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She's Just Not That Into You
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Author:  Bonita [ Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  She's Just Not That Into You
Ok, so there is a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" that has revoluntionized my thinking...but I sense the need for them to make a book called "She's Just Not That Into You."

Many of us are in denial. We want to believe that they are attracted, but we constantly make up excuses for their flaking, inconsiderate behavior, and even abusive behavior. So here are some signs she is just not that into you (feel free to add more you have experienced--and ladies especially, please chime in as well!):

-She stops returning your calls/messages. I would say generally after two unreturned calls/messages you should take a break from messaging. If you send one more much later with still no reply...just don't even bother...she's just not that into you.

-She bails on you last minute. If she bails on you to hang out with other friends then the attraction has not been successfully established.

-She won't hang out with you alone. She probably isn't comfortable with you enough or doesn't think that you two have a strong enough vibe that hanging out alone would be fun.

-She doesn't tease you. Unless it REALLY isn't her personality, as long as there is playful teasing, you are still okay. Once that teasing is gone she has either given up on you or she is mad at you.

-If she spots you at a party or social event and doesn't come say hi, she is not that into you....a woman will go out of her way to make her way over and say hi to you if she is attracted.

-She only wants to hang out with you for dinner, a movie, clubs and other things that you are picking up her tab. She is using you for your money.

-She talks about other guys in-depth with you. A woman may mention a guy or how attractive someone is because she is trying to make her target jealous and trying to get him to make a move...but if she starts discussing guys inmore detail, you have fallen into LJBF. She's not that into you.
-
You call her to hang out and she says "Oh I would but I'm tired." If a girl is into you she will never be too tired to hang out. She will shotgun a canof redbull if she must just to hang out a guy she is feeling.

-If you haven't met her friends and it has been a couple weeks...she's just not that into you. Girls will want to show off their guy to her friends. She will also want to get their opinions about you and she will want to welcome you into her social circle if she is really into you.

-If she isn't messaging you, she just isnt into you. I say this one is different from the first point. The first one is about returning messages...but a girl that is into you will find any reason to message you. In addition she will respond to the messages you send that don't really warrant a response. Kind of when you reply with "yeah it was fun"...and she really has nothing to say but will message something just to keep the convo going. She will also use smilie faces. If she doesn't do those things, she's just not that into you.


Okay...so there are some signs that she is just not that into you. It is much easier to be in denial about these things. But women were revolutionized by the book "He's Just Not That Into You" and it made dating a lot easier for them because they stopped wasting time on guys that just werent that into them. Hopefully you will be able to recognize these signs. If you like a challenge and think you can still attract them by changing up your game, that is fine...but as long as you realize there is a need for change rather than deny the facts.
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 2:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She's Just Not That Into You
Quote:
-She stops returning your calls/messages. I would say generally after two unreturned calls/messages you should take a break from messaging. If you send one more much later with still no reply...just don't even bother...she's just not that into you.
Funny you should say that, as I did exactly that with a girl I meet online.
Quote:
-She bails on you last minute. If she bails on you to hang out with other friends then the attraction has not been successfully established.
I agree if she bails on you in favor of her friends then the attraction is not there. But if she bails out on you because something came up, it being work or a family thing, because shit does happens.
Quote:
-She only wants to hang out with you for dinner, a movie, clubs and other things that you are picking up her tab. She is using you for your money.
And what if your the old fashion type guy that does pay for the girl? I think it should be added that if she doesn't even offer to pay and your not the old traditional type of guy then I say she is using you for your money.
Quote:
-If you haven't met her friends and it has been a couple weeks...she's just not that into you. Girls will want to show off their guy to her friends. She will also want to get their opinions about you and she will want to welcome you into her social circle if she is really into you.
And what if your the guy she is cheating with? Would she still show you off to her friends?
Quote:
-If she isn't messaging you, she just isnt into you. I say this one is different from the first point. The first one is about returning messages...but a girl that is into you will find any reason to message you. In addition she will respond to the messages you send that don't really warrant a response. Kind of when you reply with "yeah it was fun"...and she really has nothing to say but will message something just to keep the convo going. She will also use smilie faces. If she doesn't do those things, she's just not that into you.
In other words, if she isn't doing anything to keep the conversation going she that into you. :lol:
Author:  Bonita [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She's Just Not That Into You
Quote:
Quote:
-She only wants to hang out with you for dinner, a movie, clubs and other things that you are picking up her tab. She is using you for your money.
And what if your the old fashion type guy that does pay for the girl? I think it should be added that if she doesn't even offer to pay and your not the old traditional type of guy then I say she is using you for your money.
If she never offers to pay--even if you can tell it is an insincere offer, then she is using you for your money. Once you establish a habit of you paying though, you can expect her offers to decrease unless she is very very modern in thought.
Quote:
-If you haven't met her friends and it has been a couple weeks...she's just not that into you. Girls will want to show off their guy to her friends. She will also want to get their opinions about you and she will want to welcome you into her social circle if she is really into you.
And what if your the guy she is cheating with? Would she still show you off to her friends?
If you are the guy she is cheating with, meaning she hasn't left her boyfriend/spouse yet...she's not that into you...unless there are circumstances that prevent her to leave such as personal safety, finances, she is publicly know etc... If she is not leaving her boyfriend for you...she's not that into you.
Author:  kasabi [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Even if you make a ton of more money than her, if she's into you, she will find ways to inject some of her little cash into the relationship. It doesn't matter how traditional or non-traditional she is as this is just a gesture of the heart.
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She's Just Not That Into You
Quote:
If you are the guy she is cheating with, meaning she hasn't left her boyfriend/spouse yet...she's not that into you...unless there are circumstances that prevent her to leave such as personal safety, finances, she is publicly know etc... If she is not leaving her boyfriend for you...she's not that into you.
If she is not leaving her boyfriend for the guy she is cheating with then she is just having sex with the guy for the physical pleasures of sex then?
Author:  Bonita [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: She's Just Not That Into You
Quote:
Quote:
If you are the guy she is cheating with, meaning she hasn't left her boyfriend/spouse yet...she's not that into you...unless there are circumstances that prevent her to leave such as personal safety, finances, she is publicly know etc... If she is not leaving her boyfriend for you...she's not that into you.
If she is not leaving her boyfriend for the guy she is cheating with then she is just having sex with the guy for the physical pleasures of sex then?
Correct...and she may have some emotional attraction but it is not stong enough. she's not THAT into you because if she was, she would leave her boyfriend. If you are just looking to sleep with her, then that is one thing, but if you want more and she is not willing to leave her bf, then she isn't that into you
Author:  baller21 [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:07 am ]
Post subject: 
It's sad you even have to post this. Some guys just don't get it. :lol:
Author:  Bonita [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:18 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It's sad you even have to post this. Some guys just don't get it. :lol:
True, but no one wants to believe that they are at fault. People will always attribute negative things to external forces. It took this book for women to get the message, and some are STILL in denial.
Author:  Reo [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Thats good stuff Bonita its so sad so many have fallen victim to some or all of those cases and still ignorantly believe their game is on point
Author:  Killians [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:48 am ]
Post subject: 
Good post, but I still hate the book LOL
Author:  Bonita [ Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Good post, but I still hate the book LOL
Really Killians? Why is that....do you not think it is true for the most part?
Author:  Hepburn [ Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:25 am ]
Post subject:  awesome stuff
Quote:
Many of us are in denial. We want to believe that they are attracted, but we constantly make up excuses for their flaking, inconsiderate behavior, and even abusive behavior.
That is SO TRUE. While it's ridiculously easy to recognize such denial in others, catching ourselves in the act is so much tougher. There's always one justification after another, excuses made that pile up and become ridiculous. Despite what things might have been like in the past, the truth remains that attraction's a two-way street, and when it's really there, the girl makes an effort just like you do. Chances are, if the signs aren't there, it's probably not there. One way of thinking about it is that everyone has casual hook-ups and lays once in a while. But would you always be cool with it if the girl wanted more? Cold hard rejection is hardly an option (unless you're a jerk) in this case. Recognizing the position you're in empowers you to either move on, or do something about it.

Great post :)
Author:  Hopeless Romantic [ Sat Nov 15, 2008 7:43 am ]
Post subject: 
I think I'm caught in a cycle of a girl just using me. The trouble is, I keep on making up excuses. And I will forever make up excuses. My thing is, I look for behaviors that she does that can tell me more rather then what she actually says. For example, she told me recently that she loves me deeply as a friend. But she almost got divorced over me because her husband hates me. She told me she would still like to have sex with me, if her and her husband break up. She told me she had a dream about us getting together and having really hot passionate sex. So even though she told me she put me in the friend zone, judging from her actions, I'm thinking she only said that just to rationalize in her own head why she couldn't be with me.
Author:  benjie [ Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
its annoyingly true
Author:  collegesoldier [ Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Bonita,

When you are willing to see the true light and realize she not that into you, does that mean you should move on or does it mean your game is not good enough? To be more specific if you already know a girl and see knows you, is there any chance of changing your position with her?

I have been around girls that go back and forth with these signs. One minute really responsive, the next nothing. Should I dismiss them and move on or try harder at my game?

Collegesoldier
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