Lifting weights damaged my mindset??



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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 12:46 pm 
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Quick Synopsis for lazy f*cks: I never felt pressure in any situation with gorgeous girls when I was a skinny freshman who didn't watch what I ate, didn't workout. Now, I am nervous and think too much about an approach after getting in phenomenal shape out of college. I am naturally confident but feel my lifting habits and personal expectations physically over last years have made me expect too much from myself.

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Now, the details....


When I was in college, I was not into heavy lifting....fuck, I was not into going to the gym at all. I ate whatever, drank whatever and basically went about my day in any fashion I chose. I was not out of shape by any means. I had played sports my entire life and have an absurd metabolism. I was 145-150lbs. to put it into perspective. No cut to me, no abs or bulging muscles. Skinny, normal white dude doing his thing.

By junior year in college I began lifting pretty heavy and spending a lot of time in the gym. I felt bad when I missed sessions, was all about my protein and made the gym a big focus. I was putting up 2x my bodyweight on the bench and curling 65lb dumbbells. Like I said, I got INTO it. I was ripped and just all muscle. If I am being honest it was definitely "intimidating" at first look if you didn't know me.

My issue is that I had a lot less difficulty approaching women and making that instant connections with random women when I was the skinnier, not jacked version of me. Or at least it seems that way to me. I have hooked up with some good looking girls recently as well but the earlier description of me would have women approaching me and making the fact that they liked me quite obvious, making all the normal games null and void.

I have heard things like women could be intimidated, women like to "date down" blah blah blah. I understand that could be the situation but I also feel that I am in my own head after keeping in such good shape that past couple years. I think above all that since I have transformed my body that I am expecting so fucking much out of myself and am judging myself 10x harder than any women I could possibly approach. I am a naturally confident guy and do not believe the whole gym thing really aided in anyway...it really helped me pass time when bored.

What do you guys think? Is this all in my head or is there some weight behind what I am laying out? thnx

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Last edited by Playboi_ on Fri May 01, 2015 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 2:38 pm 
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This is not weight mate!!

You have to change your mindset about yourself. This is not even close to real problems. Its happned in the game all the time. Some times it doesn't work. You dont have to think like that.


Keep approaching you dont have to change yourself for them. Make them come to you.

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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 4:10 pm 
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Thanks, bud. I think it is ridiculous how since I have gotten into great shape, I have put more pressure into situations that use to flow. Working to get back there, mentally.

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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 7:04 pm 
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I took the lazy fuck option.

And thats the pressure you have to overcome. Many guys don't understand how being attractive can be a gift just as much as it is a curse. It ain't all its cracked up to be. Some days you just don't feel like being starred at. I've personally learned to own it. If it wasn't this problem it would be something else. Theres is always going to be a mental hurdle between you and approaching. The mind always creates some excuse to go against whats uncomfortable, because its only programming is "survival".

You have to look at anxiety or nerves as a villain. Giving into negative emotions literary puts stress on your organs. So a man dies a tiny bit inside everytime he caves to his own insecurities. Its like smoking a cigarette every time you shrink. Enough emotional cigarettes could lead to some mental issues.

So i'd recommend going for it for the sake of your own mental health. If you value your mental health as much as you do your body, keep it in shape by not allowing yourself to be defeated by self deprecating insecurities.

We're at war with ourself.

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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2015 2:49 am 
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Lots of views...any input from others?

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PostPosted: Sun May 03, 2015 1:38 am 
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Bump

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PostPosted: Sun May 10, 2015 6:40 pm 
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In relation to this thread topic (which many of you have viewed but supply no response), I received this following message from a woman I am speaking with on a dating site.

--> "Hahah no. You're to handsome for me anyway."

Do woman literally disqualify themselves like this or is it a game? From other interactions with her, she really feels like it is just a game from me because it is hard to believe that I could be attracted to her.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 10:06 pm 
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I had something very similar happen to me.

I was skinny as well, and then as I started working out, paying attention to my body, I started
looking myself in the mirror and liking what I saw - and later I became attached to an EXTERNAL
image of myself.

While before I worked out, I didn't care how I look, and I was a lot more relaxed and nonchalant
about my attitude, mainly because I knew I don't have anything in particular to impress girls - so
I only relied on my personality.

So the way I solved this for myself was I stopped working out for a while, and re-connected with
that "I don't care" mentality.

Then after I got back into training, I didn't look myself in the mirror as much, I didn't pay attention
to my body and made sure I wasn't falling in love with it.

So train my man, but don't look at yourself in the mirror. Don't pose, don't take pictures, don't
be falling in love with your body as such - but take pride in the fact that you are working out,
that you care about yourself.

This will re-connect you to some deeper parts of you, and you'll be fine again.

Hope this helped,

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