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| The Art of Conversation https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=12905 |
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| Author: | jjjoness [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The Art of Conversation |
I think this is the most important topic that concerns PUAs. You can only run through so much game, so many routines, stories, gambits before you have to make small talk. This is where most falter. There have been so many threads from people talking about how they suck at conversation, but nothing definitive to help them. Im not saying this is be all end all, just a start. So I wanted to start this thread and give you an idea what steps a person should take to be a great conversationalist. Who or what is a great conversationalist? You can go out to any club or bar at night and find him. He is a man who shines in conversation. He can be seen moving from group to group, effortlessly chatting up men and women alike. He is the charmer of many, and the envy of all. When he speaks, everyone listens. It seems he has an infinite number of things to talk about. He can speak for hours, and what a treat it is to be there for even a minute in his presence. Girls become gitty when he whispers in their ears, men nod their heads in approval. Time passes in the blink of an eye with him. Who is he? Just another guy... his exception is his ability to socialize. Before I get into actual conversation, let me just touch on a few important topics. Body language is important, is with any other interaction. You always want to make sure you either match or slightly increase your energy level to theirs. Confidence can turn ground beef into filet mignon. My point, BE CONFIDENT. Have correct pauses, don't speak too fast. Be emotional about the statements you make and stories you tell. I really want to get into the heart of this so if you have any questions about what I just wrote, ask and I will be happy to elaborate. There are many nuances to conversation, but the ability to take what is given to you, and regurgitate it back out is the most important. No, im not talking about mirroring, eliciting values, trance words, or any other PUA word you've ever heard. The ability to do this will allow you to guide any conversation into your control and steer away from bad topics. This all starts with situational awareness, or relevance. If you say something that is not relevant, you may get a 'huh', 'what', or 'that was random'. This is enough to throw anyone off. Situational relevance is not a characteristic, it is perception.If it feels relevant, then it probably is. Now the easiest way to have an infinite amount of things to talk about is just picking out words with meaning out of one sentence, and using it in another unrelated sentence. For example: "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts." The words with meaning in this sentence are: Last night, snow, staying in, friends, going out, hot chocolate, and darts. If you deviate from this conversation using one of these words with the meaning unchanged, bam you have something to talk about. "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts." -> Yeah, I remember this snow storm we had when I was a kid. Well it wasn't really a snow storm, but my mom saw how bad I wanted the snow. So she sprinkled powdered sugar all over the yard. "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts." ->I love hot chocolate. But my favorite has to be spraying binaca into it when it is freshly made, its like a fresh kiss with every sip. Those are just a few examples. But you can't just ignore what they said and start your own topic. you need to acknowledge what they said. You can do this with transition phrases like 'Yeah, I...', 'That reminds me..', or 'Oh really,'. In addition to using meaningful words, you can also employ overarching themes. An overarching theme is something that isn't directly said, but rather implied by the conversation. "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts." Some overarching themes are: Climate, weather, lifestyle, outdoors, staying warm, hot drink, and hanging out with the guys. You can use these themes using the same transition phrases to create a new sentence. "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, sweets, and played darts." ->Yeah, the weather here is crazy. Thats why I loved Arizona so much. It is at least always above 50º where I was. "Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts." -> That reminds me of my trip to amsterdam. They have the best chocolate in the world. I went to this bar... chocolate, nothing but chocolate. It was like that simpson episode when homer went to the land of chocolate. If the conversation ever get too boring, serious, sad for your taste, change it using these skills i've just instilled in you. If anyone has any questions, comments, or additions to this... write away. |
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| Author: | Cool [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
great post bro! I have always been a good speaker but at times I do find myself unable to keep the conversation going with people. |
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| Author: | jjjoness [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 2:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I understand exactly what you are saying, and im assuming the dan at the end of your post is Zan, as in Zan Perrion. But I have t disagree with you to a certain extent. Yes if you just talk about subjects, with a certain dryness, then it can get boring. But if you add energy to your subject matter in the conversation, then it can be great. A friend of mine came up to me las saturday in a bar and said I hate this shirt, it looks horrible on me. I looked at him and said, if a player knows how to rock it, he can wear a trash bag and still look good. My point is, its all how you dress the statement. I just wrote this post to make a point of continuing a conversation. Tonality, body language, and energy are a whole different matter. You are right when you said I had the first half down, and those three elements are the other half. For example, you said snow is a negative. It can be, as I found out yesterday when I had to shovel it. But it doesn't have to be, everything is relative. If you say 'my car spun out, it was 15º, and my girlfriend dumped me for the plow guy (no pun intended), all because of the snow storm.' Then yes snow is a curse. However, if you say 'I saw how the snow ever so delicately rested on the trees--enhancing their natural beauty. I saw the snow cascading down from the sky, changing the way the world was viewed. I also saw a certainly simplicity as all the manmade contraptions were covered over or slowed to a grinding halt and the true beauty of the world was revealed.' Then the snow is god's gift to the earth. Remember, everything is relative. Its all in the delivery. |
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| Author: | The Wild One [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Nice post! |
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| Author: | slyder2412 [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Very interesting topic...it's discouraging how sometimes I can talk and interact with another person for hours with such smooooth transitioning..but then some people conversation just feels painful. I used to think that "well they are just boring therefore suck at conversation" but then i realized i'm sure they go home and talk for hours on the phone/online about SOMETHING...so i'm really interested in being able to achieve rapport with all. Are there any GOOD books i can order from amazon? I would honestly prefer a very detailed look at conversation...or thick material to be honest. I've read about a few possibilities with conversation, but i'd like to load myself with techniques/ways to produce meaningful conversation. Thanks. |
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| Author: | jjjoness [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Good point monkey. Slyder, don't worry about books on conversation. Study up on the Juggler Method and some of Zans material. These are the two most natural methods out there. They would give you great insight on conversational seduction and its applications. |
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| Author: | caveman [ Thu Dec 27, 2007 4:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I like this post! |
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| Author: | ace_of_spades [ Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Some really awesome stuff there guys, thanks a lot for sharing it with us. Well done! |
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| Author: | Tzar [ Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Very helpful post, read bibli's then Monkeys as one article. I think it takes a lot of practice taking the links and making them fun and positive rather than dry or negative. A bad inner game will make make your links negative sub conciously, which is why if I'm in a bad/depressed mood my conversations always grind to a halt! |
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| Author: | mozyFresh [ Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I just want to add something. Advice for Americans: dont talk to fast English: dont talk to slow Basically just get the pace and tone of your voice right, and set the energy level based on your envoiroment. Some cheeky bastards say i talk too loud, well thats not gonna change fuck um, im a gobby git. Be conifident, quick witted & if someone interupts you carry on speakin. Easy-going, positive responses, hav a way with words. Also dont be affraid to have abit of fun, rather than be mr.serious all the time. |
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