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MY CONFIDENCE IS COMPLETELY SHOOK AFTER YESTERDAYS SARGE!
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Author:  natedizzle [ Fri Aug 05, 2011 4:32 pm ]
Post subject:  MY CONFIDENCE IS COMPLETELY SHOOK AFTER YESTERDAYS SARGE!
So yesterday I walked around the mall and a couple other super stores for 5 hours and the best I did was stop a group of four beautiful woman and ask what time it was.. I realized that my approach anxiety is so bad that I can't say one sentence without looking extremely nervous and making sense, I was so into it to and I litterally just couldn't approach a group of girls. What's something I can do to help me with that because I can ask random people what time it is and even say hi to people but I can't say a long sentence without feeling like Im gonna have a panic attack. Advice will be much appreciated
Author:  Treaty [ Fri Aug 05, 2011 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: MY CONFIDENCE IS COMPLETELY SHOOK AFTER YESTERDAYS SARGE!
Quote:
So yesterday I walked around the mall and a couple other super stores for 5 hours and the best I did was stop a group of four beautiful woman and ask what time it was.. I realized that my approach anxiety is so bad that I can't say one sentence without looking extremely nervous and making sense, I was so into it to and I litterally just couldn't approach a group of girls. What's something I can do to help me with that because I can ask random people what time it is and even say hi to people but I can't say a long sentence without feeling like Im gonna have a panic attack. Advice will be much appreciated
I know how you feel man please don't give up. It's scary to talk to people sometimes. You have no idea how shitty other people feel, sometimes I'm on the verge of crying, and I get really angry when I feel people attack who I am. I almost threw in the towel this morning and then I remembered this stuff: practical-attainment-of-inner-game-cont ... 67840.html . Please use it; it will serve you well if you read Hobbit's post.

And please read this one too: buddhism-vt97601.html.
Author:  Terret401 [ Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah man, I feel I know what your going through. I'm pretty much starting out myself. I went through the same thing a few weeks ago when I first tried to go out with the intention of approaching people. I thought i had it all planned out and that it was going to be easy.

An example of what I had in mind was I'd go out and look at something on a shelf, acting like I was shopping and then ask a near by person if they think it would be a good "gift" for someone. Like if it was a LEGO set I'd ask if they thought it would be a good gift for my 10yr old cousin, or if it was some type of cooking ware I'd say I didn't know much about this stuff and was looking for a gift for my mother. I wasn't even to even pick up any girls or anything, I just wanted the experience.

When I went out to try this I instantly got stuck in my head and couldn't even squeeze a hello out. I just walked around looking at stuff and then left feeling like a complete introvert. I was like "Damn it, this fucking sucks. Why the hell is this happening?"

It really surprised me, because if I have a reason to go out. Like if I am legitimately shopping, I have no issue saying hello, making small talk and smiling at people, but this totally messed with me.

I am the type of person who really hates lying to people so I guess my brain wouldn't give me permission to ask all those questions, because I really didn't want or care about their opinion.

So what I've been doing is when I go out for something I try to make an effort to have small talk with some people and I found that I am better at situational than anything else right now.

Anyway, just like Treaty said don't throw in the towel. It's tough going out there and putting yourself on the line. The links he mentioned are really good, and also if you can get a hold of a copy of The Blueprint Recoded it helped me a hell of a lot the past month. I liked the videos better than the book because its easier to keep my attention. Its all about inner game and it helps you understand whats going on inside your head and how to break out of it.

PM me if you want. I'm looking for some people that are starting out too. Kind of like a support system so when shit hits fan on those rough days that we don't give up.

Good luck man!
Author:  jekis1sv [ Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: MY CONFIDENCE IS COMPLETELY SHOOK AFTER YESTERDAYS SARGE!
Quote:
So yesterday I walked around the mall and a couple other super stores for 5 hours and the best I did was stop a group of four beautiful woman and ask what time it was.. I realized that my approach anxiety is so bad that I can't say one sentence without looking extremely nervous and making sense, I was so into it to and I litterally just couldn't approach a group of girls. What's something I can do to help me with that because I can ask random people what time it is and even say hi to people but I can't say a long sentence without feeling like Im gonna have a panic attack. Advice will be much appreciated
I advice you either try self-hypnosis or subliminal messaging software to improve your self-confidence. According to my experience you should see changes after 5 days of daily trainings.
Author:  Portugal.Thy.Man [ Sat Aug 06, 2011 11:53 am ]
Post subject: 
I found out that it's much much easier to start practising when another person is right beside you. Here are some practical examples:

1) Bike Riding

a) I go alone. I hardly say good morning to anyone, do not stop at any point and avoid looking at people directly.

b) I go with my mate. He's a complete wuss, btw. I feel like I'm in command and I say good morning to everyone who passes by, with a nice smile. I stop all the time to ask some cute woman the time, since I never bring my watch ;)


2) Mall

a) I go alone. I just look whatever it is I got there for to buy, and the only talk time I get is with shop-clerks, the usual "thank you".

b) I go with this girl for a date. Well, I flirt with every hot shop-clerk (chicks only!), I ask them for opinions, I ask HB costumers if they can help me with this and that products and what-not. ( This last one scenario, you have to see it for yourself. You'll be on top of the world, be the boss of your own reality... but I won't know how the fuck you did it :lol: ).


So, you should start with support. Even though they aren't aware they're there to help you, they are. A lot.

Cheers
Author:  Treaty [ Mon Aug 08, 2011 7:07 am ]
Post subject: 
How about we all make a support group together in this thread? We can each put our challenges and fears in this thread and the others will provide moral and emotional support. Anyone is welcome to join in if they like. No flaming or insulting please. I ask the mods to keep a close eye on this thread and that if someone starts flaming, kick them out. Other than that, put a list of your concerns and someone who can relate to you will reply. Thanks for starting this up natedizzle :).
Author:  The Temptation [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I found out that it's much much easier to start practising when another person is right beside you. Here are some practical examples:

1) Bike Riding

a) I go alone. I hardly say good morning to anyone, do not stop at any point and avoid looking at people directly.

b) I go with my mate. He's a complete wuss, btw. I feel like I'm in command and I say good morning to everyone who passes by, with a nice smile. I stop all the time to ask some cute woman the time, since I never bring my watch ;)


2) Mall

a) I go alone. I just look whatever it is I got there for to buy, and the only talk time I get is with shop-clerks, the usual "thank you".

b) I go with this girl for a date. Well, I flirt with every hot shop-clerk (chicks only!), I ask them for opinions, I ask HB costumers if they can help me with this and that products and what-not. ( This last one scenario, you have to see it for yourself. You'll be on top of the world, be the boss of your own reality... but I won't know how the fuck you did it :lol: ).


So, you should start with support. Even though they aren't aware they're there to help you, they are. A lot.

Cheers


I totally agree with you here man. When I'm with my boys I have a lot more confidence and courage but when I'm by myself it is a lot harder to approach. I was just thinking about that at the club the other night. Just get a couple good friends with you and just do it bro. Don't think about, overthinking things kills your game badly from my own personal expierence. I know easier said then done but if they don't like you fuck em there loss lol good luck and stick in there bro
Author:  hound9753 [ Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
How's it going guys,

I'm just starting out with all this as well, and it's been suggested to form a support group for people just starting out. This would only work if people did some more posting.

Anyway, so far I've been round my local shopping centre saying "hi how's it going?" to various different people of varying ages. I roll a dice to decide how many people I will say it to, and then I have to go and do it. It's not been too difficult really. I just relax, walk in a relaxed manner, I think to myself that when I say "hello how's it going?" I'm going to say it in a relaxed, friendly manner and look at people in the eye. Sometimes I make a hand gesture to signal "hello" as I'm saying it.

So far I've only been doing it with people who have been on their own. The next stage is to say it to people who are with someone else. The next stage is then to do it exclusively with girls, building up to the hotter ones.

Then the next stage is to begin getting into conversations with them. Just talking about stuff to do with the shops or something. "Do you know where I might be able to find x or y?" etc.

And always remembering to be super relaxed and cool with it all, talking nice and slowly and solidly.

Then it's a case of continuing to read and watch videos to educate myself, and trying the stuff out. My biggest obstacle is having the time to do it all. It's tough when you have to go out and earn money to support yourself!

Anyway, I'd be glad to hear of how other people are doing with the early stages of all this. I must say, the whole mass of information out there does seem a bit daunting. I guess it won't really start to make sense until you've gone out and tried stuff quite a bit.

I think it's important to enjoy the process and to have fun while doing it.

Have fun folks!

Hound
Author:  remiH [ Fri Aug 19, 2011 3:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
use your ambience when you're sarging at a super store or a mall. if you're at a super store, ask for an opinion like, "hey i'm looking to get a wedding gift for a friend and am completely lost on what to get them..any ideas?"

if you're at a girl's clothing store (which i prefer) "hey quick opinion here...my sister is turning 18 and i wnat to get her something real good for her birthday. i'm not the best at fashion, what do you think about this?"

make sure to keep going with the story so you don't look lke you're just trying to pick them up. conceal the real motive here...

and also keep your head up, everyone has bad days.
Author:  Ebomb31 [ Fri Sep 23, 2011 6:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey man. It's okay.. the first thing is you gotta be gentle and compassionate with yourself. If you think it's wrong and fucked up and don't accept it then you'll reject that part of yourself and unintentionally cement it.

I still get that nervous social anxiety panic attack feeling when cold approaching in day game. I'm also getting laid regularly. Let me tell you a story:

When I first started dancing I had such bad anxiety.. my palms were sweaty, I was literally vibrating I was shaking so intensely, super uncomfortable. Each time the circle rotated and a different girl came I was so nervous I could barely remember how to step let alone what steps to do. At the end of the lesson circle I literally RAN out and had a panic attack in my car. I cried and left.

The next week.. I went back. And the same thing happened, but a girl asked me to dance before I could bolt, then another. I fumbled my way through 10 minutes of painful dancing before I left, but this time I didn't sprint to my car, I walked to it.

I told myself "E.. this is where you're at. You lost the battle, but don't give up. You are going to win this war, no matter how many battles you have to lose before things turn around"

And each week I lasted 10-15 minutes longer until I could finally stay till closing. I started making friends with people I saw there every week, and the girl who got mad at me every time I left without saying goodbye to anyone (cause I'd reached my tolerance limit) eventually became my girlfriend. I started taking classes on dance so I could get better and be more comfortable.

Now, I have a lovely dance partner who I'm also in an open relationship with (different girl) and go dancing several times a week. Rather than a source of anxiety and frustration and pain, dancing has become a sanctuary and refuge for me to cut loose and be free. I'm getting laid regularly and no longer have panic attacks dancing.

Oh.. I still FREAK when I try to cold approach day game. Ha! Only this time I'm not so hard on myself about it, I know it's not the end of the world to be here.
I know that if I start with a foundational skill, maybe take an improv class and start to enjoy conversations more, I'll have a tool I can use to win that war to.

The message of that story is that you can do it man. Believe in yourself, be gentle. Underachieve your way to success one baby step at a time, and whatever you do DO NOT GIVE UP!
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