Should I just give up pickup artistry for now?



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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 1:20 pm 
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I am 33 years old. I was a complete AFC three years ago, then I met a girl and moved to her country to be with her. We were together for almost two years while she treated me like shit and eventually cheated on me for who knows how many months.

Needless to say I was devastated. I came back to my country and tried to go on with my life despite my desperation and suicidal thoughts. I decided I had to learn from the experience, which resulted in a lot of introspection and eventually a desire to stop being an AFC and get good with women. So I started learning about pickup artistry. I have gone on more dates and had sex with more women this year than my entire life before combined.

But winter is coming, I'm unmotivated, things are shit again and I'm realizing that there is something in me that's been holding me back all my life and it still won't let go. Not to mention that although I've made a lot of progress I'm still not 100% over what happened with my ex. I feel like it's a scar that will always be there :-(

But what's holding me back besides the thing with my ex? I guess I'm not happy with myself. I'm still not at the PUA level I want to be, my career is pretty much non-existent, I have a pretty bad problem with concentration and I seem to be unable to make meaningful connections with potential friends. I only seem to be motivated to make these kinds of connections with girls I am dating, but it doesn't work out either. Sometimes I try to open up and get them to open up to me, other times I hold back because I know that as a PUA that's the only way to act with a girl you're not in a relationship with.

Well I guess it makes sense that it doesn't work out with the few girls who show some initial interest in me. If I'm not happy with myself, how can I expect them to be happy with me? I don't want to settle for a girl with low self-esteem even though she would be more on my level. It doesn't attract me. Just like I don't attract the high-value girls.

So I have to become high-value. I have to figure out this thing with my career and making connections with people. But I've tried hard and it's not working. I worked like hell on a portfolio and wrote endless job applications. I watched presentations and read books on self-esteem, body language and people skills. Still no job, still no meaningful relationships of any kind. And I still have to figure out why my mind seems to be turning to mush and how I can fix that.

I thought I had found the girl of my dreams 2 months ago. I spent a lot of time analyzing how things were going and trying not to take any wrong steps. I wasn't perfect but I don't feel like I did bad enough to be friendzoned. But that's what happened and I can only attribute it to the fact that I am not happy. In fact I think I've had some level of depression ever since I was a teenager. I try to hide it but it's apparently to no avail. Women can see it and a high-value woman does not want to deal with this shit. And the more they reject me the deeper I fall. I know I take it much harder than I should but how can I not? People have told me that she didn't reject me, she rejected my approach. I don't think that's true. I am being rejected because I am not what women want. I am not what I want. And I don't know what to do about it.

I've tried meditation but I don't feel like I get much out of it. Could it actually work for me if I started doing it everyday even though I can barely focus? The only other idea I have is to start seeing a psychologist. Hypnotism didn't work either by the way. Only one session though. Don't even try to tell me to go on medication because I'm 100% against that. I NEED to get to the root of the problem.

I guess I just felt like writing down some thoughts, but if you have any other ideas let me know. The one question I do have is this: should I keep doing PUA? I'm feeling so shit that I feel like any woman is going to see right through me. And if I start seeing someone regularly it seems almost guaranteed that it's going to fail and make me feel even more shit. And then what happens? I get so depressed that I end up making my suicidal thoughts into reality?

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:04 pm 
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If you can't get someone right now, that does not make you a failure. You are not defined by the girls who like you. That is the first thing you need to understand. You, by yourself, are a worthwhile human being for the simple reason that you were made in the image of God. You don't need any other justifications to pick yourself up and get going. The girls and career status do not define you.

With your job, I think you just need to learn more about whatever trade you're in. You said you worked on self-improvement stuff to get the job, well it's also important to learn more about your area. Focus on it, don't get upset and impatient about the girls. When you love your profession, everything else will fall into place, you will be good at it. If you think about it and you hate the career you are in right now, then it's time for a change.

You're depressed because you can't see what's good in your life. The minute you can think outside of your tiny world, and see how much luckier you are than most people on the planet, then you are on your way to recovery from depression. The opposite of depression is always gratitude. It's that simple. Depression is all about getting absorbed into oneself and one's small reality, only seeing what is bad and negative and being unable to see anything good or wonderful. So you approach a nice girl, and she can see immediately that you're unhappy with everything. You should be happy that you have eyes to see the girl's pretty face. You should be happy you can walk and talk to her. You should be happy that you have a computer to visit this website. Just examples.

I know you really want to find someone and you want true love. Nothing is wrong with that. Not all guys are players at heart, a lot of guys want the stable life with monogamy and affection. It might take a bit longer to find that. Just be patient and work on yourself in the above areas.

So, I wish you all the best.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:17 pm 
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Quote:
If you can't get someone right now, that does not make you a failure. You are not defined by the girls who like you. That is the first thing you need to understand. You, by yourself, are a worthwhile human being for the simple reason that you were made in the image of God. You don't need any other justifications to pick yourself up and get going. The girls and career status do not define you.
I actually used to believe that, but it didn't get me anywhere. I thought I was the shit and any girl would be lucky to have me. After my ex did what she did to me, and after I started watching videos and reading about PUA, I realized everything that is wrong with me. I realized there are good reasons women are not interested. But at least I can take comfort in knowing I can change a lot of that and I have been in the process of doing just that. Just not right now. Everything's just dragging me down into hell.
Quote:
You're depressed because you can't see what's good in your life. The minute you can think outside of your tiny world, and see how much luckier you are than most people on the planet, then you are on your way to recovery from depression. The opposite of depression is always gratitude. It's that simple. Depression is all about getting absorbed into oneself and one's small reality, only seeing what is bad and negative and being unable to see anything good or wonderful. So you approach a nice girl, and she can see immediately that you're unhappy with everything. You should be happy that you have eyes to see the girl's pretty face. You should be happy you can walk and talk to her. You should be happy that you have a computer to visit this website. Just examples.
I actually get depressed about the fact that I have all of these things going for me but I'm wasting it all.

Anyway, thanks for your compassion.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:03 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:38 pm
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You need to build yourself back up. By this I mean, start taking steps to get your dream career (apply, build resume, go back to school, or whatever is necessary). Once you achieve that goal, take time and look back at how much progress you've made. You'll realize that you can accomplish anything if you try.

Also, write down positive traits about you and read them daily. You'll eventually start to reference them and believe them wholeheartedly.

Women should never be your end goal - they come and go throughout life. You need to realize that you are the only person that ultimately matters. You have to love yourself to get further in life.


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