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The problem every successful PUA will face
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Author:  Archangel White Rose [ Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:23 pm ]
Post subject:  The problem every successful PUA will face
The biggest problem in all of PUA, is once you've become successful how to you let girls you don't want down easy? The question of how to handle a break up has plagued men for centuries. How do you tell a girl you are just not that into her? (que for pop-movie cut scene)

Anyway, my problem for is this- there is a girl I've been dating off and on for over a year now, and we've grown quite attached. But I have long ago delegated her to the LJBF zone, there she is going to stay. The problem is she is obsessive about me. She'll call me about 5-6 times a day and complain if I don't pick up. E-mail me just as often and wants to see me about 3-4 times a week. Furthermore she'll remind me how much she loves me on every opportunity that she can, including calling me up just to say so.

While I do like her, as a friend, I have no feelings for her. She enjoys calling me up and then just sitting there saying nothing over the phone for long periods of time.

While I don't want to break it off completely and have no desire to take things to the next level I am at a total loss of what to do. Please share your wisdom with me, how does one explain to a girl that he wants his space? How does one teach someone that the greatest gift is the gift of missing them?
Author:  870 [ Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Have you tried clearly, confidently, calmly and rationally explaining to her that while you care for her deeply in the most platonic sense of the word, you are just simply not interested in pursuing any relationship beyond that? And although you know that one day she will make some guy very happy, you will be the one dancing at her wedding, not the one at the altar?

And since she is your friend, not your lover, she is entitled to all the respect and admiration inherent in the title; but she does not hold a monopoly on your time or your attention?

Not everything with women is game and subtext. It is actually possible to explain things to a woman logically and have her comprehend them :)

Your boy,
870
Author:  Visionxxxxxx [ Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:39 am ]
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it sounds like you've already taken it too far and yes she is going to be hurt when you break the news to her no matter what or how nicely you say it. I was in a similar thing for over a year....when i look back I was an absolute asshole as I KNEW it wasnt going anywhere but I still enjoyed her company and the odd shag here and there. It was just so convenient, like a bad habit of mine. Also i knew she was in love with me but i didnt feel the same.

Eventually I couldnt sleep at night as I just felt so bad about what I was doing....so i had to end it. I lost her as a friend as she couldnt stand the sight of me after she realized I had led her on for over a year. Maybe your situation will turn out differently but if she is in love with you and you dont feel the same way, and you are still having sex with her... get out of it now as you are destroying both of you. When i look back i will never f*ck with anyone's feelings for such a lengthy period of time again. Some guys have no conscience and dont mind wasting some girls life (for yrs on end) and then dropping them like they were nothing. I believe karma will take care of those guys. I was one of them for a year and man did i learn.

If youre having sex with her, and she is in love with you, and you dont love her. END IT.
Author:  romanrider [ Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think that maybe the best thing is bringing this in a new direction. Such as talking about your sexual fantasies with her, being that you dream to be with two girls at the same time and that your ultimate girl would satisfy this. You have her start having threesomes with you and another girl of yours. I have done this several times with girls that fall in love with me but are just not girlfriend material. Laugh if she gets insulted and be like it doesnt matter I'll find a girl who satisfys my fantasies then detract somehow from the topic onto a real time thing like you want a beer? then back to the topic. To start this with a super heterosexual girl, I had which was a hard one to get into a threesome, I satisfied first her fantasy by having a friend over and fucking her with my friend, which in return she brought her friend exactly one weekend later for me.

If this new threesome group sex thing isnt your thing then still dont break it off, just keep her and talk to her about the fact that love is such a strong word and feeling. Obviously she does not know what love is man, love is a mutual thing, she is just infatuated with you. Be like baby you dont love me come on, love is something mutual and commiting, your amazing but we both arent ready for the extreme real love you know. Maybe over time yea we could be but there is so much to experience out there. I am not ready to settle down you know, I want freedom, freedom is the place to be for me. (bring it to an extreme then to have her agreee if she looks down about your words) Love is wanting to procreate you know, have children and live together, you dont want to have children right now do you? I know I dont haha, and take it from there man this should have her chill out a bit. Get her to become like your partener in crime you know, that you can share all your secrets with and pick up girls with, I did this so many times man, it was the funnest time always. The girls became like so trusting and saw me like a father figure, asking me advice on things and trying always to keep me happy with new girls and adventures.
Author:  Pascal. [ Wed Sep 02, 2009 3:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
i think the above is completely the wrong direction...

she is either a friend, a FB or a lover...

it seems she classes herself as one type and you see her as another (a friend who you can occaisonally fool about with). i hear what your saying, its so damn easy just to be in that position, i was until i had it flipped around on me and saw what it was like from (in this case) the girls P.O.V.

you have to choose which group she is in and then explain it to her without leaving any holes for the sex to continue as otherwise there will always be a bit of her hoping that one day it could work, even tho you have told her the opposite. outline yourself clearly and altho you will have just lost a FB (theres plenty more of them to find) you will gain a solid friendship and some1 who is closer to you because of everything you have been thru...

?
Author:  Jaybot [ Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I am friends with all my ex's just be honest, about your intentions at the start and then about things not working out. You will get the token bitchyness but the day after they will call and apologize
Author:  Overture [ Wed Sep 02, 2009 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
I havent become that successful PUA. But think about it man - what choices do you have? You clearly cant just hang around her like this. And what is the best way to end a relationship? Isnt it obvious? Its not going to make anything better by lying or anything, just tell her the truth gently and let her handle it, like you probably have had to do several times. I know ive had to. There is no easy or good way to end it with a girl, there are only necessary ways. You have no choice. Better to do it gentle and tell her the truth like i said, instead of lying and letting her run into you with a new girl by coincidence next weekend.
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Wed Sep 02, 2009 8:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
there is no easy way .......... just be honest, if you wait the situation get worse.
Author:  Sexcellent [ Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just do the opposite of escalation with her. Slowly but surely ease your way out by becoming more and more distant over time. This usually works for me.

when you escalate with a girl, you can't move too quickly, because she'll deny your advances. Similarly, in the situation where you are trying work your way out, you have to make sure you gradually de-escalate. If you bail too quick, you will receive backlash, and she will bug the shit outa you.

backtrack by reversing the PUA techniques and de-escalating!
Author:  KristallNachte [ Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:23 am ]
Post subject: 
guys, stop playing games emotionally with the girl. if you're not into her, tell her. she'd tell you if you kept trying adn she wasn't interested (in most cases) just LJBF her
Author:  Cupid_Stunt [ Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
.. (in most cases) just LJBF her
What happened to reading and understanding on the internet?He has already tried LJBF'ing and it just isn't working.Besides even if she agreed,it's not necessarily a long-term fix,she may eventually want to try again.

White Rose your post is lacking,because you haven't told us how exactly you've handled the times she's called you up,told you she loves you etc.Not once.

Your words: ''Dating on and off for over a year now, and we've grown quite attached.''


Seriously did you not see what you did there?You gave us a snapshot of how you're dealing this chick. You said 'we've'... 'quite attached'.So it's not just her giving out signals, now yes you may not like her but those are the signals you're giving.Come on stop sending mixed messages.Forgive me if I interpreted your post wrong,but that's what it seems like seeing as you haven't told us how you handled things so far.

I understand where you're comig from as sometimes you just want a girl as a friend.But some girls just dont want the LJBF trophy.It's like 2nd place.But from what you said maybe it's time you reached an ultimatum.Be blunt man,because either you're not being blunt enough or she's just addicted.If it's the latter,you really need to sit her down,face to face,jokes aside and ask her what she wants: friendship or no contact at all.Because in all honesty she's just ruining the friendly link you DO have.

Good Luck

Cupe
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