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| A PU Journal https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=95194 |
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| Author: | Zermelo [ Sun Jul 03, 2011 6:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | A PU Journal |
It seems like AFC Daniel's thread has started a trend of people writing consistent, updated journals of their experiences in the field rather than each topic being a single, isolated experience of a person with women or men. I've been lurking the forums for a while now, and it seems that the general advice is that journalling one's experiences helps, so I see this trend(if it can even be called that) as a positive one and want to 'get in on it', so to speak. Who am I right now? To answer this, I suppose I need to make a crude distinction between the emotional and intellectual sides of a person. Intellectually, I consider myself a fairly developed person and a thinker. I'm an aspiring mathematician, a hobbyist philosopher and like to think that I'm fairly intelligent. However, none of this helps with my emotional side apart from my articulation of it. Emotionally, I am a pretty 'repressed'(I use the term loosely) individual. Our emotional sides, as I see it, dictate our interactions with other human beings a lot more than our intellectual sides, and one can easily deduce from this that my interactions with other people are pretty damned terrible. However, my interaction with other men aren't that bad, I'm able to be friendly and make decent jokes with other guys - so that's not where my problems lie. My problems lie with my interaction with women. To expand, I do everything that an AFC does; I supplicate, I clam up, I look down, I fidget with anything I can find and I generally just cannot interact with a woman unless it's something related to work or something similar, like asking for directions. But even those kind of things are gargantuan tasks for me. Who do I want to be? I want to be a person with a developed enough emotional side to my persona that I can engage socially with women without fear or anxiety. I want to be able to be the person that can make others smile and make others happy, instead of sitting on the sidelines and making remarks when I see fit. I want to feel good about myself and acheive something that takes me out of my comfort zone and into a place where I feel the worst about myself and turn that shit around. I want to be someone who's developed both intellectually and emotionally, and thus socially and sexually. Why do Pick-Up then? Well, I discovered PU after a friend recommended me 'The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists' after many weeks of me whining about my horrendous lack of social experience. I was initially skeptical of this book, but eventually became a 'believer' of this system, as this book identified(loosely) many of my own traits in the single word 'AFC', it seemed to know exactly how I saw women and what I did wrong in my interactions with them. Obviously, this book wasn't the be-all and end-all of my reading, as that made me explore the world of PU. I came across this forum after coming across the 'New Visitors to Fast Seduction' site, and have been lurking ever since. I didn't actually go into the field until yesterday because I was busy with exams and my interest in PU was overtaken by my interest in actually getting into university, but rest assured since my exams are over - I intend to practise a lot more. My lurking the forums made me realise that experience and inner-game is more virtuous than studying only one style and sticking to it purely, that learning to be critical of certain ideas rather than accepting them on faith in the 'Pick-Up Gurus'. So then, I'll get to my first actual field report. Field Report #1: Newbie Mission Yesterday I set out to do Svengali's Newbie Mission, so I headed out to Birmingham City Centre with the intention of speaking to every girl I saw. However, I pretty much failed. I didn't open a single set and I realised that my approach anxiety was way too high, that this led to my inner voice mentally masturbating about possible reactions from women(similar to things mentioned by 60daysofchallenge). The fear inside me crippled my possible interactions to the core, and what's worse is that after I had realised that I had missed some serious opportunities for a decent conversation. A notable failure was when walking up a street at about 1pm, a two-set were discussing directions to a bar(which incidentally I knew where it was), however they were walking in the same direction as I was and I'd noticed them about 30 seconds prior to that. I was toying with the idea of approaching them however my inner-voice said '3 second rule, it'd be way too awkward'. Obviously I'd missed the point of the 3s rule, which is NO HESISTATION, but my mental masturbation was a barrier to that. However, not all was lost. In hindsight, there are some positive things to note. My eye contact was great, I have pretty much lost the fear of looking at women straight in the eye in passing, and can hold eye-contact in pretty much any situation. My posture was good and despite the intense AA, I think it helped me feel good about myself. Another funny situation was when I held eye contact with this rather ugly black girl, when I walked off she shouted in the background 'his lips are dry blud', but I didn't care and her opinion didn't phase me. So I think that my mental masturbation is a lot more detrimental to my attempts to approach than my reactions to negative comments are. That is, I realised I can handle a straight up insult from a stranger without it seriously affecting me. Lessons a) Inner-game is more important than outer-game at this point for me. I can't identify my sticking points in outer-game if I don't have the courage to begin the conversations. b) I have too many crutches. Earlier on, I thought 'maybe if I have some alcohol then I'd be able to approach women'. That didn't work. I then thought 'maybe if I apply some vaseline it'll make me feel sufficiently good about my aesthetics such that I'll approach some sets'. Didn't work either. c) I didn't prepare. I literally had read the Newbie Mission and thought, let's do it without any prior planning or preparation. I need to think about what I'm going to do in the field(different to being in the field and thinking too much) before I go out in the field - as if I think about what I'm doing in the field, it leads to anxiety and MM. What next? Focus on my inner-game. I am applying for a job as a fundraiser at the moment so I can be forced into social situations and get used to them. I might take some of SashaPUA's advice and just go into shops and pull dumbass pranks to get over my approach anxiety too. My next hurdle is re-attempting the Newbie Mission and succeeding.[/b] |
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