Hey!
Okay, so I did some thinking - I was struck how weird I am! LOL!
I noticed that when I'm at a seminar at North Westen Univeristy discussing about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder where my counselor does damage making it sound like I'm a total nutcase as I am in with a room with majoir of beautiful girls and some male students. When it's my turn to speak - I go into animated mode and very expressive mode.
I use my hands normally to communicate what I'm trying to get across to the audience - they're like that not girls that I'm trying to pick - up. I don't think that's the point. I don't know - I think maybe it's that I'm really into talking about my side of my story to make me look good instead of a nutcase. My former counselor goes into details and etc.. But I know they're there to learn about FASD - whcih is understandable.
However, I'm not sure if I'm pretending to be someone I'm not when I go into that "mode" which consists of:
- Smiling to project a sincere and modest side.
- Using my hands to express how i feel about some things.
- Looking around at people to make sure no one's falling asleep during my speech! LOL!
- Tossing jokes to keep them entertained and pay more attention.
- Tell stories of good times that I've had and how I've over came them etc..
- Show active interest in what they want to learn about.
- Become more passionate about my words and what I tell them.
Now, say if I was sarging at a club or a bar or whatever. Now also to know that I don't know these medical people at all. But however, I think that the reason why I enter that "mode" is that I'm not trying to pick up the girls even though their very beautiful. I'm there for a purpose and to talk about my experiences with FASD and how I've came so far by coping with them. I've gotten great reviews so far. I'm not sure when the next time I'm doing another.
Also, I did a documentary about FASD. Which I entered the mode again. I become like "possessed" in a sense. At the end before they cut the film. I said to the people that will watch the video,
"Now, remember...Like they say Don't Drink and Drive - Don't Drink While Pregant." *Pointing at the camera with a smile*
So, like I was saying - if I sarge at a club or a bar - I become nervous, and anxious. I remember doing some fucked up things when I was at a teenager club one time.
I was standing next to a wall with my hands behind my back acting like a Guard. Huh? LOL! Funny shit! ALso, i asked this one hot chick to dance and she was walking away, "Why are you rejecting me?" I told her as I was walking behind her. "I'm not rejecting you!" A friend of her's talked with me which was really cool!
This one waitress I lthought was hot, I guess I pinched her ass or something and got kicked out. LOL! yeah, I was totally fucked up back then! When I gave up - these girls talked to me and some how we traded numbers. I don't think I was in "Pick-Up Mode" you know. I was like, "Whatever" mode.
I love music I like either heavy metal, alternative, but techno is good also which I like too! Rap is okay, but it's not like I can dance to. When I like listen to Heavy Metal or like Linken Park or something that has screaming vocals - I dance hard and give the middle finger at certain parts of the song. If I did that a club - I think Bruto will come up and say, "What the fuck you giving my girl the finger?" or some chick saying, "What the fuck is your problem why did you just flick me off?" Not good!
What's funny is that when I give the middle finger - I feel invincible and tough - like better fuck off or I'll fuck you up! I'm not like that though but I think it's a way to express myself at times like, 'I don't give a fuck! You can't hurt me!" You know - like Slipknot "I am hated" or "People = Shit' or "Surfacing" or "Diesaster Piece" Hatebreed, "Confine in No One" or "Doomsayer" or "This is now". Mudvayne, "Fucking Determined". I use to be in the heavy shit like Slayer, "God Hates Us All".
However, I'm rambling on here. I wonder if there is a way that I can calibrate between the animated "mode" like just have fun instead of trying to pick up women at social events. This would be most helpful - however, I noticed if I have the mindset to pick up women - it usually falls in my face.
I know I have alot of anger - me a angry boy! LOL! However, I thought of meditating more often then do now - you know?
Any suggestions or tips let me know!