the meeting on time, etc. that are all boring in and of themselves, but all contribute to increase the likelihood of achieving financial stability and ultimately success and happiness. Talking about making our goals those things that make us happy when we're doing them, and living in the moment, are just half-assed platitudes that basically serve to encourage us to go out and eat to excess, drink our wine, be merry, pursue our basest and animal desires and pleasures, and forget about the consequences or the future. This might be fun, and it certainly will make you happy in that moment, but you're gonna wake up after a few months of thinking about just giving yourself pleasure all the time, and you'll be living in a cardboard box on the street, your life savings spent, your clothes tattered and worn, with your friends and family having long deserted you. Congrats, you have missed the complete point of these books.

Author:	~Finesse [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 1:54 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recommended reading
Quote: Its funny, the best books for Pick up arn't actually books about Pick up. It's pretty blatant in my honest opinion. Nice one for pointing it out if it hadnt been done so before. ~Liquid Blend

PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Recommended reading https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=57602	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Sharplin [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Congrats, you have missed the complete point of these books. Would you care to actually offer an explanation as to why telling you do what you feel makes you happy would not be a slippery slope towards self indulgent hedonism? blondguy, you bring up an excellent point here. Self-help book's general message is good - do what makes you happy, enjoy what you do, have fun with life, it is an experiment, enjoy it, live fruitfully, and all this. But for an established person who has already made a living and is well on their way to success, starting over again just isn't an option. In your case, you suggested that restarting your career that you have already spent years in school for, worked tediously at, just isn't an option. Once you've spent so much energy climbing a few rungs of the ladder, why would you jump off now? This is something I can sympathize with. Maybe starting again just isn't an option. These books can still help you though, just take the message in a smaller scale. Do what you love. Maybe you aren't doing the ideal career - a pro golfer would be an AMAZING job, and I'm pretty sure any golf enthusiast would be happy golfing for a living (as long as they don't sleep with their mistresses and cheat on their supermodel wives, cough TIGER *cough) but it just isn't exactly realistic. Instead, create an ideal AND realistic goal for your life. Restarting your career is out of the question at this point, okay, I agree with this completely. But maybe you should put aside more time for golf. Or, get a job on the side teaching golf. Maybe there is something else you love to do that has something to do with your job - you chose this career path for a reason, didn't you? Lean more towards this as a goal. If you are interested in, say, advertising, make a goal to be chief of advertising at your business. Look, my point is, sometimes you just can't start over. This isn't a means for losing hope though - or it shouldn't be, at least. What these books are saying (or should be saying) is that you need to integrate your goals and career with what you enjoy and what makes you happy. If you don't enjoy your job at all, that is an exception. If you hate your job, then why did you pick it in the first place? This is a situation that maybe you should start over. But if you enjoy your job but just see another IDEAL career path, try to integrate the two in some way, so starting over isn't necessary. Work your way towards your goal.

Author:	TheJ [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:44 pm ]
Post subject:
Sharplin, Blondguy. You refer to success, but I think you are sticking with the definition of success that was fed down your throat by society. Not the success that rings true to you. Success doesn't mean being a partner in a major lawfirm. The definition will be different from one individual to the other. Your exemple of jumping off the ladder once you are already engaged in it being a bad move is just silly. If you figure out you've been going up the wrong ladder, which is more silly? Jumping down or keep on climbing? Maybe you are climbing the right ladder, but regardless it is worth while to stop and take the time to question your self. I'll once again refer back to one of my favorite japaneese sayings: If you enjoy what you are doing, you won't work a day iin your life. And yes, it is entirely possible to fully enjoy and be passionate about your 'work'. Everybody knows someone like that. So why not you? What's holding you back? The 4 years that you have already invested in the career will prevent you from fully enjoying your next 40? If that makes sense to you, then please cary on. If you don't mind your work and take your pleasure elsewhere in your life, that's fine too. Your work doesn't have to define you either.

Author:	Sharplin [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:31 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Sharplin, Blondguy. You refer to success, but I think you are sticking with the definition of success that was fed down your throat by society. Not the success that rings true to you. Success doesn't mean being a partner in a major lawfirm. The definition will be different from one individual to the other. Your exemple of jumping off the ladder once you are already engaged in it being a bad move is just silly. If you figure out you've been going up the wrong ladder, which is more silly? Jumping down or keep on climbing? Maybe you are climbing the right ladder, but regardless it is worth while to stop and take the time to question your self. I'll once again refer back to one of my favorite japaneese sayings: If you enjoy what you are doing, you won't work a day iin your life. And yes, it is entirely possible to fully enjoy and be passionate about your 'work'. Everybody knows someone like that. So why not you? What's holding you back? The 4 years that you have already invested in the career will prevent you from fully enjoying your next 40? If that makes sense to you, then please cary on. If you don't mind your work and take your pleasure elsewhere in your life, that's fine too. Your work doesn't have to define you either. This is true, but what I was referring to was second guessing your passion. If you are doing a job that you like, and then a self-help book says "but do you REALLY like it?" most people will say "On second thought..." and second guess their first intuition. Ever do that on a multiple choice test? You pick one answer, then you second guess and change it. Almost every time your first answer was right. But I did forget to mention something that you just brought up and it is really important: Quote: Your exemple of jumping off the ladder once you are already engaged in it being a bad move is just silly. If you figure out you've been going up the wrong ladder, which is more silly? Jumping down or keep on climbing? Maybe you are climbing the right ladder, but regardless it is worth while to stop and take the time to question your self. This is tremendously important. If you are going up the wrong ladder you shouldn't keep going. The real question is, are you really going up the wrong ladder? This is where it is important to ask yourself where you will be in five years. Quote: Success doesn't mean being a partner in a major lawfirm. The definition will be different from one individual to the other. Excellent point here too. Success is totally subjective (I didn't even think of this in my post). I guess this means that evaluate what success means to you and how it applies to your personal goals, then integrate the two and do what it takes to attain the result.

Author:	Slywalker [ Thu Dec 10, 2009 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:
NLP is a very effective way to become a better person and become better at interacting with other people, and NLP involves exploring your feelings, if you are not ready to do that you are not ready to learn NLP. Or anything about yourself and others for that matter.

Author:	Quillex [ Fri Dec 11, 2009 9:17 am ]
Post subject:
The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. http://thetalentcode.com/ No book I've read has provided more inspiration to learn and master skills. I'd add a picture and a link, but I haven't posted enough to be eligible.

Author:	Dmader [ Fri Dec 11, 2009 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:
In all honesty Im only posting in here so I can find this thread at a later time to pick thru the books listed... I love to read, love to learn about how people think and work. The first thing I ever read was "the game" when I first was introduced to pua. The only thing I seriously took to heart from it was the fact that he wanted a better life, wanted things he only dreamed of having so he did what very few people do; he bettered himself to obtain his dreams by bettering his life and making himself happy on the inside/obtaining a feeling of fullfillness he made other people notice him and want his lifestyle/inner confidence. One of the easiest ways for a girl to get that from a guy is to become involved. hence the game.

Author:	mcyoo [ Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:54 am ]
Post subject:
nice list of books

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