PUA Forum :: Stop me from screwing this up.

thank you, nothing is concrete, she is working in another country at the moment, but she will be back over here next month, and I just said that im taking her out and she agreed. No i don't have her phone number, but she is in another country now, so do I need it now?
I don't have confidence that I will even get to a date with her, I think I will screw it up in ways like....talking to her online too much and for too long and maybe SPAM my feelings too easily. Sometimes I think that to myself that its necessary to tell certain girls your feelings because they react to them in different ways. How do I find the balance between securing a date and not coming off too needy. Im concerned that im going to give off a needy vibe because I haven't been on a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year.

Hi there. I would like some advice please. First im going to be honest, I haven't been in a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year. Since then I have been mostly talking to girls online. There is this one girl that I approached, and initially she was very vague and didn't want to talk to me much, always finding ways to avoid talking. Then I went on to her profile, and I read a recent blog of her, talking about how the romance and excitement is missing from her life. So under the comments section without really thinking I just posted something like ''im taking you out on Saturday, wear those heels, we are going to have a great time''
and then she replied with like ''wow thanks you made my day, Im not in the country at the moment but I will be back in a few weeks.'' and I replied ''ok well im taking you out'' and she was like ''ok.''
And since then she has been opening up to me a lot more mostly about her accounting job (which bores and confuses the shit out of me to be honest) but I find it exciting now how she is opening up to me and that im finding out more about her and feel like im getting closer where as before she didn't want to talk. However in the back of my mind I feel like im going to say something that's going to screw it up, or that she will lose interest before we even actually go out on a date. I would appreciate any guidance, advice and direction. At the moment I feel like a runaway car with nobody driving it or like a boxer who doesent use the basic fundamentals and has no gameplan.

Quote:

All right bud, I'll walk you through it... but first - you're a little vague on just how well you know each other and how much you've talked in the past... So you may have to adapt this a bit, based on that... IE: read the situation and her reactions to you and give measured responses accordingly.

The more you've talked to her and the better connection you already have with her, the better chance you're going to get her out without getting flaked on.

So - yes, you're going to need her number. You'll need to contact her via FB or that blog or whatever... (privately if possible) and say:

"Hey you - hope you're having a great day! Send me your number so we could arrange for me to buy you that beer when you get back."

And leave it at that. She'll likely give it to you... if she was serious about going out with you - but be prepared to either get ignored or get rebuffed. It could have just been a fluff line like "awh that's so sweet", when she agreed to go out with you.

Tough to get a read on her with the details you provided.

You can PM me if you'd like.

Also - relax a bit. It's just a girl, and she's not even a real thing right now... Probably the best thing you can do for yourself is get another 10 of these interactions going with 10 other girls... (in person if possible...)

You have a much better chance at scoring with 10 shots instead of just 1.

Well, do what I said... See how that goes.

Honestly your options are limited. How are you speaking online? Use that method to ask for her number (don't post on her wall or her blog comments).

Dude - if you don't want to do it, don't do it... You actually think you're going to effectively set up a date with her by going back and forth in the comments section of a blog?

You asked for help. If you can 'private message' her, fine. That's almost as good as text - do that then...

The point is you need to firm up a date, time and location... And since you don't actually know her as well as I thought you did, based on subsequent post details... you may want to do a little back-and-forth with her first - to build some attraction.

Because you haven't built much attraction with her yet, and because you're conversing with her in just a really, really weird way (and you're totally hung up on her - without even having met her), you need to be ready for the flake, here... Good chance it'll happen... That's why you shouldn't be getting invested.

This isn't especially complex. It's step 1...

If you're worried about your texting skills, I don't really know what else to tell you... You can't call her, cause you don't have her number

Author:	cneation040713 [ Sat Oct 18, 2014 6:29 pm ]
Post subject:	Stop me from screwing this up.
Hi there. I would like some advice please. First im going to be honest, I haven't been in a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year. Since then I have been mostly talking to girls online. There is this one girl that I approached, and initially she was very vague and didn't want to talk to me much, always finding ways to avoid talking. Then I went on to her profile, and I read a recent blog of her, talking about how the romance and excitement is missing from her life. So under the comments section without really thinking I just posted something like ''im taking you out on Saturday, wear those heels, we are going to have a great time'' and then she replied with like ''wow thanks you made my day, Im not in the country at the moment but I will be back in a few weeks.'' and I replied ''ok well im taking you out'' and she was like ''ok.'' And since then she has been opening up to me a lot more mostly about her accounting job (which bores and confuses the shit out of me to be honest) but I find it exciting now how she is opening up to me and that im finding out more about her and feel like im getting closer where as before she didn't want to talk. However in the back of my mind I feel like im going to say something that's going to screw it up, or that she will lose interest before we even actually go out on a date. I would appreciate any guidance, advice and direction. At the moment I feel like a runaway car with nobody driving it or like a boxer who doesent use the basic fundamentals and has no gameplan.

Author:	cneation040713 [ Sun Oct 19, 2014 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
don't all rush in at once with your opinions!

Author:	naj5000 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:22 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Sounds like everything is going okay to me. I'm assuming that you have a date set up, so just have fun on that. Don't pressure yourself like you have to make something happen. If this girl is talking about not having romance or excitement or whatever, she probably wants to get laid by a real ass dude. So just don't be a bitch about things, ie: don't take this date too seriously, and you will probably get laid. If you want more specific advice, you will have to say specifically where or how you think you will screw up.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 12:57 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Do you have her actual phone number? This is a ticket to flakesville if I've ever seen one - particularly with no solid arrangements made, no date, no time, no place to go... You gotta get on that shit - and in a non-needy way, speak to her, or text her (or something not public on her blog) make actual plans... or you'll never actually get her out.

Author:	cneation040713 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 1:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
thank you, nothing is concrete, she is working in another country at the moment, but she will be back over here next month, and I just said that im taking her out and she agreed. No i don't have her phone number, but she is in another country now, so do I need it now? I don't have confidence that I will even get to a date with her, I think I will screw it up in ways like....talking to her online too much and for too long and maybe SPAM my feelings too easily. Sometimes I think that to myself that its necessary to tell certain girls your feelings because they react to them in different ways. How do I find the balance between securing a date and not coming off too needy. Im concerned that im going to give off a needy vibe because I haven't been on a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year.

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Author:	CharlesFinley [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 1:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Quote: thank you, nothing is concrete, she is working in another country at the moment, but she will be back over here next month, and I just said that im taking her out and she agreed. No i don't have her phone number, but she is in another country now, so do I need it now? I don't have confidence that I will even get to a date with her, I think I will screw it up in ways like....talking to her online too much and for too long and maybe SPAM my feelings too easily. Sometimes I think that to myself that its necessary to tell certain girls your feelings because they react to them in different ways. How do I find the balance between securing a date and not coming off too needy. Im concerned that im going to give off a needy vibe because I haven't been on a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year. All right bud, I'll walk you through it... but first - you're a little vague on just how well you know each other and how much you've talked in the past... So you may have to adapt this a bit, based on that... IE: read the situation and her reactions to you and give measured responses accordingly. The more you've talked to her and the better connection you already have with her, the better chance you're going to get her out without getting flaked on. So - yes, you're going to need her number. You'll need to contact her via FB or that blog or whatever... (privately if possible) and say: "Hey you - hope you're having a great day! Send me your number so we could arrange for me to buy you that beer when you get back." And leave it at that. She'll likely give it to you... if she was serious about going out with you - but be prepared to either get ignored or get rebuffed. It could have just been a fluff line like "awh that's so sweet", when she agreed to go out with you. Tough to get a read on her with the details you provided. You can PM me if you'd like. Also - relax a bit. It's just a girl, and she's not even a real thing right now... Probably the best thing you can do for yourself is get another 10 of these interactions going with 10 other girls... (in person if possible...) You have a much better chance at scoring with 10 shots instead of just 1.

Author:	breedlove465 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 1:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Quote: Hi there. I would like some advice please. First im going to be honest, I haven't been in a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year. Since then I have been mostly talking to girls online. There is this one girl that I approached, and initially she was very vague and didn't want to talk to me much, always finding ways to avoid talking. Then I went on to her profile, and I read a recent blog of her, talking about how the romance and excitement is missing from her life. So under the comments section without really thinking I just posted something like ''im taking you out on Saturday, wear those heels, we are going to have a great time'' and then she replied with like ''wow thanks you made my day, Im not in the country at the moment but I will be back in a few weeks.'' and I replied ''ok well im taking you out'' and she was like ''ok.'' And since then she has been opening up to me a lot more mostly about her accounting job (which bores and confuses the shit out of me to be honest) but I find it exciting now how she is opening up to me and that im finding out more about her and feel like im getting closer where as before she didn't want to talk. However in the back of my mind I feel like im going to say something that's going to screw it up, or that she will lose interest before we even actually go out on a date. I would appreciate any guidance, advice and direction. At the moment I feel like a runaway car with nobody driving it or like a boxer who doesent use the basic fundamentals and has no gameplan. If you want actual dates, approach actual girls. In person. When you hit on some girl online you don't know if you are talking to a dude or what. Watch a few episodes of catfish. Seriously, get out and meet people. Online dating is for when it isn't possible for you to go out and game. There is nothing stopping you from going out.

Author:	cneation040713 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Quote: Quote: thank you, nothing is concrete, she is working in another country at the moment, but she will be back over here next month, and I just said that im taking her out and she agreed. No i don't have her phone number, but she is in another country now, so do I need it now? I don't have confidence that I will even get to a date with her, I think I will screw it up in ways like....talking to her online too much and for too long and maybe SPAM my feelings too easily. Sometimes I think that to myself that its necessary to tell certain girls your feelings because they react to them in different ways. How do I find the balance between securing a date and not coming off too needy. Im concerned that im going to give off a needy vibe because I haven't been on a date since my last relationship ended at the end of last year. All right bud, I'll walk you through it... but first - you're a little vague on just how well you know each other and how much you've talked in the past... So you may have to adapt this a bit, based on that... IE: read the situation and her reactions to you and give measured responses accordingly. The more you've talked to her and the better connection you already have with her, the better chance you're going to get her out without getting flaked on. So - yes, you're going to need her number. You'll need to contact her via FB or that blog or whatever... (privately if possible) and say: "Hey you - hope you're having a great day! Send me your number so we could arrange for me to buy you that beer when you get back." And leave it at that. She'll likely give it to you... if she was serious about going out with you - but be prepared to either get ignored or get rebuffed. It could have just been a fluff line like "awh that's so sweet", when she agreed to go out with you. Tough to get a read on her with the details you provided. You can PM me if you'd like. Also - relax a bit. It's just a girl, and she's not even a real thing right now... Probably the best thing you can do for yourself is get another 10 of these interactions going with 10 other girls... (in person if possible...) You have a much better chance at scoring with 10 shots instead of just 1. hello, im sorry if I was vague. We haven't known eachother for long, she talks to me mostly about her job and her goals, and we have only spoken online.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Well, do what I said... See how that goes. Honestly your options are limited. How are you speaking online? Use that method to ask for her number (don't post on her wall or her blog comments).

Author:	cneation040713 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:45 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Quote: Well, do what I said... See how that goes. Honestly your options are limited. How are you speaking online? Use that method to ask for her number (don't post on her wall or her blog comments). thanks for asking, private online messaging. Yesterday I noticed that I fill uncomfortable silences with questions until it becomes like an interrogation technique. Is it not jumping the gun to ask for her number when she is in another country? She has an easy 'out' to say no, that it will cost too much etc.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Dude - if you don't want to do it, don't do it... You actually think you're going to effectively set up a date with her by going back and forth in the comments section of a blog? You asked for help. If you can 'private message' her, fine. That's almost as good as text - do that then... The point is you need to firm up a date, time and location... And since you don't actually know her as well as I thought you did, based on subsequent post details... you may want to do a little back-and-forth with her first - to build some attraction. Because you haven't built much attraction with her yet, and because you're conversing with her in just a really, really weird way (and you're totally hung up on her - without even having met her), you need to be ready for the flake, here... Good chance it'll happen... That's why you shouldn't be getting invested. This isn't especially complex. It's step 1... If you're worried about your texting skills, I don't really know what else to tell you... You can't call her, cause you don't have her number

Author:	cneation040713 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Quote: Dude - if you don't want to do it, don't do it... You actually think you're going to effectively set up a date with her by going back and forth in the comments section of a blog? You asked for help. If you can 'private message' her, fine. That's almost as good as text - do that then... The point is you need to firm up a date, time and location... And since you don't actually know her as well as I thought you did, based on subsequent post details... you may want to do a little back-and-forth with her first - to build some attraction. Because you haven't built much attraction with her yet, and because you're conversing with her in just a really, really weird way (and you're totally hung up on her - without even having met her), you need to be ready for the flake, here... Good chance it'll happen... That's why you shouldn't be getting invested. This isn't especially complex. It's step 1... If you're worried about your texting skills, I don't really know what else to tell you... You can't call her, cause you don't have her number thanks for your advice, so your saying I should get her number asap, or continue with the instant messaging for now?

Author:	Vandal PUA [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Get her number, ask her out when she comes back, and when you go on the date don't ask desperate, kino, and K-close no matter what. If you don't K-close there will be no day 2. you will be her friend. It's better to go for it and be creepy than to be her friend. Good luck! You may want to game other girls in the meantime to get some practice and build confidence.

Author:	naj5000 [ Mon Oct 20, 2014 11:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Yeah I hate to say this but, you're going to screw this up. I'm not saying that to be negative or whatever, but I just know from experience that if you take things this seriously before you've ever even fed, much less kissed, you don't have much of a shot. You're feelings will betray you when you are on that date if that ever happens. Knowing that, you should just be able to have fun on that date, not being what folk on here call 'outcome dependent', in other words, not expecting anything to happen. You might find you don't even like this girl, or there's no chemistry. That's why its silly to build it up so much before you even know those things. The best advice is to do what the other poster said: approach other girls, talk to them, get their numbers, go out. Then this one won't seem like that big of a deal when she gets back in the country, because she will just be another one. Just to reiterate: if you take this as seriously as you are currently, you will screw this up. So don't.

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Author:	rakeal [ Tue Oct 21, 2014 3:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Stop me from screwing this up.
Don't listen to these guys on this one. They are correct from their perspective. But that isn't useful. In reality, she is hoping that you will win. Come up with a REALLY GOOD reason to meet up. Tell her what is different about her. chit chat with her and when she responds favourably use her own language to communicate with her. She said "wow, you made my day..." then her next thought was meeting you. So you have some weaponry. Fire that same response 1. make her day AGAIN 2. chit chat with her 3. say "wow" - { insert GENUINE complement and a good reason to meet up} "let's meet up, I'll make your day" 4. a. if she agree's, use the same words that got her in the first place. Say. "ok, I'll pick you up at blah blah ok, remember to wear those heels, blah blah ok sounds good. we are going to have a great time'' b. If she flakes -- at least you tried 5. Meet up. The only way it'll work from here is if you are very calm, cool, collected, fun. She wants to get swept off her feet. Do it. Don't be concerned with hiding feelings. Show them openly and proudly.