PUA Forum :: Friends with Benefits

I disagree that Friends With Benefits always leads to problems. The best relationship I've ever been in was/is one of these (non-exclusive). There are some people for whom it will always lead to problems--perhaps even most people--but that's not everyone.

The trouble is, not everybody can handle it. Some aren't mature enough to handle sex without bullshit and "I love yous". Some people are just naturally possessive and jealous. Some people are just wired to be emotional when it comes to sex.

In my good experience, both of us were sexually mature, not emotional when dicks get hard and vaginas get wet, and not clingy. We were honest with each other and agreed about where the boundaries would be (pretty much the only rules were "don't fall in love with each other" and "don't be selfish in bed"). It helped that we were about as compatible sexually as two people can be (into all the same shit even down to fetishes, curious about the same things) We were honestly best friends, and spent lots of time together, fucking at least once almost every time we were together. That lasted for about 10 months, until I moved to another city. We still are friends text and SPAM, and in all probability we'll start fucking again from time to time if we're ever back in the same town. Both of us pursue other targets (bi chick chasing girls), and are even able to talk about our respective pursuits and exchange advice, (sometimes we'd have sarging advice as pillow talk). There is no jealousy, no possessiveness, no emotional attachment and no BS.

Most people probably wouldn't be able to do that, I realize. Most people probably wouldn't want it. The bullshit and white lies inherent in most sexual relationships is there for a reason--it helps the people involved be more comfortable and is kind to the ego. Also, most people--male or female--don't want the people they're fucking to fuck other people, even if they say they don't care. If you are a jealous person--think very seriously about whether you are or not--don't do this. If you'd have to lie to a girl or to yourself to have a FWB relationship with her, it will end in disaster. Date her, FB her, or drop her instead.

(I should add that I've also had one of these blow up. She fell in love with me, and I couldn't return it. She love martyr-ed hard. So I had to end it or watch her suffer and feel like I was taking advantage of her every time. I ended it.)

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Tue Sep 11, 2012 9:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Friends with Benefits
So, most of the time the game is seen as two territorities: friendzone and sexzone. However, what about the friend + benefits zone? Who has been there? How did you get there?

Author:	skills360 [ Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:53 am ]
Post subject:
Oximoron sexzone=friendswithbenefits

Author:	IwantEasyLove [ Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:27 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Oximoron sexzone=friendswithbenefits No because by friends with benefits I mean two people that have decided they don't want a relationship with each outher, but that they want to have sex with each other. Also, they don't have loving feelings, but do care about each other as friends.

Author:	redsky [ Wed Sep 12, 2012 4:42 am ]
Post subject:	the keys
This is what I have done: All started out as my girlfriend. Then Later, when I realize that I know how to get her off really well, I will just tell them I don't want anything serious and ask if she is ok just being fwb's. Only select girls that have these qualities: -Are very easy for you to make orgasm, first off. ex: Being able to get her to where her legs and hips are vibrating. If you hit the spot then you can easily make them orgasm 100 times one right after the other. -Very easy to get along with. Very playful and funny. Never too serious and always positive.(You need to have those qualities too) -Natural Chemistry- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also, most girls are instinctual about pushing for a relationship, so it might take a minute to find the right girl. Even when you do, if the sex is getting dull, you will notice them want to see you less and less. It is also important never to bring up anything that can veer off into a convo relating to relationships. One thing I noticed, at least for me, is when you have a solid method that you are comfortable with and can use for getting laid pretty often. Then you tend to get bored with the same girl and are more willing to work on the next. It's always exciting when you have a new personality and body to explore. Call me an asshole or whatever, but I always keep the ones who fall in love with me and will do anything for me. I pretty much make them my girlfriend. That way I always have some form of steady sex. That works well too, if you don't have a problem possibly breaking a girl's heart. That is only if they find out about the other girls though, which none of mine have(knocks on wood). Good luck

Author:	Streetfighter [ Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:33 pm ]
Post subject:
If you get a snl with a girl or even get her number invite her to coffee (or whatever your normal day 2 is) and back to yours to play Mario Kart (or whatever) and have sex... My style is to never have the boyfriend talk OR if relationships come up in conversation say how you don't like girlfriends because x (I say 'I don't really like being in a relationship because I like to meet new people and go out with friends instead of stay home with a girlfriend) So then its just implied that we're fuck buddies, AKA Friends with benefits AKA we're in the sex zone (never heard of that one)

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Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Mon Sep 17, 2012 5:35 pm ]
Post subject:
There is a huge difference between fuck buddies and friends with benefits: Fuck buddies - Someone you have sex with but do not hang out with. Friends with benefits - Someone you are friends with and occasionally hook up with. I hate friends with benefits they are always a huge mistake. When you end up friends with a girl and hook up feelings are the inevitable future. It's a horrible mistake. Friends with benefits are one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. The problem is what happens if you guys are hooking up and you see some other girl you are attracted to. Do you think she is going to be ok with you trying to fuck this other girl? If you hook up with this other girl there will be mixed emotions regardless of whether you guys are officially dating or not. Most people aren't mature enough to handle a purely sexual relationship and not gain feelings. This is why I'm a big fan of fuck buddies but hate friends with benefits, the rules I have with fuck buddies limit the amount of time I spend with them. They also limit the possible emotion there. I haven't had a fuck buddy for a minute but that is my preferred relationship, less bull shit if the rules are laid out. My two most popular guest blogs are on fuck buddies getting them and keeping them. You lose friendships over this stuff, maybe it's because some other guy in the friends circle likes her. It could be because her friends think you are an asshole, it could be because she is upset with and thinks you are an asshole. Friends with benefits are an inevitable mistake, either you should date the girl or you should be fuck buddies but don't be friend with benefits. Peace and Love Vic

Author:	redsky [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:15 pm ]
Post subject:
Having a bisexual girlfriend can be pretty rewarding if you just want girls to have sex with and nothing else. All the girls you have sex with, that your girl's interested in, will strictly be sexual and no more.

Author:	skills360 [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Having a bisexual girlfriend can be pretty rewarding if you just want girls to have sex with and nothing else. All the girls you have sex with, that your girl's interested in, will strictly be sexual and no more. ^ i had one for 3 years, a bi-girl and straight girl same thing it makes no difference...90% of girls are closet bi, or have some bi in them... you still have to game them both for 3 some.

Author:	redsky [ Tue Sep 18, 2012 7:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: ^ i had one for 3 years, a bi-girl and straight girl same thing it makes no difference...90% of girls are closet bi, or have some bi in them... you still have to game them both for 3 some. 99% of girls have probably atleast kissed a girl. My girl was trying to game a girl the other day, got rejected and then turns to me and was like, "what did I do wrong?" I was like, you tell me, you're the girl lol. Anyway ya, game is obviously important, girl or guy.

Author:	Moguishenti [ Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:
I disagree that Friends With Benefits always leads to problems. The best relationship I've ever been in was/is one of these (non-exclusive). There are some people for whom it will always lead to problems--perhaps even most people--but that's not everyone. The trouble is, not everybody can handle it. Some aren't mature enough to handle sex without bullshit and "I love yous". Some people are just naturally possessive and jealous. Some people are just wired to be emotional when it comes to sex. In my good experience, both of us were sexually mature, not emotional when dicks get hard and vaginas get wet, and not clingy. We were honest with each other and agreed about where the boundaries would be (pretty much the only rules were "don't fall in love with each other" and "don't be selfish in bed"). It helped that we were about as compatible sexually as two people can be (into all the same shit even down to fetishes, curious about the same things) We were honestly best friends, and spent lots of time together, fucking at least once almost every time we were together. That lasted for about 10 months, until I moved to another city. We still are friends text and SPAM, and in all probability we'll start fucking again from time to time if we're ever back in the same town. Both of us pursue other targets (bi chick chasing girls), and are even able to talk about our respective pursuits and exchange advice, (sometimes we'd have sarging advice as pillow talk). There is no jealousy, no possessiveness, no emotional attachment and no BS. Most people probably wouldn't be able to do that, I realize. Most people probably wouldn't want it. The bullshit and white lies inherent in most sexual relationships is there for a reason--it helps the people involved be more comfortable and is kind to the ego. Also, most people--male or female--don't want the people they're fucking to fuck other people, even if they say they don't care. If you are a jealous person--think very seriously about whether you are or not--don't do this. If you'd have to lie to a girl or to yourself to have a FWB relationship with her, it will end in disaster. Date her, FB her, or drop her instead. (I should add that I've also had one of these blow up. She fell in love with me, and I couldn't return it. She love martyr-ed hard. So I had to end it or watch her suffer and feel like I was taking advantage of her every time. I ended it.)

Author:	Chief [ Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:07 am ]
Post subject:
Perhaps you will find this useful: managing-expectations-for-fwb-relationship-vt84488.html FWBs are my specialty

Author:	poeticlyskuac [ Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:52 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: I disagree that Friends With Benefits always leads to problems. The best relationship I've ever been in was/is one of these (non-exclusive). There are some people for whom it will always lead to problems--perhaps even most people--but that's not everyone. The trouble is, not everybody can handle it. Some aren't mature enough to handle sex without bullshit and "I love yous". Some people are just naturally possessive and jealous. Some people are just wired to be emotional when it comes to sex. In my good experience, both of us were sexually mature, not emotional when dicks get hard and vaginas get wet, and not clingy. We were honest with each other and agreed about where the boundaries would be (pretty much the only rules were "don't fall in love with each other" and "don't be selfish in bed"). It helped that we were about as compatible sexually as two people can be (into all the same shit even down to fetishes, curious about the same things) We were honestly best friends, and spent lots of time together, fucking at least once almost every time we were together. That lasted for about 10 months, until I moved to another city. We still are friends text and SPAM, and in all probability we'll start fucking again from time to time if we're ever back in the same town. Both of us pursue other targets (bi chick chasing girls), and are even able to talk about our respective pursuits and exchange advice, (sometimes we'd have sarging advice as pillow talk). There is no jealousy, no possessiveness, no emotional attachment and no BS. Most people probably wouldn't be able to do that, I realize. Most people probably wouldn't want it. The bullshit and white lies inherent in most sexual relationships is there for a reason--it helps the people involved be more comfortable and is kind to the ego. Also, most people--male or female--don't want the people they're fucking to fuck other people, even if they say they don't care. If you are a jealous person--think very seriously about whether you are or not--don't do this. If you'd have to lie to a girl or to yourself to have a FWB relationship with her, it will end in disaster. Date her, FB her, or drop her instead. (I should add that I've also had one of these blow up. She fell in love with me, and I couldn't return it. She love martyr-ed hard. So I had to end it or watch her suffer and feel like I was taking advantage of her every time. I ended it.) This was exactly what I was referring to, you are 1 for 2 and in all reality. After all of my experiences with these types of relationship the negative of FWB outweigh the positives. You said it yourself you have had one of these blow up, and if you end up with mature enough people it is possible but in my experiences the true reality is most people aren't mature enough to handle a relationship like this. So it's best to just avoid doing these relationships with friends. However, I am all about a fuck buddy relationship where we meet up late, fuck and I go home. This is my favorite type of relationship because emotions are basically avoided and most women (people really) can't hold them back. The more time you spend the more feelings arise, it is literally inevitable because that is how we work. For all you know that girl claimed and showed not caring about you like that but did because of your guys "rules". I know a lot of people who would do this to maintain a relationship even when they want more. You knew her well so you are probably right but it can't be ruled out considering how well women lie sometimes. Let me ask you this: What made you not attempt to date someone you were best friends with that was very sexually compatible with? Honestly how the hell can you bond with someone on that many levels and not develop emotional attachment? To me it is almost sociopathic to not gain feelings. It is my belief(doesn't make it right) that: Friends with benefits end negatively more often than positively, more often than not you lose friends and hurt people. It is best to either have a fuck buddy or a friend, if not shit goes awry. Just my thoughts.... Peace and Love, Vic

Author:	dbes1 [ Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:49 pm ]
Post subject:
when you sleep with her just be blatently honest and say, " we are still friends right? No strings attached right?" but you must make sure that you give her good sex, no lazy dick

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