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One-itis, got it bad
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Author:  speed-bird [ Sun Apr 20, 2008 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  One-itis, got it bad
I've got a German 9 who moved into our apartment about a month ago (I live with her and another girl) and, how can I say this? FUCK SHE'S HOT!

Seriously though, she is hot, funny, witty, honest, loyal, everything I've ever looked for. I'm getting a very bad case of one-itis for this girl. She's single, but has a 'fuck buddy' in town that she sees once or twice a week. I'm single, and it's been a while (a few months) since I've gotten laid, frustratingly so. (Went down on a girl last week, I don't count that.)

She hangs out with me, we always have a great time together, and she's very touchy-feely with me (I think she's like that with most people though). She even kissed me on the lips last week when we were out, she was demonstrating this German 'brotherhood' toast that you do when drinking. And when she's had a few drinks she can barely keep her hands off me, she's very flirtatious.

We talk about our sex lives quite openly too. Even this morning we went out for breakfast and came back talking about dildos!

I plan to move out of this apartment in the summer or maybe later (waiting for the housing market to hit the bottom so I can buy) and the thought has crossed my mind that we could somehow hook up secure in the knowledge that if it goes horribly wrong, I'll be moving out anyway.

I know what my standard approach to one-itis is, I just keep sarging and meeting more people. I even went out last night without G9 and got a #/K-close with a lesbian, which I'm quite proud of.

I'm at a time of my life when I'm ready to settle down - I only do the PUA thing to help me find 'the one.' My history is one of letting good girls go because I don't want to spoil the friendship. I'm convinced I have her right under my roof here, and I don't want to let her go like I did with the others.

I know that if I pour my heart out and tell her how I'm feeling, it's gonna freak her out, so I've resisted the urge to do that. She was a bit narky with me the other day via text when I made a little joke about the 'Brotherhood' thing when suggesting somewhere to go out, she replied "Sir, brudershaft was a one time experience, ok? :) let's see how I feel later, hopefully not too tired."

I later learned that she's on the rag, she didn't go out, so I went out myself with some friends so as not to let her think that I was depending on her to go out. By that text I decided it was time to back off and not be needy, punish it with negs etc. She was cool this morning, now she's off to some festival, I said I might swing by later when I'm out cycling.

I've got it bad,and I'm not talking about a casual interest. I'm talking butterflies in the tummy when thinking about her. This could be a messy situation if I don't handle it properly. Thoughts?
Author:  c_n12 [ Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
The problem with running out sarging is that one-itis can be based on an emotional connection with one particular girl so running out and getting girls on a physical level does not (in most cases) truly fill the emotional void. You can see what happened to these guys (namely Mystery) in The Game when they tried to solve emotional issues with more sarging.

One thing that might be powerful however (because it sounds like she has some interest in you) is to bring home HBs and make sure she know what your doing but make it look as if you are not trying to show off. Jealousy can be a powerful thing with women. It sounds like you have a reasonable grip on what you're doing. You know how to act in most cases and in others you seem to make a mistake but know independently how to rectify it.

Some advice based on what you wrote however if you want to get her:

* When she gets touchy, use the "5 bucks every time you touch" line or something to the same effect.

* If she talks about sex openly with you, try to reach her emotions with sexal topics. If you ask her things such as, "would you ever do X with a guy" she will subconciously associate it with whoever she is talking to and think about that person (in this case you)

* Good call on not pouring your heart out. The problem is that before she has even shown interest in you, you would be SPAM your power as a male. Also, It removes the sexual tension, mystery and intrigue away from your relationship and as you said can just freak her out.

* On the brotherhood joke, I would have used a neg because it sounds like she picked up on telegraphed intrest in that brotherhood joke (indirectly saying you want to kiss her again). You responded well by pushing back and punshing.

Overall, don't show her more value than she is showing you. You need lead her as the man. You should be making your goal right now to try to turn the tables and get her to start persuing you. Make sure you are making yourself valuble by being scarce (don't make yourself easily avaliable to her). Be the guy she is not used to - the one who doesn't fall for her typical charms and make her really curious about you. Leave a lot of mystery in your life for her to wonder about. I realize it may be really hard not to put her first and go to her as that is where your emotional interests are.

Many people tend to go with emotions and think short term, make sure you constantly remember the long term benifits of your actions and act for what will make you happy in the long run.

You are in the seduction community so you have a good leg up already.I have no doubt you have the skills and knowledge to pull this off in ways most men could only dream of. Just keep referencing to your pick up knowledge and act accordingly.

Good luck!
Author:  edger [ Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
This isn't really advice, just a tidbit:

But for some reason this story reminded me of that movie, "The Science of Sleep", where the next door neighbour in the apartment building had one-itis for the girl next door. Its a funny movie, worth checking out :P
Author:  kittenporn [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:34 am ]
Post subject: 
From the way she acts around you, it seems to me that she knows you are attracted to her, but you are in the friend-zone at the moment.

Perhaps it's time to suddenly appear disinterested in her/distracted, or talk about a girl you met and how incredible she is, etc?... and see her reaction. -This will tell you a lot about whether she has feeling for you beyond those of a friend.

Kitten
Author:  saqchek [ Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
From the way she acts around you, it seems to me that she knows you are attracted to her, but you are in the friend-zone at the moment.

Perhaps it's time to suddenly appear disinterested in her/distracted, or talk about a girl you met and how incredible she is, etc?... and see her reaction. -This will tell you a lot about whether she has feeling for you beyond those of a friend.

Kitten

I have to agree with what is being said here. Does she get jealous over the other girls you see or talk to? If not, chances are you are definitely in the LBJF zone.
Author:  speed-bird [ Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:03 am ]
Post subject: 
All good advice. Thanks lads. Operation deal-with-this is probably going to consist of the following:

1 - Back the hell off and on no account give her any more IOI (I think I'm doing a good job of that - went to bed last night without waiting around to say goodnight to her, ignored an online shit-test where she posted on my Facbook page about how she's wondering why I'm always teasing her).

2 - Stamp my authority as the 'man of the house.' Done. Organised getting our heater fixed by calling the landlord, made a few calls right in front of her the very second I was aware that there was a problem. (DHVd by letting her know that I know the landlord personally and a lot of the people that work for him.) Got money from her and the other girl for the utility and cable bills, sat there very efficiently filing everything, double-checking my calculations, writing my own checks and getting it all sorted out. Did it right in front of her while she was working, and I know she was watching me because she did make a little teasing comment about it.

3 - Keep sarging. I did a little opener in the airport today while working there and it gave me a nice little buzz, enough to take my mind off this one-itis. I know that sarging isn't a total cure for it, but it is a bit like a painkiller in that it can stop you from focussing too heavy on one person. I think I have to stop giving a shit about this one girl and stop picturing her in a wedding dress meeting my folks (I'm increasingly doing that with every HB I get reasonably close to these days, it's just the time of life I'm at).

4 - Keep seeing this girl I'm seeing from an online dating site (the one I went down on before). It's not going very fast but at least I know I'm about 65% certain I'm going to f-close her within the next week or two, if she doesn't blow me off in favour of the other two guys she's seeing. I'm being played there, but I'm confident enough I'll be selected, it's a good bet I've gotten further with her than any Silicon Valley losers that she's likely to be dating.

5 - Consider the possibility of moving out of that house and accelerating my transition to being a homeowner. I've realised that I can move to San Jose and pay the same amount of rent for a much bigger place of my own that would be a lot more conducive to bringing HBs back to. The place I'm in now kinda sucks because it's almost impossible to keep my room in a seductible state because of lack of storage space, and it's always cold. That way I can check out the San Jose property market much better since I'll be actually living there. That will also get my current roommate out of the 'forbidden zone' since she'll be thinking of me less as a roommate and more of a potential mate.

6 - Intensify the training in my competitive sport. I've already signed up for a cycling skills clinic in May and I've been ramping up the miles I'm doing each week. I'm in pretty good shape these days, but I also have to be able to DHV about it as well as feel good about myself. I've determined that I'm going to resume my racing career after a ten year hiatus, and I aim to have picked a club to join before the end of the month.

7 - Continue DHVing flat out, try to ignore shit-tests, or punish them with negs.

8 - Re-introduce some kino when the time is right, but not one second before more comfort has been built and she has initiated the kino.

Bottom line: I'm getting my shit together.
Author:  speed-bird [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 6:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Just a little update to the situation.

After backing off she came running looking for attention, sure enough.

So on Friday night I hung out with that girl from the online dating, she cooked me dinner, we were gonna go hot-tubbing (it was broken) so we stayed in and had as much sexual stuff as we could since she was on the rag (I had to work around a tampon string). And I spent the night there.

On Saturday afternoon G9 came back from a picnic that she'd been to in the hope of it being a date with some guy, but I think it turned out to be a large group thing. She'd had a few drinks and went kino with me right away when I saw her in the street.

Later in the apartment she got a bit emotional about missing her friends in Germany, so I comforted her with a big hug (she stood up for that on my instruction) and talked her through my own experiences of living far away from home. She was also pissed with how little value guys ascribe to her in the dating scene, and I gave her my thoughts on that without DLVing. Eventually she had no reason to be in the kitchen except for company, and as I was cooking my lunch I glanced over and caught her gazing at me. She was watching me pretty closely, I could feel her gaze so I made sure to be pretty fluid and efficient in my cooking, body language that just oozed an aura of knowing what I was doing. The look in her eyes said pure attraction, I just replied with a smile and carried on cooking.

We went out later. Her friends (and the guy of the day) were supposed to go to this club but they all flaked so it was just me and her. Shit! It was almost like we were a couple. The doorman (who we know from a local bar) mis-labelled her as my girlfriend, and neither of us corrected him.

We hung out together all night and had a great time, we drank, we danced, we talked, we kino-escalated with plenty of touching - no kissing though.

We stayed to closing time when we went to look for a bus home - I took charge of transport and made a ruling that the safest and quickest way home was in a cab, and I ruled that we had to walk a block in a non-obvious direction to get one. Sure enough, one showed up almost immediately. In the cab going home I sat close to her, and when she went silent I put my arm around her and pulled her close. She put her head into my chest and wept a little bit.

In the apartment she explained that she was just upset about missing her friends at home, and I gave her one last hug, she presented her cheek for a kiss, and we went our separate ways to bed.

Next morning she cooked breakfast for us and we ate on the roof overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge. After that I did a bit of kino by touching the back of her neck on the way out of the kitchen (a thing I've done a once before) and she went wriggly and giggly, saying that it tickles. I went back in saying, 'oh yeah? where?' She stood facing the table letting me touch her neck again. I rubbed her back a bit more, then breathed on it, sending another shiver up her spine, then left. She said I was 'teasing' her.

We were both tired and napped a lot on Sunday. At one point she came into the living room where I was and lay on the other couch rather than sleep in her own bed. I brought a blanket out of my room and tucked her in, stroked her hair a few times, and she giggled with pleasure.

Later I asked if she was all cozy in there, she said yes, I fooled around saying 'well let me in' and tugging at the blanket, but she said 'no' and wrapped it around her.

I know this all sounds a bit lame and schoolyardlike, but you've got to remember how sensitive it is when you're in a housemate situation. I've set myself a deadline of tonight (she's not home yet, possibly at a dinner with friends, I might just retire since I can't justify staying up much later) or tomorrow night to make a conclusive move. She has a date on Wednesday night in another city and she said she might not be home that night, so I'm using that as a motivator to close this deal in some way and close it soon. I have to kino-escalate to a tongue-kiss and I have to do it quick. I've done the groundwork with the romantic weekend, the touching, rewarded her interest with some genuine displays of support, and DHVd flat out with various tales of leadership roles I've been in. She left a message on my MySpace page on Saturday saying what a nice guy I am, and I don't want that to be the last positive thing she writes there.

I've gotten support from a number of sources on this, including a female friend from a previous online date that I LJBFd some time ago. I'm setting myself up to be either torn apart or hooked up with a dream girl. Either way, there's no going back now.

I think I hear her coming...
Author:  saqchek [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have no idea why you haven't tried to kiss this girl yet. Being too passive on your intentions will land you in the LJBF zone and the longer you delay the worse it gets.
Author:  speed-bird [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Like I said, shes my roommate. You gotta be extra careful. I think I'm on my way out of the LJBF zone though, as long as I capitalize on the great weekend.
Author:  Risen [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
yea I think you gota k-close soon or should have tried at least to do it earlier. I know it must be a hard situation since shes your roomate, but that night you were out with her by yourself at the club you should have tried to kiss her. If it worked out, then thats great. If it didn't, you could just blame it on the alcohol and play it off like it never happened and resume your previous plan. It sounds your making some good progress though and I wish you all the luck. German hotties are amazing!!!
Author:  saqchek [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 2:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Like I said, shes my roommate. You gotta be extra careful. I think I'm on my way out of the LJBF zone though, as long as I capitalize on the great weekend.
If that's the case, don't game her. Use her as a pivot. Either make the move or decide it's not worth it. You can't keep delaying shit, and it's only delicate because you are making it delicate.
Author:  Paetar [ Tue Apr 29, 2008 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Close her as soon as possible. IMO, she may be your roommate, but you yourself said that you are moving out soon. Go for k-close (& F-close later).

BTW, I've never heard of German kiss-toast. And from how Germans are closed off and uptight it doesn't seem likely that they would have such things.

Anyways, Carpe Diem.
Author:  speed-bird [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
:(

It didn't go well. I'm glad it came to a head and we've finally brought this into the open, but now I have to deal with it. There was just zero attraction on her side despite all the signs to the contrary. I don't know how I managed to mis-read everything.

I'll be couch-surfing for a few nights while I get my head around this. Excuse me if I'm offline for a while. Looks like sometimes not even the Mystery Method can save you from this sort of thing once a girl gets a strong enough hold of you.
Author:  Chino Kapone [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 3:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ouch....

Its good that you got it out there. I think its best to let someone know your true feelings, even if it does hurt. This way there is no regrets later of how you wish you would have said something when you had the opportunity. Just don't act too weird around her now.

Good luck bro.
Author:  speed-bird [ Sun May 11, 2008 10:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Update: So I couch-surfed for a week to avoid her, I think that helped to clear my head. I deleted her as a friend on Myspace and Facebook so I didn't have to look at her and see what she was doing every time I logged in there. Also I slept with that other girl who finally let me fuck her, that helped a little bit also.

I'm over the emotional worst of it now, and I'm no longer avoiding her, but she's barely on speaking terms with me. I've gone ahead and decided to make the move out of town next month, I think I'm ready for a change anyway. She's not the only reason I'm moving, I had planned this for a while.

She's on a business trip to Chicago right now, so that's putting some more distance between us, which helps.

My other roommate is impressed that I had the balls to tell my true feelings.

Right now I'm glad that I resolved it one way or the other before I got in any deeper, and now I'm no longer going to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had tried. It still hurts a little bit when I see her, but it is getting easier. It could take a while to conduct a full post-mortem on this, but my early instinct says that my defenses were down because I knew I was moving out, so I deliberately allowed these feelings to develop.

Went out with some friends doing a bit of sarging tonight with underwhelming results, but it felt good to be in the field again to some degree. I'll post a separate report for that and might try a bit of mall game tomorrow.

Oh, and one of the apartments that I'm checking out? It's shared with a lesbian couple. Dunno if I'll move in with them but they might be useful friends to have around. Where lesbians are there's a good chance that openly bi girls aren't far away.

The healing process is well underway.
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