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| How to Handle Rejection in the Field https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=12903 |
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| Author: | Esperanto [ Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | How to Handle Rejection in the Field |
There's something I've noticed from a LOT of newbies on here. Basically, you enter a forum like this and a whole new world is opened up to you. You want to read everything, talk about everything, and get advice from everyone before you ever try a pickup in real life. In fact, many newbies spend TOO MUCH time on here without ever trying field work. Why is this so? There's something else I've noticed from many field reports. An aPUA is hitting on some HB 9 and things are going great. He pulls off tons of routines and she eats them all up. He has a great time with her. Then, at the end of the report, no close attempt whatsoever. Nada. Zilch. All that work and nothing to show for it. Why is this so? In my opinion it comes down to the very basic human response that is inherent in all of us at one time or another...the fear of rejection. Though they may not admit it, many newbies think that if they research everything, learn about every possible scenario that could come up in the field, they will somehow be so prepared there success rate will be initially high enough they won't have to deal with ego-busting rejection. Anybody who has done work in the field knows this is a fallacy that is holding these newbies back. Nothing works until it works for you. You haven't gotten anywhere until you try something in real life with an HB. Furthermore, this same fear of rejection goes for the aPUAs that aren't even asking for a number. Whats the problem? There was no natural time to ask for it? You didn't want to break up the great vibe with something as awkward as a number-close? I'm going to let you in on a little secret that will help you out with this. First part of the secret: there is more pride in a great pick-up with a failed close than no close attempt at all. Second part: the feeling you get from a failed number close is NEVER, EVER as bad as the feeling of "What if?" that comes along with not even trying. Trust me on this, its a concrete rule. So I don't care if you don't want to mess up this great vibe you've created. GET OVER IT. Unless you make it a point to see her again, you will never see her again. She will leave the situation wondering, "What a great guy. I wish he had asked for my number..." This handling of rejection may sound easier said than done. Its not, and the key lies in how you view rejection. You are no longer a guy drifting through life leaving his interactions with the opposite sex to chance. That guy is going to be affected tremendously by rejection because the experience acts as nothing but a hit to his self-esteem. You are on this forum now, SO THAT GUY IS DEAD. Now you are a man taking control of these interactions. You have plans, goals, theories, and you can analyze situations in a context that will lead to improvement. So what is rejection? It is an experience that you need to take, analyze, figure out where the interaction went wrong, and see if improvements can be made for next time. Maybe post it on this forum and see if you can get some help figuring it out. Its a learning tool, thats it. Once you ingrain this fact into your being your PUA journey will truly begin and you will see improvement. Guaranteed. Just as a real-life side note on rejection, two weeks ago I went sarging by myself, broke into a mixed set, had what I thought was a decent conversation with an HB 9, but got completely and utterly rejected for the number close. This bothered me for maybe 10 minutes before I was trying to analyze what went wrong and how to fix it. Two nights later I went out with the guys and number closed an HB 8 without even trying, then spent the night at her place two days later. Its a fickle game. -Esperanto |
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| Author: | Xecutioner [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 12:11 am ] |
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Quote: This handling of rejection may sound easier said than done. Its not, and the key lies in how you view rejection. You are no longer a guy drifting through life leaving his interactions with the opposite sex to chance. That guy is going to be affected tremendously by rejection because the experience acts as nothing but a hit to his self-esteem. You are on this forum now, SO THAT GUY IS DEAD.
God thats badass. Thats exactly how I fucking feel and its inspiring to be told I will fail. Is that weird? Its now time to go forth and DIE.....satitsfied.
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| Author: | Jo-E [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 12:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Great post man, very insightful. I actually have one of my best friends totally trying to help me out with this whole pick-up thing. He's like a natural with ladies, but he doesn't know about this whole PUA community. Its great to have him to be there in person just encouraging me and what not, and this post is very encouraging, good job once again 
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| Author: | Clowd [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 4:56 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: How to Handle Rejection in the Field |
Quote:
This handling of rejection may sound easier said than done. Its not, and the key lies in how you view rejection. You are no longer a guy drifting through life leaving his interactions with the opposite sex to chance. That guy is going to be affected tremendously by rejection because the experience acts as nothing but a hit to his self-esteem. You are on this forum now, SO THAT GUY IS DEAD.
That literally gave me goosebumps.The way of looking at rejection that I'm trying to internalize (Right now I have to like almost convince myself of this for some reason) is that there is no such thing as rejection... you can't reject someone you don't know, and these girls you meet for 20 or 30 minutes or whatever in public don't fucking know you. When you get rejected you just have to find a better way to convey your personality - because if you did it correctly in the first place you wouldn't have been rejected... because your personality is (should be) awesome and worth their time... if they don't see it, then it's their loss. not yours. |
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| Author: | The Wild One [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 5:10 pm ] |
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Nice post. |
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| Author: | Esperanto [ Sat Dec 15, 2007 7:15 am ] |
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An interesting adjunct to this post: Just now I'm back from a great time at the bar with my group of guy friends. Half these guys are naturals, and with them at my side I opened a three set. One was an absolute HB 10. Found out later she was 31 but she looked 26 from the front and 21 from the rear. Over the next few hours we integrated the set into our group and me and another guy started flirting with her harmlessly. By the end of the night, though, it was just me, and I was getting ridiculous IOI's. I mean, puppy dog eyes, extended tension filled stares, tons of kino, etc. She had gone on and on about how good guys are hard to find, and she already had told me she thought I was hot. Anyways, right when the kino was at its highest, she took off to find her drunk friend. I caught the set just as she was leaving, and despite the continued IOI's I got from her, I told her, "We should do this again." She said, "We will, in about two weeks we'll be back." Then they took off into the night. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't pull the trigger. She was such a sweet girl so jaded by past guys that I didn't want to fall into the category of assholes trying to blatantly nail her. But goddamnit I should have taken that chance! I sincerely doubt anything would have come of this as she has a teenage daughter (pregnant at age eighteen) and she's looking for something more stable than I would have given her. Such a nice girl, it would have been wrong to pursue trying to lay her as she's already been hurt in the past. HOWEVER, the thought of the unknown is just KILLING me right now. I KNOW she's thinking about me right now, at this very moment as I write this post. No doubt in my mind. I don't care if she would have said no, it would have been better than this feeling. So take it from me, fellas, ALWAYS ASK IF YOU FEEL THE VIBE. A rejection is far better than the unknown. It always is, and it was tonight especially. The Lesson: Take your own advice, stupid. -Esperanto |
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| Author: | wedgetail [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:17 am ] |
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Great insight Esperanto- the feeling of rejection is much better than the feeling of regret. 'What if' clouds judgment, and what was first a fantasy of an expected set of events becomes a seething fire of regret. Rejection is like a slap- the pain disappears as quick as it came in the first place. |
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| Author: | TNation [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 12:24 am ] |
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this is a absolutely fine post. A million bundles of head knowledge won't help you unless you go out and try your knowledge. A rejection is so much better than a "what if" you're going to get rejected, but its only a step on the road to success! |
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| Author: | gyarados [ Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:54 am ] |
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Its not bad when girls tell you they dont want you, it happens all of the time, If you try a K-CLose an they say no I just say "oh, when your more drunk yeh  " then disregard whatever she says after this, and then 95% of the time you bump into them again 20-30 minutes later and kiss them straight away. Or maybe ask them "aww thats too bad, so where did I go wrong then", and they will tell you or ignore you so you give confused face and move onto next set. If you show that you can take rejection it is comfort building, |
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