PUA Forum :: How do I solve this? Problem making things work...

It's seems that your coming across as needy. The more you ask for exclusivity the less she'll want to give it to you, because your giving her more power and control of the relationship.

I would see other girls for sure and make your time with her limited. It will show that you don't need her and that you have other women in your life.

I have been with a girl for the last 5 months and we still not on a official relationship, she refuses to do so.

Last week she said I was no more than a fling for her.

I'm in no mood and time for being insulted.

Quote:

I'm in no mood and time for being insulted.

Sorry to break it to ya bud, but criticism is some of the best advice you're going to get here. I never insult people, but I do take a "tough love" standpoint.

Take that as a fair warning as for what's to come. If you don't like it, don't read it. Keep in mind though, I'm here to help.

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As a quick aside, some of your sentences don't really make too much sense, so I'm just gonna interpret them how I think you meant them...

Another thing, is how old-ish are y'all? High School? College? Grad School? "Real World"? This tends to make a huge difference on standpoints.

When you say you've been with a girl for 5 months, what do you mean? Were you fucking? Did you just hang out a lot? Did you divulge deep and inner dark secrets that no one in the world knows about you? Knowing what this relationship involved will help us out a lot.

I really don't know what sort of problems she has, but is it possible that she's just afraid of commitment? Is she a nympho and she just needed to fill the dead days? Split personalities?...

Did she stay "faithful" to you? Did you expect her to? Did she expect you to? Were these expectations made known to each other?

Now, for my take on the situation as it stands...
You seem possessive. Needy. AFC. Quite possibly because the situation has left you slightly depressed.

You're not new to PUA. I don't know how well you gamed her, or if you did at all. Seems to me that she's controlling the relationship though, and when you took the control from her (said it was over) she kept you from jumping ship by saying she "really liked you".

Author:	imanewbie [ Sun Sep 21, 2008 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:	How do I solve this? Problem making things work...
I have been with a girl for the last 5 months and we still not on a official relationship, she refuses to do so. We are not seeing each other but the simply refused to make it official. On the last weeks we had many arguments and she said somethings I really didn't like to listen. This girl has some issues she is depressive and has problems to organize herself. Thou I really like her, but we seem not to have managed a way to arrange things. We entered in a process of fighting and making peace every week and this really broke me. Last week she said I was no more than a fling for her. And this really hurt me. I have been totally faithful and have not cheated on her, Still I cannot simply sit and wait for such instable girl. While the time we are together suggest this should have managed to be in a stable pace now. This has not happened. This Friday I phoned her and said I needed a time, I was still not oki with the things I've heard from her. And shes said for her there was not such things as a time. And she really liked me and we could work all out. I have been trying to work it out but I see that for some reason she doesn't wants to. I would happily give her a closed relationship if she agreed. But I'm tired of this gray zone. So I said it was over. Ive asked her for a closed relationship, she said we were still fighting too much. This is the biggest point which leaded me for my decision.So now I dunno what to do I have a mix of remorse, tiredness and sadness. I know I needed a time out. But I like her. Still I cannot wait for the things the way they are. She said like we need more time together but she is the one who has not time who has problems to find it.Well the post is confuse I know and the title should be better. So my point is can I somehow open the relationship, focus not on making it official giving my self time to at least see other people while giving her time to fix her issues? Cause despite I really like her I'm in no mood and time for being insulted.

Author:	Starfox [ Sun Sep 21, 2008 7:51 pm ]
Post subject:
It's seems that your coming across as needy. The more you ask for exclusivity the less she'll want to give it to you, because your giving her more power and control of the relationship. I would see other girls for sure and make your time with her limited. It will show that you don't need her and that you have other women in your life.

Author:	imanewbie [ Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:00 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: It's seems that your coming across as needy. The more you ask for exclusivity the less she'll want to give it to you, because your giving her more power and control of the relationship. I would see other girls for sure and make your time with her limited. It will show that you don't need her and that you have other women in your life. No men, this is not the exact point, we have a exclusive relation but it seems to do not develop in a relationship.

Author:	Starfox [ Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do I solve this? Problem making things work...
Quote: I have been with a girl for the last 5 months and we still not on a official relationship, she refuses to do so. Last week she said I was no more than a fling for her. Ok these points that you made, direct pretty clearly, that a you're not exclusive. It's not "official" and more of a fling. I do understand that your situation is probably more complicated that this, however the take home point is that you are letting her frame your relationship. So she has all the power to give and to take away.

Author:	zqawsxedcrfvtbgynhuj [ Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do I solve this? Problem making things work...
Quote: I'm in no mood and time for being insulted. Sorry to break it to ya bud, but criticism is some of the best advice you're going to get here. I never insult people, but I do take a "tough love" standpoint. Take that as a fair warning as for what's to come. If you don't like it, don't read it. Keep in mind though, I'm here to help. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ As a quick aside, some of your sentences don't really make too much sense, so I'm just gonna interpret them how I think you meant them... Another thing, is how old-ish are y'all? High School? College? Grad School? "Real World"? This tends to make a huge difference on standpoints. When you say you've been with a girl for 5 months, what do you mean? Were you fucking? Did you just hang out a lot? Did you divulge deep and inner dark secrets that no one in the world knows about you? Knowing what this relationship involved will help us out a lot. I really don't know what sort of problems she has, but is it possible that she's just afraid of commitment? Is she a nympho and she just needed to fill the dead days? Split personalities?... Did she stay "faithful" to you? Did you expect her to? Did she expect you to? Were these expectations made known to each other? Now, for my take on the situation as it stands... You seem possessive. Needy. AFC. Quite possibly because the situation has left you slightly depressed. You're not new to PUA. I don't know how well you gamed her, or if you did at all. Seems to me that she's controlling the relationship though, and when you took the control from her (said it was over) she kept you from jumping ship by saying she "really liked you".

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Author:	imanewbie [ Mon Sep 22, 2008 1:19 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do I solve this? Problem making things work...
Quote: Quote: I'm in no mood and time for being insulted. Sorry to break it to ya bud, but criticism is some of the best advice you're going to get here. I never insult people, but I do take a "tough love" standpoint. Take that as a fair warning as for what's to come. If you don't like it, don't read it. Keep in mind though, I'm here to help. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ As a quick aside, some of your sentences don't really make too much sense, so I'm just gonna interpret them how I think you meant them... Another thing, is how old-ish are y'all? High School? College? Grad School? "Real World"? This tends to make a huge difference on standpoints. We are in the real world. Quote: When you say you've been with a girl for 5 months, what do you mean? Were you fucking? Did you just hang out a lot? Did you divulge deep and inner dark secrets that no one in the world knows about you? Knowing what this relationship involved will help us out a lot. Teah we were fucking and tryingto support each other emotionally but it did not work out. We like each other but our personalities had problems to cope. Quote: I really don't know what sort of problems she has, but is it possible that she's just afraid of commitment? Is she a nympho and she just needed to fill the dead days? Split personalities?... She has some depression problems, she has problems to organize herself. To mantain a schedule. And so on. And this is a big problem cause we are both finishing university in very demanding activities. So is like none has time to the relation while it does need time. Quote: Did she stay "faithful" to you? Did you expect her to? Did she expect you to? Were these expectations made known to each other? yes are loyal at least she told me she was and I have never had a reason to doubt. Im faithful too. Quote: Now, for my take on the situation as it stands... You seem possessive. Needy. AFC. Quite possibly because the situation has left you slightly depressed. Yes im possessive and yes im depressed. Quote: You're not new to PUA. I don't know how well you gamed her, or if you did at all. Seems to me that she's controlling the relationship though, and when you took the control from her (said it was over) she kept you from jumping ship by saying she "really liked you". If I had the answer for this one I would not be here. I like her I have my faults wish I could see my faults better, but for now Im tired and depressed. About the insulting part that was about insults from the girl.:p

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