i'm interested to know what it is that you do so well
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| Author: | Yillan [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Compliments... |
What do you do when people won't stop complimenting you? I'm serious, I've recently run into that problem...people say I'm good at something, I say thanks, and they keep talking about it. What am I supposed to do? I can't just keep repeating thanks forever...I'm currently saying something like "it's a lot of practice", but I have a feeling I could do better. EDIT: As a related question, I also get a bunch of second-hand compliments...someone will say that someone else said I was doing really well, or I was good at whatever. My reaction is to think "Why are you telling me this? They can tell me themselves.", but that obviously won't work. |
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| Author: | BIGRED [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:57 pm ] |
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Is it HBs complimenting you or friends? if its HBs get cocky/funny with them if its friends tell them to shut up or somethin Its nice to see you post Yillan |
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| Author: | Yillan [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:59 pm ] |
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It's random people. Guys or girls, people I know and people I don't. |
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| Author: | Squirrel89 [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:19 pm ] |
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i'm interested to know what it is that you do so well
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| Author: | Yillan [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:29 pm ] |
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Well, last night it was grilled salmon. It was a cookout thing, and people there wouldn't stop saying that it was good, or amazing, or whatever. The same people repeated it a few times. I was semi-familiar with about half the people there (~12 people total). No, it wasn't anything special: brown sugar, lemon, and adobo seasoning. I get the same thing from dancing. They say they can't believe how much I've improved, or some variation on "I want to be able to dance like that" or just a generic compliment. |
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| Author: | Roads [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:12 am ] |
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Yillan, you should learn to accept compliments. I had this problem at first too when I got started changing my inner game. When people complimented me, I felt uncomfortable because I thought I did not deserve the praise lavished upon me or my actions. This is a problem of mindset, not reality---if you can cook, and people appreciate your cooking, it would be wrong of you NOT to accept their compliments graciously. Similarly, people sometimes compliment me on my dancing, and I accept their compliments despite knowing that 1) I'm still pretty new to the ballroom scene and 2) there are millions of people who can dance better than I can. Neither 1) nor 2) detracts from the fact that my dancing is perceived as a major demonstration of higher value in the eyes of my peers. So I accept their compliments with a smile and a polite "Thank You", and allow myself to feel a well deserved sense of gratification from the experience. Do not fear that people may be attempting to gain your trust with insincere compliments. Most people find it hard to give false compliments, unless there is a good reason---the most common being kindness. And if they are so kind as to discomfort themselves by lying with their compliments, then you should be so kind as to accept it. In the end, it comes down to accepting yourself and all the good things about yourself, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. If you can learn to appreciate the things you do in this world, it will be natural for you to accept that others do too. |
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| Author: | Yillan [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:47 am ] |
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You misunderstand Roads...I can only say "thanks" so many times in a row before I start to sound like a broken record. |
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| Author: | Roads [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:50 am ] |
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Quote: You misunderstand Roads...I can only say "thanks" so many times in a row before I start to sound like a broken record.
Then you do not yet understand the meaning behind my post, young grasshopper. Perhaps in time, you will see that it is not the record which is broken, but something within you...
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| Author: | Yillan [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:53 am ] |
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Here's how it goes: Them: Hey, nice dancing Me: Thanks Them: You're good Me: ... Them: another compliment Me: ... Them: Yet Another Me: ... |
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| Author: | Roads [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:45 am ] |
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Quote: Here's how it goes:
*Bolded text added by RoadsThem: Hey, love the salmon Me: Thanks ---End Conversation 1--- Them: You're good Me: ... ---End Conversation 2--- Them: another compliment Me: ... ---End Conversation 3--- Them: Yet Another Me: ... ---End Conversation 4--- It is an art and a skill to carry on a conversation. Many of these compliments are no doubt attempts to start a conversation. By meeting them with "thanks", you are ending the conversation. You are not carrying on the conversation by transition to a topic of mutual interest. They go their way, and the another person revolves back into place with salmon in hand and a compliment readied between their lips. For most people, it's a natural way of beginning a conversation. Now instead, go back to the cookout, imagine this happening: Quote: Here's how it goes:
*Bolded text added by RoadsThem: Hey, love the salmon Me: Thanks, I got the recipe from an Indian shaman while I was visiting Peru. You know they say if you truly enjoy the salmon you will also enjoy the company of the chef who made it. Them: What?! No way! Me: Haha OK I lied about the Indian shaman but the rest is true. Them: another compliment Me: Yep, and that's why it tastes tangy, that adobo spice is a special blend of herbs and ingredients from Brazil. Them: Peru? Brazil? Wow you sure know your way around South America. Me: Yeah, you know I visited this website that was kind of a dating site, but then I learned that for others to truly accept and like me I had to accept and like myself. So I decided to go out and see the world, and experience the wonders of different cultures. Them: Shock and awe. Sure, it may not be as fantastic as the above, but I think you know what I mean. Give them something else to compliment about. They are starting a conversation with you, share with them a small, medium, or large portion of your life (and salmon), and you'll see that they will naturally show their appreciation in the form of compliments. And yes, stunned silence counts as a compliment sometimes 
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| Author: | Zarathustra [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:31 pm ] |
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HB's: *compliment* PUA: why thank you...and if a guy was to compliment you on anything, what would it be? HB's have 4 possible responses to play: 1. Why? Because sometimes I want to compliment someone but I don't want to appear sexist or disrespectful. Repeat the question 2. My eyes/hair/lips I can see why they would say that, but good looks are something you can buy in the shops, something that comes out of a bottle, what's really important is a good personality and a great energy - apart from putting on makeup, what else did you do this week that was fun? (have DHV story lined up for when it's your turn to say what you did) 3. My personality Oh really? What did you do this week that was fun? (have DHV story lined up for when it's your turn to say what you did) 4. My ass/tits etc Oh really. Show me (don't look until shown). Oh I can see why people would say that, but good looks are commonplace, what's really important....etc etc That's what works for me anyways. |
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| Author: | David~ [ Thu Sep 04, 2008 4:02 am ] |
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Dublin those responses are outdated. |
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