Her: Why do you put up with me?
Me: Because your mom's spoken for.
Her: ..:/
Me: That and because I have a Brat Fetish
Her: I love you
but you're such a dickMe: You know what I always say about that.
Her: Do I?
Me: You should
Me: Better to be a dick than to be a pussy.
Her: Ah. I did
---------------------------------------------------------------
several days later.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Her: Hey britches. (I incorrigibly address her as "skirt" despite her protest.)
Me: Just as long as you know who's really wearing them.
Her: I love you so fucking much its pathetic.
Me: Well I don't blame you. I would if I were you too
Her: You are an amazing person
Me: I know
Her: We're watching pirates 3
Me: I'm watching It Happened One Night (1934)
Her: Oh that's nice....
Me: It is. Clark Gable is one of my heroes
Her: I see.
Me: He knows how to keep a bratty skirt in line.
Her: That makes sense. Have you learned a lot?
Me: Cant "learn" really. Its all charisma and "dickishness" I already had what he has. hes just a master
Her: Are you an apprentice?
Me: No. Im an admirer of fine art. And the way with which he behaves the dick to wimminz is masterpiece
Her: You're an egotistical prick
Me: And you, my dear are no downplayer. Why I'd say you suit me just fine.
Her: What?
Me: Write TSITOGE on a blank piece of paper
Her: Ok...
Me: Tell me after you've done it
Her: Ok
Me: Did you make sure the letters are nice and big and bold?
Her: Yep
Me: Ok. Now I want you to go into the bathroom, hold the paper up next to your face, smile one of those big, cheesy (driver's) license smiles, and look into the mirror. (I always make fun of her license picture.)
Her: Egotist.
Her: Now use the rest of the paper to write your name until you run out of room except for juuuuust enough space to write Ben is an egotistical dick" just once
(she has the narcissistic habit of writing her own name down over and over.)Her: You're an absolute asshole benny benny benny
Me: Im sorry. it was "prick" I do believe
Her: It was. But same difference.
Me: You know what I always say about that
Her: Yeah yeah..
Me: You think you know but not quite
Her: Oh goodness... what am I missing?
Me: Better to be an asshole than to be a total boob.
Her: A boob? you are a bob
Her: Boob*
Me: Boob noun. A stupid person; fool; dunce
Her: Yep. that's about right.
Me: Biggest boob~EVAR!!!
Her: Nope. Biggest fool ever.
Her: I miss you so much right now.
Me: I prefer boob. Biggest boob EVAR
------------------------------------
The next time I saw her:
(Texting each other because we were sitting in front of her parents)
Me: I want you now because you're my dirty little girl and I'm going to ravage you.
Her: I sure hope so... It is my birthday
Me: I want you to be my dirty little slut tonight just like you started to be earlier. I know you want it so bad. You want to be all over my dick. I'm gonna fuck you like I'm paying for you.
***she looks up with this priceless expression on her face. This great madonna/whorish glow.. A mixture of blushing embarrassment and shock and horror and excitement and disbelief****
Her: Then you better pay me.
Me: Then I suppose you're gonna fuck me like youre paying for it.
She was ALL over me the second the opportunity came. She kissed me in ways I've never been kissed before in my life.
