So wait... you hang out every day, chat for long periods on SPAM, and have sex? You are not fuck buddies.

Even if she doesn't want to verbalize it, you both are acting like a couple. Just go with it if thats what you want.

That's a good point. She's not 100% behaving like a couple, she holds back sometimes. Like if I feel insecure or something, she specifically says she doesn't want to deal with things like that, she just wants to enjoy her life. She doesn't want to take care of anyone. I'm not at all saying I want to be in a relationship with her for that aspect, but because of that aspect, it shows she isn't interested in a relationship.

What things I could do or learn to make her really want me more and want to verbalize things and make them official? Or more importantly, what things should I not do? Should I talk less or more about feelings? Should I be less or more cuddly, kissy, hand holding, etc. What if I held back on sex? Or pushed for more of it? Gifts? Being sweet to her? (sometimes 'relationship' things gets overbearing for her; like telling her I like her-so that I obviously won't be doing anymore).

Situation:
She got out of a 4 year relationship. Wants to be single for a while to heal. She's not an easy girl and only sleeps with guys she has feelings for. She's the 'ungamable' type so to speak. I've known her years and liked her for a long time. We recently started sleeping together. Very comfortable with each other. Talk about 'what if's' for if we were in a relationship. Happy with each other, mild public display, loyal to each other.

It's almost a relationship, but she doesn't want that commitment aspect until she finds the independence she is looking for. She doesn't want to indulge so deeply in the emotional roller coaster of a relationship just yet. I've asked her out a few times because it's not a big deal for us to talk about things like that. She plays with rejecting me, but always reassures me that she likes me.

I know being patient is all I can do because she needs to heal on her own while feeding off of my strength and being there for her. We have hungout together for 7 straight days, I've gone to school with her, we chat for 8-15 hours on video on SPAM.. I feel like we're really into each other, but she holds back so she can find that independent stability. She was very dependent in the past and wants to grow and mature.

We have mutually established that I'm not a rebound and that I am possibly the next phase of her life.

As I just mentioned, I know my role is to play a patience game. But as a business person, I know the importance of having a success system and not relying on simply playing it by ear. Does anyone have any tips on specific behaviours I could employ to help build a strong, supportive foundation to lead into a relationship in the coming months?

Tips, advice, experiences, etc.. hugely appreciated!

Have a good one!
-Z

Im in a very similar position to you. Ive been friends with her for years, best friends the past 2 years, and 6 months ago she just came out of a 2 year relationship and wants to play the field. Recently we started fucking, and when we're together its as if we're a couple. Yet I know she's sleeping with other guys and she knows I have at least 1 fuck buddy. I dont let it bother me at all that she sleeps with other men because I know she likes me a lot more than them, and also because Im fucking other girls. I care about her more than I do about other girls, but still. I make her laugh and unlike every other guy, I dont put her on a pedestal. We live in different cities and see each other once every 3 weeks (due to my busy schedule).

You see your girl a lot more so you actually have a chance at a proper relationship. Keep doing what you're doing, but take a step back. Treat her EXACTLY the same as when you were just friends, but add sexual escalation, and fuck her.

But remember, she HAS to be the one to suggest a relationship, not you. So have fun with her, but go sarge, pick up a hobbie (gym, football, w/e. I'd prefer a sport as this will help you get women, but its your choice). study, fuck other women, and be slightly less available. Make her work for it. She'll see that while you still care about her, she doesn't get as much attention as she used to. She'll be more attracted to you and the chances that she'll want an exclusive relationship will be much higher, trust me.

You are already in a relationship(without the fancy title), but what you are doing with your outcome dependency and kind of neediness(i can tell by the post) you are fucking up the scale of investment(you are a little bit too invested), keep sleeping with her, stop being needy, and pushing for an outcome... I would also do my own thing, and maybe have another forward on the side or 2, till this girl is completely proven... I will warn you she was 4 years in a long relationship, it takes a while to move on, and she may even want a bit of freedom and play the field, give her a bit of space and let her do her own thing a bit. Also watch this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio

Last night, her, her ex, another friend and myself were going to hangout. I called her when they were taking too long because I had my own friends (a frame of my life she hasn't seen yet), and told her I would hangout with them for the night and call to meet her the next day; today.
I know this gives her space and freedom, and shows I don't care that she is hanging out with the ex. However, my tone of voice on the phone was a little bit defeated. I didn't have the best communication so I believe there is a chance it could have been interpreted that I was scared to hangout with them, because at the time I actually was. Today when I call her, I'll have a chance to start again and give a better presentation. Does anyone have thoughts on how I could approach this call? Or should I just be myself and not care how I come off this time since, this natural aura I'll reacquire again can simply take care of the micro behavioural habits by itself? I get nervous sometimes that after an event where I was needy or came off as insecure, upset, or grumpy has ruined EVERYTHING, and that EVERYTHING is over. Very "Oh no, end of the world" kind of thinking. Does anyone have tips for this feeling? Or, again, tips on how to approach the phone call? At first when I called, she was expecting I was being needy and impatient and wanted to know how long they'd be, but instead I told her I'd call her to hangout the next day. If I just had better communication in the moment, I would be fully confident that my throwing her off to be independent and give her space was a wise move to make in the process towards a relationship.

Any help, again, hugely appreciated.

Sorry about the length!