Just had my close friends turn around and tell the chick I had been talking to for awhile that I liked her and she said she had no idea who I was. Not like it mattered because apparently she had a bf as of yesterday, so from now on this highschoolers is going to go full PUA and get every girl I can. Wish me luck

I’ve taken a long time to think about this, but in light of my previous post, I cannot deny that this is a smart decision. I’ve decided after years of reincarnating accounts, stirring up drama, and uselessly bashing the community, it is time to leave. I think my initial reason for staying was to prove people wrong, but as I’ve stated in my previous post, this was out of anger and hatred. I choose not to waste my life anymore or small bickering or petty squabbles. I was immature and foolish, and now after 3 years I am man enough to admit that. I move forward happy of what I have achieved while here in the community. I have learned how to remain dedicated to things, to show fortitude under pressure, and more importantly to become an objective person who can achieve their goals and dreams.

People have the right to believe what they will, and who am I to stop people from believing such? All the hours I’ve wasted trying to stir some separatist cause has wasted countless time. However, over the years, I’ve grown. No longer do I see having sex with dozens of women as a defining characteristic of a man. I do not consider someone more or less of a man because they are not good with women. I judge men by the fruits of their labor.

I am less impressed by a man who can sleep with tons of women, but can’t manage to pay his bills in time. Or by the man who has a high selection value, but can't manage to be a good father to all his children fathered by so many different women. Or the drunk frat boy who most likely will be working for the guy who he's giving a wedgey to.

I am more impressed by the man who was an immigrant who came with a cent in his pocket and who may never have had sex or be kissed, but becomes a millionaire. Or by the kid who ever one ridiculed in school for being weird or a nerd become the most successful kid from his class. Or even the guy who everyone thought was crazy, but was really brilliant. There is a saying in philosophy, “we are all two generations from being forgotten by the world.” It was this statement that made me realize that I did not want to suffer such a fate. I want to do something great with my life, something that I will be remembered for.

Ultimately, what I believe that I am trying to say is, have sex with tons of nice looking women, or even having a girlfriend is not the defining characteristic of a strong man. A strong man in my opinion is someone who achieves his goals and does not allow the world to force him to change, but he forces the world to change. I cannot honestly say that I want to be normal, or that I care for sleeping with tons of women. Time is so limited and short. Why must I fight with good men? I know in all of your hearts that most of you are good men. I have seen you all for years, and I will remember all the fights. But my time is running out, and like those who became good with women, I will spend my time learning to do what I love, and quite frankly becoming good at that skill. Maybe someday I can meet you all without all this PUA stuff, just two human beings expressing their ideas, and sharing their feelings. I hope you all have a great life, and wish you all much success in whatever path you choose in life. I decide to leave in peace and start a new journey in my life. Deactivate my accounts (this one and dicklow) if you wish. I will contribute my best to this effort this time and block this website from being accessible on my computer and from my IP address. I wish you all a happy life.

Well just a little update, my life has improved substantially. I've held a job for a little over 7 months now. I bought my first car, and I have a decent amount of saved up. I'm almost finished with my degree and I'm ready to start the next phase of my life. I've went to the new chat room, it's nice, congrats on the big upgrade guys, I'm happy for you. But in the chatroom, I've seen why I originally left, a lot of guys bragging about sex etc. I thought it was kind of childish. There are more important things in life. I thought taking a break may make me change my mind, but after the break, I think my talents are best used elsewhere. I really thank the PUA forum for all the good years I've spent here. I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm doing good and my life is very good now. I wish you all the best of luck.

Have a good life.

Taos

I saw a comment which slightly awoken my consciousness a bit.
This kid is so serious and so full of vengence. I almost feel sorry for him. He is going to go through a lot of the same crap I went through. Trying to prove crap to prove others wrong.

Lately I've been trying to slightly deprogram my self. I can't seem to stop looking at women down the halls, or stop being curious about them. I try to stop waving at people and smiling at them, and forcing myself to make conversations I don't care about. I just find myself on autopilot sometimes. And I think that while some of the things I've learned here are great, I find myself wasting a lot of time. I didn't enter into PUA because I loved women, or because I care about sex. I entered pick-up for revenge. I wanted to prove people wrong, and prove that by will power, determination, and force, I can acheive anything I want. And ultimately, to prove others wrong.

But these days, I guess I'm just feeling a little too old to be wasting time on such nonsense. I just feel like my time in life is running out and that I need to spend whatever time I have left doing something constructive and noteworthy. I no longer want to do things out of revenge. I want to do things because I love it. And sometimes I have to ask my self, do I really love this?

Most of the women that guys think are sexy, I'm just like, "Ok, whatever, that's great for you man." Whenever I have a sexual fantasy it doesn't just involve women, it involves groups of men, women, and transexuals. In fact, I can't even get horny if I don't imagine a group of people having sex with me. Monogamy is quite boring to me. When I think about sex, I think about an oasis of sexual deviance and pleasure. But I've found that wasting my time chasing after women I'm not interested in is just time wasting and quite frankly immature. The women whom I speak to don't deserve that and I don't deserve that.

I'm not saying that I'm quitting or anything. I'm just saying that I'm tired, and I'm at a crossroads between trying to move on, grow up, and go on with my life and still attempting to slightly rekindle the childish hopes I've had in my past. I know that as far as the last paragraph of being at a crossroads, I can't be the only person on here who feels like this at times. I know there are others here who feel the same way.

The Post-PUA Life






Email
A topic that came up from a number of different guys in the feedback section of the reader survey was to cover how to transition back into “civilian life” after one is happy with his skill-set with women. I’ve already covered extensively the deleterious effects of obsessing about women well beyond the point that you need to. So how does one make the journey back? The transition back to “being normal” again was slow and painful for me, particularly because I do this as a job, but I eventually got there.

The best way to think about this process is in terms of 1) personal goals and 2) where you’re choosing to receive your validation.

Back when we started this entire journey and committed ourselves to this path, an aspect of that dedication was to choose to objectify and validate ourselves through our social lives and through women. To improve at anything, you must quantify and measure it. To quantify and measure something you must objectify it. And when you objectify a part of your emotional/social life, you’re effectively disconnecting yourself emotionally from people in a certain way.

You see this objectification and quantification in all sorts of forms: rating women, measuring difficulty of approaches, amount of girls in a set, lay counts, number closes, etc. There’s nothing morally wrong with this, and it’s particularly useful for an inexperienced guy to keep tabs on because he’s able to measure his improvement.

But two things happen when you get good with women. The first is that the numbers and scores begin to mean less and less to you. When you’re a virgin, laying two girls over a six-month period is a huge deal. When you’ve been with 55 women, laying two more in a week is cool, but not exactly an identity-shifting occasion. Your first so-called “10″ will give you the biggest high for a week straight. Your fifth may just annoy you because she always has bad breath and complains a lot.

Getting good with women offers diminishing returns. The difference between being excellent at picking up women and being very good is usually not worth that extra effort; whereas the difference between being decent and being absolutely awful definitely is worth the effort.

The second side-effect of getting very good with women is that over an extended period of time, objectifying your social life will make you miserable. I found this out the hard way, as a lot of other guys in the PUA community did as well. Truth be told, we’re not meant to objectify and measure our emotional relationships and friendships. It’s disastrous for our emotional well-being. I still see this as an epidemic in that entire scene. You’ll see honest-to-god, serious threads discussing the reconnaissance opportunities presented by female-friendships and analyzing their group of friends in terms of social proof. You’ll see posts from guys who research charity organizations in order to calculate the best female/male ratio. It’s sickening. It’s very, very, VERY important for every guy getting into this stuff to remember to let go and simply enjoy the company of people every now and then. Not everything needs to be a measuring stick or a new process to learn.

With that said, here’s my advice to those guys who would like to “return to normal” after they’ve achieved a lot of their goals:

First, stop putting all pressure on yourself to perform or to achieve. This will probably be by far the hardest part. It took me years to undo myself from this, to get to the point where I could go sit in a bar and have a beer and see a hot girl and not feel the need to approach her. Passing up lays is another big one that fucked with my head for a long time. I would be in a situation where I knew I could probably sleep with a girl, but I knew it would take hours and a lot of time and effort. Or I could hang out with my friend and go home and get a good night’s sleep. Choosing the mundane option of going home and getting some sleep was really bizarre for me at first.

But ceasing to pressure yourself to pick up constantly will slowly remove it as a major source of validation for you. At first, it will feel strange and you’ll feel guilty or lazy for not pushing yourself in social situations. But eventually, you’ll reach a point where going out with some old friends and watching a ball game, having some beers, this will feel just as valuable and satisfying to you as picking up that blond on the other side of the bar would. It frees you up to enjoy the social/emotional aspects of your life you were so busy quantifying before.

This, in turn, will reattach your emotional involvement in your social life. You’ll begin to see just as much value, if not more, in just hanging out with some good friends and having fun, than you would in approaching a bunch of women and making out with them.

The beautiful thing about this, is that there’s nothing ever stopping you from pursuing women again. Your ability with women will always be in your back pocket. You can go out with no intention to meet a girl, hang out with your friends, and then suddenly see one and decide to approach her. There’s no pressure either way. And the best part? If she rejects you, you really and truly will not care. That’s no longer your purpose, that’s no longer where you derive your validation.

I recommend also stopping reading most or all pick up related forums and websites. This seems to be more significant for some guys more than others. Some still enjoy reading about the subject and learning more and thinking about social dynamics, whereas others really feel like they need to mentally tear themselves away completely to feel free to act however they choose.

And finally, I recommend shifting your focus away from banging tons of women to actually finding one you really enjoy a lot and dating her. Being a player and juggling four girls is awesome and everything, but it requires a lot of time, effort and energy, and in the long-run it’s not exactly a healthy way to live… both physically and emotionally.

Probably the biggest shift I’ve noticed since not really putting any pressure on myself to go out and improve anymore is that one night stands and casual sex seems to interest me less and less. It makes sense. Fast lays and casual sex are easy things to quantify and measure. Relationships and dating someone involve emotions, icky feelings and subjective situations where success can’t be defined. When you value improvement then the easy quick lays make sense. When you value general life well-being and emotional fulfillment, relationships make more sense.

This also plays back into the validation thing again. You’re eliminating your need to objectify that area of your life and you’re opening yourself to more emotional interactions. Think of it as shifting the hunt to quality instead of quantity. Emotional connections are always far more enjoyable and enriching than purely sexual ones.

These shifts, both psychologically and physically, will free up your motivation and energy to pursue other areas of your life. It’s typical that guys who leave the PUA scene generally see improvements in other areas of their lives: work, friends, hobbies, etc. Ironically, a lot of guys also experience an INCREASE in their results when they leave the scene for this reason: they have a healthier and more well-rounded lifestyle, AND they’re not nearly as outcome-dependent as they used to be.

When exactly you’re ready to leave will always be a personal question left up to you. It’s a question of diminishing returns. There is always room for improvement in every one of us. And hey, just because pick up isn’t your main focus doesn’t mean you won’t continue to still improve. But at some point you have to look at your life as a whole and make a reasonable judgment. Unfortunately, focusing very hard on this stuff over the period of years has major negative side-effects. When those side-effects begin to out-weigh the improvements you’re making, then it’s time to move on.

Dude what a negative crappy post, now i have to go an apologize to chief.... Anyways, dude let me explain something to you 90% of your happiness imo comes from who you chose as a partner so i think is important to have that part of your life handle, you obviously had a crappy experience joining the community, but i think you are in the wrong forum or follow the wrong methods or whatever who knows, get mark manson "models". But trust me having the Women part of your life handle it is worth it. Anyways this is for you and how to deprogram yourself by mark manson: