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Traits of a PUA
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Author:  Sharplin [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Traits of a PUA
Well hey there fellow vagina-hungry PUAs,

I've been starting to put together a program for myself to follow for the next few weeks to get me out of my shell and better at interacting with people as a whole. I want an abundance of friends and a much better sex life, and I'm gonna get it, and this is probably the best way to go about doing it from my perspective. Kind of like Style's 30 Day Challenge, but tailored to my specific needs.

First thing I thought I'd do is make a list of traits that most successful PUAs or socially successful people have. From this list I'm going to make a program to develop each and every skill or trait over a period of time - for example, I will spend a week focusing on eye contact and kino, that kinda thing.

Here's my collection of traits. Feel free to call bullshit on any of them, or add to them, that's why I'm running it through you guys first!

  • 1. Make eye contact

    2. Loud, clear, slow speech

    3. Touching/kino

    4. Relaxed

    5. Hand gestures when speaking

    6. Solid stance, no shifting of weight

    7. Smile and laugh a lot

    8. Nod along when others are talking, use words of acknowledgement

    9. Talk to everybody

    10. Give genuine compliments

    11. The ‘talk show’ method – ask people questions as if they are on a talk show, avoid yes/no questions

    12. Confident, strong posture – shoulders up, eyes at eye level, back straight

    13. Be genuinely interested in what others are saying

    14. Be present – think about the topic/issue/joke at hand, not what to say next

    15. Take in your environment and remember who your audience is – try to think of mutual interests. What in the environment effects and interests both you and the other person?

    a. News, politics, weather, other shallow topics should be avoided as they don’t tend to go anywhere meaningful or interesting, and it can bore the other people a bit too much. Talk about superficial, shallow, ‘small-talk’ at first (the more light-hearted and playful you are at first the better)

    16. Bring up what you are passionate about, these make the best conversations

    17. Talk to people as if they are a good friend (think tone of voice, topic of conversation, body language, joking around, etc.) Don’t treat people like strangers or they will feel like strangers.

    18. Be genuine in opinion, emotion, praise and criticism (criticism should always be productive and constructive, not rude and demeaning)

    19. Use the other person’s name more than average, and repeat their name when you first meet them

    Them: “My name’s Jack.”
    You: “Hey Jack, nice to meet you. I’ve always liked that name. Jack is a man who knows how to get things done.”

    20. Ask relevant questions (again, avoid yes/no answers as these are the infamous ‘interview questions’)

    21. Have a healthy sense of humour – laugh and smile a lot, and say a joke when it comes to your mind – say only what you find funny, avoid trying to ‘please the crowd’, don’t joke too much or you’re annoying, don’t avoid jokes altogether because that’s boring

    22. Tell stories – stories make conversations interesting – but don’t go over the top and fill your head with hot air by making the conversation completely about you. That’s being egotistical and self-absorbed. Try to relate the conversation back to the other person when possible

    23. Use knowledge to your advantage, but don’t be a cocky, condescending douchebag who knows the answer to everything – sometimes “I don’t know” can be your friend.

    24. Mirror body language (to an extent) to help establish rapport – if they have their arms crossed, cross your arms. If they have their hands in their pockets, do the same. Don’t make it blatantly obvious, rapport is built subtly

    25. It’s important to operate under the frame of “fun, sociable guy” – have fun meeting people and interacting with people and it will prevent you from seeming creepy or boring
    a. Approaching will seem much more natural and actually feel good if you enjoy it – have fun meeting people, smile and laugh, remember that it shouldn’t be a chore

    26. It’s better to be honest than to hide your intentions
    a. For example, if you are out meeting new people on campus, don’t worry about coming up with ‘openers’ – just go talk to a girl (or a guy if you’re just looking for friends) and bring up how you don’t know anyone and you’re out trying to meet people. Chances are others are in a similar situation and can RELATE TO IT

    27. Remember that giving a second thought to how others are perceiving/judging you in an interaction is your ENEMY. It’s counterproductive and it kills confidence and any sense of ‘being in the moment’.
    a. This is where embarrassment challenges come in handy… intentionally making a fool of yourself and doing things that are outside of your social comfort zone can bring you out of your shell and make you realize first-hand that it doesn’t matter what you do or how other people think about you.

    28. Leading the interaction to where YOU want it to go – don’t confuse this with ‘talk about the other person,’ because you can certainly talk about other people while leading the interaction, as leading is not all done verbally (hence indirect escalation and communication)
[/list]
Author:  Envying [ Wed Sep 07, 2011 11:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Nice list.

I'm sure the best PUA's have almost all of these, and the PUA's-in-training have these as their goals.
Author:  Ezo [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Couldnt be bothered reading through the entire list but one point caught my attention.
Quote:
5. Hand gestures when speaking
Complete BS if you ask me. Stop moving around, calm smooth moves, no nervous waving your limbs around.
Author:  ASX [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
There's using hand gestures and then there's waving your limbs. They're not the same. Vivid communication gets processed at a deeper level, creating comfort up to a certain extent. I guess you can see it as some sort of verbal kino. However, just like normal kino, you need to escalate it and for the love of god, don't overdo it.

And what's wrong with small talk? If you can make a conversation about the weather interesting, you can make anything interesting. It's good practice.

I saw a good tip on here a few days back by the way. It kind of summarizes a lot of points mentioned here. Just treat every woman as if you've already had hot, steamy sex with them. Don't know who to credit for it, but it might make a good contribution for your list.
Author:  Sharplin [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Couldnt be bothered reading through the entire list but one point caught my attention.
Quote:
5. Hand gestures when speaking
Complete BS if you ask me. Stop moving around, calm smooth moves, no nervous waving your limbs around.
I don't blame you. Just wanted to run it by you - it's more for me than for anyone else.

Interesting perspective on hand gestures! I totally see what you mean by that. Over the top flailing of limbs does seem to come across as try-hard and nervous. It's on the same plane as shifting weight and excessive movement. It's unnatural. I guess it's good to keep it minimal, but it does add life to what you're talking about.

Thanks guys, I'm gonna continue this list then start making a challenge for myself. I'm already seeing progress :D:D:D
Author:  GrifterUK [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
I like this list, very good summaries too! Remember that everything is a balance, a moderation. Don't talk too quickly, don't talk too slowly. Don't wave your hands around to gain more attention, but still use them to add weight to what you're saying.
Look relaxed but not bored.

Balance and moderation are essential in this area. But tbh, I find the more I think about it, the more I struggle. Just be AWARE of the rights and wrongs, and you'll pick them up subconsciously. If you find you're not, then try learning them rote and practicing them more aggressively.

But yeah great collection, man :)
Author:  Sharplin [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I like this list, very good summaries too! Remember that everything is a balance, a moderation. Don't talk too quickly, don't talk too slowly. Don't wave your hands around to gain more attention, but still use them to add weight to what you're saying.
Look relaxed but not bored.

Balance and moderation are essential in this area. But tbh, I find the more I think about it, the more I struggle. Just be AWARE of the rights and wrongs, and you'll pick them up subconsciously. If you find you're not, then try learning them rote and practicing them more aggressively.

But yeah great collection, man :)
Thanks man, I'm really trying to 'emulate' those I see who are really social, outgoing, charismatic, and have success with women. To me this is the method that makes the most sense, but emulating their traits and interpreting them my own way.

Yes I agree, it's all good in moderation. If I talk too slow it's distracting and weird. If I talk too fast no one can understand me. And if I think way too much about all these rules all the time, it'll get confusing and I will act all deliberate and forcefully and it won't be good.

That's why I'm making this into a challenge. How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time.
Author:  skills360 [ Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Excellent...
Author:  Glade [ Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Great list. I'd say it's pretty spot on!
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Sat Sep 10, 2011 5:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
techniques to overcome external obstacles ..

i find personality traits ( which can be learned ) and inner game stuff much more important... Don't get me wrong here.. i almost do everything you wrote down but without the right mindset a lot of things will look like you are seeking approval...
each night you go out you have to train some of these things until they become natural.

i don't agree with the hand gestures , it only makes you look nervous.
Quote:
14. Be present – think about the topic/issue/joke at hand, not what to say next
if you are in state and you are in the present moment you can almost ignore everything you wrote down... when you are in state... o man .. lol

if you teach new guys to be totally present in the moment they forget all their limiting beliefs and they get in state ( vice versa ) .. it's crazy...being in the moment and enjoying is for me the number 1 - because it intergrates external game and inner game.
Author:  PUA movie maker [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 7:03 am ]
Post subject:  Your list looks great
I think your list looks great. I dont know how i feel about the hand gestures when talking. I guess if it feels natural then go for it, if it doesnt then dont but its great your taking a week to go through all of these things. I dont know if this will help you sharplin but i even went one step further than you did. I actually made a real life movie about my PUA style. I make PUA films for a living. If your interested in talking send me an email and we can bounce info back and fourth. in the meantime checkout the trailer for my movie "Car Date" The link should take you to the trailer. I love PUA and i love the fact that you are working on making yourself a better man. Hows it going so far? www.cardatemovie.com
Author:  Warped Mindless [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your list looks great
Quote:
I think your list looks great. I dont know how i feel about the hand gestures when talking. I guess if it feels natural then go for it, if it doesnt then dont but its great your taking a week to go through all of these things. I dont know if this will help you sharplin but i even went one step further than you did. I actually made a real life movie about my PUA style. I make PUA films for a living. If your interested in talking send me an email and we can bounce info back and fourth. in the meantime checkout the trailer for my movie "Car Date" The link should take you to the trailer. I love PUA and i love the fact that you are working on making yourself a better man. Hows it going so far? www.cardatemovie.com
Stop spamming the forum with your crappy movie.
Quote:
25. It’s important to operate under the frame of “fun, sociable guy”
fun, SEDUCTIVE guy would be better.
Author:  PUA movie maker [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Warperdmindless. First off i think you should know that i am trying to help the PUA community and am doing something positive here that may help people. If you look at all my posts not all of them have a link to my movie. I let people know my movie exists but i also post replies and make lots of posts without a link to my movie. I have posted good tips for eating healthy and have responded to people that have asked for advice. I am a PUA just like most of the people here and just want to be involved in the community like everyone else. I chat in the forums frequently and i make an attempt to write 2-4 posts per day in the forum. My rating is already at 3 and i hope for it to move higher over time. I don't appreciate you calling my movie crappy, dont you think that is a bit rude? I hope to see you around the forum mindless and look forward to reading what you have to say about PUA. Thanks for reaching out to me
Author:  Sharplin [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
techniques to overcome external obstacles ..

i find personality traits ( which can be learned ) and inner game stuff much more important... Don't get me wrong here.. i almost do everything you wrote down but without the right mindset a lot of things will look like you are seeking approval...
each night you go out you have to train some of these things until they become natural.

i don't agree with the hand gestures , it only makes you look nervous.
Quote:
14. Be present – think about the topic/issue/joke at hand, not what to say next
if you are in state and you are in the present moment you can almost ignore everything you wrote down... when you are in state... o man .. lol

if you teach new guys to be totally present in the moment they forget all their limiting beliefs and they get in state ( vice versa ) .. it's crazy...being in the moment and enjoying is for me the number 1 - because it intergrates external game and inner game.
This is so true, and I'm starting to realize that more and more. All of these traits were observed directly in those I look up to as seductive, charismatic, dominant, fun, successful people. That doesn't mean they practice every single trait, and they most likely aren't even aware that they have every single trait.

The point is that they have all of these positive traits simply as a side effect of being in the moment and present and all that stuff. The more present and "here and now" you are, the more you will exhibit these kinds of traits.

That gives this challenge a goal: become present. The only problem is, this goal is kind of vague and abstract, which makes it hard to attain as it cannot really be measured.
Author:  skills360 [ Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
techniques to overcome external obstacles ..

i find personality traits ( which can be learned ) and inner game stuff much more important... Don't get me wrong here.. i almost do everything you wrote down but without the right mindset a lot of things will look like you are seeking approval...
each night you go out you have to train some of these things until they become natural.

i don't agree with the hand gestures , it only makes you look nervous.
Quote:
14. Be present – think about the topic/issue/joke at hand, not what to say next
if you are in state and you are in the present moment you can almost ignore everything you wrote down... when you are in state... o man .. lol

if you teach new guys to be totally present in the moment they forget all their limiting beliefs and they get in state ( vice versa ) .. it's crazy...being in the moment and enjoying is for me the number 1 - because it intergrates external game and inner game.
This is so true, and I'm starting to realize that more and more. All of these traits were observed directly in those I look up to as seductive, charismatic, dominant, fun, successful people. That doesn't mean they practice every single trait, and they most likely aren't even aware that they have every single trait.

The point is that they have all of these positive traits simply as a side effect of being in the moment and present and all that stuff. The more present and "here and now" you are, the more you will exhibit these kinds of traits.

That gives this challenge a goal: become present. The only problem is, this goal is kind of vague and abstract, which makes it hard to attain as it cannot really be measured.

Agree, guys also since i am always acting that way, i notice i am getting without me asking, free food, free services extra freebies, people go out of their way to help me etc... Anybody else has that experience??????
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