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The Value of Shutting Up
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Author:  870 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:18 pm ]
Post subject:  The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:
A wise man talks because he has something to say. A fool talks because he has to say something.
Well over half the post traffic this forum receives is dominated by some form of the question, "What should I say?" Sure, sometimes it's worded a little differently - "How do I respond to this?" being the most obvious example - but the underlying subtext of almost all the questions asked here and most of the answers is that we should all be saying something. In some cases, a lot of somethings.

Why? What is this compulsion to constantly run our collective mouths around women? How did it become PUA orthodoxy to insist on having some witty reply to everything? What ever happened to the old adage that tells us silence is golden?

I can't be sure when or how this got started, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably some combination of the egos and insecurities of people who tend to frequent forums like this one.

After all, how can one hope to be dominant/be alpha/lead the conversation/express our personality/whatever else a bunch of strangers on an internet forum say we should be doing if we don't talk? And if we don't do some or all of the things in that list, won't the object of our affections completely lose interest and relegate us to the friend zone or tell her friends how we're a creep?

It sounds ridiculous when you spell it out like that, but that's what goes through a lot of guys' heads when they start getting into this stuff.

The truth is, there is a lot of value in shutting the hell up and letting HER talk. And believe it or not, there are times when things she has said should elicit no response at all, let alone some kind of super-clever reply that takes 20 minutes and a consultation on PUAF to come up with.

Don't believe me? Check out this sample text conversation I lifted straight from a post in General Questions:
Quote:
Me: I'll be back in town tomorrow.
Her: Hanging out with me?
Me: If you're lucky.
Her: I'm always lucky.
True to form, the poster was asking how he should reply to the girl's final message, and was hoping to have the collective wisdom of more experienced ladies' men generate some kind of slick, witty reply that would make her wet between the legs.

Here's the problem: she's already wet between the legs. Seriously. Read the conversation above out loud in the tone of voice you think a girl would use when saying what's up there in that quote box. If you are using anything but the most sultry, lustful tone you can muster, you're doing it wrong. It couldn't possibly be more on with the girl in this example. The 'game' portion of your interaction is over; all that's left is logistics. You are on a collision course with sexville, population: just the two of you.

Why in the name of all that's good and decent in the world would you risk screwing that up by running your mouth some more? That text conversation is obviously over, and both of your points were communicated perfectly: everybody involved basically said, "I want to fuck." There's no need to say more. Just set up the date and make it happen.

And when you do, try to resist the urge to narrate every step of the seduction process.

Your boy,
870
Author:  daffy duck [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 4:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
If i'd read this post 6 months ago, i wouldnt be in the position i'm in now.
Author:  8shark8 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
"You are on a collision course with sexville, population: just the two of you. "
I giggled a little.
Great post tho.
Author:  SexAddict911 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:
Quote:
A wise man talks because he has something to say. A fool talks because he has to say something.
Well over half the post traffic this forum receives is dominated by some form of the question, "What should I say?" Sure, sometimes it's worded a little differently - "How do I respond to this?" being the most obvious example - but the underlying subtext of almost all the questions asked here and most of the answers is that we should all be saying something. In some cases, a lot of somethings.

Why? What is this compulsion to constantly run our collective mouths around women? How did it become PUA orthodoxy to insist on having some witty reply to everything? What ever happened to the old adage that tells us silence is golden?

I can't be sure when or how this got started, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably some combination of the egos and insecurities of people who tend to frequent forums like this one.

After all, how can one hope to be dominant/be alpha/lead the conversation/express our personality/whatever else a bunch of strangers on an internet forum say we should be doing if we don't talk? And if we don't do some or all of the things in that list, won't the object of our affections completely lose interest and relegate us to the friend zone or tell her friends how we're a creep?

It sounds ridiculous when you spell it out like that, but that's what goes through a lot of guys' heads when they start getting into this stuff.

The truth is, there is a lot of value in shutting the hell up and letting HER talk. And believe it or not, there are times when things she has said should elicit no response at all, let alone some kind of super-clever reply that takes 20 minutes and a consultation on PUAF to come up with.

Don't believe me? Check out this sample text conversation I lifted straight from a post in General Questions:
Quote:
Me: I'll be back in town tomorrow.
Her: Hanging out with me?
Me: If you're lucky.
Her: I'm always lucky.
True to form, the poster was asking how he should reply to the girl's final message, and was hoping to have the collective wisdom of more experienced ladies' men generate some kind of slick, witty reply that would make her wet between the legs.

Here's the problem: she's already wet between the legs. Seriously. Read the conversation above out loud in the tone of voice you think a girl would use when saying what's up there in that quote box. If you are using anything but the most sultry, lustful tone you can muster, you're doing it wrong. It couldn't possibly be more on with the girl in this example. The 'game' portion of your interaction is over; all that's left is logistics. You are on a collision course with sexville, population: just the two of you.

Why in the name of all that's good and decent in the world would you risk screwing that up by running your mouth some more? That text conversation is obviously over, and both of your points were communicated perfectly: everybody involved basically said, "I want to fuck." There's no need to say more. Just set up the date and make it happen.

And when you do, try to resist the urge to narrate every step of the seduction process.

Your boy,
870
For the most part I can see where the OP is coming from, it's never a good thing to over do it. However! Seduction is not black and white, there is always many variables even in something as simple as a few lines in a text message. Without knowing exactly the targets thought process, you can never assume to know what is enough. As a skilled PUA you can have a general guideline and perhaps your own personal stance, but this doesn't mean the woman may not need more.

In the above example, it would seem that the target was very much interested, but this still doesn't mean she is " wet between the legs" or going to go over and sleep with him. To assume sex based on a couple of lines in a text message, is to have an assuming state of mind. Not so good for the seducer.

From my experience, there is a lot of women that will show this kind of interest but still need so much more before they comply sexually. Women love playful sex charged banter and in some cases, this is the exact moment they decide they want sex.

Interest in hanging out does not automatically imply there is sexual intent. However! In this case, it does seem like she is giving an opening for a sexual conversation.

In my opinion, It's best not to be so concerned about over doing it, rather going with the flow, if she is showing interest, why not push the envelope. If her interest is already somewhat implied, you should not fear taking it further. If you have a decent wit and good game, living on the cautious side can be one's demise, as well as show a form of insecurity. Not so common in a confident desirable man.

Why be afraid? Why be so concerned about over doing it or losing the target?

The majority of the readers see that text interaction as enough. I say, it's just begun. I see her giving him an opening to create sexual tension and an opportunity to gauge her sexual interest.

I like to be efficient, I'd much rather the opportunity to gauge my target before we meet. This will allow me to put forth a well thought out seduction plan based on her reactions and what I have gauged from our conversations.

If I know without a doubt my target is good to go, I am going to be a much more relaxed and fun individual when we hang out. My mind need not be clouded with the " what if's" or any uncertainties. Thus allowing me to operate with full confidence.
Author:  870 [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:
To assume sex based on a couple of lines in a text message, is to have an assuming state of mind. Not so good for the seducer.
In my single days, I always assumed the objects of my affection were attracted to me. More often than not, I was right, probably in no small part due to the fact that my mindset engendered such confidence and such a strong frame that she couldn't help but be won over by it.

The point of my post is that when it comes to conversation, sometimes less is more, and it often pays to leave some things to the imagination.

I love sexually charged banter as much as the next guy, but I also know when it's time to shut up and take action. Not every guy does.

Your boy,
870
Author:  chrish [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 11:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:

I love sexually charged banter as much as the next guy, but I also know when it's time to shut up and take action. Not every guy does.

Your boy,
870
Word
Author:  JF [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
870 I do agree with you, the Pato quote says it all.

Silence can be strong weapon, but it also confidence. A lot of PUA trust on routines and stuff and are sometimes still a bit insecure (still some aa, rejection fear, etc, nothing to be ashamed of). So the talking helps then I guess. In my eyes there is no such thing as a uncomfortable silence as long as you play it cool. Sometimes indeed take action. Or take a long pause after she asks a question, look a bit teasing etc, etc. Every now and then you need a break.

And you know what they say; speech is silver, silenc is gold
Author:  jurupa [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
In other words we don't need to get the last word in all the freaking time. Sometimes it is best to let the girl end the conversation and leave it at that.
Author:  agentprovocateur [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 8:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Since we're on the subject of proverbs...

"the empty wagon makes the most noise"
Author:  RetiredRodeo [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 2:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
870,

Much respect.

RR
Author:  Crypto [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ummm in the example, the PUA did get the last word! "If you're lucky"

And she replied with "Yes I will fuck you"

Great points 870

Peace...
Author:  Cornishman [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Best post I've seen on here in a very long time :)

I think its the whole Aristotelian thing (I forget the correct word haha) where you get into this with NO IDEA what to say to girls, then some girls give you responses and god forbid end up liking us so we feel we must say and do something constantly as before we didn't say anything.

If only I'd read this a month ago! Had this issue and learnt it the hard way.

When you read that text example you can tell that she is the one who is obviously trying to respond to his texts but now he's attempting to take the role she wants!

Its one of those things where you have to be aware of it through things like this post but you'll still fuck it up. You'll be there talking/phoning/texting and thinking "Wow, I shouldn't be doing this and I am. Stop it!" but you won't until it goes horribly wrong and THEN you learn it.
Author:  Cornishman [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:
Quote:
To assume sex based on a couple of lines in a text message, is to have an assuming state of mind. Not so good for the seducer.
In my single days, I always assumed the objects of my affection were attracted to me. More often than not, I was right, probably in no small part due to the fact that my mindset engendered such confidence and such a strong frame that she couldn't help but be won over by it.

The point of my post is that when it comes to conversation, sometimes less is more, and it often pays to leave some things to the imagination.

I love sexually charged banter as much as the next guy, but I also know when it's time to shut up and take action. Not every guy does.

Your boy,
870
Haha sex addict assuming attraction is basic. you think Michael Jordan thinks "Oh I hope this shot goes in"
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Will be linking this to others
Author:  SexAddict911 [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Value of Shutting Up
Quote:

Haha sex addict assuming attraction is basic. you think Michael Jordan thinks "Oh I hope this shot goes in"
No shit, I never once said there was no attraction it's quite obvious, but that doesn't mean she is "wet in her pants" or going to fuck him. GET IT?

Read my post on this thread, if you still think of laughing, that's your choice.
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