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She says : I expect the guy to pay for EVERYTHING on a date
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Author:  Marlow [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 4:31 am ]
Post subject:  She says : I expect the guy to pay for EVERYTHING on a date
I've been workin this girl for a couple of months, it's been an on and off thing for awhile, and we agree to go on a date. It was good and all, until shortly after that, somehow the conversation came up on who pays for what on a date. she says:

I think the guy should pay for everything on a date. I want a man who can prove he can provide, and if he cant pay for everything what does that say about him?

Keeping in mind that this girl is religious, conservative, all that, I dont know if I was
being shit tested, or if she was serious. Because I said hell no, I'm not paying for everything on a 1st date, and I guess she didnt like that.

Shit test or is she just f**king stupid?
Author:  alisterio [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 4:49 am ]
Post subject: 
The guy paying for everything comes from a time when women didn't have jobs and now chicks think that it is their birthright.

Ask her if she wants to go back to that time as well
Author:  Antithesis [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
The guy paying for everything comes from a time when women didn't have jobs and now chicks think that it is their birthright.

Ask her if she wants to go back to that time as well
Haha I like this. Tell her women today are striving for equality. They want equal rights and equal opportunities. Relying on a man to provide for them takes away a woman's independence and self-worth. You need to be careful with the wording though, you want to make her seem out of touch with the modern world without making yourself seem like a cheapskate. :wink:

~Antithesis
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She says : I expect the guy to pay for EVERYTHING on a d
I doubt this girl was giving you a shit test as people are raised differently when it comes to dating. Some people think the guy should pay for everything no matter what. And seeing that this girl came from a conservative family my guess is she was taught the old fashion or the old tradition of dating when guys did pay for everything. If you don't like it don't go out with her.
Author:  xibuz [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 6:01 am ]
Post subject: 
Framing it as going out/hanging/chillin/kickin it/geting together eliminates a lot of the stigma and expectations of dating. Dating, afterall, was a part of the ancient process of courtship, under which a man can get to know a woman, get the approval of her father and pay the dowry to marry her. And none of this bs applies to society any more. People get together casually now.

Another advantage of the non-date is it takes away date anxiety for both of you, and things just flow more smoothly like you're just hanging out having fun.
Author:  Chief [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 8:36 am ]
Post subject: 
If a girl said that to me then she failed MY test lol

Seriously, she's got some problems if she can't fuck without getting paid (directly or indirectly)

But yeah in terms of relationships, girls actually do need a man who can provide... but that's not what a lot of PUAs are in this for... :wink:
Author:  Loso [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 7:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
if a chic is actually outright being that blunt about it then yeh thats a red flag imo,

but i believe in paying if i asked you out.
Author:  ZEGlass [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
if a chic is actually outright being that blunt about it then yeh thats a red flag imo,

but i believe in paying if i asked you out.
I think that this point is important to remember. If you invite friends over to your pad for a party, wouldn't it be weird if they showed up and you hadn't prepared any food?

Granted, this girl seems to have entitlement issues. My take on this is that if the man extends an invitation to the woman, then the man should be prepared to pay for the whole date and the woman should at least be prepared to go dutch. On the rare occasion that the woman invites the man out, then those roles are reversed.

Generally, I would apply this rule to the first or second date after which, a "fair" balance should be established, roughly based on who can afford what.

A girl who expects the man to pay as a precondition of a second date, though? That's a problem, IMO, and I'd let her know it. Her: You expect a girl to give you a second date when you didn't even pay for the first one? You: Actually, I was thinking the same thing about you. You expect me to give you a second date when you have these entitlement issues? Frame it so that it's her losing out because of her faults.
Author:  Marc [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 10:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
I dont think it is a shit test.

You could have said something like "Thts right a man should provide and protect his loved ones but I never said I love u yet. We are gettin to know each other, do u already have feelings for me as a girlfriend. wow thats cutie"

My very first date ever was a $100 tab and the girl carried some left over back home!! after that I never paid for any girl's shit unless she is a long term good friend.

I dont pay for sex and that includes buying dinner :)
Author:  Ezo [ Sun Jun 07, 2009 11:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Seriously, she's got some problems if she can't fuck without getting paid (directly or indirectly)
Ha ha! Epic, good way to not call her a prostitute! :)

Anyways, I agree. Some girls have pulled that shit on me too.

HB: I expect a guy to pay for everything on a date.
Ezo: So, good luck with that, call me after the date and tell me how it went.
Ezo: So date someone who will.
Ezo: Oh, I expected you to pay, but hey guess we call it even now.


Mate, its not about providing, you havent even slept with her yet!
Provide is what you do for someone that you are connected to, someone who is of importance for your life. This is just someone who might be an applicant for the job. She is not even approved yet.

It can be a shittest. If you go around provide for every single girl you meet, why would she be special, she also want you to reserve your resources for her, not burn them on applicants.
When you two are pairbonded then you can figure out who pays for what. There are better ways of being a gentleman.

This is why I never ASK a girl out. I let her know where Im going and she can tag along if she wants to.
ASKING, means that you already approved of her, you are the one being judged. The power is shifted, if you are not on a real date you are on equal terms, and it works just as fine!

Ezo
Author:  KristallNachte [ Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Relying on a man to provide for them takes away a woman's independence and self-worth.
~Antithesis
that bit is the best part of that. You NOT paying for ALL of it is your way of screening girls.
Author:  Whoopie [ Mon Jun 08, 2009 8:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Well thats why you never make dates...I only make hang outs...So be like "who said we are going out on a date...I thought we were just hanging out...Awww you want to be my girlfriend, How sweet!"
Author:  Marlow [ Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
I like that opinion. A date is way too formal. I'm sure if you call it "just hanging out" rather than "going on a date" is a lot less threatening, and doesnt come with all those preconditionsm steering clear of the "whose paying for what" converation. Thanks for the input fellas.
Author:  zhukaching [ Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:49 am ]
Post subject: 
im just wondering... is this one of the thing that woman use alot to test man?
Author:  Rye Lee [ Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Well thats why you never make dates...I only make hang outs...So be like "who said we are going out on a date...I thought we were just hanging out...Awww you want to be my girlfriend, How sweet!"
Dammit Whoopie, you beat me to it! I was totally gonna say almost exactly the same thing. Great minds think alike I guess! :wink:
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