PUA Forum
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=186536		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Matched this girl on tinder while on a trip 6 hours by car from my town.

First week:
chat on tinder about mountains and hiking and such. Joking/flirting about sleeping together in a tent with something good to drink etc

next 4 weeks:
Mostly snapchat. I do mountainbike/downhill, longboard and other activites and usually send some pics when im out doing this. She is also into some of this stuff, being quite active.

next week:
she starts to send dirty snaps of herself, asking me to come over etc. I respond "would if I could" and send some back to her as well

the week after:
she adds me on facebook and starts talking to me. Saying how of anyone in the world she wouldnt want to be with anyone else than me at that moment etc. we sext a couple of times and stuff looks good. She also talks about visiting me the same weekend.

that weekend she bails and says she find it too scary and she need some time to get the courage to come all the way to visit me

the weeks after things go a bit more cold, but still good. She admit that she feels she having some kinda personal break-down and that she got a hard time being as forward and fun as she usually are. These weeks we talk more in dept and build more comfort. (also probably putting myself more in the friendzone position ). All this time she contacts me more than i contact her. we still talk about meeting up but she flakes a few days before every time. Still saying she is really scared, and also scared for falling for me and not getting her feelings returned. She tells me that she feels ive allready gotten to her feelins and that i mean something to her. we talk about what a shame it would be to cut off here and not get to meet etc.

the next week Im a bit cold towards her and at the end of the week she suggest meeting up two weeks from that. I order my flight the same day and we talk about what activites we can do etc when in her town.

the next two weeks before I leave to see her she gets more and more distant, and i probably get a bit needy. When she was feeling fine many weeks ago she would send kisses and hearts and put alot of effort into making me feel good and i returned that. Now i feel i still do, but she is more distant. Right before i leave for her place she admits to having had breakdowns almost every day, but claims it have nothing to do with me.

Finally the weekend come and i travel 45 minutes of flight to her place. We meet at the airport, drop my bag off at her place, go in town and eat and grab a drink. Back at her place we check some books she have on hiking and then open a bottle of champagne. After a glass or two i go in for the kiss. End up making out on her sofa and then sex in the bedroom. Next day we wake up, have sex, go on a roadtrip checking mountains for 5 hours, get back to her place, more sex, watch a movie and she cooks me dinner, more sex. Fall asleep and wake up to more sex before i got to take the flight home around 1pm that sunday.

so far so good, but at the airport when she tells me that she will be 1 hour by car from my town the next weekend and i suggest meeting her there, she tells me its gonna be hard to pull off because she will be with her whole family and sleep in a hotelroom with her sister etc. I kinda got a bad feeling at that point and felt that she would have made it happen if she wanted to.

back home i text her saying i got home safe and that i hope she enjoy the rest of the day without being too sore in the muscles ( i gave her a crazy massage that she loved ). She replies that she feels like her body is dying in a very good way. Later that evening she contacts me posting some articles about those mountains we saw and we chat like we used to before. However she is not flirty anymore and i feel every move i make towards saying anything flirty she just change subject.

the next week goes and she seem distant like she was the two weeks before we met. not really talkative on chat etc, but still sends me snap and such and she contacts me as well, but as i said being very short on her answers.

finally last tuesday I feel its draining me to go around being insecure about what she is up to and her plans, so I'll figure ill give her some real compliments and ask to see her again. I write her:

"I'd like to still get to know you better. You have the right mix of being adult but also playful, and i always apreciate our conversations. the good vibes i had about you before meeting matched the you i met. Nice accent, smile and eyes, gorgeous. First girl i date that dare cook me fish for the first date! I enjoyed our weekend. Also its cute when you snore" ( I was negging her about that when we were togethere). I feel these compliments were genuine and also they come from my value of her, not me lowering my value (at least thats how i feel )

She replied:
"I also enjoyed our weekend, and you are a great person in every way. I do kinda feel that for a first date it got really intense and that I need some time to get some perspective on things"

I replied:
"I understand. Not trying to force anything, just wanted to hear your thoughts about seeing each other again. I understand that you need to take your time and do what feels right for you. Ill give you space in the meanwhile"

she replied:
"appreciate you understanding. I feel the need to come to peace with myself first, before starting to involve anyone else in my life. I kinda knew this before we met, so it was maybe a bit stupid of me to invite you and get carried away. But i did have a really good time and i havent relaxed like that in a very long time. Probably why i was snorring ;)"

I just repleid:
thats alright, i appreciate you letting me know

after this I didnt hear anything from her that day or the next (as expected and didnt try to contact her either), but the late evening the day after she sent me a snap saying "soon holidays!". I didnt reply. The day after she sent alot of snaps to me from her last day at work and i only replied to one, a selfie, where she was holding a baby on her lap and I replied "damn, i knew i should have used a condom!" she repleid "true that!"

later that evening she continued to send me snaps, and she sent one mocking my favorite beer(corona extra) as being girlish (her gay friend was drinking it ) and i just replied "damn got thristy for some corona now!" (holding my frame ).

at 1am in the night she writes me for the first time saying "hey" i write back "hey" and she dont reply. I go to bed so i just write "fell asleep that fast ey?:)" she replies in the morning with a "whoops :)" and i just reply with a smiley.

Yesterday more snaps and such and same today. I just reply to what i find directly aimed to me, and when i do i just write something cocky/funny back.

Since tuesday ive also been quite buisy as Ive went snowboarding and also a lot to do at work where im the manager. Ive sent some pics from snowboarding to instagram and facebook, and i know she have seen this. My best friend is also working at my place, and he is a true natural, always been good with women, so sometimes when we goof around we film it and upload to snapchat my story, truly for our own amusement, and i know she also seen that.

Do i just continue like this for now? anything I could have done different or change?
Author:  Versalis [ Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Not reading all of this.
Have you ever even met this girl in person?

If not, you are spending way, way too much time on this.
Author:  Icenberg [ Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Quote:
Not reading all of this.
Have you ever even met this girl in person?

If not, you are spending way, way too much time on this.
Yes, as I wrote we met two weeks ago.
Author:  TheFury [ Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
probably she just doesn't want to get involved in a very logistically annoying relationship (long distance). What she says to you sounds like mostly rejection. However, since you did sleep with her, if you play it cool you'll be able to probably hang out with her again... but a serious relationship, probably not going to happen, and why would you want it to? Long distance sucks.
Author:  Icenberg [ Tue Dec 23, 2014 7:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Quote:
probably she just doesn't want to get involved in a very logistically annoying relationship (long distance). What she says to you sounds like mostly rejection. However, since you did sleep with her, if you play it cool you'll be able to probably hang out with her again... but a serious relationship, probably not going to happen, and why would you want it to? Long distance sucks.
In what way would be the right way to play it cool at this point? I feel when I'm doing this freeze-out where I just respond to snaps directly involving me and don't text her at all - I get punished for it. Like she starts to do the same to me, or is that all in my head? Do I have enough report with her that this will work, or is she just using this time to forget about me and move on?

Also I have friends living in her town, and although I work as a manager in my town, I know the district manager in her town and he would have no problem getting me a manager position there. Me and her talked about this before we met and made "plans" for what to do in case it went well. We talked about doing the long distance thing for maybe 6 months and see from there about moving together, given that what we felt talking to each other matched us in real life.

Edit: went hiking with a hb9 friend of mine yesterday (I have no feelings for her, just a friend ). She took a pic of us on the hike and posted on my Facebook saying "thanks for the hike:) must do this more!". I know the other girl will see this. Good or bad thing?
Author:  Versalis [ Tue Dec 23, 2014 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Quote:
Also I have friends living in her town, and although I work as a manager in my town, I know the district manager in her town and he would have no problem getting me a manager position there.
AND now we have the heart of the problem. Dude, you've met this girl in person once, and you're thinking about MOVING to be with her?
This is why she's wanting space. Do you understand how much pressure this is? This is almost a marriage level of commitment and she barely knows you.
Quote:
Me and her talked about this before we met and made "plans" for what to do in case it went well. We talked about doing the long distance thing for maybe 6 months and see from there about moving together, given that what we felt talking to each other matched us in real life.
This is one of those things that works for a girl intellectually, but makes her "feel" odd. And she'll ultimately go with her gut every time.
Author:  Icenberg [ Tue Dec 23, 2014 5:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Dating long distance. She needs time, how to handle?
Quote:
Quote:
Also I have friends living in her town, and although I work as a manager in my town, I know the district manager in her town and he would have no problem getting me a manager position there.
AND now we have the heart of the problem. Dude, you've met this girl in person once, and you're thinking about MOVING to be with her?
This is why she's wanting space. Do you understand how much pressure this is? This is almost a marriage level of commitment and she barely knows you.
Quote:
Me and her talked about this before we met and made "plans" for what to do in case it went well. We talked about doing the long distance thing for maybe 6 months and see from there about moving together, given that what we felt talking to each other matched us in real life.
This is one of those things that works for a girl intellectually, but makes her "feel" odd. And she'll ultimately go with her gut every time.
I think you are spot on. Probably easy for her to get carried away in an adventure when we haven't met, by then we meet and it's all of a sudden reality. I haven't mentioned moving there since that time we talked about it, and as I told her, I wanted to meet again to get to know each other better.

Had a small breakthrough today. Been 7 days since I froze her out and today when she sent me a snap I decided to answer and we are kinda back to the point where we are eager to learn about each other again. She sends me pictures of the place she is celebrating the holidays at etc. only difference is I made a rule not to answer unless I truly feel it adds something. Before I would answer because I got scared she would think I wasn't interested or enthusiastic about her if I didn't. I found out this got to do with my inner game/self esteem. Now I'll take it more easy and be a man in the conversation instead of being on her level. I actedike nothing happened and was just positive from the first snap. Hope this helps, and my gut feeling is that I'm back on track with her.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/