25 Points



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 Post subject: 25 Points
PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 12:01 pm 
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1 ) FIDGETY MOVEMENTS AND TIGHT SHOULDERS AND TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY OR BEING TOO BUSINESSLIKE OR "SOPHISTICATED" (not laughing or being relaxed) = very visible subconsious (or conscious) self-doubt, overcompensating through non-relaxed state, where you're prepared to deal with anything that could happen. Ever met someone who doesn't blink when you talk to them?


2 ) TALKING TOO FAST = worried that people will stop listening to you unless you get out something that will interest them before they leave


3 ) LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN JOKES = covering up that you aren't affected that others didn't laugh, and social nervousness


4 ) SAYING "RIGHT" OR "YOU KNOW" AFTER STATEMENTS = seeking validation that what you said was true, or saying it because others aren't


5 ) STANDING WITH LEGS NOT HALF A METER APART AT LEAST = worried that you'll infringe on other people's personal space


6 ) TALKING TOO SOFTLY OR LOUD = fear that you'll impose yourself on people and their personal space(ie: beta).. alpha males aren't afraid to project their voice.. YET, talking obviously too LOUD can also be seen as OVERCOMPENSATING. Just like guys who wear GENERIC clothes are trying to fit in, or guys who wear OUTRAGEOUS clothes are trying too hard to overcompensate. (hint: be careful with peacocking, find a style that doesn't come off this way, which can be tricky but is still very doable).. Some guys don't talk, some talk too much, etc etc.. Find appropriate balance through trial and error, which is determined through social observation,


7 ) MOVING YOUR HANDS AROUND WHILE YOU TALK = trying to keep the attention of the group (sometimes can be cool, but most often a form of qualifying yourself)


8 ) LEANING IN *or* 'PECKING' = too eager to talk.. NEVER lean in no matter how loud the environment is MAKE HER LEAN IN or just leave but NEVER lean in or "peck" as its also called.


9 ) FACING BODY/FEET TOWARDS HER BEFORE SHE EARNED IT = trying to gain rapport with her too eagerly.


10 ) CHASING WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY = hoping she'll listen. If a chick moves away from you, move your bodylanguage MORE away from her, so she'll be drawn back.. don't CHASE her... WTF?!@?!?


11 ) NOT WITHDRAWING (backturns, etc) WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN'T TOLERATE FROM AN UGLY GIRL OR A GUY = trying too hard to pick her up


12 ) ANSWERING QUESTIONS TOO QUICKLY/EARLY = too much interest in the conversation


13 ) TURNING YOUR HEAD (OR "SNAPPING") WHEN YOU'RE ADDRESSED = too eager to be in convo.. so if your head is facing the other direction, and a girl says something to you, turn it SLOWLY to her, don't snap it out of eagerness to hear her


14 ) GOING BACK TO A PRIOR THREAD THAT WAS INTERUPTED AT THE FIRST CHANCE/BREAK-IN-CONVO THAT YOU GET = trying too hard to impress them.. (ie: when a thread gets broken off in the convo, and you go back to it FIRST chance you get when the other topic ends, you look like you were WAITING to get back to it.. WHY are you so eager to get back on it, unless you don't feel comfortable around the person and you need to qualify yourself to them?) WAIT until THEY say "what was that you were saying before?", and THEN go back to it.. if it doesn't happen, *DROP IT* even if it was good.


15 ) NOT APPEARING MORE INTO YOUR WINGMAN THEN THE CHICK = trying too hard to pick her up.. you've known your wingman longer than her.. why do you pay more attention to her than your wing???


16 ) TOO EAGER TO PAY ATTENTION - SAYING "what?" IF YOU CAN'T HEAR HER, PRIOR TO BEING IN RAPPORT = too much interest in what she's saying.. if she mumbles, just STACK OPENERS into an entirely DIFFERENT topic, RATHER than saying "what?" This is fucking KEY KEY KEY. If you say "what?" you'll lose her unless you're already past attraction and into rapport. If this happens, just run a new opener and change the topic. 1- you don't look too eager, 2- you look alpha for being disinterested in what she's talking about which helps anyway


17 ) REPLYING WITH OVERLY THOUGHT-OUT OF LOGICAL ANSWERS OR WITH OVERLY CLEAR/FORMAL PRONUNCIATION = being concerned that you won't be accepted unless you convince really well (eg. HB: why did you ask me that... RIGHT = I'm talking. (sit and stare) WRONG = because I really need to know since I've been thinking about this for a while.. the FIRST one conveys that you won't qualify yourself to her)


18 ) TAKING TOO MANY SENTENCES TO STATE AN IDEA THAT COULD BE STATED IN LESS SPACE = qualifying yourself. Commander Zap emails me a few months ago: "Remember TD, don't write what you can say, don't say what you can wink, don't wink what you can smile" TIGHT. The shorter you can explain something in, the more PROFOUND you'll appear. Why? You're not qualifying yourself. (ironically I'm massively guilty of this, due to the fact that I post when I'm really tired - see #21 to spot what was wrong with this last sentence)


19 ) BEING BOLD INSTEAD OF CONFIDENT = that you know that you can't pick her up, so you compensate with self-defeating actions so that the snub can be on "your terms". Saying "I'm sexy right?" or "baby I want some of that" or even just approaching when the logistics are totally unrealistic is too eager, because a CONFIDENT person wouldn't feel the NEED to say these kinds of things.. these things are symptoms of OVERCOMPENSATION for INSECURITIES.. which leads to..........


20 ) OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES = fear of not being accepted. Have you ever met a janitor who the first thing he says is "money is over-rated.. I would never get caught up in the corporate world" blah blah.. if they'd have just said "I'm a janitor" and LEFT IT AT THAT we wouldn't have even THOUGHT that anything was wrong with it.. but because they INSTANTLY start overcompensating, it comes off as overcompensating or qualifying. Same with if they BRING IT UP TOO EARLY. Like "hey, I'm Steve.. I'm a janitor and I love it".. They're TRYING to be cocky but it comes off as COMPENSATING. BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF. If you're BALD, don't say "would you love a bald man?" as a pickup line. It's not COCKY.... its BOLD. If you're bad looking, don't say "don't you think I'm sexy". Just be comfortable with yourself, and don't bring up the issue at all.


21 ) OVERCOMPENSATING FAILURE OR SHORTCOMINGS = fear of being judged.. if you do poorly on a presentation, or on a sarge in front of a wingman, or on a test, DO NOT SAY DUMB SHIT LIKE "I'm really tired". EVEN IF you're ACTUALLY really tired, the mere act of saying "I'm tired" comes off as QUALIFYING yourself to the person. Just don't bring it up. If you have shitty clothes on, don't say "I have nicer clothes at home." Just don't bring it up. If you meet a girl when you're dressed bad, don't say "I have the coolest club clothes at home" Just don't bring it up.


22 ) GOING BACKWARDS IN THE PICKUP ON HER SCHEDULE = too eager to lay her.. if you've already GONE THROUGH the whole "let's ballbust and shit test eachother" attraction phase of the pickup, and you're now in RAPPORT -> if she tries to ballbust you at this point then just WITHDRAW ATTENTION. DO NOT BALLBUST BACK. It seems COUNTER INTUITIVE, but once you've gone through that whole little attract phase, and you're now being nice to eachother in rapport, DO NOT let her rewind the sarge by answering her ballbusting with ballbusts of your own. Just withdraw attention, to show that you're not interested in going BACKWARDS in a sarge.


23 ) WAITING FOR HER IF SHE LEAVES FOR ANY REASON (LIKE SAYS "I'M GOING TO THE WASHROOM, WAIT HERE) = too eager and into the convo.. if she goes to the washroom, make sure you're into another set by the time she gets back.

24 ) OVERLY REMEMBERING DETAILS ABOUT PAST CONVOS = convo means too much to you, because the person has unusual value to you (ie: a hot chick). Of course, I'm not advocating to be a total dick, but the general rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't have remembered a FAT CHICK or a GUY saying it, then don't remember the HB9 chick saying it. If some random dude said it and you would have remembered, then FINE. If you were in an unusually intimate convo that's also fine. But otherwise FAKE forgetting, even if she's a model and you remember every word. Even forget her name. If you see a random chick from your class or work, but you never talked to her, OPEN LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HER. Don't give into the temptation to say "we work together". Just open like a random chick, and maybe if you get snubbed then pull out that card to save face, but only as a LAST RESORT.


25 ) OFFERING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF TOO *EARLY* = too eager to make them like you..

hope it helps

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 11:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 10:25 pm
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Website: http://www.myspace.com/patten24
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SOLID Back Up, I like the manifesto style

I would throw in

26. Being too self conscious about beliefs you have set for yourself to live by
always leave room for error it actually can work in your favor,the trouble is you could possably become so obessed by your rules
You miss the moment due to being pre-programed with linguistics

None the less I'm really impressed by your effort

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:50 am 
Just thought I'd point out this was originally written by TylerDurden (from Real Social Dynamics) posted on ASF. Thanks for posting it here though.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:04 am 
I have to disagree about the last point. Talking about yourself is incredibly important because it provides her permission to talk about herself. It seems strange to talk about yourself a lot, but in the beginning of talking to a stranger, you have to. The social dynamic is on its head in those first few minutes; she doesn't know you, she doesn't trust you, and the only way to let her get to know you is to talk about yourself.

Just don't talk about the details. Talk about feelings. Talk about your passion, whatever that happens to be. For me, it's stories. I love a good story, of any kind, and will try to get her to tell me a story about ten minutes into the conversation. Talk about your loves and your hates, your emotions and your thoughts. Talk about your past, and how it's affected you. Just don't get caught up in the details of it. If you DO talk about details, make sure you relate every detail to an emotional hook, something she can relate and respond to. Give her a few moments to respond, and if she doesn't, launch into a new routine or story. Expect to give 90% of the conversation, in the beginning, and expect to make it all about you.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:56 pm 
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i am confused here, in number 16 you say not to be too eager to pay attention. If you just met her dont say "what" if you cant hear her due to her mumbling or due to the loud environment, however it seems to me that there are two good oportunities here that you are passing up by doing this:

1.) she could have just said something valuable about herself that you could use to further the conversation and establish rapport with her.

2.) she just did something wrong (she mumbled) which you could neg her for.

i am fairly new to tihs whole thing so correct me if i am wrong with these two ideas.

perticularly on number 2. i went out to get coffee with a girl recently and she seemed to have a problem making eye contact (this seems like it sort of relates to the whole mumbling thing since thye both indicate a lack of confidence in the girls part) anyhow, i pointed it out to her and negged her about it a little. I am not sure where the line is with this type of neg however because i dont want to offend the person. any comments on this would help.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 11:32 pm 
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Why limit yourselves by using all these rules?

Why think of every rule during a social interaction and stop yourself from really relaxing and enjoying your time with the lady?

Just relax... open up... and enjoy the conversation... :)

And don't forget to Lead...

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 7:19 am 
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those guidelines are pretty good. of course, they are not written in stone.
I have had good results from listening carefully to a girl and using it on my favor. Sometimes you just have to lean a bit to hear her (you can use it as a chance to start kino or whatever). The thing here is not to exxagerate any of the moves. If she goes to the bathroom don't wait like a little kid, but don't leave with another set either. Just pretend you are cool and having fun on yourself, perhaps engage in silly chat with some dude or girl nearby. That sort of thing I would think is good.

All these rules and guidelines are really useful to keep in mind as we practice our own styles. thanks for posting them!

:)


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