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| Author: | Dr.Joyful [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | nothing to offer |
At work today, when I was alone I cried. Yet nothing apocalyptic happened to me. It was just a normal day. That was the problem. The one thing I am good at is getting fucked. Not the fucking I want to give to a girl (which I never did). No I’m talking about the financial and quality of life fucking. My life sucks PERIOD. For the past four years I have tried to please both of my divorced parents. In this tug of war between the two, they liquidate my money and time while ignoring me. To simplify it; I live with mom (which sucks because she is psycho). I work with dad (Which sucks because he is a major asshole). Mom is poor therefore she takes my money. House needs to be fixed I convince dad (we’re construction workers) to help repair my moms house. Dad wants work done on his house therefore I must repay his work by working at his place. This situation just repeats itself over and over again. Basically that is how all my money and time go between the two. I’m currently working in downtown Chicago in a high rise building 25 floor. Basically stuck in a small apartment with my dad all day listening to him bitch about how stupid I am. He was gone most of the day today “shopping” for tools sticking me with most of the work. I didn’t mind though I liked being alone. Being alone I had a lot of time to think my life over and I cried realizing how much it sucked. I only got one friend. Dad is planning on remodeling his kitchen (there goes my entire summer weekends). Mom just took away my car we shared (which I poured 5 grand into). After taxes I get paid something like 8 an hour. My life seems stuck in this shit cycle and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m afraid of heights yet the pavement down 25 floors below seemed oddly inviting today. Death does offer an escape from my problems. I won’t do it though because I am a coward and to kill myself requires some balls. Plus I know these problems are only temporary. Despite today I usually am an upbeat but slightly introverted guy. I am a comfortable conversationalist, not ugly, and moderately to upper intelligent guy. So why haven’t I gotten a girlfriend yet? I have all the tools but I have nothing to offer. All my time and money are taken away from me. I hate my daily life and that hate is like a poison that bleeds out of me and women can smell that shit a mile away. I know this life of mine is boring and doesn’t deserve to be written about. But it’s all I have. I slipped into a fucking deep depression today and writing this was therapeutic. I just wanted somebody to listen. Hopefully you enjoyed this glimpse of one human soul in the crowed skyscrapers of the world and forums. Probably not though… |
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| Author: | chazman0426 [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey I feel you. We all have extremely low points in our lives where we hit rock bottom. I lost my social circle and all my friends a few years ago when I left college for a year and I'm still trying to recover. How old are you? I think the best answer is to get out and get your own place if you can afford it. Even if it's the cheapest place you can find. Try searching craigslist for people needing roommates in a cheap place and move in and make friends. Find a new construction job, or apply to different places. I'm assuming you don't have a degree? What about getting a better job that doesn't require a degree or relocating to a new area and starting a new life. I think living with your parents is toxic and it's bringing you down. You don't owe them anything especially if they treat you like shit. Sometimes you just have to get rid of the negative things in your life and start a new one. You wouldn't be running away from your problems but just removing all that negativity from you. It's killing you man. Killing yourself is not the answer, think about how awesome things will be once they turn around for you, if you kill yourself you won't get to experience that. For the short term solution, I'd have a one on one with your mom and dad and tell him how you feel. At best maybe they will come around and give you a break, I'm sure they love you so they will do what thy can to help you out. |
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