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Personally I think it comes down to balance.
1. If you have been with a girl a long time, have attraction + comfort and have a strong sense of self identity then this sets you up for healthy 'love'
2. All of the above minus self identity leads to one-itis (you are living in her world, no self-purpose, clingy, needy etc)
Could you explain how NOT having a strong sense of self-identity can lead to one-itis?
The way that I few the identity is as a mentally created construct based off of past experiences. I honestly prefer to not trap myself into any sort of identity because I feel like it can stop you from learning and trying out new things.
How could any man learn how to be good with women for example if he is already convinced that he is bad with women and always get rejected?
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the-centered-man-manifesto-defining-your-identity-vt134859.html
Thanks a lot for replying mack.
I understand what you were trying to show me through this post. Basically there are so many guys that think that once they have the best job, house, car, or body then they will finally be able to attract a women. They use external things in order to validate their own value.
I find that true self esteem comes out of the realization that it doesn't truly exist aside from your own mentally constructed thought process about your self.
Applied to the game it would look something like this.
You see that hot girl over there? From observation we can tell that she is definitely good looking at least from a subjective perspective. Now does that make her any more valuable than the girl on the side who isn't as good looking?
Without a clear definition of what the word "value" means we cannot answer this question.
What does it mean to be valuable and is their such thing as an objective value or is it all subjective based off of the person?
The biggest pro of this realization is that you no longer see attractive girls as being any more higher up or to good for you. At least from my own experience.
Still though I would like to receive some more insights on value if you have any to offer.