PUA Forum :: Trying to advance conversation

I believe that my reading of non verbal communication gets better every day. I often think "wow it's so interesting to be able to read all these silent thoughts" but on the other hand it sometimes may act to against me in the sense that i'll "see" a loss of rapport, and therefore become discouraged and lose my confidence.

As of lately, i'll try to keep conversation interesting...by reeling off of boring typical subjects into things more in depth. Just now at work...this girl i was talking to kept bitching about the boss...and i mean..i kept asking a few questions about him etc..but it got to a point where it was getting old. So i follow up "is he the worst boss you've ever had or have you had worse?"

This is obviously digging more so into her past because it is taking our commonality(our boss) and putting the attention strictly on her. I defiantly sensed a less enthused(emotional) girl. I don't understand...whenever i tend to try to get someone's honest opinion on something...ask them more generalized questions so i can zone into something specific(experiences with work)...it immediatly seems to throw up a flag of "why is he asking me this ... wait he probably likes me".

I really feel this is the internal monologue they are having...even with my body language showing disinterest...but the question itself is obviously showing interest.

Author:	slyder2412 [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:19 am ]
Post subject:	Trying to advance conversation
Hey what's up guys? I believe that my reading of non verbal communication gets better every day. I often think "wow it's so interesting to be able to read all these silent thoughts" but on the other hand it sometimes may act to against me in the sense that i'll "see" a loss of rapport, and therefore become discouraged and lose my confidence. As of lately, i'll try to keep conversation interesting...by reeling off of boring typical subjects into things more in depth. Just now at work...this girl i was talking to kept bitching about the boss...and i mean..i kept asking a few questions about him etc..but it got to a point where it was getting old. So i follow up "is he the worst boss you've ever had or have you had worse?" This is obviously digging more so into her past because it is taking our commonality(our boss) and putting the attention strictly on her. I defiantly sensed a less enthused(emotional) girl. I don't understand...whenever i tend to try to get someone's honest opinion on something...ask them more generalized questions so i can zone into something specific(experiences with work)...it immediatly seems to throw up a flag of "why is he asking me this ... wait he probably likes me". I really feel this is the internal monologue they are having...even with my body language showing disinterest...but the question itself is obviously showing interest. Any tips on how to elicit values w/o sounding like i'm trying to turn her inside out? (which seems to be the same thing, but i guess i'm doing SOMETHING wrong) Thanks guys!

Author:	luciddream [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:05 am ]
Post subject:
you can say "is it just this boss , or are they all the same? it really seems logical , that she can see you are interested, because you are asking her questions about her past etc. Women are liars. so how the hell during the game you can get a good material to qualify her, and see how much she really worths, besides the looks? what I would like to suggest is to try digging in the past with the same kind of questions, but in a little bit different way,using cocky and funny. I would ask her " hey, I know you for not so long , but it seems to me you really like bitching about your boss, don't get me wrong, every now and then we all do that, there was one girl who had huge crush on me, but she just could not stop bitching about everything... ( and you make a face like the girl didn't had a chance) now, if she says Don't worry you are not my type. you follow " see , you really like to bitch about everything ( and use your body language like " I was right") wait for reaction and whatever she says, like laughs or says nOO you can use this line ok, let me give you a little advice, don't get a crush on me. " and you can think and act like she's missing a lot either way, because she like to bitch about stuff.. but.... if she says " I don't bitch about everything" , go " yeah, what about... .... koalas!! " ---" what about koalas? (probably already starts to smile) ( now this is my Koala strategy I really like to do with girls) -- well , you now , they are so cute , hanging on the trees( you trying to bitch about koalas in a funny way) she : " no, I like them" You " I Don't know... just don't trust those guys" - sounding a little suspicious... etc and so on. but be careful to know where to stop being funny, and getting cocky. You can say " So you like koalas? She: yeah! " you : " yeah , well you don't really know how it is to be a Koala. -- Sounding a bit ironic she : what, how do you mean. You: well you know how they hang on each other backs all the time. She : yeah? YOU: (getting your voice sounding a bit deeper " Well , imagine a big bad koala getting on your back for the whole day" you even might try kino, like really getting behind her and acting like you are hanging on her back) ( you might get a really good response with this one, if the girl is kino type) She: no , those are small Koalas hanging on the back. You: getting a bit serious " what you saying, I'm a small cute Koala? Are you hitting on me girl? etc, etc if she gets confused and says , no , I said small koala.. look her in the eyes , brush her hair a little and say: ' and what about cute? ( wait a few seconds ) You are shy and I'm cute ( and get a bit naughty look.) etc , etc

Author:	Killians [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:44 am ]
Post subject:
Talking about ex bosses is not really "digging up the past". Its not like you were asking about her ex boyfriends. She was probably thinking about how to answer the question.

Author:	GoldenEagle [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:58 pm ]
Post subject:
Greetings Slyder. I can relate to your post quite a bit. Quote: I believe that my reading of non verbal communication gets better every day. I often think "wow it's so interesting to be able to read all these silent thoughts" but on the other hand it sometimes may act to against me in the sense that i'll "see" a loss of rapport, and therefore become discouraged and lose my confidence. Yes being able to read their body language is extremely helpful. However it can be discouraging when you detect any IODs. What I've tried to internalise recently is the idea of being validated internally. If I'm looking for validation externally (pound on the IOIs) then I'm not in control of my stable reality. Personally I just try not to let anything percieved as negative affect me because if it does, it's a downward spiral from there. Always put a positive spin on things. Quote: As of lately, i'll try to keep conversation interesting...by reeling off of boring typical subjects into things more in depth. Just now at work...this girl i was talking to kept bitching about the boss...and i mean..i kept asking a few questions about him etc..but it got to a point where it was getting old. So i follow up "is he the worst boss you've ever had or have you had worse?" If the energy dwindles, cut the thread completely to an interesting topic. I'm sure you'll find lots more commonalities other than the same boss. Remember reading Juggler's chapter in the game? The art of making statements, talking about YOUR experiences. This will incline her to talk about similar situations and you won't need to go out and actively "elicit her values." When I talk to any girl, I try my best to talk to them as I do with any good friend of mine. Quote: This is obviously digging more so into her past because it is taking our commonality(our boss) and putting the attention strictly on her. I defiantly sensed a less enthused(emotional) girl. I don't understand...whenever i tend to try to get someone's honest opinion on something...ask them more generalized questions so i can zone into something specific(experiences with work)...it immediatly seems to throw up a flag of "why is he asking me this ... wait he probably likes me". Sometimes if I ask too many questions I'll think, as you put it, that she'll think "why is he asking me this.. wait he probably likes me." So making more statements combined with body language disinterest (slight headturns, body rocks), as if I'm not worried whether she'll respond to me or not, works for me. Also another point I'd like to make, which you're probably aware of but I'll cover it anyway, is to convey emotion when you talk. So try asking a logical question/opinion in a more animated way. Show it expressively and in your tonality. Emotions are contagious right? A conversation can get radically more enjoyable as soon as there's that fun vibe between you. It's how you say it, not what you say. Quote: I really feel this is the internal monologue they are having...even with my body language showing disinterest...but the question itself is obviously showing interest. Work on your mentality and frame of mind. Think of it like you're just genuinely curious about getting to know what she's about. Release all outcome. I think many of us suffer from this need to be perfect and execute the ideal sarge in our heads without realising that we only have ourselves to blame for it. Good luck man.

Author:	cain25 [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 7:34 pm ]
Post subject:
I believe that the koala thing was like wtf are you talking about man? with the same result you could talk about Chiwaka that is 4 meters tall and lives on the planet zoaron. And it would be much more funny

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Author:	slyder2412 [ Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:24 pm ]
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Thank you all for the good advice! GoldenEagle...that hit the spot on what i needed to hear, thanks again guys.

Author:	GC Blue [ Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:18 am ]
Post subject:
Doesn't matter even if your rapport is falling. What other people think doesn't matter. You are confident. You are alpha. Rejection happens and it doesn't matter.

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