As someone who hangs out at the goth/industrial clubs and knows quite a lot about the subculture my only complaint is the trousers. I know other people do but it always looks shit to me, don't wear such baggy trousers if you're tucking them into your boots, baggy trousers out, tighter trousers in always looks a hundred times better to me.
Also, the black/black is "proper goff init?" but you need to break it up a little. A simple chunky necklace worn over the top would break up the black shirt and fit the rivithead aesthetic. Alternatively, a shirt with a bit of styling on it does wonders. Dead Threads make a few nice ones, like this:
http://drquhzha334yp.cloudfront.net/ass ... scale=both
I guess it might be helpful to share my experiences of going to "normal" clubs dressed cyber/goth/visual kei (my preferred styles, I don't really do rivit as I find it a little bland). A few things to note. Although admittedly, my style is quite a lot less subtle than yours:
At least around here, a lot of places won't let me in wearing new rocks so I try to wear semi sensible boots.
I get approached fairly regularly just for looking different. I have an awesome knee length red/black coat that everyone says "Makes me look like Dante" and I get girls commenting on it pretty much every time I'm out but I have to be careful where I wear it.
However, as with any fashion advice, don't wear something because you hope it will attract girls. Wear it because you like it and think it's cool. Be your own person. It's fashion "tips" in places like this that get widely adopted that causes every guy in every club to look identical. I look around normal clubs in despair seeing every other guy wearing a check shirt, jeans, shoes. No wonder girls come over to me, every single other guy is a clone.