Good morning guys,
Here is my first field report – The whole thing is really long due to it being a multi day adventure, but I wanted to include most of the detail to help anyone who is patient enough to read through it all fully understand the situation and offer relative advice. For those with limited time, a bullet point version is a few paragraphs below.
So, first a little background info. I am currently living in Austria, yet don’t speak German so a language barrier immediately exist making life more interesting. Fortunately the HB in question speaks good English, so I don’t feel like this is causing too much of a problem in this particular case.
I’m 24 and recently split from my last long term (5 years) girlfriend, so my game was pretty much non-existent due to growing very complacent during the comfy relationship. This split is what led me to this community, and is something I am incredibly thankful for as at some point down the road, life will be good. However for now, I am still at the bottom of the ladder.
Short version
• HB works behind ticket desk at local ski resort
• On first day seeing her, asked her out. She appeard shy and taken aback, I said “Oh, I should have guessed you would have a boyfriend, have a nice day” and “ran” away like an embarrassed school kid (NOTE: she never actually said she didn’t want to go out, or had a boyfriend)
• I notice that she works there regularly, so make a plan to develop an interest in me. Every time I see her, with almost no intro (maybe a hi, how are you) I will ask her (what would seem like to her) a completely random question relating to her favourite things, before leaving just as quickly as I had appeared.
• I will then take the answer, think of something quirky and personal that relates to it, and give it to her next time (eg for the answer to her favourite colour, I gave her the song Blue, by Plej, a really beautiful Sexy-house track)
• Every meeting, the SPAM would improve. Eyecontact, body language, smiles etc were getting better and better. She seemed to be genuinely happy to see me.
• Small hiccup where she became shy and withdrew a little whilst asking about her next day off work. I changed the subject quickly and got back to a happy place.
• After a particularly pleasant meeting, I decide that next time I should ask her out again, just for coffee or something similar.
• I do this; everything goes sweet with loads of great energy. I am really pleased with how psyched she seemed. She agrees to go out. I left her with my card so she could call/email to sort out time and place
• Hear nothing, convince myself its because she is very shy so after 5 days I go back to see her. Play Styles 5 question game, confirm a time and place for coffee on her next day off. Strange SPAM – half the time a little forced and uncomfortable, yet half the time its happy with lots of laughs and smiles.
• Need help and advice from you guys for planning and implementing an amazing “1st date” in 4 days time! Read (way, way) below for some of my ideas so far.
Very long version...
So the HB in question works behind the ticket desk of one of my local ski resorts. When I first saw her (whilst buying a lift ticket for the day) I was like “woah, I didn’t expect to see that”. She is fine, really fine, and I was psyched to get a nice big smile from her. Now at this particular time, I still knew nothing about game, but as I walked away from her, I had this impulse to go back and ask her out, so I did. Obviously, with hindsight, this was a rookie move, but I figured it was worth a shot, in a “whats the worst that can happen way” and at least I made the approach, which is a good start
So I wandered over, trying to appear as casual as possible (most likely looked like a nervous wreck, which is pretty much what I felt like) and said
Day 1
Me “I would never normaly do something like this, but I wondered if you would like to go out sometime”
HB (kind of looks taken aback in a shy but flattered way – doesn’t say anything)
Me “Oh, I should have guessed you would have a boyfriend” (she still doesn’t say anything but shyly smiles a little) “well it was a pleasure meeting you, have a great day”
Then I walk away, and all this time she didn’t actually say a word to confirm she a) didn’t want to go out, or b) she did have a boyfriend. I just presumed all this like a chump, and put words into her mouth, before running away to get out of the uncomfortable situation! Idiot!
At this point I felt things were over, and put her out of my mind, figuring I would probably never see her again anyway. I began to read “the Game” and also started to explore online. A few days later I went back to the same resort, and to my surprise, there she was again, stunning as ever. I took the decision not to appear embarrassed by our previous meeting, and strolled up to her window, again trying to project confidence. She sees me, I smile, she recognises me, and gives me a big shy smile back. I take a ticket, say thanks, and leave.
Later I realise that she may be a permanent fixture at the resort, meaning a regular chance to see her. At this point in time, I am only a few chapters into “the Game”, and the one thing that is standing out in my mind, is that I need to demonstrate a higher value to her than all the other AFC’s she meets all the time. I still think she might have a boyfriend, but im not 100%, so I come up with an idea for a long play that might just work.
In short, it involved me appearing at her window every few days, and asking her (what would seem like) a completely random question relating to her favourite things, before leaving just as quickly as I had appeared. With very little intro or exit, I hoped that it would at first, simply get her thinking about me (sort of what’s going on here, this guy is intriguing me).
So the first day went like this;
Day 3
Me “hey (PAUSE big smile and eye contact, smile returned), I have a question for you?”
HB “oh, ok” (smile and little eyebrow raise)
Me ”what’s your favourite colour”
HB “errr, Blue” (said happily with a smile)
Me “Cool, have a nice day” (turn and walk off, don’t look back)
Over the next few days I thought about where I wanted this to go and what I could do with the answer she had given me. My first obvious thought was to dress in Blue (blue ski jacket, Blue T, blue beanie) when I next paid her a visit to see if she would smile (or even notice). Then I remembered this amazing track called Blue by Swedish label Plej, which is the opening track to Nordic Lounge Vol 2 (a particularly smooth sexy-house compilation) and so burnt it to cd, ladled simply as blue. and took it with me.
Day 4
I asked her another question, this time about her favourite Season – Summer and then told her
“you won’t believe this, but the strangest thing had just happend! I was standing in the que, and found this random CD in my pocket. I have no ide what it is or where its from, but I noticed it was titled blue, and since that was your favourite colour I thought you might know what to do with it”
Her face lit up, she gave me a big smile and thank you. I said goodbye, turned and left, immediately thinking of what to do for summer!
The next few meetings went well; each followed the same basic pattern, yet each time I would talk with her a little more about unrelated things. She seemed to be growing more comfortable by the day, and I was met each time by an ever increasing amount of smiles and eye contact. She game me positive feedback on the “gifts”, saying, for example, that she really enjoyed Nordic Lounge 2.
There was one slight hiccup – once I asked her what days she worked so I would know when to come and see her. She told me she worked almost every day, and I replied with something like, oh no, when is your next day off. It was a slip of the tongue, I didn’t mean for it to sound anything like I was asking her out, but she sort of seemed to withdraw a little and said something like, I don’t know. I quickly changed the subject, got back to smiles and left.
Maybe I read too much into her body language but it seemed like she became shy and withdrawn at any point the conversation turned “more serious”.
Day 6
I carried on the questions routine for a few more days until the day I gave her a pot of this amazing Strawberry jam, with a hint of vanilla, that you can buy out here (I know this one sounds really wierd, but bear with me:) It was in response to the favourite fruit question – a question I was finding inspiration difficult. Then I remembered this jam, so fruity and sweet, and just as the mouthful is almost finished, you get this subtle hint of vanilla which makes it really amazing. So I took a pot up to her, with the words “even perfection can be complimented” written on the lid. At first she was a little like WTF, which is actually how I hoped she would react, but then as I explained my reasons, and she read the lid, she got really psyched. A lot of smiles, eye-contact, and general good vibes; I left feeling things were going very well!
After a few days pondering, and speaking to a friend, I decided that the time had come to step things up a level. I could easily go on as I had been until the cows came home, but what I knew I needed to do was ask her out again, and find out where I stood. I came up with a conversation plan, tried to imagine her possible responses and plan counter responses to them that would get the conversation back on track to where I wanted it to lead. I practiced a lot, so as not to appear nervous (really I was shitting bricks), went up there, and pretty much nailed it (the conversation, not her
Here is a copy of the SPAM conversation between myself and a friend, the evening after...
Day 7
so I walk up to the window
[09/01/2010 15:49:10] Fitzwilliam: the guy I spoke to yesterday was there, saw me, recognised me and went to get her without a word
[09/01/2010 15:49:49] Fitzwilliam: she appears, looking as wonderful as ever, big smiles, and I begin...
[09/01/2010 15:50:11] Ghostface: wow
[09/01/2010 15:50:25] Fitzwilliam: "hey you" pause, smile, "how has your day been so far?"
[09/01/2010 15:51:03] Fitzwilliam: she smiles and nods "its been ok" raises eyebrows slightly
[09/01/2010 15:51:42] Fitzwilliam: "just ok?" pause, mirror eyebrow raise whilst looking in eyes
[09/01/2010 15:51:52] Ghostface: haha nice
[09/01/2010 15:52:32] Fitzwilliam: (me still) "like how ok? This ok?" and I raise my hands high and apart like measuring a fish
[09/01/2010 15:52:41] Ghostface: hahaha
[09/01/2010 15:52:44] Ghostface: sweet boy
[09/01/2010 15:52:54] Fitzwilliam: little giggle "no not quite that ok"
[09/01/2010 15:53:03] Ghostface: haha
[09/01/2010 15:53:12] Fitzwilliam: hands come closer "this ok?"
[09/01/2010 15:53:26] Fitzwilliam: "eerrmmm" wiggling head
[09/01/2010 15:53:53] Fitzwilliam: Hands now come really close "only this ok?"
[09/01/2010 15:54:08] Fitzwilliam: Smile "no, more than that
[09/01/2010 15:54:25] Fitzwilliam: Hands wider again "like this?"
[09/01/2010 15:54:29] Ghostface: hahaha
[09/01/2010 15:54:32] Ghostface: this sounds amazing
[09/01/2010 15:54:37] Fitzwilliam: yeah, little smile
[09/01/2010 15:55:19] Fitzwilliam: "Well thats actually quite a lot of ok, almost good actually" smile, she smiles back - always looking in eyes
[09/01/2010 15:56:22] Fitzwilliam: "so anyway, this may come as a surprise, but I havnt come here today to ask you a question" pause, she looks intreagued
[09/01/2010 15:56:24] Ghostface: wow ok
[09/01/2010 15:56:29] Ghostface: okok
[09/01/2010 15:57:25] Fitzwilliam: "What I would like you to do for me, is to promise me something" small pause, little smile from her "can you do that?"
[09/01/2010 15:58:16] Fitzwilliam: "errr, yes - what is it?" looking interested with a little smile
[09/01/2010 15:58:25] Fitzwilliam: nice big eyes
[09/01/2010 15:59:15] Ghostface: ok
[09/01/2010 16:02:36] Fitzwilliam: "I want you to promise me that" pause (look like im searching for the words) "that if you ever feel uncomfortable" pause ( she looks like - oh no, dont be silly you sweet gentle hunk) "no, if you ever feel anything less than happiness when I come to see you" pause
[09/01/2010 16:03:02] Fitzwilliam: she looks like she is melting a little
[09/01/2010 16:03:27] Ghostface: in a good way?
[09/01/2010 16:04:24] Fitzwilliam: in a good way "then you will tell me right away" pause - look in her eyes all the time when I say this next bit "and my promise to you is that I will just dissapear, you wont have to see me again"
[09/01/2010 16:04:59] Ghostface: holy fuck
[09/01/2010 16:05:13] Ghostface: that line bears only mass
[09/01/2010 16:05:17] Ghostface: critical mass
[09/01/2010 16:05:17] Fitzwilliam: im trying hard to describe how she looked
[09/01/2010 16:05:29] Fitzwilliam: like before, but only better
[09/01/2010 16:05:31] Ghostface: exemplifies the ephemerality of life
[09/01/2010 16:05:40] Fitzwilliam: like shaking head smiles
[09/01/2010 16:05:41] Ghostface: ok im getting it
[09/01/2010 16:06:04] Fitzwilliam: like how can you be so nice??? and all for me???
[09/01/2010 16:06:09] Fitzwilliam: that sort of thing
[09/01/2010 16:06:24] Ghostface: fuck
[09/01/2010 16:06:29] Ghostface: ive got
[09/01/2010 16:07:01] Fitzwilliam: and she sort of mumbels "no" in a kind of no-dont be so stupid way
[09/01/2010 16:07:22] Fitzwilliam: always smiling and wide eyes - a little overwhelmed
[09/01/2010 16:07:41] Ghostface: shit the bed Fitz
[09/01/2010 16:07:45] Fitzwilliam: so I kind of feel like this is going well
[09/01/2010 16:07:48] Ghostface: how the fuck are you so good
[09/01/2010 16:08:12] Fitzwilliam: but notice there is a guy behind me waiting to be served
[09/01/2010 16:08:37] Fitzwilliam: I clock him, she clocks him, he clocks us both
[09/01/2010 16:09:04] Fitzwilliam: I decide I cant stop, so looking at her continue down the road
[09/01/2010 16:10:15] Fitzwilliam: "you se the thing is, all I want to do is make you happy" pause, look at her, she is smiling " and see you smile" pause "even if its just for a moment"
[09/01/2010 16:10:39] Ghostface: SHIT THE BED
[09/01/2010 16:12:00] Fitzwilliam: "because when I see you smile" pause, she is smiling lots at this point - like oh my god " its like the whole world lights up" pause look at her and ever so sincerely say "everything is illuminated"
[09/01/2010 16:12:46] Ghostface: i can't believe this
[09/01/2010 16:12:50] Ghostface: this is the shit women die for
[09/01/2010 16:12:55 Ghostface: like unbelievable Fitz
[09/01/2010 16:12:57] Ghostface: so so good
[09/01/2010 16:12:59] Fitzwilliam: then I look at the guy again, look at her and kind of laugh "fuck"
[09/01/2010 16:13:38] Fitzwilliam: she is smiling lots, tooks really taken aback but wvery happy
[09/01/2010 16:15:02] Fitzwilliam: "im really sorry for embarasing you like this" pause and small laugh - then say in a kind I dont care, im lost in the moment "im embarasining myself as well"
[09/01/2010 16:15:40] Fitzwilliam: look at the guy,look at her, she is looking into my eyes
[09/01/2010 16:16:58] Fitzwilliam: "I should let you get back to work" almost walk away, but turn back and say "but I would really love to be able to talk properly with you at some point"
[09/01/2010 16:18:24] Fitzwilliam: (and now this is where my memory gets a little hazy, maybe because I was shaking like a shitting dog from nerves, and so I dont remember 100% weather she said, mumbled or implied the following things with body language)
[09/01/2010 16:18:41] Ghostface: okok
[09/01/2010 16:19:13] Fitzwilliam: she nods or says yes or something
[09/01/2010 16:20:01] Fitzwilliam: "Away from all these distractions and interuptions" again she nods or says yes
[09/01/2010 16:20:41] Fitzwilliam: (Whatever it was, she was agreeing with me, and I was like fuck yeah, its on, just keep it together)
[09/01/2010 16:20:48] Ghostface: okok
[09/01/2010 16:22:59] Fitzwilliam: "do you think that maybe we could do that?" pause look at her (she repeats same action as before) "some place" pause (she repeats) "some time?) She says yes and smiles - in a good, kind of oh my, what just happened!
[09/01/2010 16:23:23] Fitzwilliam: I look at her and smile
[09/01/2010 16:24:01] Fitzwilliam: "So let me give you this, so you can contact me" and get out one of my cards from my wallet
[09/01/2010 16:24:20] Fitzwilliam: although I was so nervous, I almost couldnt get it out! she takes it, I say goodbye in a way I cant remember, take one last look at her, and walk off.
So I wait... Nothing that eve as to be expected. Nothing that weekend, playing it cool! Nothing on Monday, im beging to think too much! Nothing on Tuesday, Oh shit, why has she not called! I speak with my friend, and after a short while he asks me If I think she might be too shy to call. I scan back over all that has happened, and it doesn’t sound like the craziest idea in the world. I convince myself that this is the case and set a cut-off point for going back up to see her.
Day 8
Today was that cut-off point, and back to the resort I went. I decided to play down the whole not calling thing, just go in there happy and confident and attempt to get back to where we left off. Unfortunately, the SPAM seemed different, not necesseraly bad, it just wasn’t like she was hanging on every word. Still, there were laughs and smiles in the right places, and I walked away with a time and place to meet for Coffee on her next day off.
The basis of the conversation was Styles 5 question game, with the bet for the loser to pay for coffee (win-win situation in my book
. She was quick, and smart, but lost on Q5. Making sure not to make the same mistake again and leave things in her control, I found out her next day off, and suggested a place and time to meet, to which she agreed. Then one of her co-workers (who had been listening the whole time) came up to her and stuck a post-it note onto her shirt, that read “she’s already married”. I quickly checked her fingers, cursing myself for being so oblivious, but all was cool, the only ring was on her right middle finger (which I made a little joke about and told her I would explain next time. Before I left, I made one last test by falsely-confirming the day of Coffee a day later than agreed, she corrected me, which I took as a positive sign.The whole meeting had a really strange vibe about it. On one hand it felt a little uncomfortable, and she didn’t seem as happy to see me or as psyched as the last time. Yet on the other hand, she smiled and laughed in all the right places, and agreed to meet up (surely the only thing that really matters).
Now I have 4 ½ days to make sure my game is in the best possible shape, I need her to be so overwhelmed by the time she leaves, that calling back won’t be an option, but a necessity! And this is where you guys really fit in. Give me advice, the more the better...
Here is where I need lots of help!
Firstly I’m going to seek out a really cute, private little coffee shop (no big chains) and make potential plans of things to do afterwards (museum, shopping etc), to avoid sitting in the same space for too long.
Secondly, get Kino going asap. This might be tricky regarding the shyness, but I hope that if I act respectfully, yet do everything confidently, it will be sweet. From the start, the double cheek kiss is a given (little touch on the hips here won’t go a miss), followed by opening the door and leading her through (hand at base of back). I will also make sued to sit at the corner of a table with her so its not invasive, but there are no barriers in the way (what do you think?).
If things are proving tough, then there is always the ring theories to talk about, which will bring together a nice little bit of cold reading and gratis Kino + show I have useful knowledge about in interesting and unusual subject.
I know a couple of slight-of-hand/illusions/esp trics that I can do if I feel the need for them (possible ice breakers)
Then after some random fluffing (trying to focus as much on the feelings but not going OTT, I then hope to take things a little deeper, and this is where I really need help!
Any advice on where to go from here would be much appreciated.
I really am all ears.
Thanks in advance,
Fitzwilliam