PUA Forum :: When is it OK to give?

While it's fantastic to implement this into every aspect of your life, you can't just let it control your life!

...I do apply a lot of this material in my everyday life...but when you make certain decisions based on 'the rules' instead of your emotions, you become a robot! You need to invest more time into making your game natural instead of exact, precision directives for how/what to say!

ZEGlass...there's a point at which all this is about feeling and becoming natural! While it's fantastic to implement this into every aspect of your life, you can't just let it control your life!

From a human perspective...what you just said is an extreme DLV!

If you know thyself, though, then don't let the rules stand in the way of you pursuing your will. Ultimately, the quality of your life, in general, will be better if you set your own course and follow it steadily.

–noun 1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
2. the act of giving.
3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.
–verb (used with object) 5. to present with as a gift; bestow gifts upon; endow with.
6. to present (someone) with a gift: just the thing to gift the newlyweds.

Author:	stunt101 [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:42 am ]
Post subject:	When is it OK to give?
When a girl gives you a present/gift whether it be on facebook (like bumper stickers, gifts, flair) or in real life (like a water gun, cake, video game) when is it a good idea to give back? And is it OK to send more than one present/gift if you feel like they are good, or is it generally a good idea to send her the same amount of presents/gifts or less?

Author:	Chief [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 1:13 am ]
Post subject:
It's the thought that counts. ...Meaning, are you thinking "I'm doing this because I might be able to increase the chance of my penis being in her vagina by making her feel like she owes me something..." ...or are you thinking, "I'm doing this because it feels good to give and I have plenty to give anyway..." when you're giving?

Author:	ZEGlass [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 1:51 am ]
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Chief, I think that the question was leaning more in the other direction. "When does giving her a gift make her think of me as less alpha, less masculine, less attractive, etc." I still think your answer is right, though. Give the gift when it makes you feel good about yourself and good toward her. A gift is a simple form of communication that says, "I want you to have this." If you really do want her to have it, you're being sincere; you're being CONGRUENT. It will show and it will reflect well on you.

Author:	C-Diesel [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 8:18 am ]
Post subject:
ZEGlass...there's a point at which all this is about feeling and becoming natural! While it's fantastic to implement this into every aspect of your life, you can't just let it control your life! From a human perspective...what you just said is an extreme DLV! There's no hate here...I'm just honest!! I do apply a lot of this material in my everyday life...but when you make certain decisions based on 'the rules' instead of your emotions, you become a robot! You need to invest more time into making your game natural instead of exact, precision directives for how/what to say! Stunt101! Chief's advice is golden! I don't think anyone could have said it better! One thing I will add though! Is sometimes people just give gift's because they are genuinely nice people who don't expect anything in return...Not to sound like a broken record but just do what feels right!

Author:	Charlie0 [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 8:59 am ]
Post subject:
If she's earned the gift, it's ok.

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Author:	C-Diesel [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:44 pm ]
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Earned the gift my ass!! You make it sound like women are fuckin dogs!! ...How does someone earn a gift? Once again...Just go with how you feel! If you want to give her a gift then by all means do it! But unless y'all are great friends or in a serious relationship I would be a little cautious on what you get her! Gag gifts are great if that's something that you all have going! Nothing is wrong with a lighthearted gift, like I was saying though, you can come across as a little soft if you over do it or give her too much! If you do get her something just tell her that when you saw it you just had to get it for her...something along those lines says that you do think about her but she's not only thing you think about. that's just my opinion...take it or leave it, but it's on the table!

Author:	[Vegas] [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: While it's fantastic to implement this into every aspect of your life, you can't just let it control your life! ...I do apply a lot of this material in my everyday life...but when you make certain decisions based on 'the rules' instead of your emotions, you become a robot! You need to invest more time into making your game natural instead of exact, precision directives for how/what to say! I agree 100% with this. It's nice to have some game and be confident in your game, but sometimes there is just no need for game. If someone gives you a gift and you truely appreciate it, it is up to you whether or not you return the 'favor' or not. Everyone enjoys receiving a gift from time to time and it does not make you any less of a person to give one [assuming you know the person and you aren't trying to buy them over]. I think Charlie0 is thinking more of the process of gaming a girl at first sight... and with that concept, it's not a material gift you are giving her. You are giving her the 'gift' of getting to know you or the 'gift' of your phone number or the 'gift' of you advancing the conversation to a more personal level. With someone you know, I don't think the person needs to earn a physical gift; follow what you think is right.

Author:	Charlie0 [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:02 pm ]
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No I'm thinking of a LTR as well. Think about it... You've got a girlfriend of 2 years. Should you buy her a gift? Fucking right you should! She's put up with your ass for 2 years, she deserves something to show for it! I got into an argument the other day with a girl I've been seeing. She handled herself like an adult, and we argued as such - we didn't fight. In the end, all that was accomplished was that we understood where the other person was coming from on the issue. I bought her a teddy bear (she loves stuffed animals), kind of as a reinforcing reward for not being a flaky 20 year old and handling herself well. You're in a marriage for 10 years. Should you buy her a gift? If you've got the money, I'd buy her a freaking car or something! Yes, I think they should earn a gift. I won't hand out a gift with hopes that it's 'investing' and maybe one day it'll pay off. I quit supplicating to women, and that's that. I'm not going to appologize for who I am, but if I find that I'm doing it wrong months or years down the road, I have the presence of mind to make that change.

Author:	ZEGlass [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: ZEGlass...there's a point at which all this is about feeling and becoming natural! While it's fantastic to implement this into every aspect of your life, you can't just let it control your life! From a human perspective...what you just said is an extreme DLV! Maybe it came out wrong, then, but what I was trying to describe was the exact opposite of of being a chump. If you were walking through the shopping mall with a girl and she said, "You should buy me that necklace," you'd tell her off, right? You don't let the woman tell you when you SHOULD give her a gift. Why should you let her words or [possible] actions tell you when you SHOULD NOT give her a gift? I guess, to me, this kind of question is bigger than "the game." This is just basic self-determination. Don't let other people make you choose to do or not to do something. If it is your will to give a gift to the girl you're seeing, demonstration of value be damned, you assert your will and give her a gift. EDIT: It occurred to me after I posted this where the misunderstanding might lie. If you are not self-aware enough to understand your own wants and needs, then maybe your desire to give a gift can't be trusted. It could be insecurity masquerading as good will for your partner. If you know thyself, though, then don't let the rules stand in the way of you pursuing your will. Ultimately, the quality of your life, in general, will be better if you set your own course and follow it steadily.

Author:	GrannySnatcher [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:55 pm ]
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it is always okay to give. if I feel that I want to give someone a gift to show the appreciation I have for them, then I give it. this doesn't make me beta; it won't make YOU beta either. in fact, it enhances the fact that I am alpha because I do things, when I want to, because I feel like doing them. you shouldn't be asking us to tell you what to do man. if you feel like doing something, then do it. if you don't, then don't. you have to realise that all the answers are inside of you.

Author:	stunt101 [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Well, I see there is some debate on the issue, but I know already about giving a gift when she deserves it, but how about when she gives YOU a gift, should you give HER a gift too? What if the gift was alright or if it was awesome?

Author:	Charlie0 [ Sat Feb 07, 2009 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: If you know thyself, though, then don't let the rules stand in the way of you pursuing your will. Ultimately, the quality of your life, in general, will be better if you set your own course and follow it steadily. QFT.

Author:	C-Diesel [ Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:00 am ]
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Let me just say that I now see where ZEGlass and Charlie0 are coming from... But Stunt101...I don't don't know if you've really been reading this, lol! There was a little debate, however, I think we've all come to the same consensus! here's the deffinition of the word gift!!! Quote: –noun 1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present. 2. the act of giving. 3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift. 4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time. –verb (used with object) 5. to present with as a gift; bestow gifts upon; endow with. 6. to present (someone) with a gift: just the thing to gift the newlyweds. IF she gives you something you DO NOT have to give her something back! The deffinition is simply what it is...what a GIFT is! If she was expecting something in return then I believe that's called a trade! Clear enough? Do what you want...you shouldn't be listen to what a bunch of random people tell you! If you feel like giving her something everytime she gives you something, do it! If you don't feel like giving her anything, then don't! it's as simple as that!

Author:	stunt101 [ Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:
I've answered my own question, but thanks everyone for the input! I'll just post what I found out for future reference. Basically you should give her a gift/present sparingly only when she really "deserves" it, that gives the gift/present more meaning when she actually recieves it. If she gave you an awesome gift, tell her how awesome it was, but you do not need to return the favor by giving her one back, unless the occasion calls for it (example: Christmas).

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