Breaking down the wall



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 Post subject: Breaking down the wall
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 6:46 pm 
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So I've been reading around for half a year, trying to develop my PUA skills, but most of all my inner game since I've realised that the aspect of PUA that attracts me the most is actually having your shit together and being confident and pusuit the life you wanna live, more than getting girls through gamey lines or mess around with them (I think one of my issues is that I want to be too sincere and not mess around with girls hearts).

I didn't really know how to start since I think this place could become my personal journal and I should basically explain half of my life to you guys, since there's so much I want to work on, but I'll start of with this:

I'm very critical (as you can see from my oh-so-creative nickname I'm actually studying classical music) for myself as well as others, I'm hardworking and I keep my values high. This meant however that for the past years, apart from my ex-girlfriend and family, I didn't have any close friends who I could share my thoughts and feelings with (I do have superficial friends, I'm not completely anti-social, most of the time people like me and are quite interested in me. I'm also an introvert but now getting myself more out of my head and starting to have decent conversations as well.)

So I now realise that every time I have interactions/conversations with people, I put up a wall between me and them. I'm very critical, and I focus more on everything that doesn't match with my values than focussing on what I dó like in a person, and that way I don't really create a deep connection. And I have an enormous trouble of just expressing my love to people (this includes kino, not only with pretty girls I'm interested in but with people in general) and just accepting&enjoying people for who they are.

For example: if someone talks to me about their dream of becoming a great musician/soloist/whatever I immediately think about all their issues they have (like not talented or hard-working enough or other inner-game issues) which will prevent that from happening, and I'm not appreciating them for having a passion and try to follow their dream, even if it is somewhat naïve...

So I want to be more open, just accept people for who they are and that way enjoying them more instead of focussing on everyone's problems.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 2:32 am 
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Welcome man.

I was once similar to you.

Your brain is finding reasons to not move ahead with interpersonal relationships because it thinks it is protecting you in order to maintain the status quo. It takes conscious effort to break free from the grip of the ego. You do this by recognizing it for what it is and forcing yourself to do what you already know you want to do - form bonds with girls so you can get to know them better.

Beyond maintaining the status quo the other reason your brain is desperately giving you any reason at all not to move ahead in this area of life is because the ego is terrified of rejection.

So to break free you have to put your ass on the line and risk rejection.

The saying is true: If you can take the worst, take the risk.

Sounds simple because it is - you just do it.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:52 am 
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Thanks man! You're totally right and since my last post I made a lot of realisations I want to share, and I also still have an issue on which I'd like some advice from this forum.

So the same evening I posted this I read this topic which also helped a lot for this problem. I realised that I just had to accept my feelings of criticism and frustration and also accept not just mine but everybody else's flaws and still love them for who they are.

I also realised during last weeks that being open and unreactive to my feelings wasn't enough but that I have to be open and unreactive to other people's feelings (as I said I am very empathic) as well. I do not have the powers to please everyone and I will dissapoint people by being me since I'm also a flawed human being.

Another thing I notice is that this 'wall' I'm putting up against other people happens when I'm tired and ran out of energy. Like the more tired I get, the more needy I become and the more I focus on the negative things instead of the positive (actually I think it's more like I lose my focus on the positive things rather then I start to focus on negative things. If I'm tired I really have trouble just making basic conversations because my lack of focus). So now I'm accepting the fact that I don't have unlimited energy and I need to rest to stay focused and therefore happy, and I'll try to not go across this border of tiredness.

All these things happened during the last two weeks, I had a project in which I met so many new people and had such a great time, especially the first week I was on top of my game, I had a huge status and I got so many IOI's from so many girls it was really incredible (like before this week I would have had trouble accepting this and I would just have put up a shield and be more introverted and less friendly but now I just accepted this and tried to stay myself, even if I realised girls were getting interested in me and who I'd possibly have to reject later). I also opened up more to people I felkt a good connection with and thus I think I made some réal friends as well, which makes me really happy. The second week tiredness started to kick in so that was a good exercise to rest and to find out how to keep myself on top of my game and not to get needy, so I had to keep myself more away from the crowd to think and try to get back some energy (is that what we call meditate?) and had less time for flirting.

Despite all this very positive things, I still have a long way to go to opening up and truly be myself and connect on a deeper level. There was one girl (out of many) I had a fun time with and flirted a lot with, like it was 'kiss a ginger day' and she was a ginger, so I told her that and said she might want to use it that night to get something from the boys. That night I didn't really see her again but the night after there was a party starting up but I was not getting into party mood. She however was and she pulled me over to start dancing and asked me about what I meant with this 'kiss a ginger day' and showing massive IOI's in such a greedy way I was really overwhelmed. Talking about this, dancing rzally close with her and the idea of kissing her ánd with all these friends watching was WAY beyond my comfort zone so I totally flinched and rejected her and got back to my friends (she tried another time like a few minutes later, the poor girl, and eventually she made out with another guy a few minutes later lol). And a little later I decided I was tired, not in party mode and needed to think and to sleep.

So I'm really happy with everything that happened because I think opening up to people and being so vulnerable just needs some time until I get comfortable with it so I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself, but I do want to get some intimate relations with girls and not flinch by the idea of a kiss lol. I think the fact that there were so many people watching didn't really help, maybe I had to find a subtle way to sneak us out without anybody noticing? But that would have been very hard anyway and I guess rumours would've spread anyway...


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:05 am 
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No problem. Have a good time with a girl who wants you or don't. THE WORLD DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK - IT REALLY DOESN'T. Other people are only thinking about themselves. Read what I said in my original reply about the ego.


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