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Girl with a fiancé
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=37775		 Page 1 of 2
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Girl with a fiancé
There's this girl at work who I am totally into.

N.B: I'm not interested in comments about whether I should be dating girls at work. I date them all the time. It has only helped me further my career in all places I've worked. Plus there are other threads discussing such things.

OK. She's cute for sure, has a smoking hot body and dresses in a style I like and that compliments my own.

We got talking at a recent works piss-up (I organise these events) and discovered we both love David Lynch (surrealist director), Richard Dawkins (evolutionary biologist) and Studio Ghibly (japanese animation producers). Since then we have discovered that we are both passionate about soooo many of the same things.

She is totally into me too. Her BL is all IOIs, laughs at all my jokes even the crappy / cheesy ones, she comes over to talk to me all the time even though her work is timed (due to my position I am free to roam / chill whenever so this doesn't interfere with my work).

The problem is she has a fiancé. I know a lot of PU guys don't give a shit about such things. Well, I do. I am not about to fuck around with a girl with a partner.

However, I really like this one. I don't want to interfere with her relationship, just make sure she knows that there is a better option out there. The rest is up to her.

So my question is ... What steps can I take to continue growing our relationship, so that she starts to question if she should be with this guy or try a slice of kowalski pie instead 8), without actually making a move on her?
Author:  smartass [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
You want a relationship with a woman that is engaged. Not only that, you want to be washed clean of responsibility for breaking up their potential marriage. Sorry bro, it ain't happening... It takes 2 to tango so you WILL be responsible no matter how it "happens"...

As for what to do, YOU need to decide whether she is worth pursuing. I would probably think long and hard about her "IOIs", and whether she was just being friendly or not. When you are attracted to a woman your IOIometer will be fucked up and you'll be reading rapid blinking as an IOI, regardless of whether it actually is or not.

Maybe you need to put it on the line in a SOI of sorts. I don't see it ending well though. Is she going to abandon her current life path for some guy she just met? Unlikely...
Author:  djdd [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
i agree with smartass. i'd add that if you misinterpret her motives, you could make things a little akward in your work relationship. you gotta remember about this seemingly great girl, is that her behavior in her current relationship is a good indicator of how she'll behave in future relationships. if you can pull her from her current bf, then i guarantee you that if you two hook up, there will be a guy who can pull her from you.
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm not gonna argue about everything else you say. Let's get straight to the moral thing. I'm not comfortable with it. She's been particularly flirty this week. So thought it was so on. Only found out about her bf today. Wrote this straight away, while my mind was still reeling. I've got a bit of perspective now, and I ain't getting involved in nothing like that. It's not who I am.

Peace
Author:  madals [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
1) Are they happy together?
2) would she be better with you?
2b) would he be totally devestated?
3) would you be looking for LTR or a fling? would she be better of with either of those than what she has now?
4) if it ended between you and her, would she regret it?

I think thats what you need to be asking yourself....

Also, nothing gained without something risked...
Author:  ConvAZN [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 9:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Everyone made good points.

To be play the devil's advocate, "Rings don't plug holes."

I would never intentionally steal someone else's wife. I'd flirt with an attractive woman because I absolutely love and adore beautiful women, married or otherwise. I will never intentionally seduce someone's wife into having sex or even kissing me, beyond a peck on the cheek. However, if she just so happens to call me at ten in the evening to come over, I will happily oblige! Same rules applies to engaged women. My theory is, if their relationship is good and strong, with a solid foundation, she won't give into the temptation of another man. Because if it ain't with me, it'll be with another man.
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Madals Qs
Madals Qs:
1 In July she's moving to Japan for 3 years. He's not.
2 yes. I'm the best :)
2b don't know
3 LTR. If it worked out yes.
4 I don't know enough about her relationship. Only thing I do know is she has one, she's leaving, he's not going.

I always rate your responses man. Don't know what my answers add up to.

Peace
Author:  V1V [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you think shed be happier with you. Then yes do it. But man, if you just wanna screw, youd be an absolute scumbag. Principles.
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
ConvAZN hello.
I have no intention of doing anything with her unless she ends her current thing. No matter what time she calls.
I was thinking just be cool as fuck, and hang with her. Then let her make her own decisions.

As stated in above: I'd rather just get back to doing my thing now I've had a bit of breathing space. Got a date with a Spanish sculptor on Monday who is single.

Peace
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Bad logistics
V1V
I do think she'd be better off with me. It doesn't mean a thing because I decided already I ain't doing shit.
It's just that she's been flirting so heavy with me, I was thinking 'this is so gonna happen'. Plus we connect on many levels. Thus the relationship revelation came as a real surprise.
We want to get it on no doubt. Her logistics are not right, so I will not be getting involved.

Peace
Author:  madals [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Madals Qs
Quote:
Madals Qs:
1 In July she's moving to Japan for 3 years. He's not.
2 yes. I'm the best :)
2b don't know
3 LTR. If it worked out yes.
4 I don't know enough about her relationship. Only thing I do know is she has one, she's leaving, he's not going.

I always rate your responses man. Don't know what my answers add up to.

Peace
Your not properly answering question 1, will that effect their relationship or will that work for them fine? I think you need to find out more.
2) No, i'm the best :wink: seriously though, i didnt mean for you to answer the questions but rather seriously think about them yourself and how you feel about the situation after considering those points.... its what i do when a girl has a BF, roughly.

For question 3, i will give my personal opinion, although it is your morals that matter overall. I think the fact you have doubt about if it would work out should show something to you about the risk you present her, it "might" work out says to me you are infactuated, she is engaged so probably in love with this man. I personally wouldnt do something that could ruin a womens life for a "might be better long term".
As for your answer to question 4, as with the first question I think you need to find out more in all honesty.

I hope that offers more insight. Feel free to ask more, but i strongly suggest you look at it not as yourself (which will always think your slightly better) look at it objectively and look at yourself seriously. Its far eaiser to beleive your ego's point of view than to look at the real situation.
Author:  Reo [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hope her fiance don't cap you......
Author:  kowalski [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Rare? Yes. Unique? No
Thanks Madals.
The doubt is standard. Who knows if any couple will be together till death man?
Honestly, I don't care to know shit about her relationship. Thinking this makes me know that I'd rather not go anywhere with this. It's just a rare find: A girl who shares my subterrainean interests, and is sexy as hell. Rare yes, unique no.
Another one will be along.

Peace man
Author:  madals [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Rare? Yes Unique? No
Quote:
Thanks Madals.
The doubt is standard. Who knows if any couple will be together till death man?
Honestly, I don't care to know shit about her relationship. Thinking this makes me know that I'd rather not go anywhere with this. It's just a rare find: A girl who shares my subterrainian interests, and is sexy as hell. Rare yes, unique no.
Another one will be along.

Peace man
NP, I am glad you made a choice. As for the doubt is standard, i didnt mean till death. But If i meet a girl and we bond and i want a LTR, there isnt a doubt in my mind that it wont last. Obviously i realise its likly that it probably will end, but i dont doubt it will work F-ing well for a while. But then again, for me to meet a girl and know i 100% want a LTR is very, very rare; not because i dislike commitment, but because most of the time i like leaving it open and just seeing where it goes rather than the typical college SPAM at college where just cos a guy and girl like eachother sexually they become offical BF and GF!
Author:  kowalski [ Tue Jan 27, 2009 5:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is whack.

She is hanging around me all the time, and is getting flirtier by the minute. It's quite frustrating.

Now she is having conversatins about me with other people. I know this because I get the inside information on almost everything that goes on in this company. And, also because when I am forced to be near her area she will ask my opinion on something and then turn to her firend and say 'See i told you kowalski would think x not y'.

She called me 'perfect' a couple of times. Asks my advice on things and then follows it fairly religiously. New commonalities, that I find fairly rare in people I meet since leaving academia, appear all the time.


Not really sure what I should be doing. Gaming at nights and weekends is all good. I'm thinking I really need to do some re-evaluation about where I am doing my sarging and try and find locations where more intellectual, academic types hang out.

I guess I just need to carry on doing my thing. If she becomes available, great. If not time and effort will bring other great girls into my life.

Thanks for listening.


Peace
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