The following is an excerpt from my journal. It's some very personal thoughts I've been having and expanding on. I just wanted to share as a thank you for all those who have been reading my stuff so far. I hope it helps and if some of it isn't clear, be sure to leave a comment below and I'll answer to the best of my abilities.
Enjoyment without attachment
This one is difficult to comprehend, but it's very Vincent Chase-esque where you go about your day open to everything but attached to nothing. It's like placing yourself as a magnet and observing as you attract situations and people. It's truly appreciating people and beauty without standing there hesitant and waiting for an opportunity to ask for the number or whatever. It's like, chill out, sit back and watch things unfold. I'm thinking here of last night at Theresa and Nathalia's super bowl party, I just showed up and relaxed and had a good time talking to everyone. I sit with Julian and we begin to talk spirituality. All of a sudden Theresa and Nathalia begin to pay attention and I just dominated the room without even trying to do so. Nathalia started making marriage jokes and it became a thing that we were getting married. Before I know it we're arm in arm on the couch and Theresa is mentioning how cute we are together...
I guess the ultimate test is to really enjoy getting to know a girl, hitting it off and then giving your number and not worrying about weather or not she'll call. I would have to genuinely speak to everyone, search for beauty in everyone and leave my number to everyone.
Allow yourself to be that cool guy
We all have a general idea of what it looks like to be the cool Vinnie Chase/Jacob Palmer guy, the game becomes about letting yourself be that guy. I notice that often times I will deliberately pull us out of a trancelike state for no reason. Why not allow deep conversation? Why not allow the bubble to form, the trance to take place? Why worry that women will call you out on it? As if it is a crime to be seductive.
Depression, victim mindset, anxiety are all luxuries
Not feeling good in your own skin, negative emotions, all of this shit exists because we allow it to. When you're too busy working on feeding your family and being warm for the winter, there is no time to have existential angst. Mid-life crises are a product of the West because we are the only ones who have that much time on our hands. Developing a fanatical yet stoic commitment to your goal, your dream, your passion, pretty much ensures that you will not get bogged down by self-doubt.
Be chill but draw attention
It's the distinction between being a clown and being interesting. Chill out and lay back, walk in with a smile. Don't try, just be. What you are saying is interesting simply because it is you saying it.
Tools: storytelling, misinterpretations, cold reading and adventure projections are all you need to be interesting
That's the midpoint between meeting her and seducing her. It's the part where you just have fun and shoot the shit, talking about whatever. Most importantly, it's how she gets to experience you. By expressing yourself in an authentic way, you break the monotony of the trillions of other idiots in her life. Through your expressions, she understands you and begins to trust you. She will not open up until she trusts you.
Don't be bothered by impermanence
Nothing is that big of a deal. Most of these people don't care about you, and will never remember you. That's kind of when you realize just how alone you really are and how empowering it is to truly know that you rely on yourself. I digress. Your past is irrelevant and each new step you take opens up a myriad of possibilities. Life consists of waves of impermanence, like the waves in the sea. Once this is understood and internalized, you notice anxiety/fear/worry, but you no longer identify with those emotions. What this looks looks like is being faced with a situation that arouses fear and angst and just kinda feeling it and laughing at it and then acting anyway. None of this shit is real, none of this shit matters... I am a fkn lion.
Dare: roll up and make out
Seriously. Everything I though previously impossible has been disproven, overcome and normalized in the years I've been in self-development. I noticed that all it usually takes for a myth to be dispelled is for someone to be crazy enough to do it, and then it becomes the norm... So why not dispel the myths yourself? Being daring is an attractive quality in and of itself.
Total tune out of other guys
Kind of combines the above two. It is RIDICULOUSLY EASY to outdo most guys. The bar isn't set very high. Simply walk up and ignore - they simply aren't a part of your reality. Imagine how deflating that is? Most guy's are reactive and so to ignore him totally is a deflation he's never experienced.
Who is screening? Who is trying to impress?
This is the underlying current of every interaction: one person is qualifying to the other. Always. Be it two old friends catching up at a bar or a man talking to his boss, there is invariably one person who wants to make an impression more than the other. Remember to chill out... None of this really matters. I realized that if you were to record my interactions, I could point out the specific moment when I said something with the intention to impress, no matter how subtle. Be the cause, not the effect. You counter this by focusing only on giving value (love, laughter, positive emotions... )
Make love in the moment and stop scanning the room!!
This is always a big problem for me, usually exacerbated when I haven't meditated. Turn your focus onto one thing, person, conversation at one time.
What this looks like is this: you're out with some friends and you're just shooting the shit, talking, having fun. From the corner of your eye you spot a cutie and without thinking, only with love, pure desire, you invite her into the conversation, the moment, the adventure.
Be conscious, not self-conscious
Being conscious is about observing things for the way they truly are, free of ego and illusion. It's knowing when someone is in need of praise or kindness. It's seeing through the bullshit and seeing God in everyone. There really is no other way to express it. It has to be felt and is the result of experiencing a lot and really getting out there that you begin to see. It's holding your ground when a girl straight up tells you she hates you but in her eyes you can just see the spark, you can see something that tells you otherwise. This is the most difficult thing to express because it's more of a gut feeling than anything else. It isn't the way she looks just you or something she says, there's just a spark. You can literally see the other person's soul and their needs, desires, angers and fears all become visible in that fraction of a second. You just understand the other person and as a result feel a true warmth and caring for that person.
I remember a friend of mine was out one night and came back with the most interesting story. He told me that he tried hitting on these girls and the guy in their group looked at him and in the warmest, most genuine way, said to him "you look cold man". My friend was taken aback. The guy then ordered a shot for him to warm him up. My friend was just puzzled and was kind of shut out from the girls. He asked me how to defeat that and I was honestly impressed... His motives were insincere (he was trying to get something out of the group... A girl) and the man was sincere. He was overwhelmed by the complete stranger's kindness. That really struck home for me. That man was conscious but not self-conscious. This is the next level. This is masculinity at it's finest.
If she withdraws attention, IOIs and validation, will your state crash?
I was at mckinnins with friends and I met that stunning girl (diplomat's daughter). She was real, genuinely interesting and outgoing. I quickly started to like her and as our conversation progressed, she began to warm up to me too. A song came on and she said she was going to dance with her friends but will be right back. I went to my friends and my state crashed. I had started to like her and that vulnerability opened a rift in my reality that sucked in negativity. I was at her mercy. If she didn't return I would feel crushed, if she did, I would feel amazing. Good doggy.
This goes back to one of the earlier points: enjoyment without attachment. She either comes back or she doesn't but I'm on my path. I have nothing to gain or lose by any action. This is easy to apply when there is nothing at stake. It's when you meet someone you think fits the mold that it becomes difficult to stick to your guns. Any idiot could have firm discipline but unless he is tested that discipline isn't worth anything.
Fully assume it is going to work, 100%
These are my concluding thoughts: the only difference between those who try and those who do is belief. All it takes is the firm knowledge that it will work. This isn't the "I think I can" wishful thinking. Mastery implies serenity of mind. An artist doesn't have to remind himself that he is talented while he works. This is a deeper sense of knowledge where your body, mind and soul are all aligned and literally nothing can get in your way. It is extremely difficult to reach this state of mental fortitude consistently, but we all achieve glimpses of it at times and in various endeavours. It is imperative however, to begin cultivating this kind of mental strength as soon and as early as possible. When we are hungry, we walk into our kitchen, open the fridge and make ourselves some food. We don't care who sees it, what they think of us and how the food sees itself. We just act. When we get horny however, we hide our desires, we drown it out in masturbation and pornography and then we brag about "all the ass we are getting". When the same mental peace you have when making food exists when going out and speaking to women, you will have reached mastery.
Be the man she could see herself having sex with.
This took me a long time to understand. The external half was easy: be sexy. Lower your pitch, speak with pauses, look seductively in her eyes, close the distance and escalate physically. I spent two years having fun with this. It helped me build the belief that if you were to leave me alone in a room with a woman for one hour, just one hour, I could make her fall in love with me.
There is, however, a second part to this that I only began to realize while talking to Alexia and to a lesser extent, Emily. Both are similar as they are both extremely sexy and don't try to be, they're both studious and more interested in getting good grades than meeting guys. A lot of guys I met who have tried their luck with these girls would say the same thing: these girls are prudes, or are sexually immature. While talking to them I realized that nothing could be further from the truth. Like all women, they have needs, but simply cannot find a man, or someone who is man enough to fill those needs.
Basically, being the man she could see herself having sex with is about being able to connect with the raw sexuality that exists within them, and showing them that they won't be judged for expressing it. It's about communicating that their sexuality is something sacred that you will both share but will remain secret. This is hard to communicate as it's a general vibe that you put out. Being non-judgmental is kind of like being a blank canvas on which women could freely project their sexuality, no matter how intense and crazy, while knowing that you will stay grounded and centered, that you are fully capable of handling them and not lose respect for them after.
Live according to your highest, most unreasonable ideal.
I remembered it being SO easy to give up my phone and Facebook and intricate text game and techniques and tactics and reminding her I exist constantly. Why? Because the man I wanted to be ten years from now didn't do that kind of crap. I realized that when reading a VERY good article on neediness. The author states "stop checking your phone every 5 minutes, you won't miss her call. And if you do, good. She'll know you're a busy man and your time is valuable". Woah. What a deep thought that is. I realized how guilty I was of then above mentioned habit and promptly put a stop to it.
I decided what kind of man I wanted to be. I visualized my self 10 years from now and truly analyzed the behaviours this man exhibited and I decided I did not want to be a chaser, so I stopped. I stopped chasing, I stopped texting, I stopped checking and confirming dates and worrying and thinking. I gave out my number instead and told them to call. At first they didn't. And I remember some closed minded friends regurgitating the stupid maxim they had read in the Game: "it's not a pickup if you don't get the number". Good. I didn't want to pickup. I'm not interested in pickup. So I cut out all material, stopped reading blogs and articles and methods. At first it was rough. I met some amazing girls and let them walk off, knowing I might never see them again. I didn't. But sooner or later I got the hang of it and had dates every week. Why? Because I was unreasonable. I set a standard for my behaviour that I refused to compromised and instead of adapting to a reality I hadn't agreed to part-take in, I built my own and let others squeeze in. _________________ DUDE! Take my free ebook... It's FREE --> http://centeredmanproject.com/
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