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I'm an asshole?
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Author:  Charlie Brown [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:48 am ]
Post subject:  I'm an asshole?
Went out solo sarging tonight and N-closed an HB8. Closing was always my sticking point so I'm proud of me :)

As the subject line suggests though, I was called an "asshole" once and "hardass" once tonight so I need your opinions if you think this is normal while displaying HV.

Situation. Left the Hb8 to get some fresh air outside. Came back in and there was a peacock HB8in my seat at the bar. My smokes were on the bar in front of her.

Me to the NEW HB8 in my seat: Do you smoke?
Her: Yep
Me: Are those your newports?
Her: No
Me: I know.. Theyre mine (C&F)
She hands them to me. I set them back down and glare at her with a smirk. "Shes sitting next to my HB8!" She removes herself from my seat and calls me an asshole!

All I want to know is when A PUA is on his game is it common to be called an asshole once in awhile or was I probably being overbearing?

Yes, It bothers me. I'm a rAFC with a heart of pure gold and feel I need to find a happy medium between AFC and a complete jerk.

Anyone else have this problem? Is it common?
Author:  Rye Lee [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:58 am ]
Post subject: 
There's a lot of people out there that can't take a joke and don't have much of a sense of humor and you're gonna run into them; often these people don't have social skills because they take life too seriously and they will call you an asshole or somesuchthing. You learn how to calibrate better and it doesn't happen as often, cause you can see it coming and avoid it, although sometimes it's funny just to see how far you can go before she says it and sometimes you just don't care whether someone thinks you're an asshole, cause you're happy with who you are.

Welcome the the wonderful world of interacting with people, they're fucked up and will entertain you for hours trying to figure out why the do all they ridiculous crap they do.

*** Caution contains small parts: keep away from children ***
Author:  Illusun [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 6:12 am ]
Post subject: 
I don't know about you but I've found that since I'm physically attractive I can't get away with the level of cockiness that an average or above average looking guy can get away with. After being called an asshole/arrogant/whatever I found I really have to tone it down. I think it's because good looking guys are expected to be arrogant so when you throw out so C&F it immediately tunes into her expectations of arrogance. An average looking guy will initially be perceived as an AFC so when he comes out with C&F it takes women by surprise and we all know how effective surprising things are. However, for good looking guys C&F is a very fine line.
Author:  David~ [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 9:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, it happens. You just gotta brush them shoulders off and sarge on.
It shouldn't really bother you though, who cares, right?

P.S. I AM VERY CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR REPLY TO THE CHINESE AMERICAN HB AND HER RESPONSE SO PLEASE POST :D
Author:  lithe [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
It does happen, and we all make mistakes. Communication is constant and irreversible. If we say something stupid to our target in a late game phase, she may totally get turned off, pissed off, and run away from you. If you can learn to diffuse and recover, i would tell you that you have met the a very pleasing apex of social dynamics. If she was a friend of the target or not, i would try to get her on your side again. because right now she is probably telling all her fiends about this guy who kicked her out of her chair last night. and guess what she will see you again sometime and point you out to everybody she knows.

She may have had a bad day, and you were the straw that broke the camels back. If you diffused her anger and made her laugh she may even have been attracted to YOU. Then when she sees you next time, she's not telling her friends that you are an asshole, but rather that you're a fun guy, and maybe their group should approach YOU!

as it stands you probably build more attraction making an angry person laugh than a neutral. Neutral to happy is a small emotional gap, but angry to happy is much bigger. That's probably why push-pull works so well. An emotional roller coaster.
Author:  frogga [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
It happens and it sucks when it does but in the end it doesnt matter becuase you can always try for another girl or try and redeem yourself with this one. I think its best to act like it didnt happen and see how the night continues.
Author:  Killians [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
If you are called an asshole in a serious tone then you calibrated incorrectly. I wouldn't necessarily look at this as a good thing.

You basically told her to get out of your seat. Based on tone and body language it could come off as very rude. You are lucky that it didn't mess up your chances with the target.
Author:  Grape [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, happens to me a lot too.
Sometimes Cocky Funny turns into Cocky Asshole.
Which isn't necessarily badd, but it's not as good as Cocky Funny.
There are many women in this world who seem attractive and very social but actually are not that "socially normal".

I've met many. I've learned it. But heck, I'm in high school so what do I know about older women? =PP
Author:  Introvert [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:25 am ]
Post subject: 
Oh man I hate being called arrogant. I need tips to help this too.

I mean I just joke around and occasionally assume things :wink: , i don't know how that turns to arrogance sometimes.
Author:  Charlie Brown [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:14 am ]
Post subject: 
I think some women are used to having their ass kissed by AFC's and if you indicate that she should extract herself from your seat , she can't handle the perceived rejection.

Either she was a feminist, Or I'm just an asshole :)
Author:  Charlie Brown [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 4:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Mystery wrote in his handbook that being called an asshole is just a way of a girl acknowledging your high value.
Certainly an alpha way of interpreting that. I like it. Might go further to say "acknowledging your HV and feeling powerless unless shes dealing with an AFC". SO she acts out. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum
when she can't have her way.
Author:  GATA [ Tue Jul 22, 2008 10:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
So the question is, how do you counter that "temper tantrum"?
Author:  samboo [ Sun Jul 27, 2008 5:03 am ]
Post subject: 
I love this thread the shit you guys are discussing is exactly what I am going through..... so this girl calls me an asshole tonight and I know shes attracted to me... but I am getting mixed vibes from her although during our innitial attraction phase she was giving me all sorts of ioi's and now shes tryin to play hard to get on me.. after finding that I kinda chose her from the bunch.... I have her number she has mine Its time to make a move what do you guys think? or how should I do it ???

another question for you guys!!!!!

so I was driving with 2 hbs back home tonight and then as a joke one of them suggested that we become bf/gf, and I said why do u think so what is so special about u...... besides ur eyes????? and she stopped for a min and stared at me, looked like she was upset, and so I turn to the other girl and try to start a brand new thread and the first one goes uh uh not before u say sorry to me, am like what? she goes u have to apologize for what you have said... so in the end I didnt say sorry, and I told them good night ect... while she was closing my car door she goes to me next time be nice, or u have to be nice.... now am thinking to myself did I mess up when I said that to her??? I mean I know the girl wants me but obviously i was joking about what I said to her... if shes dumb enough to think that I was serious then its her problem or am I wrong, or I may of seemed too arrogant.... well anyway I was thinking wouldnt I lower my value if I did say sorrry or doesnt that count as a shit test?

What do you guys think??? I am just trying to learn from my mistakes here calibration is the key baby!!!!

Thanks guys!!!!
Author:  Rye Lee [ Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:34 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
so I was driving with 2 hbs back home tonight and then as a joke one of them suggested that we become bf/gf, and I said why do u think so what is so special about u...... besides ur eyes????? and she stopped for a min and stared at me, looked like she was upset, and so I turn to the other girl and try to start a brand new thread and the first one goes uh uh not before u say sorry to me, am like what? she goes u have to apologize for what you have said... so in the end I didnt say sorry, and I told them good night ect... while she was closing my car door she goes to me next time be nice, or u have to be nice.... now am thinking to myself did I mess up when I said that to her??? I mean I know the girl wants me but obviously i was joking about what I said to her... if shes dumb enough to think that I was serious then its her problem or am I wrong, or I may of seemed too arrogant.... well anyway I was thinking wouldnt I lower my value if I did say sorrry or doesnt that count as a shit test?

What do you guys think??? I am just trying to learn from my mistakes here calibration is the key baby!!!!

Thanks guys!!!!
Your delivery is key. I've often heard people say things like, "Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor." and garbage like that, but in all seriousness, sarcasm is a fine art. It's cocky/funny, but if it isn't said with enough funny, then it's too cocky and she's insulted instead of thinking that it's funny and/or qualifying to you.

Like you said, calibration is key, so pay close attention to people's reactions and learn how to calibrate your delivery effectively. You are responsible for her reaction, you cause it, not her, she is just reacting. If she thinks you're serious, she may be looked down upon for not being intelligent in wit enough to have caught the joke and then you are a slave to your instinctual actions, but if you want to be a PUA, you realise you cause her reaction, so depending on how you deliver it, she will react differently. As Joseph O'Connor and John Seymour say in Introducing NLP; meaning isn't what you intend, it is what they percieve.
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