Hey what's up guys? Lately i've been keeping my thoughts quiet and not exactly contemplated them, mental laziness? Not sure.
This may not end up being a question, but rather just a rant on a few thoughts(try to keep them brief and to the point) and hopefully get some feedback.
The enlightened person rids himself of the ego. From my understanding of freud's theory of the "ego", it is our sense of "self". Our ideal US, the "person" we at times deceive and falsify reality to secure. This is taken out of my own life, yet i can't conclude if i'm really protecting my ego, or if it's a genuine belief. Example:
At some point in high school i became OBSESSED with guitar, the interviews with certain virtuoso's that admit to have practiced/disciplined themselves 10-14 hours a day for years was fucking intriguing. I wanted to attain that level of passion for something that i loved, yet is still so hard to accomplish. I stopped at some point due to world of warcraft(game wasted so many fucking hours of my life). Started college 2 years ago and after never previously having an impulse to read, i started and i've come to find another passion of mine. (or is it?)
Fast forward to today. I'm going to play rugby in the fall, so i have to get in shape. So my only real drives when i wake up are "workout,read,practice guitar". Thinking about PUA or woman prospects have now taking a far back seat, there's still an animal instinct of desire, but in comparison to guitar/reading.....i can't sense even the slightest comparison in desire.
Going to the mall to "sarge" now seems so wasteful as i feel "i can be reading or practicing guitar", something that's absolute in continuing my "well-being" as i love both of these things. But yet i feel guilty that i'm not pursuing/going out of my comfort zone "just to prove to myself" that i can go out and meet people. I've resorted back to my desire of pretty much not giving a shit to going out of my way to meet a girl. It feels as though i'm content with my two passions at the moment, and actively pursuing women would only take away from the two things that i KNOW make me feel good. (and working out, but not as much as the other two).
Yet since i have knowledge of psychology and see how delusional people are in every day life, i can't help but sniff bullshit in my own sentiments. To top it off, the philosophical approach of "you can't really know anything" seems very true as i have no point of knowing "my true self" or what actions/thoughts are being provoked to protect my "ego".
Now a quick question. In Zen/buddhism, enlightenment is the goal, and to reach that goal is to rid yourself of your ego. Yet PUA/positive psychology is all for "maintaining" your ego with affirmations/visualizations...."i'm the coolest person here, there's nothing that can stop me, etc". So then i start to think if all psychology/PUA knowledge is just making us more delusional. Granted i've always said it makes sense "your thoughts make your reality"...i believe that psychology makes sense BUT, that's only a self deceptive trick because we know about our own bodies and our need of an ego, with all these psychological tricks on our psyche, aren't we furthering our misconceptions of reality?
Positive psychology = delusioned reality but in a GOOD way(i own)
Negative psychology = delusioned reality in a BAD way(i suck)
It just bothers me that i can't tell what's really me, or what other influences are effecting "me". So how do i define me? To see whether when i die i'll be happy with my choice of living?
I thank you for reading all of this if you did and for any points u may wish to share. This was written in rant format. Sorry for lying about keeping it brief haha, it's hard with this subject matter.
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) confuse the 2 very easily. Confidence is when you know how good you are and dont need people to tell you or spend your time trying to get people to tell you! Ego is when really your not all the full of yourself, u just fake it so people agree with you, and tbh most people i know who actually have an ego are much much more insecure. The need outside validation from friends, family even strangers.