Hey people, even though I've been wandering around the forum and reading what was going on, I hadn't posted for a while. My stuff were going good, but recently changed. Girlfriend problem, but the real issue doesn't belong to the rl section, the problem is my mindset so I'm posting it here.
I had written a huge text describing the situation, but moved it from here cause don't I think it's that relevant.[*]
The problem is that I need to fix myself and I don't know how. Except from a couple of usual gaming books, I've also read one for inner game (the blueprint of RSD), but still can't make it work. I don't want my daily hapiness to be depended from other people. I need to be myself and I need to be stable like a rock and not allow my emotions define how I feel all the time. Neither to allow those emotions to be depended of how that day's social interactions go. Some days I am all day at the lab almost just by myself and it fucks me up not socializing with ppl. I know who I am. I'm a smart guy (I have a fuckin measured 135 IQ and I'm not saying it to gloat to you people, I know you don't care), I'm a scientist and an engineer, I know I'm not very handsome but I'm sexy, I have average height and I'm fine with it, I'm cool person, I have humour, relatively good style, I make (at least) good sex, I am playful, I have very good and trustfull friends and a family that loves and supports me. Sometimes my confidence makes me pump up like I own the fuckin continent. Adjectively I believe I have far more good attributes than most of the men around there. Might be right, might be wrong, it doesn't actually matter for the porpuse we're talking about.
It's just that sometimes all these aren't enough. Especially, this last month what happened with my gf has fucked me up. We are still together and I think that actually nth is going on. Doesn't matter if it is or it is not, my hapiness and my mood shouldn't be affected by other's people behavior.
[*]The full story follows if someone wants to read it. Might give a better overview
Quote:
I'm having my MSc here (northern Europe), I met this girl from US exactly one year ago. She was here as an exchange student. Amazing interaction, she has game, but so do I. We challenge, offend, neg each other, we're really compatible. I'm not gonna give you details of how I gamed her, it's irrelevant. We started dating, then sleeping together. Flirting never stops. As she would be here for just three months, we set the boundaries from very early, so it was supposed to be just fun. It grew though and before she left I admitted my feelings to her and she did the same, even though it was too late. She moved back to US. We agreed to break contact and we had to do it a couple of times. We agreed to date ppl so we could move on. I fucked a couple of girls and I started sleeping regularly with a HB9. In the meanwhile we started talking again, we get very close, we love each other, we decide we want this, we want to try. We don't call it a relationship, for not putting pressure on it cause the distance is big and the time window very wide. We decided to try it cause on summer she is moving to Europe permanently and we can practically make it work. We talk all day, text all day like when she was here last year. For all day exchanging texts every couple of hours and talking all night. We're in love. It heats up more and more. She opens up (she is a rly closed person). The distance makes it hard, but it's fun, it's loving.
One month ago, she gets extremely busy with her studies and other activities. New semester and last semester, so she has to do everything perfectly to graduate and move out. Her parents are very difficult. She has also a job. She does sport and competes on a national level. Her behavior changes. She stops texting back every morning when she wakes up (always one of us was falling asleep while texting and responded when waking up. We hadn't said goodnight or good morning for months) She doesn't respond to messages for hours.
And here is the issue: I noticed that something changed from the first moment. I have game, so I know I have to play cool. I don't get needy immediately, I'm patient. Although I can't understand. If you're in love with someone you find fragments of time to talk, you do not disappear for half/one day. We're not talking about gaming any more, we like and need each other. She has a weird personality. When she has personal issues , but she doesn't want to talk about them but they are still really bothering her, she alienates herself. At first I think that's the reason. Then I start thinking the reason might be some other guy. It's been 8-9 months since we saw each other. She might met a PUA and completely got under her skin, I'm not there to lay my game, I can only text, shit happen. I ask her what is going on, we talk and talk and talk. She swears nth has changed between us, she's just extremely busy. I still don't get how you can answer to other people and not to the one you're in love with.
So here is what I want your help guys: I know I have inner game issues. What is happening with the girl is of secondary importance (she has convinced me that nth is wrong, but still I can't understand the ignoring behavior). I should be able to have a high value and not let it bother me. I should had been who I am and not depending my mood and my behavior from anyone else. I just can't stop overthinking it. This situation is for one month in my mind like that. I'm keeping myself busy with some entrepreneurship stuff, taking dancing lessons, going out every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, but those late night hours can't take my head out of overthinking what is happening and that it doesn't make sense to me.
I started it 7 hours ago and stopped before posting it. So I'm adding this. We talked and texted for the last 6 hours, talked of some new shit between us bonded extremely, even more than before. Tomorrow I know I'll be upset again cause of the behavior that seems like ingoring me. I don't care so much what is happening with her, but wtf is happening with me?