PUA Forum :: Seeking validation

a lot of people join the PUA community and read mystery methods, to get validation from women

Quote:

a lot of people join the PUA community and read mystery methods, to get validation from women

No real PUA (or man for that matter)thinks like this. NONE. We are desperate to improve ourselves, not desperate to get laid. We seek ways to find validations for ourselves, rather than settling for the "standards" set by society. We learn to admit that if a girl doesn't like us, it's not her fault, it's ours for the lack of game. And for that matter. We learn to be men and take responsibility for our actions. We are here to improve the control of our actions so we can have better outcomes for us as a RESULT OF OUR ACTIONS. If you don't think like this, then you need to work on inner game. Plain and simple. How can you ever be man enough for a real woman, when you can't even be man enough in your own actions and words. It's this mentality that shows real confidence in one's self.

If a girl doesn't like me she is crazy. Its never my fault. its never my fault Never

Blaming yourself for everything is a quickway to destroy your confidence.

You ignore that the consequences also depend on the choices of people other than yourself. You're ignoring that.

I'll give you an example...

For the past 2-3 weeks, I befriended this dude who has no conversation skills with girls, but still a very likeable guy who smiles and can keep a conversation when he isn't nervous... typical AFC. I want him to become my wing (I'm new in town).

So I've been talking to him a lot about the game and what to read and such. And a during the day, I'll do cold approaches to show him and get him motivated.

The other day I was talking to a girl in my class (not a cold approach) and he goes up to me and starts blurring shit about the game right in front of her! Needless to say she just walked away.

I thought to myself, yes it was HIS choice, to go up and blur it out and in effect it ruined my chances with this chick. But then I realized...

No, that's just me pointing fingers.

It was MY fault and MY fault only. I approached this kid to teach him. I did a poor job to explain to him about the discrete aspect of it.

I mean if I had never befriended this kid, this would have never happened. I CAUSED IT TO MYSELF. I need to learn to be more careful and articulate. Because even though I FEEL I am, that was clearly not the case.

Author:	SE23 [ Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Seeking validation
As much as i think the PUA community is good for establishing what it means to be a man, pulling and dating aside, its what we need in today's society, as boys aren't taught how to be men. But it has got me thinking, a lot of people join the PUA community and read mystery methods, to get validation from women, maybe we should be asking ourselves why are we trying to get validation from women, surely it would be better about focusing on our own personal development first and most of all, and then applying it to attracting people, which surely would be the easiest way ?

Author:	Chris_G [ Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:56 pm ]
Post subject:
if anything PUA has taught me the opposite, to never seek / need validation and is about being happy with yourself regardless out 3rd party opinions and actions.

Author:	machiavillain [ Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: a lot of people join the PUA community and read mystery methods, to get validation from women No real PUA (or man for that matter)thinks like this. NONE. We are desperate to improve ourselves, not desperate to get laid. We seek ways to find validations for ourselves, rather than settling for the "standards" set by society. We learn to admit that if a girl doesn't like us, it's not her fault, it's ours for the lack of game. And for that matter. We learn to be men and take responsibility for our actions. We are here to improve the control of our actions so we can have better outcomes for us as a RESULT OF OUR ACTIONS. If you don't think like this, then you need to work on inner game. Plain and simple. How can you ever be man enough for a real woman, when you can't even be man enough in your own actions and words. It's this mentality that shows real confidence in one's self.

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:58 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: a lot of people join the PUA community and read mystery methods, to get validation from women No real PUA (or man for that matter)thinks like this. NONE. We are desperate to improve ourselves, not desperate to get laid. We seek ways to find validations for ourselves, rather than settling for the "standards" set by society. We learn to admit that if a girl doesn't like us, it's not her fault, it's ours for the lack of game. And for that matter. We learn to be men and take responsibility for our actions. We are here to improve the control of our actions so we can have better outcomes for us as a RESULT OF OUR ACTIONS. If you don't think like this, then you need to work on inner game. Plain and simple. How can you ever be man enough for a real woman, when you can't even be man enough in your own actions and words. It's this mentality that shows real confidence in one's self. If a girl doesn't like me she is crazy. Its never my fault. its never my fault Never

Author:	machiavillain [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:33 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: If a girl doesn't like me she is crazy. Its never my fault. its never my fault Never lol that's quite the claim of perfect openings, perfect closings, no mistakes... 99% success rate except for the 1% failures due to them being lunatics. You don't need to learn! Let's all learn from you

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Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:39 am ]
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Blaming yourself for everything is a quickway to destroy your confidence. If you are good then there may very well may be something wrong with the taste of the woman. You can empower yourself without losing sight of right and wrong

Author:	machiavillain [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:48 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Blaming yourself for everything is a quickway to destroy your confidence. If you have a poor concept of yourself to begin with, then yes (which is why I mentioned inner game). If not, then you should note the difference between knowing and accepting your decisions and their consequences. As opposed to just blaming yourself. Definition of DECISION (Merriam-Webster) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/decision a : the act or process of deciding b : a determination arrived at after consideration : conclusion This mean you think about your actions before you stupidly jump into whatever action AND accept that the result, whether be good or bad, was caused by YOU. The fact that we can even admit this to ourselves allows up to be more self conscious of the mistakes we made in the past so that we don't do it again (Sound familiar? Improve our.... g...g...game). Mediocre people point fingers instead.

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:15 am ]
Post subject:
You ignore that the consequences also depend on the choices of people other than yourself. You're ignoring that.

Author:	stevejabba [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Read this: http://www.authenticpua.com/dating-arti ... lf-esteem/

Author:	Chinopants [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:43 pm ]
Post subject:
I never look for validation. The key is to not give a fuck on what they think or act on. I do what I do for my own enjoyment. Once I start to give in and try to please others its shown as beta. I am the prize!

Author:	puaninja [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:08 pm ]
Post subject:
I don't necessarily need validation from women, but from society and my social circle. When I was AFC I always felt like I was looked down upon for being single and not getting many women. But now the tables have turned and those same haters are jealous of me everytime they hear about my dalliances with young ladies.

Author:	machiavillain [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: You ignore that the consequences also depend on the choices of people other than yourself. You're ignoring that. It's not ignore if it's a factor while you speak. What do I mean? We learn through here (and many other sources) that there are ways for us to manipulate situations for our benefit. Saying to a shy girl "I bet you're such a tease" helps her loosen up and she won't even know why. Doing kino stimulates her and she isn't very conscious of it. Eye contact, smiling, acting alpha and showing the target the difference between her being and option and me having a concrete plan... These are all human behaviors that I've noticed can and SHOULD be applied in business, school, and even social life. And that's what I believe. You are here to grow. It's like alcoholism, or any addiction. FIST step is admittance. WHY? It helps you be more conscious to recognize your mistakes. And yes, you're absolutely right! People do have their own opinions and we will get rejected. But when I do, I think of ways I could have improved, even if it's just my conversation skills! Review body language, actual conversation, her body language, when did I do something right, when did it get super awkward. I think, "Did I make it awkward by acting awkward or did I make it awkward by saying something stupid." It comes back to my actions and her reactions as the consequence. I'm always in control. But realize that the fact that we are even looking for self-help/growth it shows that we have a bigger responsibility than just being "average" (AFC) and pointing fingers.

Author:	machiavillain [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 3:05 pm ]
Post subject:
I'll give you an example... For the past 2-3 weeks, I befriended this dude who has no conversation skills with girls, but still a very likeable guy who smiles and can keep a conversation when he isn't nervous... typical AFC. I want him to become my wing (I'm new in town). So I've been talking to him a lot about the game and what to read and such. And a during the day, I'll do cold approaches to show him and get him motivated. The other day I was talking to a girl in my class (not a cold approach) and he goes up to me and starts blurring shit about the game right in front of her! Needless to say she just walked away. I thought to myself, yes it was HIS choice, to go up and blur it out and in effect it ruined my chances with this chick. But then I realized... No, that's just me pointing fingers. It was MY fault and MY fault only. I approached this kid to teach him. I did a poor job to explain to him about the discrete aspect of it. I mean if I had never befriended this kid, this would have never happened. I CAUSED IT TO MYSELF. I need to learn to be more careful and articulate. Because even though I FEEL I am, that was clearly not the case.

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Mon Nov 05, 2012 6:26 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I'll give you an example... For the past 2-3 weeks, I befriended this dude who has no conversation skills with girls, but still a very likeable guy who smiles and can keep a conversation when he isn't nervous... typical AFC. I want him to become my wing (I'm new in town). So I've been talking to him a lot about the game and what to read and such. And a during the day, I'll do cold approaches to show him and get him motivated. The other day I was talking to a girl in my class (not a cold approach) and he goes up to me and starts blurring shit about the game right in front of her! Needless to say she just walked away. I thought to myself, yes it was HIS choice, to go up and blur it out and in effect it ruined my chances with this chick. But then I realized... No, that's just me pointing fingers. It was MY fault and MY fault only. I approached this kid to teach him. I did a poor job to explain to him about the discrete aspect of it. I mean if I had never befriended this kid, this would have never happened. I CAUSED IT TO MYSELF. I need to learn to be more careful and articulate. Because even though I FEEL I am, that was clearly not the case. No. It wasn't your fault. He made the choice. He did it. Its his fault. You could have done the same thing with 10 other guys and they wouldl have all made different choices because they are different people. IF you think everything is your fault you are going to drive yourself crazy, because a lot of things just come down to chance and the choices other people will make. You can't control the choices of other people. IF a girl makes a poor choice or does something wrong I chastize her so that she does not do it again. I hold her accountable. I blame her. Yes I will reflect upon my strategy and look for a way to succeed inspite of the fact a girl is make the wrong decision. I look for ways to succeed inspite of others poor choices. I don't take responsibility for everything, but I look to overcome everything.

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