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Using positions of power to get women
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Author:  Techgame [ Thu May 24, 2012 1:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Using positions of power to get women
Hey, I'd like to ask the crew. Has anyone ever used an official position of power to hookup with a woman?

I'm talking something like professor-student, boss-employee, cop-traffic stop, landlord-tenant, president of the USA-intern, etc.

Have you done this? And regardless if you have or not, do you think it's right to do so?
Author:  Redlight [ Thu May 24, 2012 6:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
That's a tricky question... I'm in one of those situations and have banged a few co-workers, even openly dating a couple. I did follow these simple rules:
- never date/bang a direct report;
- never behave like a couple at the office;
- never make promises/threats regarding hooking up;
And yes, having a DHV from your position at work makes you look more alpha and hints at a high income, which has been known to help when attraction women ;-)

Right or wrong is just in your head, I view it i terms of consequences, does it hurt my life or does it help? In this case, by following the simple rules, it only helped so far...
Author:  Techgame [ Thu May 24, 2012 6:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Right or wrong is just in your head.
Yeah I agree that it's pretty subjective, and consequences are a good way to view it.

I think especially when it comes to co-workers and such, it's extremely subjective.

I think it's bad in the following situations though
- When you control their tasks or destiny (Direct Report as you said)
- When you're a classroom teacher
- When you're putting the moves on strongly. I think you have to be careful with this because if you come on too strong, you run the risk of making her feel uncomfortable that she maybe owes or is getting unwanted attention from someone with power over.

And that's what I think PUA's about generally, it's all about creating attraction. I think in power positions, if you make HER want you first, it's much much better because you don't run the risk of harassment.
Author:  Redlight [ Thu May 24, 2012 6:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Forgot to mention that I never approach them at work with an invitation, I meet them anyway in clubs (young crowd, 20s or early 30s) or I just initiate contact over facebook... And one more thing... I was surprised to find out from this one girl from work how many of her co-workers would actually date me... Had no idea I was that popular :-) and for sure being in the Management Board of the company helps... I don't really think too much about the sexual harassment laws, in my country they are not that popular anyway, I don't want to be seen as "That creepy guy that's making moves on all the girls" but rather as a cool, sociable guy that a girl feels comfortable talking to...
Author:  RetiredRodeo [ Thu May 24, 2012 10:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
NO.

Personally, I couldn't cross that barrier.

I've been in Human Resources now for 10 years.

No. Couldn't do it. There are WAY too many other chicks to fuck than ones in such a dynamic.


RR
Author:  DJ_Z [ Fri May 25, 2012 12:52 am ]
Post subject: 
1. I believe its wrong, because there is a certain relationship, professional and even personal, that those examples you listed and similar ones has to work as in order to function well. Sex creates a different relationship, that does not look as well.

2. It is coercion. You're not just talking about sex while in a position of power, you're talking about USING that power to get you sex. That's wrong. Consensual=good, coerced=bad.

3. In some matters, I fail to see right and wrong as subjective. We, unfortunately, live in a world where morality is rarely able to be easily placed in terms of black and white. Using some sort of power or authority you have other another person to gain sex is one of those few black and white issues. You have taken away that person's right to choose who they have sex with. It's rape, rape is wrong.

4. If they offer sex, its a different issue entirely, then we step into that gray area. Just in case someone wanted to address that.
Author:  Redlight [ Fri May 25, 2012 7:02 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
1. I believe its wrong, because there is a certain relationship, professional and even personal, that those examples you listed and similar ones has to work as in order to function well. Sex creates a different relationship, that does not look as well.

2. It is coercion. You're not just talking about sex while in a position of power, you're talking about USING that power to get you sex. That's wrong. Consensual=good, coerced=bad.

3. In some matters, I fail to see right and wrong as subjective. We, unfortunately, live in a world where morality is rarely able to be easily placed in terms of black and white. Using some sort of power or authority you have other another person to gain sex is one of those few black and white issues. You have taken away that person's right to choose who they have sex with. It's rape, rape is wrong.

4. If they offer sex, its a different issue entirely, then we step into that gray area. Just in case someone wanted to address that.
Somehow I think you got it all wrong... We're not talking about rape and other sick shit here, just using your position's inherent DHV to score a date and even more with a co-worker... I'll just exemplify that with a thing I did a while ago... I was organising the company's Christmas party together with a girl from the purchasing dept. I received as a gift a couple of concert tickets from the manager of the place we rented for the party, and I hinted to her that I may take her there. She jumped at the opportunity and we ended up going together. We were making out about a couple of hours later and when the concert was over I told her "Let's go" and we got into a cab. I gave the cabby my address and she didn't say a thing, jut kept making out. It was an easy ONS and she later said she was very attracted to me because she perceived me to be very alpha... Where do you see anything rapey about this situation? And yes, "rapey " is a word, Ray William Johnson uses it :-)
Author:  skills360 [ Fri May 25, 2012 8:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Using positions of power to get women
Quote:
Hey, I'd like to ask the crew. Has anyone ever used an official position of power to hookup with a woman?

I'm talking something like professor-student, boss-employee, cop-traffic stop, landlord-tenant, president of the USA-intern, etc.

Have you done this? And regardless if you have or not, do you think it's right to do so?

I have seen a lot of teachers( laying hundreds of students) yes...Specially in martial arts, dance, gym is an automatic... I personally would not do it... no worth the drama and getting fired over it.
Author:  Techgame [ Fri May 25, 2012 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Using positions of power to get women
Quote:
I have seen a lot of teachers( laying hundreds of students) yes...Specially in martial arts, dance, gym is an automatic... I personally would not do it... no worth the drama and getting fired over it.
Ya personally I'm not a fan of using positions of power at all to get women, I think it's a lame place to get them seeing as there's a sea of women elsewhere.

As a teacher especially.

However, I can't say I'd never do it, or never have done it. I think if the magic is very very very right, it can be okay.
Author:  Ezo [ Tue May 29, 2012 9:29 am ]
Post subject: 
That is a difficult question. Lets say you are a professor and have a lot of students each year. You have a lot of students but dont spend too much time teaching (like a total of 20 hours a year per student). Then after 4 years, the students graduate and you meet them a while after. You arent their teacher and they arent your students anymore, your role as a professor is still in effect since that is why you know them, but you dont actually have any power anymore. What is wrong and what is right here?
Author:  CobraKaiDojo [ Tue May 29, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
^nothing wrong with that

Depends on the situation. Doing it in high school (not recommended) is a lot different, than doing it at university, which again is different than a dance class etc.

If both are consenting adults and there will be no consequences from higher authority then it's fine. If there may be consequences then better to think pretty hard about it
Author:  Ezo [ Tue May 29, 2012 2:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, you dont shit where you eat. This is one of the rules I have been trying to follow.
Author:  CobraKaiDojo [ Tue May 29, 2012 2:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good rule.

But we don't always eat at the same place forever, so can be a good idea to plant seeds and make a compost heap to pick from later 8)
Author:  Ezo [ Tue May 29, 2012 4:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Good rule.

But we don't always eat at the same place forever, so can be a good idea to plant seeds and make a compost heap to pick from later 8)
Well said
Author:  Marc [ Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
That is a difficult question. Lets say you are a professor and have a lot of students each year. You have a lot of students but dont spend too much time teaching (like a total of 20 hours a year per student). Then after 4 years, the students graduate and you meet them a while after. You arent their teacher and they arent your students anymore, your role as a professor is still in effect since that is why you know them, but you dont actually have any power anymore. What is wrong and what is right here?
A teacher's reputation is his bread and butter. And women talk. No matter how discreet one tries to be the word gets out may be the student wants to brag or has a bad break off.

I know people who have married coworkers but they have always made sure that there is no power position involved after both have felt some attraction. It always ends up ugly if one fails to keep it in their pants at work place.
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