4 KEY "CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN" PRINCIPLES
Ok, so in one of my previous posts I talked about 27 confidence principles.
And after studying these principles for years, I've thought about what are the
most important principles when it comes to your confidence with women.
I've discovered that there are 4 KEY PRINCIPLES of confidence, that together form a powerful mindset
if you want to feel, think and be confident with women.
It took me a long time to digest everything I ever learned about confidence
and distill it down to just 4 main principles.
And let me start with a bold promisse: If you read through these principles, and you apply
just 10% of it in your BEHAVIOR with women, you will DRAMATICALLY improve your confidence
with women.
These 4 principles are the most powerful 4 things you will ever learn anywhere about
how to be more confident with women. Period.
So let's get into them.
The 4 confidence principles are:
1. AUTHENTICITY
2. INDIFFERENCE
3. VULNERABILITY
4. LEADERSHIP
Let's start with the 1st one
1st confidence principle: AUTHENTICITY
So what is authenticity? And why is it important when it comes to your confidence
with women?
In my experience, when guys are around women, they feel insecure, shy, afraid, doubtful
weak and awkward.
However, their natural or a knee-jerk reaction "thing" to do is to try to PRETEND that they
are cooler, smarter, more confident, more assured, more secure, etc.
And at the same time, they try to HIDE how they REALLY feel. So when they
feel insecure, afraid, doubtful or awkward, they try to hide that and display an aura
of confidence that isn't real.
They try to MASK their true nature and personality and display someone they are not.
However, one of the things that a woman is always asking in the back of her mind
is, "Is this guy REAL?"
Have you ever talked with a friend, and when you said, "What's up?" he said he was OK but
you could feel that he wasn't really OK...and that something was in the background?
What's the feeling you got?
That's the same feeling a woman gets when you're not being real with her.
When you are in your head, thinking about how you look and trying to appear
cooler or something you're not, she's going to FEEL it.
And get a weird feeling about you.
And not matter which technique or line you use, she is just going to feel that
something isn't completely OK...just like when you talk with your friend.
On the flip side, a guy who can be AUTHENTIC and REAL about who he is, and
not feel ashamed or embarassed that he is what he is...
...but shows himself unapologeticly and without seeking approval of her...
That guy is going to make a MUCH BIGGER IMPRESSION on the girl.
Why?
Because the biggest irony of all is that the more you TRY to impress the
girl, the LESS you will actually impress her.
And the more you are just REAL with who you are and you're not trying
to impress anyone, the more likely it is that people will be impressed
about you.
Authenticity is about being OK with who you are. It's about being real with your true
nature - and not try to play a part of someone else.
It's so hard to pretend - and it's so easy to be us.
The reason why we hide who we really are and try to pretend is because we simply don't feel we are
OK the way we are.
A lot of it has to do with the PUA advice out there, which is basically saying to us that:
The way you are right now, is not good enough. And a woman will never like you the way
you are. So you need to pretend that you're someone else and never show who you really
are.
But my message is different. I'm saying that you shouldn't HIDE your true self and pretend
someone else, even if you think that playing somebody else would impress the woman.
Don't care about IMPRESSION.
Care about EXPRESSION.
If you're SHY, don't hide it...SHOW it.
If you're INSECURE...don't hide it...SHOW it.
If you're AFRAID of talking to her...TELL her that.
For all of you who are shaking your head in disbelief on how "This would never work..." let me
tell you why this wouldn't work.
The only way this wouldn't work is if you are ASHAMED of yourself as you're showing who
you are.
If you want to make Authenticity work for you, you gotta be OK with WHO you are.
So if you're insecure, be OK with feeling insecure.
If you're scared of talking to her, be OK with feeling scared.
If you're insecure about yourself and how you look, be OK with being insecure.
Don't JUDGE yourself and be your biggest enemy. There is an immense power
in being OK with yourself.
So ask yourself, do you feel OK with who you are inside?
Do you feel you are GOOD ENOUGH by the way you are?
Or do you feel like there is something fundementally WRONG with who you are, and that
you should hide it from others?
When you're with a girl and talking, do you feel like YOU...or do you feel like
you're trying to be someone you're not?
Ask yourself, what are the things you're not OK with abour yourself?
I remember watching this movie about some teenagers, and a group of them got drunk and
one of them asked the group who of them was a virgin.
This one guy raises his hand and says, "I am...", with total cool and composure.
He was totally OK with being a virgin and didn't try to hide it.
At this point, this one girl says to him, "You are so cool..."
Why?
Because it takes a lot of GUTS to be who you really are and be OK with it.
That's why being REAL is the rearest thing in the world. EVERYBODY are trying to pretend,
and the ones who aren't are ashamed of who they are.
But if you can stand up and announce to the world who you really are, and be completely OK
with every part of you (even your big nose lol), you will create an amazing
AURA of attractivness and coolness around you.
The more you TRY to be cool, the less cool you will be.
So again, think about, what are the parts that you're trying to hide from others?
Is it your appearance?
Is it how you feel inside?
Is it some insecurity you have?
The first step is to be completely OK with it and be REAL with women. Just show that
and be unapologetic about it. Say,
"This is who I am... I love myself and accept myself completely. I am OK the way I am
and don't need your approval or acceptance..."
Let me say this final thing about authenticity: Whenever you're hiding who you are
and trying to pretend to be someone you're not, you are BETRAYING yourself...and your
confidence takes a huge HIT.
So don't do it. Be AUTHENTIC and REAL.
2nd Confidence Principle: INDIFFERENCE
The second confidence principle is indifference. We talked about how authenticity
is being OK with who you are.
Well Indifference is being OK with not getting the thing you want, whether it be a girls phone
number, kiss, sex, anything.
I know I know...you're probably thinking, easier said than done.
True. When you see that hot girl, and you see those high heels and amazing legs with
a world class ass - you can't really help yourself. It's automatic to want her.
What I mean by indifference is not that you don't have desires for women.
It's OK that you have desires for women...and it's also OK that you act on those desires by
walking over there and starting a conversation with them.
But where the desire crosses the line is when the desire turns into neediness.
So you'd be talking with a girl and you would just think about how you NEED her phone
number...and you NEED to keep her there talking with you.
INDIFFERENCE on the other hand gives you an aura of confidence.
Most people are walking around attached on some outcome.
If you follow the principle of indifference, you let go of the outcomes.
And it can sound like a really complicated thing to do, but indifference is really about
just LETTING GO.
I always say that to have a conversation with a woman, you need to LET HER GO
first.
You gotta be OK with her leaving the conversation before you even start talking.
Just say to yourself, "I let go of the need to get this girl's number or date or anything. I
am OK with this girl leaving this conversation and not being here."
Try saying this to yourself next time you start a conversation with a girl, and see the
effect you'll have on her.
Indifference will relax you and your mind. You'll be able to lean back and just enjoy
the conversation.
You won't be on your toes on what to say next because the girl might leave.
You'll be able to show your REAL self and talk with her as comfortably as you talk with
your best friend.
3rd Confidence Principle: VULNERABILITY
The next principle is vulnerability.
People who feel insecure and lack confidence feel like they have to keep their GUARD up
all the time.
But confident people are OK with being vulnerable.
There is something really PRIVATE going on in us when we want to talk to a girl we like.
It's as if our deepest desires come out...and we feel ashamed of them...and vulnerable
about showing those desires.
And we feel that being rejected by a woman is the worst and most painful thing that
can ever happen to us.
And that's why they hide their interest for a girl.
If you want to be confident, please understand that you can not live in your world of guard-up
all the time.
You got to be willing to let your guard down and be OK with things not working the way you
wanted them.
You gotta be OK with saying to a girl "I like you" ... and her not liking you back.
You gotta let go of living in fear of people hurting you.
Be OK with being vulnurable.
You gotta be ok with showing parts of you that you think are private, and have people
say "No" to you.
Because the inability to expose yourself and show vulnurability is the BIGGEST obstacle to your
confidence with women.
Ask yourself, how can you feel more SAFE to open up and be vulnurable with people?
How can you let down some of your guards and be more open and accepting with people?
How can you be more OK with women saying No to you when you show your interest?
How can you not get crushed by a girl who doesn't like you back?
Think about it.
Principle no. 4: LEADERSHIP
Leadership is the 4th and final principle of confidence. Leadership is about leading the
way.
Confident people don't expect others to show them what to do. Confident guys don't
expect the girl to lead the way.
They lead.
When it's time to walk over there and say something, they lead the way.
When it comes the time to make the conversation happen, they lead it.
When it's time to ask for her number, they take control over the situation, lead and ask
her for it.
People with low or no self-confidence want to be LED by others. They don't want
to take that painful responsibility to be the one who has to make it happen.
If you take one look at people who appear to have low self-confidence, you'll see that
they are walking around lost and confused, looking for someone to FOLLOW.
They don't lead themselves in their life, let alone the woman.
So ask yourself, how are you with leading yourself?
When it's time to step up and make things happen, what do you do? Do you take the lead, or
do you expect others to lead you?
When you're with a woman, do you man up - step up and take the lead...or do you chicken
out, pass out control and expect the girl to lead?
Lead.
So these are the 4 confidence principles.
And again to repeat my promisse, if you follow these 4 principles and implement just 10%
of them in your BEHAVIOR with women, you will see a DRAMATIC difference in your confidence. _________________ Test out my new Approach Anxiety technique, that eliminates your AA
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Last edited by Black Phantom on Thu Jun 19, 2014 7:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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