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Best friend keeps seizing control of person/sets!!?
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Author:  BBanter [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Best friend keeps seizing control of person/sets!!?
Hi Guys,

So this is becoming somewhat frustrating...

My best mate recently single seems to be competing with me every time we go out. I am the submissive type and a little shy in a crowds environment so I let him control the sets. Most of the time its me that has brought the new person into the crowd, yet he seizes control & runs with it. In the back ground he is also tapping up my ex's, female friends, harassing them on FB and trying it on with everyone... even girls I am currently sleeping with!

Now options I see are:
1. Confront him - already done to a degree - and nothing changes
2. Compete - which is going to look so sad and cause a rift in the friendship
3. ??? Out AMOG - smoothly? How can I do this without competing?

He tends to be a guy that just screws around... he is great at random bar chat & gets the girls laughing. Past that there is not much depth & girls quickly tend to lose interest after a couple dates. I am almost the exact opposite - a little shy in a larger crowd, but isolate the girl 1:1 and show my personality & value - they go gaga for me. Problem I have is I am not getting chance to do that with him around.

Have you got any suggestions as to how to handle this without causing a rift in the friendship or blatant competing?

Cheers,
Author:  Ezo [ Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
My best mate recently single seems to be competing with me every time we go out. I am the submissive type and a little shy in a crowds environment so I let him control the sets. Most of the time its me that has brought the new person into the crowd, yet he seizes control & runs with it. In the back ground he is also tapping up my ex's, female friends, harassing them on FB and trying it on with everyone... even girls I am currently sleeping with!
This is the problem.

You are shy and timid and lets him take over! Why do you do that? Nobodys gonna give you permission to be cool and alpha, only you!

Compete, you cant do that unless you man up. I mean... I know its not easy but you gotta do it man!

Your friend is most likely just being himself and does what feels natural for him. Try to learn from him! Try to use him to up your game!

I know that it sucks to hear this but it is the only thing that can help you right now:

It is not him... It is you.


I hope this helped!
Author:  BBanter [ Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:19 am ]
Post subject: 
Next question then - which I have wanted to ask for a while - how do you smoothly out AMOG someone else?
Author:  Ezo [ Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
There is only one way. You have to actually BE more alpha than that person.

There are no smooth ways of showing that you are the leader, you just are, your confidence level is higher, your inner game is stronger, you are just stronger in general.

Compare this to how you show that you are stronger than another person. I mean... If you are close in strength, there has to be a contest of some sort, you need to armwrestle or whatever but if you are without a doubt waaay stronger than someone, it will show.
You know those people you dont wanna mess with, they are much stronger and you know it without messing with them.

If you are weaker or as strong as someone else, you can play cool and challenge the other guy... That is not smooth.

If you are stronger... You show your personality and you just kinda be yourself.


So the only advice that is gonna help is, grow stronger or dont hang out with the guy when you are sarging!
Author:  Shyler [ Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It is not him... It is you.
I don't realy agree with that Ezo. It's true that being more alpha, leading, dominant helps you preventing these things. But there are some things you just can't do as a bro, buddy, best friend or wingman.

If he would do these things:
Quote:
Most of the time its me that has brought the new person into the crowd, yet he seizes control & runs with it. In the back ground he is also tapping up my ex's, female friends, harassing them on FB and trying it on with everyone... even girls I am currently sleeping with!
... I would be so mad and pisted off! You don't do such things! He surely breaks the bro code. And c'mon, it's not like he's clueless. He should be aware that what he's doing is wrong. So to my opinion he is a bad, untrustable friend. Taking advantage of you so you can introduce him to your female friends only to amog you and game and fuck them all! And btw, do you want your female friends who you know for a while to tell you how they like your friend so much?

Seriously, be mad at your friend for doing these things! I already feel pissed off in your place! It's just unacceptable. There are millions of other girls in the world, and yet, he choses to game your female friends, and even your exes!

I know you don't want to risk a fight with your friend, but sometimes you should take risks for your own sake and proudness.
Author:  Ezo [ Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah...

I guess you are right... Now that I read it again, I kinda agree, he is being a dick.

But how can I put it... It doesnt matter, if he doesnt change even after you talk to him, he isnt gonna change. So the only thing that you can change is yourself. Or dont hang out with him.
Author:  BBanter [ Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks guys...

He is being out of order... you are right. Thing is 99% of the time the guy is so docile & clueless that I just would not expect it of him. Its like when there are women involved he is like a blood hungry beast that just goes into auto-pilot!

Generally speaking I am the more dominant in our group - generally the alpha. He is submissive to me in most situations. Its when interacting with a group of girls where I run more subtle game - like to isolate & run intimate game - where he is more the kinda bull in a china shop - throwing out cheap funny comments & running around interacting with people in the group. Unfortunately - women tend to respond to his juvinial humour - something that I dont particularly want to compete with. Higher class girls tend to take little interest in him... they prefer my style - but the majority of 6-7.5's which is your average set on a night out love it.

I do recall seeing some stuff about how to out AMOG guys - mentioned in the game how guys in the house actually made that their sole purpose to just go out and out AMOG guys - so there must be some material out there.

Sure with time as my game gets better things will get easier - but as it stands right now I just do not want to hang out with him & am in that awkward situation where all the new friends I have made & social network I have built over the last year - he is now linked with - so if I try organise an event and do not include him, people will ask why and he will find out. He is after all supposed to be my best mate.

Cheers,
Author:  russellthehustle [ Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tricky situation I agree, I've got a couple of pointers which might help you, but first off, finding another wing wouldn't be a bad start - we all have our best mates (as you said he's "supposed" to be your best mate, you should tell him that!) - but unless he's a chick he shouldnt care if you hang out with other guys now and again. However if you are out with him you have a couple of options.

1) If you are pretty good at meeting new people and bringing them to the group, meet a girl who isn't necessarily your target, bring her to the group - let him take her and get on with it, then whilst he's talking to her go off and crack on with the girls you WANT to talk to, that way you're both happy.

2) Don't bring them to the group, keep them 1 on 1 for a bit until they seem interested then leave them where they are and return to them later - keep them seperate from the group. That's what I do most of the time, the guys I hang out with are either spoken for or have no game whatsoever, and I think slightly put women off, so I always leave them to it in a club and do my own thing, returning to them whenever - plus girls defenses are less likely to be up if you approach alone rather than with a group

3) And this is the hardest I guess - out game him, try and counter his game. If he's being the alpha let him - if he's in their face you can be subtle and cool, talk to the girls on the off beats of his conversation - when he says something or does something typically alpha, get under the radar and roll your eyes at her as if to say "He's trying to hard" or nod or elbow them as if to say he's trying it on with you - that will soon turn them away from him. Maybe even phyically take the girl you want away from the group and chat to her, just say it's difficult to talk with that gobshite in the way.

Whisper things in her ear when he's talking to pull her attention towards you.
Slyly stroke her hand or her back whilst he's talking to them - all thiungs like that really.

It's a myth that you have to be the alpha in the group to get the girl - the whole point of being a pua is that once you've mastered it you can get any girl no matter what the situation - I'm not in anyway claiming to be a mpua by the way - I'm just saying I think the guys saying you have to out alpha him are wrong. Let him be alpha and do his thing, you be subtle and do yours - they won't see you coming. Good luck friend - be sure to let me know how it all goes.
RTH
Author:  jcgurango [ Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
The first guy who posted is right... Think about it like this.

You have a bullet coming at you at 500 km/s. You slow down time, and it's going at you at 1 km/s. All you have to do is walk away, right? But you don't. You let the bullet hit you.

If stealing women from you was a federal offense, this would be a usable defense, because he's not stealing it. You're giving it to him. It's simple really, to wrap your mind around.

STOP GIVING IT TO HIM

I wrapped my mind around being confident when I realized being shy would get me nowhere, now it's your turn.
Author:  BBanter [ Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Russell - loving the tips... some real gems there!

While I understand the more blunt - just out game him/dont let him approach - that is not something you can cultivate over night - it needs practice. By using the tips mentioned here by Russell I can start to practice & get to the point where I do not let him - quality!

Thanks guys... keep you posted on progress. 8)
Author:  -enjoi- [ Tue Nov 23, 2010 2:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
1) If you are pretty good at meeting new people and bringing them to the group, meet a girl who isn't necessarily your target, bring her to the group
This is honestly the easiest and most immediate band-aid solution. I would probably use this as much as possible until you work out proper kino escalation.
Quote:
3) And this is the hardest I guess - out game him, try and counter his game. If he's being the alpha let him - if he's in their face you can be subtle and cool
Russel, genius. This is by far the best advice I've read in this thread so far. It's absolutely true. You should still be yourself (of course the best part of yourself lol). I tend to run into some groups that I AMOG, and others I don't. Generally speaking I'm a smooth-talker (I did sales for a living for the longest time). And there is something to be said about being the man who doesn't talk all the time but holds words of importance when he does speak. This role seems to fit your persona a little bit better.
Quote:
nod or elbow them as if to say he's trying it on with you - that will soon turn them away from him.
yes. yes. yes.
Quote:
It's a myth that you have to be the alpha in the group to get the girl - the whole point of being a pua is that once you've mastered it you can get any girl no matter what the situation
Style and Mystery would go out to the club dressed in mesh shirts and fuzzy hats lol. That is not the get-up of an Alpha male. That's the point, you can come into the group and tell them you're gay, but still leave with the girl. Russel, great advice man.
Author:  Shawoo [ Tue Nov 23, 2010 4:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've experienced this situation first hand and I know how to solve it.

Obviously your friend is into the game, if not he obviously found a method that works for him.

Now one of the main problems your most likely facing is he is able to DHV with un canned material, he can dhv naturally by just being him self because he probably has a attractive lifestyle, or the way that he naturally dhv's the girls perceive him as having one thus their attention is locked in on him and your AMOG'd out. So you need to find a quality about yourself, i know feels like high-school where you right good about yourself... hahah But find a quality and dhv that you possess that your friend doesn't relate to at all! Like think of it as your the professor of the class room and the set and your friend is being taught, how is he gonna dhv when you possess all the knowledge.

So lets say for example your a musician and he is a sport guy or something that has no relation to music, in general anything that is completely not related to and opposite to your friend. Open the set, the social mood to that topic so you would bring up music and dhv off of that, now your friend will most likely try to change to social mood to something that relates to him, your going to have to control that, your going to have to be a dick (*Your DHving about an awesome gig and your friend interrupts are starts dhving about sports, your going to have to be dick and say "Woah dude, dont change the subject, were talking about music" and then change storys and dhv about something along the lines of that, an awesome concert or something.) What this will do is keep the social mood in your favor and belittle your friend, i know its dick but your going to have to man up like Ezo said.

Also, your going to have to be the loudest one in the group, the one with the most energy, most enthusiasm, the life of the party! Obviously he naturally is the fun one, your going to have to be that one, have a game that you play with the group.

Big thing you need to do is to set something that everyone will remember at the beginning of the night, something that 3 hours later your able to laugh about it still kind of like an inside joke, that way if your friend starts to steal the set you can relate back to that to change the social mood and to dhv again

To sum it up, you have to set, control, and maintain the social mood in your favor to win over your friend.
Hope this helps

-shawoo
Author:  jazz25 [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 12:29 am ]
Post subject: 
just maintain eye contact with a girl and dont acknowledge him at all when he comes in a set. Keep talking about whatever it was... dont even look at him.

or

punch him in the face, thats pretty alpha imo
Author:  Brny Stnsn [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
I agree with Shyler, he is breaking the bro code so hard it hurts.
If one of my friends would sleep with an ex of mine or some girl I'm currently dating without asking me I would beat him so hard I'd break all the bones in my hand and his jaw.
You just don't do that, the bro code is sacred.
Author:  russellthehustle [ Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the praise guys - it's very appreciative - I ask my fair few questions on here so I'll do my best to help when I can. I plan to keep pretty active on here so prasie is nice to hear - cheers - don't forget to let us know how its all going
RTH
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